Friday 1 Week to Go

Once again, Halloween was coming up, only seven days away. Last week my sister Alice told me, her little brother Kyle, that she would get me into the Kappa Kappa Tau annual Halloween party. She was head of the Sorority. The party I really want to attend takes place the next night. That was the exclusive and invitation-only party at Club “O.”

Club ‘O’ was the old convention center. When the city’s finances got tight, it was auctioned to an anonymous buyer for $22,000,000.

I begged and pleaded and harassed Alice, and finally, she agreed to talk about it tonight. “Meet us at Stacy’s house at eight.”

‘Us’ meant Stacy and the witch, the bitch, and the ditz, and Stacy’s house is the McMansion she lives in with her dad, Roger, and Consuela, the cook/maid/housekeeper. Stacy was also my secret love since the third grade. It was 7:50 when I parked and knocked on the front door.

“Well, if it isn’t Alice’s little brother,” said Stacy.

God, she’s so beautiful. She sounds like my sister, but she’s not like Alice.

“Can it, Stacy. I’m 20, only a year younger than all the girls in your clique. We used to play doctor ten years ago.”

“All right. We did have fun playing doctor, didn’t we?”

I want to kiss her now, but I can’t.

“Come on in.”

Now Stacy’s dad, Roger Barnes, is rich, mega-rich, Bill Gates rich. He divorced Stacy’s mom, a gold-digging whore, before I met Stacy, and he is very protective of his little princess. They lived in a McMansion on 10 acres, near the neighborhood where Mom, Alice, and I lived, and our house was definitely not a McMansion.

I followed Stacy up the spiral staircase into her room, and nothing had changed. I know because until she started hanging out with my sister, Stacy and I were best friends, and we played in her room a lot. She had two beds, a walk-in closet, and an on-suite bathroom and the gang was all there.

Besides Stacy and Alice, the other two were Gwen and Barb. All four girls were five foot five to five foot seven, 115-120 pounds, D cups, and drop-dead gorgeous. All had straight hair that fell to the middle of their back; Barb was blonde, Alice was brunette, Gwen had jet black hair, and Stacy was a redhead. If you saw them from the back and couldn’t see their hair color, you wouldn’t know who was who. They were all Kappa Kappa Tau’s (Scream Queens) and were Seniors.

“All right, here’s the deal, Kyle.” Alice had a smirk on her face as she talked. “I didn’t want to invite you to the Sorority party, but Mom asked me to do it. So here’s your invitation.” It was a tag you hung around your neck.

“As far as the Club ‘O’ party, Stacy’s dad got us tickets last year, and it was fantastic. No way can you go to that, except Stacy said we should give you a chance to earn an invitation. So, here’s your chance.”

I guess Stacy does love me.

“At the sorority party next Friday, we will all be there in masked costumes. You have to identify each of us before we find you.” Gwen stuck her tongue out, Barb looked bored, and Stacy was looking at her feet.

“That’s not fair. I have to find all four of you before you find me?”

“Nobody said this would be fair. If you don’t think you can do it...?”

“Hold on; I never said I wouldn’t do it. Alice, can I make some rules?”

“Maybe.”

“Party starts at 7 PM and goes to 2 AM, right?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, everyone has to be there by 8 PM, and none of you can leave the party until 1 AM or after I catch each of you. No going into any closed rooms except the bathroom and no cell phones.”

“NO CELL PHONES! WHY?” Gwen was turning bright red as she screamed that question at me.

“To keep you four from standing in four corners, texting each other while you look for me. Instead, I want you to drink, dance, and have a good time while I hunt you down.”

“Any more?”

“After I catch each of you, no telling the others what my costume is.” There is no way they will follow this rule. So I have to figure something out to give me an edge.

“Okay, bro. I have one of my own.”

I nodded.

“No contact with Stacy for the entire week. She’s sweet on you and might help.”

Stacy! She’s sweet on me! I’m in heaven!

“I am not sweet...”

Alice cut her off. “So is it a deal, you little freak?”

I nodded. “Deal. I want to hear all four of you say deal.”

Alice looked at the other three, and after some eyebrow sign language, said, “Deal.”

I pointed at the other three. “Deal,” said Stacy. Gwen sneered as she said, “Deal.” But, of course, Barb has to be different, or maybe she can’t help it because she’s a true blonde. “I agree.”

“Geeze, Barb, can you please say deal?”

“Deal.”

