Chapter 30: Spicing Things Up

July 28, 1986, McKinley, Ohio

"You've been a deacon for a year," Elizaveta said. "OK to make a special dessert for dinner with Clarissa, Maryam, and Peter tonight?"

"You don't need to ask me about dessert!" I chuckled. "I like chocolate almost as much as you do! Though you can't make my favorite dessert for our friends!"

"What's that?" Elizaveta asked.

"Chocolate-covered Kitten!" I exclaimed with a smirk.

"You brat!" Elizaveta said, but she was laughing. "And just for that, I'm going to go shopping today and get some fudge topping!"

"And I will happily lick every single drop from your luscious body!"

"It's mean to say that when you have to leave for school in five minutes!"

"You started it!" I countered. "You mentioned dessert!"

"Not THAT kind of dessert!"

"Are you objecting that I think about sex with you?"

"No! I object to you mentioning it when you can't do it!"

"Poor baby," I teased.

"Mike!" she said threateningly.

"I love you, Kitten!"

I kissed her, grabbed my ryassa, then headed out to my car for the drive to the medical school. As usual, Clarissa and I parked side by side and walked together towards the building.

"Abby stopped by Doctor Blahnik's house last night while I was at your place for study group."

"And?" I asked.

"She left a card saying she wanted to talk, but I'm not sure I want to."

"Because of me?"

"Of course, because of you! You would never have married Elizaveta if she couldn't accept me for who I am, and I can't be with someone who can't accept you for who you are!"

"Either way, you should call her," I advised. "If you don't want to talk, tell her. If you do, meet for coffee or ice cream."

"So I can listen to her rant about you?"

"I don't know Abby as well as you do, but I can't imagine she dropped a card at Anicka's house for the purpose of starting a fight!"

"You still don't know girls very well," Clarissa replied. "We can be very catty."

"I like pussy!" I smirked.

"We're lesbians, Petrovich!"

"So? Think my hormones know or care?"

"There are times when you are such a boy!"

"My Kitten very much enjoys those times!"

"Somebody's horny!"

I chuckled, "Elizaveta and I teased about sex, and I'm looking forward to fudge-covered Kitten after study group!"

"She is hot!" Clarissa smirked.

"She's straight, Lissa!"

"What did you say? My hormones don't know or care?"

I laughed, "Good point! So, does that mean you and Tessa are at that point?"

"No, but I like her enough that I think we'll get there soon enough."

"Good. I hope she'll join us this week when we go out."

"She said she would. She really did have plans last week."

"Call Abby," I said. "You don't have to get together with her, but you do owe her the courtesy of a phone call."

"You're a pain in the butt, Petrovich."

"That's rich coming from the girl who ragged my ass during college more than any three other people I know combined!"

"Because you needed it!"

She had a point, though we couldn't continue the conversation because Nadine walked up to us just as we reached the door to the building. She greeted us, and the three of us went to the cafeteria to join Fran, Maryam, and Peter for breakfast.

July 29, 1986, McKinley, Ohio

"How are you doing?" I asked Melissa when I arrived at the hospital on Tuesday.

"Happy that the sentence wasn't death, but life without parole is ... no, never mind, I can't say that to you."

"Sure you can. I totally understand that your opinion might be different from mine, and that's OK."

"I had hoped they'd give him at least some chance to get out, eventually."

"Believe it or not, my preferred penalty would have been twenty-five to life, with parole possible after twenty years or so. But it wasn't up to me."

"Can I ask why you feel that way?"

"Because I believe in repentance and redemption. He should suffer the consequences of his actions, no doubt, but if he comes to true repentance, then yes, he should be released after serving a lengthy sentence. But that repentance would have to include a change of heart such that he would never contemplate the same action and accept that Robby has as much right to love whomever he wishes as you and I do."

"I can't see my dad ever doing that."

