Chapter 6

The next day was Kendal. Which was good in some ways because it was raining stair rods. Walking in the Lake District would have been awful. Walking in Kendal was marginally better.

A small amount of map reading was needed; Rupert stayed out of the way. If he thought he could read the map better, he said nothing. Mary noticed this ‘Damn, he’d make a good husband. He can cook and he instinctively knows when to shut the fuck up. What more do you need in a man? Oh, yeah, ‘that’. Well he’s pretty okay there too.’

They parked, went to see the Quaker quilt, bought various presents for the people at home, and then were allowed to go off in their groups. “Oh, but we’re older, we can go off? We’ll be back on time, honest.”

“No, sorry. I think it better to stay in your groups.” Nobody argued with Mrs Craft, she could look quiet fierce.

Later, Amelie and she met in the same sweet shop, leaving their charges to buy lots of unlikely confectionery, the two spoke for a while. It was nice to just talk.

It had been a deliberately easy day, they stopped to get some food on the way back and then drove back. It was suggested that those girls who had not had a shower yet might like to.

“Rupert? How would you like to do a little favour for me ... for us?” Amelie was batting her blond eyelashes at him. Mary had her hand nonchalantly on his shoulder; it meant that she was close enough for him to accidentally feel her breast against his arm. He was aware there was nothing accidental about this.

“I thought coming here was the favour.”

“Well, yes, but there is something else. Can I explain?”

“Mary? You in on this too?” She nodded. “Let’s walk and talk.” They had half an hour before tea. It was Abigail’s group’s responsibility to make tea – Fishcakes and pasta, an odd, but easy combination which involved Abigail managing to use eight pans somehow. They walked down to the stream and along the path a little way.

“Well, Rupert. The thing is ... it’s like this ... what it is, is ... I mean what I mean is ... If we come down to it...”

Mary interrupted. “Oh fuck! We want you to seduce our mother.”

“WHAT?”

“You didn’t hear? Or you didn’t understand?”

“I heard and understood, but why?”

“Ah, well. Yes. You see. We were talking to her, she let slip that you were in the same pod due to a booking mistake.” Mary said. “Nobody had realised, we can be very dense sometimes.”

“And,” Amelie added “A while ago, she let it be known that she was pleased we’d enjoyed Norfolk because, well, because she’d never had an orgasm with a man. There said it now.”

“She told you that?”

“Kind of. She told Mary some and me some and we compared notes and realised that her wedding night was awful and she’s never enjoyed it with Dadda since. And we love Dadda, we do, but I can imagine he is unimaginative in bed. No, I mean I don’t imagine it at all, that would be gross. But you understand? And you are very good and in the perfect position and ... well I’ll make it worthwhile.”

“You’ve already promised that.”

“Well, I will too.” Mary said. Fuck, Mary was offering too? “Do this and you can have anything, anything at all.” It was as if they were on the moon; the silence seemed absolute and complete.

He stood looking at them. How could he refuse? and yet, he had no idea how to seduce a woman. A woman or a girl or anyone. He didn’t know what to do.

“I think she is an open door. If you can’t push it open, you are a fucking wanker -” Mary said

“And that makes you two sluts for sleeping with me.”

“Precisely, and we aren’t. So you must have done something right.” They persuaded him that his smooth tongue and Casanova actions was what had got them into bed with him. They failed to mention that their open door policy had the door wide open on that boat from day one.

Naturally he was very hesitant. But the offer of the willing butts of two teenagers was a good argument. Actually he was interested in the prospect of the all-you-can-eat buffet; he still wasn’t convinced about having the anal option; these were his friends and he didn’t want to spoil that; but if he had the chance of something similar to the boat last summer, well it might be worth it.

“I ... look, no promises. I’ll see.”

“You’ll tell us though.”

“No of course I won’t. Did I tell your mother that you and I...”

“Well actually yes. She said you had, and you didn’t deny it. So if we ask you’ll not lie.”

“I won’t do it unless you promise not to ask.”

“THAT’S SO UNFAIR!”

“Heh Amie, why not see if they heard you in Austria.” Mary said.