“Oh, and one more thing. When I win, I get to pick one of you as my date for Saturday night.”

Gwen laughed. “You couldn’t handle me.”

I went and whispered in her ear. “I can reduce you to Jell-O by tracing my finger down your jawline and whispering in your ear. By running my finger or my tongue up your spine like this.” I traced her jawline with my right index finger and took my left index finger, and placed it on her lower spine. I slowly slid my finger up to the nape of her neck. Her eyes closed, and she was purring like a fat, dumb, and happy cat. I stopped, and her eyes opened.

“Why did you stop?”

“I didn’t want to pay for a room.”

Crack. My head snapped back, and I saw stars. “Why did you punch me?”

“Slapped, pervert. I slapped you.” Stacy was glaring at Gwen, and if looks could kill, Gwen would have been reduced into a pile of shit.

“The names are different, but both cause concussions and fractured skulls.” I rubbed my cheek. “All right, ladies, I will see you Friday.” I winked at Stacy before leaving the room but stopped as soon as I was around the corner.

“What if he wins?” Barb said.

“How? We have different costumes, and we’re hiding them here. And anyway, how is he going to know if we share info?”

I heard someone coming up the stairs, so I ran down the staircase and almost ran over Roger.

“How are you, Kyle?”

“Great, sir. The gang is in Stacy’s room. I have to go.” I went out the front door, hopped in my car, and drove home as fast as I could. I wanted to search Alice’s room anyway.

I found nothing in her closet, dresser, under the bed, and in the secret crawlspace that I wasn’t supposed to know about. She wasn’t leaving anything in her room that might help me.

The next day I went to visit Uncle Sherman. He used to be a movie producer, and I hoped he would know someone I could get costumes from. He came out to greet me. “Kyle, my favorite nephew.”

“Sherman.” He always felt Uncle was too formal. “I’m your only nephew.”

The screen door opened again. “Aunt Edna, if you weren’t my mom’s sister...”

“Behave, Kyle. Edna, get the boy a beer. Let’s go down to my office.”

I’d never been into his office before. There was a lot of clutter on the floor and several pictures of famous actors and actresses on one wall. Then, sitting on a shelf behind his desk, was a three-foot-tall, gold statue. It was a male stripper doing a lap dance over a curvy woman seated in a chair. Wow. Where did he get that? Is it real gold?

“Hello! Wake up, Kyle. Now, what can I do for you?”

Edna came in with a beer.

I explained everything and told him I needed one costume, maybe more.

Sherman got one of his business cards, wrote a number and a name on the back.

“Call this guy tonight after nine. He owes me. Now, how do you like the job I got you two years ago?”

“Job? What job?”

“The job at the Black Tie Lounge.” How did he find out?

The Black Tie Lounge is a male strip club. I am a waiter and a backup dancer. Sometimes I did birthday parties or bachelorette parties if the club was a man short. I made good money as a waiter. I made ungodly money dancing and stripping, though not completely naked. We had to keep the package covered up. The club was on the other side of town, and I’ve never seen any girls or women that I knew.

With my face turning red, I looked at my feet and answered, “Fine. I’m, um, saving a whole lot of, um, money and get to wait on parties, um, once a week.”

Aunt Edna had a big smile on her face. “OOOWEE! I know where I want to have my next birthday party.”

“Sherman. Why did you tell Edna? Edna, you can’t tell Mom or Alice. Please?” I was begging them.

Edna came over and kissed my cheek. “Kyle, baby, don’t worry. This is our little or big secret.”

I turned red, I’m sure.

“Kyle, your secret is safe. She was teasing you. Don’t forget, nine tonight.”

I drove home and went to the living room. No one else was home, so I put on a movie and lay on the couch.

Half an hour later, Sis came in and asked, “Did you search my room?” I said, “Yes, last night.” Alice laughed and went to her room.

At nine, I called Marty, that’s the guy’s name, and after a brief conversation, he agreed to meet me at his store downtown at 7 AM. I lay in bed thinking about how to beat the girls. I had a Eureka moment at 1:30 AM and got out of bed and started writing. I fell asleep around 3 AM.

The next morning, I was waiting by the door of Magic Marty’s Merchandise. It was a massive store in the middle of Main Street, downtown. At 7:05 AM, Marty pulled in, a man about Uncle Sherman’s age. We greeted each other, and I apologized for getting him up on a Sunday.