"Maybe not, and if that's true, his eternal damnation will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. He has a chance at salvation, if he wants it. But if he believes he's reprobate and, as such, predestined to Hell, or worse, that he believes he somehow did God's work in killing Lee and injuring Robby, then yes, he's going to spend eternity in God's presence and regret every second of it."

"Wait! You're confusing me! Hell is in God's presence?"

"The 'River of Fire' is refining to those who love God and serve him, but torture to those who hate God and serve Satan. It's your dad's choice, Melissa. I fear that he's been so badly taught that he can't see God's love, only God's justice."

"Everything you say about God and church is basically the opposite of what I was taught."

"As I said, you need better teachers."

"You?"

"I am a catechist, and I'd be happy to talk to you, but the chasm between us is awfully wide."

"You mean stuff like Mary and incense and saints?"

"Those are, believe it or not, minor points. Your understanding of salvation and mine are as different as night and day, and that is the real difficulty you'll face. I'd send someone from our prison ministry to see your dad, but I strongly suspect he'd refuse to see them."

"Probably."

"We should probably get to work," I said. "This discussion would really have to be outside the hospital, and it's not a short one."

We spent the afternoon drawing blood, checking IVs, chasing labs, and generally doing the day-to-day routine work of caring for patients, or at least Melissa did, as I wasn't allowed to actually do anything. We talked when we could, but mostly about our lives before college and medical school.

The more time I spent with Melissa, the more I realized she was actually a sweet girl, but her upbringing had basically turned her into a bitch. Her dad had taught her that doctors were, in effect, demigods, and that had been a major part of why she'd been so offended by the scut she'd been assigned. That, combined with the 'holier than thou' attitude she was taught in church, had submerged that sweetness under an unlikable persona.

August 1, 1986, McKinley, Ohio

"Mike, Elizaveta, you remember Tessa, I'm sure," Clarissa said when we arrived at the Chinese restaurant on Friday night. "Tessa, I know you remember my friends Mike and Elizaveta."

Tessa was a pretty redhead with striking green eyes and lots of freckles.

"I've heard all about you both," Tessa said.

"Clarissa is an inveterate liar," I said with a grin. "Don't believe a word she says!"

Tessa laughed, "She said you would say that! She also said not to believe a word you said, despite being a 'man of the cloth'!"

"It's just 'Mike' with my friends," I said. "The cassock is to remind me to behave."

"And he needs LOTS of reminders!" Elizaveta teased.

"The most interesting people do!" Tessa declared.

We joined our friends at the large table, and Clarissa introduced Tessa to everyone and explained to her how we handled ordering. She had no objections, so Jason ordered as he had the previous week.

"Clarissa tells me you all met in college," Tessa said once the orders were placed.

"Except for Peter and Maryam, who we met in med school," Fran said. "Well, Mike has known Jocelyn since kindergarten."

"Who belongs to whom?"

"You know he's mine!" Elizaveta said, touching her shoulder to mine.

"ME-OW!" Jocelyn teased.

"Any woman who doesn't acknowledge that will find out just how sharp his Kitten's claws are!" Sophia teased, then added, "Robby and I are together."

"Jason is my husband," Fran said.

"Kimiko and I are engaged," Brandon said.

"Dona and I are a couple," José said.

"Mark and I are married," Alyssa added.

"Elias and I are engaged; he just doesn't know it yet!" Serafima teased, causing everyone to laugh.

"I'm pretty sure he's known since SHE asked HIM out!" I chuckled. "Russian women are anything but subtle!"

"Hey!" Elizaveta protested.

"It was a compliment, Kitten," I soothed.

"Uh-huh," she replied flatly.

"The rest of us are unattached," Peter said.

"And we're missing Lara," I added. "She's also unattached."

"What happened to Jack?" Fran asked.

"She gave him the boot," I replied.

"What do you do, Tessa?" Sophia asked.

"I'm a dispatcher for the Hayes County Fire Department."