“You probably mean Australia.” Rupert suggested.

“Fuck off.”

“That’s what you are asking me to do. I’m just saying you can’t ask me if I have.”

The two girls had a quick conflab. Mary said “We’ll know, we don’t need to ask him ... Okay – we won’t ask you.”

Now all he needed to do was work out how to seduce a woman, or a girl. It wasn’t his way to try and persuade a girl to have sex; he had never pressured a girl. He realised he was lucky to have moved from the virgin desperation of masturbating in his bedroom to pictures on the internet (and panicking when his search engine started suggesting PORNXXX as a preferred site) straight through to the kind of sex that the porn sites showed.

Of course, for the last few months, he had been back at masturbation 201, but he didn’t really mind, because what he fantasised were actual memories of what he had done to real girls.

He ate his dinner a little quieter than usual. He was thinking.

This night, just when he didn’t need it, the girls seemed more active; they didn’t want to go to bed. They played board games, many had rarely played board games and would have said they were boring. They were tired, but happily playing. Rupert had butterflies in his stomach, he just wanted to start.

Once more, the Bearstow luck held. It got dark and the girls stayed up. Finally they all drifted off after chivvying by Mairead Craft. It was clear that they would not be going to sleep soon. “I’ll have to stay up and check the pods after an hour. They could stay talking all night and then be exhausted tomorrow.”

“You want some company?” Rupert asked, she nodded. They talked about a lot. They avoided talking about a lot too. Mairead was diplomatic and didn’t ask what his intentions to her daughters were, Rupert would have tried to avoid the question anyway.

“I have a favour to ask.” Mairead said. ‘Another one?’ he thought, ‘what now?’ “These girls have contact with lots of boys, but they, the boys, aren’t honest. They try and pressure girls to do things. The girls need to understand boys more. They also need to understand how boys develop – the sex ed they get really only covers the physical changes. I’m not explaining this well.”

“I’ve never pressured a girl, just so we are clear.”

“That’s the point. You are a nice boy. I was thinking, would you be willing to be up for a Q&A session?”

“As long as it’s not a show and tell.” He laughed, she looked at him and giggled. It was a girlish giggle.

“No, that might be going too far, but I would like to let the girls ask ... anything. What do you think?”

“Yes.” Rupert replied. “As long as I have the option to say ‘I’m not answering that’”

“Welllll. Why?”

“To be really crude for a moment – what happens if some girl asks ‘how long is your erection?’”

Mairead looked at him: “That actually is something they might want to know. Porn always uses men with huge equipment. Yes, I have looked, of course I have. If they can ask anonymously, they may have the courage to ask. I mean ... I know books say it is five to five and a half, but, well I haven’t had a lot to check against. The girls will be the same. Sorry, this is embarrassing you.”

He couldn’t believe it, they were discussing his sexual equipment. “Not that it will help give you an overall average, but you could measure it if you want.”

“It would have to be erect and -”

“There would be no trouble there, with an attractive woman in front of me.” She actually gave another giggle.

“Come on, we should check on the pods.” They walked in the dark. They both had torches but opted not to use them. In the dark they walked together, then arm in arm, then holding hands. Mary was telling her group to settle down now; she was up and happened to see them walking across to another pod. ‘How does he do it?’ she was thinking.

A couple of pods had to have the door knocked on, but they were settling down nicely. Then they walked back to their shared pod, both wondering at how they had got to this point. Mairead had seen four penises in her life. Terry Hanlan’s didn’t count, because he was only seven when they’d been playing and he suddenly pulled it out and shouted “I’m going to make you pregnant by touching you.” He had chased her round the field until they were both tired. Her father’s, she had blotted out of her mind as much as possible. Anyway, it wasn’t erect. He had forgotten to lock the bathroom door. Then there was Patrick – that had always been in the dark and it was very hard to tell how long or broad it was since they were bent up in a small car; and Michael. So his was really the only one she had seen properly. It had never given her an orgasm and she thought that maybe that was because it was small. It didn’t look like it was five and a half inches; but she’d never suggested measuring it. Not something you can do, unless you want it to shrink away to nothing in shame.