“What, do you think I go to the church? The Sunday before Halloween is a big rental and sales day.”

I nodded and showed him a list of what I wanted.

“A padded Spider-Man costume. Hmmm. I don’t know. Extra-large Wolf Man, ET, and Clown I’ve got. But padded Spider-Man, I don’t know. How much padding, shoulders, and arms or all over?”

“All over.”

“Why do you need four costumes, kid?”

I explained about the contest with my sister and her crew. “If I have one costume, the first one I catch will tell the others what I have on. So I need to change costumes for each girl. I don’t know anyone around the Sorority, so I’ll have to change next to my car. If I strip to boxers, I’ll freeze or get arrested.”

“OK, I got you so far.”

“So, I’ll put Spider-Man on first at home and inflate the pockets, and I’ll keep it on for the whole party. All of my searches for the ‘Fantastic Four’ will be done by Spidey. As I identify each girl, I’ll put on each of the extra-large costumes to tag one girl for the first three girls, and Spiderman will locate and catch the fourth girl.”

“There’s going to be a lot of girls there. How are you going to find your four girls’?”

“I’m trying to figure out where their costumes are. I think I know where they’ll hide them.”

“Good luck with that. Let me check my inventory sheet.” Marty went down between a row of bins and turned left.

I wandered around, looking at the labels on the shelves. W.C. Fields, Charlie Chaplin, Erol Flynn, the Wicked Witch of the West, Dorothy, and Mae West. I think they were in movies a long time ago.

“Hallelujah! I have one Spider-Man 12 points inflatable costume. I got it back from my seamstress yesterday. You put it on, and it’s a loose fit, and you use a tube hooked to a small compressor to fill it out the way you want. Now, where is it?”

Silence, then, “Oy Vey. Right on my desk.”

He came back and pulled the other three costumes and wrote up a rental bill. “I’m sorry, but I have to write a bill for insurance purposes. So don’t worry about the prices I put down; you owe zip cuz I owe Sherm big time.”

I left tired but happy and drove to Aunt Edna’s. She let me hide all my costumes in my cousin’s room. He’s in the Army, stationed in Germany, and drives tanks in Poland. I told my mom’s big sister my plans, and I thought she was having a stroke, laughing that hard. Sherman came up from their basement, and he also cracked up as I repeated my story.

I worked 2-10:30 today and made $245 in tips waiting on tables. I asked my boss for Thursday and Friday off, and he approved it. I worked Black Friday and Saturday after Thanksgiving last year and had already said I’d do it again. I got home after eleven, and Alice ambushed me in the bathroom I shared with her.

“You know you can’t win, dick head, so why don’t you bow out now, and I’ll only trash you for a couple of months. It’s a good deal, and if I were in your shoes, I’d jump all over it.”

“Shit, Alice. You’d jump anything that was eight inches long or better.”

She walked out of the bathroom, cursing me.

I got to work at 2 PM, but I had to replace a regular who called in sick instead of waiting tables. We had a big party coming in, and I would be working with another guy my age, whose name was Hector and had plenty of experience. The party was from 4-7, so we got our props, put on our costumes, oiled up, and were at Party Room B’s door at 4 PM. When we heard our music through the door, we burst into the room and stopped in our tracks. “Happy Birthday Agnes” was on a banner facing the audience, and Agnes and her 14 friends had to be at least 65 and up. We froze for a second before resuming our entrance. What the hell, Agnes and three other old ladies were actually kind of hot for their age. After many lap dances and much groping by the ladies, we said good night to some very tired but happy grannies and split $3,200 for 3 hours’ work.

The next night I was waiting on tables, and I had to listen to a lot of good-natured ribbing from the regulars who wanted to know how many phone numbers I got yesterday. I actually got three, and I told the guys, and I laughed with them.

“Think about it, guys, most twenty-year-old women, while not still virgins, don’t have very much experience sexually. Almost none have ever done anal, and while some have made feeble attempts giving a guy a blowjob, none have ever swallowed. Now, look at these grannies, almost all are widows, and all have had forty-five years’ experience. Plus the fact that it’s probably been a while since they’ve gotten any, they’ll want to go slow, and I’ll bet I could handle three or four in one night.”

Now they were all eyeballing me and wondering how many women I’ve had sex with, and the answer to that question is none. I was still a virgin.

