Chapter 152

Say thanks to jus-dafax for the following.

At my last physical, my doctor voiced concern about my high blood pressure. I told him that I had a way to reduce it substantially.

If he didn’t keep me sitting in his waiting room for two hours, I was sure it would go down.

Having sex is extremely stressful. First you have to hide it from your parents, then you have to hide it from your kids, and finally you have to hide it from your wife.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

It wasn’t the chicken.

It wasn’t the egg.

It was the rooster.

He came first.

When older people say, “Enjoy them while they’re young” They aren’t talking about kids.

They are talking about their knees and hips.

One Sunday, when counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000.

It happened again the next week!

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

“Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.

“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church.”

The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful. But $1,000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this. How much does he send you?”

The elderly woman answered, “$10,000 a week.”

The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living.”

“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.

“That’s an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money,” the pastor said. “Where does he practice.”

The woman answered proudly, “In Nevada. He has two cathouses – one in Las Vegas, and one in Reno.”