"How does the new 9-1-1 service affect your job?"

"Right now, calls are still being transferred to the department, but eventually, we'll all work in the new joint dispatch center, and there won't be specific dispatchers for fire, police, sheriff, or ambulance. It'll all come from the regional 9-1-1 center."

"What happens if you dial the Operator?" Dona asked.

"Right now, they transfer you to the police or fire dispatchers. Soon, they'll transfer the calls to the 9-1-1 center, and eventually, they'll tell you to hang up and dial 9-1-1 because the phone company is beginning to phase out Operators as they aren't really needed at this point. You can direct dial basically any call, except for some overseas calls, and almost nobody makes 'person-to-person' calls these days. And, with the breakup of AT&T, directory services aren't handled by an 'Operator' in the traditional sense of that word. The main thing Operators do is handle 'collect' calls."

We had our usual great meal with good conversation, then headed to the repertory theatre to see Much Ado About Nothing. At dinner, I'd explained the meaning of 'nothing', as I once had to Nancy, which seemed almost a lifetime ago, and covered the other Shakespearean innuendo I'd discussed with her as well. We'd all had a good laugh, and I hoped it had made the play more 'accessible', a term I'd learned from Deb on the night I'd had my threesome with her and Milena. Everyone did enjoy the play, and after ice cream, Elizaveta and I headed home.

"Are you sure it was wise to tell all those sex jokes?" Elizaveta inquired.

"I was just providing context and analysis," I replied. "Yes, it was about sex, but so much of Shakespeare is about sex. I bet they didn't tell you that in ninth grade when you read Shakespeare."

"No. And none of that was even in the footnotes that explain things like 'science' meaning 'knowledge', not like we mean it."

"I suspect that most editions don't have that because it would offend too many people and ruin the view of Shakespeare as 'highbrow' as opposed to what he really did — write for the masses. It's like the Bible references we've discussed privately. If I taught most of those in Sunday School, we'd need the entire Cardiology and Neuro staff from the hospital on call to deal with the heart attacks and strokes."

"Well," Elizaveta smirked, "my lover is hung like a horse and comes like a donkey!"

I laughed so hard that I almost swerved onto the sidewalk of Main Street.

"You have that backwards," I said when I got control of my laughter. "It's 'There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses'."

"But isn't the phrase 'hung like a horse'?" she asked.

"And just how does my Kitten know that phrase?"

"You've never been in a girls' locker room, have you?"

"Much to my extreme regret and disappointment," I replied with a smirk.

"Michael Peter Loucks!"

"In High School, that was every boy's fantasy!"

"And what would you have done in that locker room, Deacon Michael?"

"Deacon Michael wouldn't have been in the locker room! Mike in High School would have probably had a heart attack!"

"Well," Elizaveta smirked, "if the girls saw YOU naked, they might have been the ones to have had heart attacks! I nearly did on our wedding night!"

"You got better," I chuckled.

"If you aren't careful, I'll turn YOU into a newt!"

"You know, I think I should be careful because I have heard that Orthodox women are witches!"

"From who?!"

I laughed, "Do you have to ask? My grandfather and his friends!"

"Your grandfather and I are going to have words!"

"Now you sound just like my mom! It did NO good. Russian men all end up like our grandfathers, and it's the fault of Russian women!"

"Oh, please! I bet our grandmothers kept them VERY happy, even if they also kept them in line."

"I would assume so," I replied. "But I won't know for sure for another forty years or so!"

"And now?"

"Very satisfied, Kitten. Very."

August 4, 1986, McKinley, Ohio

"I like her," I said to Clarissa on Monday morning.

"Red hair, green eyes, nice figure, killer smile, and an outstanding personality! What's not to like?"

"You tell me," I said.

"So far, so good. Just a bit of necking, but I want to, so I suspect we will soon enough. I'm going to bring her to church next Sunday."

"Then it IS serious," I chuckled.