I was off today, so I stayed in my room thinking about Friday night, wondering if I could pull this scheme off. My mouthy sister came in at 1:30, wondering if I was working tonight. I said no because I had to protect my costume. She walked out of my room snickering, and I shook my head. I sure hope I am right about the location of their costumes.

The big day was finally here, and after I saw Stacy drive away for an early class, I knocked on the kitchen door of Stacy’s house at about 8:45 AM. Consuela, the cook, maid, housekeeper, and surrogate mother, let me in and gave me a big hug. I’d been in Stacy’s house a lot before she and her girlfriends went off to college, so Consuela knew me well.

I explained the bet and the college party tonight and the invitation-only party on Saturday, but she wasn’t sure if she should let me snoop in Stacy’s room until I told her what I had planned for Stacy.

“Of course, you can go look, Mr. Kyle. I remember you and Miss Stacy playing husband-and-wife in the playhouse in backyard, and I heard you two playing doctor in her room.”

“You knew we were playing doctor, and you didn’t come in and kick me out?”

“I knew you were good boy and weren’t really playing doctor then. She talks about you a lot.”

Uh, yeah, we were playing real doctor, and show me yours, and I’ll show you mine. I’m so glad she didn’t come in.

Five minutes later, I could breathe again. I found all four costumes in the back of Stacy’s massive walk-in closet. I took pictures of them and put a small sticker on the back of the hockey helmet, and used a red sharpie to make a small X on the back of the black leather Cat Woman costume. I could see the sticker across the room, but the red X on black leather could only be seen a couple of feet away. I couldn’t see any way to mark the other two costumes that wouldn’t damage them. With great care, I put them back the way I found them.

As I left through the kitchen, I said, “Mission Accomplished,” to Consuela and thanked her for letting me in.

I drove to Aunt Edna’s, and surprise, Mom, was there. I told her what was going on and what my plans were for tonight. We ate lunch and watched some game show programs and talked until five, and they both helped me put Spider-Man on and inflate all the pockets. The feet fit over my shoes, and the pads under each foot raised me an inch. Before I put my other costumes in my car, Edna gave me the keys to Sherman’s prize Mercedes Benz. “Live a little.” The

Spider-Man got hugs and kisses from two beautiful women who looked younger than they were. I loaded the other three costumes in the trunk of the Benz and drove over to the college, wondering if Sherm knew I had his Benz?

I went past the Sorority House, a large, four-story, brick house with a two-story extension that was their dance hall. Turning left onto the next street, I parked in front of the last house on the left. I unzipped Spider-Man’s hood and rang the doorbell. A little old lady opened the door.

I introduced myself and started to explain about parking in front of her house. I noticed she was looking at me funny. I thought she looked familiar when a light bulb lit up my brain. “Agnes?”

“Rocky!” That’s my stage name. She invited me in, and I explained what I was doing. She invited me to bring in my other costumes so I could change inside. “Park your Mercedes in the driveway, so it doesn’t get hit.”

I parked, carried my costumes in, and we talked until 7:45, when I left to go to the party. I double-checked to make sure my golden ticket was around my neck. Let’s see; I’m looking for a mime, Cat Woman, Jessica Rabbit, and a hockey player. Those were the costumes I had photographed.

I walked in and went into sensory overload. The lighting, costumes, beer smells, banging music, and lots of girls, in all sizes.

Time to mingle. All around the room, on three sides, was a six-foot-high concrete platform. There were two bars against each wall on each platform, one serving hard liquor and one serving beer and sodas. The legal age for selling alcohol is 21. Two sets of stairs on the fourth wall led up to second-story bathrooms and storage space.

I bounced off of Anna Nicole Smith, but her girls were fakes. Before I could apologize, she passed by me with the Big Bad Wolf right behind her squeezing her ass cheeks, and her behind wasn’t real either. The packed room was hot, and the noise was deafening. The crazy things I do for the woman I love, and she doesn’t even know I love her.

I spotted a Jessica Rabbit and moved in. I asked her to dance, but Green Lantern grabbed her before she could answer. As I was moving towards a Cat Woman, I saw a female hockey player. She had a flexible paddle and a green helmet with an opaque face shield. She went left, and the Cat Woman went right.

I needed to follow the hockey player. I looked for the magic star decal I had placed on the back of the light green helmet this morning. Victory! Now, who was she? I observed for a few minutes, and then she laughed. I remembered that laugh.

