Chapter 105

1. As a farmer, I hear lots of jokes about sheep.
I’d tell them to my dog but he’d herd them all.
2. Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
3. Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
Because he was out standing in his field.
4. What farm animal keeps the best time?
A watch dog.
5. Why can’t the bankrupt farmer complain?
Because he’s got no beef.
6. What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows?
Udder nonsense.
7. What happened when the farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
He got a hot-diggity-dog.
8. What did the farmer say when he lost one of his cows?
What a miss-steak.
9. Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar?
He wanted sweet and sour pork.
10. What did the farmer say when his fat pig wouldn’t fit into the pen?
“There’s more there than meets the sty.”
11. Why do cows like being told farmer jokes?
Because they like being amoosed.
12. Why did the pig take a bath?
Because the farmer said, “Hogwash”.
13. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s popcorn?
14. What new crop did the farmer plant?
Beets me.
15. What kind of pigs know karate?
Pork chops.
16. What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Straw-berries.
17. What do farmers use to make crop circles?
A pro-tractor.
18. Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field.
19. Did you hear about the wooden tractor?
It had wooden wheels, wooden engine, wooden transmission and wooden work.
20. What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
You take me for grunted.
21. Where does a farmer get his medicine from?
The farm-acist.
22. Why are farmers cruel?
Because they pull corn by the ears.
23. How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down.
24. I asked a farmer if it’s easy to milk a cow.
He said, “Sure. Any jerk can do it.”
25. Why did the farmer call his pig “Ink”?
Because it was always running out of the pen.
26. What is a Happy Farmer’s favorite candy?
A Jolly Rancher.
27. Where do farmers send their kids to grow?
Kinder-garden.
28. What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
Laughing stock.
29. What’s the best part of farming?
Getting down and dirty with my hoes.
30. What did the farmer get when he crossed an owl with a goat?
A ‘Hootinanny.’
31. No farm building should ever, under any circumstances, be used as a convent...
Barn nun.
32. Grain farmers have a tough life.
They barley survive from wheat to wheat.
33. I tried to navigate the farmer’s field...
But it was a maize!