"It's going to be part of my life because of you, though I'm not likely to ever convert. If she can't handle it, even occasionally, that's a red flag."

"I can see that. Did you call Abby?"

"Yes. I said I'd meet her if she wanted, but that my relationship with you wasn't going to change no matter what."

"How did she respond?"

Clarissa smirked, "She said this in a negative way — that it was like being in a threesome without the sex."

I chuckled, "Who knew?"

Clarissa smacked my arm, "In your dreams, Petrovich. Abby has even less interest in your genitalia than I did!"

"And you know how my actual threesome left me feeling."

"Empty. Which makes sense for you. You and your pussy cat are very athletic, but I know you preferred what you did with Milena to anything else."

"Elizaveta and I do that occasionally, but she is a tigress, that's for sure!"

"Poor Mike gets his brains fucked out on a daily basis by a horny teenager and laments that it's not his preference."

"Did I complain?" I asked. "Even for one second?"

"No," Clarissa laughed. "And it's still easy to wind you up!"

"You're a peach, Lissa," I said flatly.

"You'd miss me if I were gone."

"Obviously. Is that the end of it with Abby?"

"I was pretty clear that unless she changed her mind about you, there was no chance, and, honestly, I think Tessa is more fun to be with."

"As long as you're happy, I'm happy."

"Thanks, Petrovich! Changing subjects slightly, do you think we should invite Nadine to our Friday night outings?"

"We probably should," I replied. "Do you know if she has a boyfriend?"

"Back home in Nebraska. It sounds a bit like you and Jocelyn, though I guess it started in fifth grade, not kindergarten. He comes to see her once a month. His dad owns a large farm where he grows wheat and raises cattle. Teddy, that's his name, works for his dad."

"Interesting. Is she going to try to Match in Nebraska?"

"That's the dilemma. I'll invite her for this coming Friday."

"Sounds good."

"You haven't said anything about your bishop in the past few weeks."

"Which is how it should be! As the Orthodox joke goes, 'God keep the bishop safe ... and far away from me!'"

"I thought you liked your bishop!"

"I do. But think of all the crap that went down over the last year, and I'm VERY happy for Vladyka JOHN to be otherwise occupied!"

"Where did your former bishop end up?"

"In Florida. There's a retirement community that's popular with retired clergy. It's not dedicated to them, but there are a number of former bishops and priests who live there."

"What happens with monks and nuns?"

"They almost never leave their monastery. In modern times, they do sometimes end up in nursing homes, but that's very, very rare. Their fellow monks or nuns care for them, and doctors make visits to the monasteries."

"What age do priests usually retire?"

"Anywhere from sixty-five on. Mostly, they only retire when their health becomes so poor they can't pastor a church. In some cases, if the parish can afford it, they'll stay on as what amounts to 'pastor emeritus'. That isn't an actual thing, but allows for a younger, healthier priest to take over as pastor, while the older, infirm priest stays with his congregation. Otherwise, the Archdiocese has a pension plan, and most parishes create a retirement fund for the priest."

"So what happens in a case like the one with your priest in Rutherford?"

"He asked for a transfer, so he basically takes what the new parish is able to offer, and gives up anything the old parish held in his name. We don't do that at Saint Michael; we fund Father Nicholas' IRA, though I think for tax purposes, we give him the money, and he deposits it. I don't know the details, but I think that's a wash because he can deduct that amount from his taxes. So, that way, if Father Nicholas leaves for any reason, his retirement money goes with him. That's not how Holy Transfiguration did it, though."

"What about health insurance?"

"The Archdiocese carries major medical, which is funded from the monthly dues each parish pays per member. In the case of priests who have wives who work, they often use their wives' health insurance, and in some smaller parishes, such as Holy Transfiguration, the priest holds an outside job."

"What does the new priest do?"

"Father Alexi writes children's books, and his wife is a teacher. She went to college while he was in seminary."

"When do you go to Columbus again?"