When I was a junior in high school, I was set up on a fake blind date by Alice with instructions that I introduce myself by taking the girl’s hand and dancing with her. Unfortunately, I got punched out by the girl’s boyfriend, who didn’t want to hear my excuse. While sitting on the floor, I heard a laugh that was exactly like the hockey players’ laugh, and it belonged to Barb, dear sweet Barb.

I left and went back to Agnes’s. I took Spider-Man head off before putting the silver one-piece Alien costume on over Spider-Man, stepping into the pants and booties first. Agnes held the top up while I slid my arms through the sleeves. The gloves had long fingers, and the last half of the digits were filled with cotton. I pulled the hood over my head and put a mask on with big alien eyes over my face. All parts of the costume were different shades of silver. Back at the party, I looked around for the green helmet and made a slow beeline towards her. Coming up behind her, I spotted the sticker and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned, and I said, “Dance, Barb?”

She froze. “How did you know?”

“You laughed.”

“Oh, OK. Am I the first?”

“Yep! One down, three to go.”

“Oh, goody, I was first.”

She is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, that’s for sure. I turned around and walked away, weaving through the crowd. Ten minutes later, the alien was gone, Spidey was back, and I stood in the middle of the dance floor, slowly turning to my right, looking for three costumes. I spotted at least four Cat Women and loads of female mimes. Go figure, girls as mimes. Inconceivable!

The flashing lights were an epileptic’s nightmare, and the skimpy costumes were a wet dream for a geek. Looking around for Cat Woman, I spotted Lt. Worf dancing with Alice in Wonderland, and this Alice was stroking his Klingon dork. A Jessica Rabbit cut in front of me, but before I could chase her, I was cut off by Wonder Woman rubbing against Freddie Krueger. Don’t fall asleep, Diana Prince!

I decided to track down Cat Woman, so I went clockwise around the room. Cat Woman #1 was too short. #2 was too tall. Whoa, I had to backtrack 6 feet and follow Chewbacca as he passed by #3, who was way too large. I’m not saying if she was fat or big-boned. He-Man and Skeletor were shoving each other, but the Terminator and a green Lou Ferrigno broke it up. #4 Cat Woman, wherefore art thou?

My Cat Woman #4 stood up in the middle of a circle of men. Included in the ring were four Imperial Storm Troopers, three cops, two Supermen, and Prince Charming. Now, I know Stacy wouldn’t, and I couldn’t imagine Gwen or Alice doing that on a first date, so #4 is out. Of course, I could see Barb doing that, but I already caught her.

Wait, there were some more near the DJ, but Cat Women #5 and #6 didn’t look right. The height was right, and the butt looked like my sister’s on Cat Woman #7. I couldn’t get close enough to see the X because her head was on a swivel, and she was constantly turning around, trying to find me. So I would use Plan Alice to make sure that was my sister.

I picked a song request sheet from a table there and wrote down “Her Name is Alice,” a song by the group Shinedown. I handed it to the disc jockey’s assistant and waited for them to play it. After another song played, the piano chord for Alice started. I heard my sister start singing as clear as a church bell ringing on a cold Sunday morning in the country.

“That’s my name, and that’s my song. You can play it all night long.” She stuck her right index finger up and started to sway and sing the words to a song.

I smiled and headed out the door and back to my lady Agnes.

When I walked through her front doorway, two women were sitting on her couch, and all three women looked related.

“Rocky, this is my daughter Lucy and my granddaughter, Beth.” I shook Lucy’s hand, and she said, “Lulu.” Beth got up and hugged me and said, “I’m BB.”

Agnes laughed and helped me put the clown suit on. It had a head that made me sweat, so I needed to do this quickly. I asked the time, and all three women called out, “10:35,” and started giggling. As I walked up to the front door, I turned around, and with the most resounding Germanic voice I could muster, said, “I’ll be back.”

Back in the saddle, I felt a nurse up squeezing through the crowd and bounced off of GI Jane. Argh, she’s too rough looking, like a long-haul truck driver. When I reached the DJ, Alice was gone. I started to kick myself mentally, but the girls made it too easy for me. A Cat Woman was talking to a female hockey player with a green helmet. Alice is just too damn arrogant for her five-inch stilettos.

I asked an Elvira imitation to dance, and I moved the two of us in their direction. Flat girls should not dress up as Elvira, and when the song ended, I thanked her. Turning around, I was right behind my sister, and Barb was walking away from her through the crowd. Alice was turning around, so I hid behind Marilyn Monroe and Gandhi, who were sucking face. Somehow, that is so wrong.

Alice was looking around while turning clockwise. Then, when her back was to me, I spotted the small red x on her back. Hah, got her. While still hiding behind the blonde and the bald man wearing a diaper, I was thinking about my relationship with my sister and whether I should embarrass her or take the high road?

Fuck being nice; she has tormented me my entire life, even before Dad died.

The words I sing her song by remind me about how she tortured me throughout middle school and high school.

‘Her name is Alice, she comes into my world screaming and shouting,

Alice, and even though she’s tripping, she’s always ripping my soul.’

Hey, that’s how I feel.

I walked towards her, veering to my right so that I could stay behind her. When I was standing right behind her, I froze, and when she turned back to face me, I laughed. “Hey, Sis. Great party. Nice costume. Well, two down, two to go. Later.”

“But Barb said you had an alien...” and the rest sounded like YADA YADA YADA. So I kept on walking, laughing, and singing out loud, “Her name is Alice.”

The mime and Jessica Rabbit are left. Stacy has to be the mime because Gwen was too vain to paint her face white.

Agnes let me in and looked almost as happy as she was on Tuesday.

Lulu rubbed up against me. “Will you do BB’s 21^st birthday party next month?”

“We’ll talk. Right now, I need to get out of this clown suit.” I was glad to get that off because it was hot, and I was sweating.

Floating through the air on my spider web or standing on a bar platform, I only saw two Jessica Rabbits but like fifteen mimes. Now the mimes all had their hair tucked under their hats, leaving the back of their necks bare, and Stacy has two tiny red birthmarks on the back of her neck. As I circulated, I wasn’t finding any. Nope, too short, too tall, nope, nope, nope. And on and on. Too tall, and then BAM, that’s her. I turned away, so I wasn’t caught staring. Too late, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I think it was Stacy/Mime, and she was signing if I would like to dance.

I aimed my wrist web-shooter at the ceiling and then spoke, deepening my voice, “We’ll have to do it the old fashion way, on our feet. My web shooter is out of web chemicals.”

She nodded, and we finished the song playing and then danced to ‘At the Hop.’ I knew this was the little redhead girl who used to take my blood pressure on every limb I have and do other things to me. As the song ended, I bowed. “Your friendly neighborhood, Spider-Man, thanks you for the dance.” She curtsied and then stared at me intensely. She knew.

Time to end this Greek tragedy and let Wolf Man find Jessica Rabbit.

“Are you enjoying yourself, Stacy? I caught Barb and Alice already.”

“Kyle! I thought it was you. How did you get so tall and bulky?”

“Inflatable pads and lifts. Now I have to find Gwen.”

“I saw her about an hour ago by the backdoor.”

“Stacy, my love, will you be my date to Club ‘O’ tomorrow night?”

“My, my, love? Did you call me your love? Yes, oh yes, I’ll be your date!” She kissed me, and I was unhappy I had to break this kiss off early, but a Cat Woman with rabies was shoving her way through the crowd with Barb on her heels.

“Stacy, I’ve got to run because Alice is coming, and she just shoved Superman into Jason.” She was ten feet away, and even with a Cat Woman mask on, I knew she was major league pissed. Big sister Alice did not like to lose.

I moved through the crowd while ducking down and slipped through a door on the other side of the building. I peeked down the front corner of the building and saw Alice and Barb scanning the whole block, looking for me. Damn, the clocks ticking, and just when I was ready to sprint across the street, I heard my darling’s voice.

“Alice. Barb. I saw him; he’s back near the stairs.” I love you, Stacy.

They disappeared inside, and I took off for Agnes’s house. The three generations were waiting at the front door for me.

“We saw you coming from the back porch.”

“No time, my plans changed. I used this costume to get #3 before she caught me. I need to put Wolf Man on.”

We tried to pull it on, but it was too tight. It wasn’t an extra-large size, just a regular. “You’ll have to take off Spider-Man to get Wolf Man on.” Agnes was glowing as she made that statement.

All three let the air out, so the costume was loose enough to pull off. And there I was in briefs and socks in front of three women, mouths and eyes wide open.

“My dear ladies, you can come to the club any weeknight except Thursday, and you can stuff bills in the elastic of my thong. But it’s midnight, and I only have an hour left.”

Seven minutes later, I was locking three costumes in my trunk and shuffling down the sidewalk like Lon Chaney.