Chapter 11: Deciding to Decide

For the next two days I holed up in the lair, mostly hanging out in the upstairs office eating junk food, drinking coffee or soda and walking back and forth between the lab, the hangar and the office. I talked to the ship a couple of times, but ships that have been stripped bare tell no tales

I was home every night for dinner, and stayed home every night after dinner. Mom was a much better ear than the ship when it came to emotions. We had a nightly glass of wine and we talked each night when we were done. I felt better and mom had a more complete picture of what I had been up to since that day Mike called and asked me to meet him at the Stern Wheel.

The second night, as we were cleaning up and getting ready for bed after a late dinner, she stopped me with a hand on my wrist. “Nate.”

“Yea Mom?” I looked up to see what she needed.

“Call Nat. Talk to her, tell her what you’re thinking that you can’t tell me.”

I thought about it, trying to keep my eyes clear and nodded.” Good idea,” I said and went to my room to grab my phone. I sat at my desk and hit her number. It rang a long time before she picked up.

“Nate?” she said, knowing it was me. “Do you know how late it is?”

“I’m sorry about calling so late,” I sighed. “Mom suggested I call. She thinks talking to you might help, and I kinda think she’s right.”

“Okay Nate, what is the matter?”

“There was a fire a couple of days ago,” I began.

“I know!” she said. “It’s been on the news, even here. Even on MSNBC!” she said. “I can’t believe Mike was able to save that old lady, but where did he get that suit? Did he not want to wear the Dragonfly suit?”

“It wasn’t Mike, I said, almost sobbing.” There was a long silence as she absorbed that.

It ... It was you?”

“Yeah, the suit is something I made to wear in the lab to keep me safe from heat and chemicals and other hazards.” I told her the whole story from building the suit to Mike calling, to me putting the suit on and running over to the Stern Wheel. Me jumping up three stories and crashing through the open window. Me grabbing the form on the floor. Me jumping out of the window and landing safely. Me discovering it was Joan the waitress, and how she was alive and they took her to the hospital and she was going to be fine, but now she had no place to live and no job, so she was going to have to go into a home.

“Oh Nate!” and Natalie Brooks sounded so full of concern and caring and anguish and relief all rolled into one, that if I didn’t love her already, I’d have started right then and there. I felt better already.

“So, does it feel good, being the hero and saving someone you know?”

“I am happy that I was able to save Joan. She was always nice to me and Mike, even when she was teasing us. I haven’t been happy about having to be a hero, It has never been something I thought about being, but I was happy I didn’t screw it up.”

“So you never considered it before,” Nat said. “Are you considering it now?”

The question surprised me. Where had that come from? I started to firmly reply with a NO!, but I hesitated. Paused. Blinked hard.

“I guess. Maybe,” I answered. Surprising myself this time.

“Well there you go. See, you’ve been avoiding a decision you didn’t even know you were hiding from. Now you know. You have decided to decide, but you know what?”

“What,” I asked starting to smile.

“You don’t have to decide now. Just like me. Just like Mike. We know we could be. We even know, in my case, that we want to be, but we’re waiting until the end of college to make the decision. Just like you could be doing.”

“Oh God!” I moaned, feeling the ton of bricks I’d been carrying around drop off my shoulders. “You are a lifesaver Nat, Thank you!”

“You are very welcome. Now I have an early day tomorrow and I need to get to sleep and so do you, so lets hang up now and get it done, okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll sleep good, don’t you worry.”

“I won’t Hanging up now. Goodnight love!”

And she was gone. I had moved over to the bed during the conversation and plopped back on my pillow, letting the knots ease out of my shoulders and my legs. I hadn’t even noticed all the tension there. I jumped up and took a hurried shower threw the days clothes in the hamper and did a quick check on the kitchen, but mom had done everything that needed to be done while I was on the phone.

“Good night Mom!” I yelled as I passed her door. “G’night Sweetie,” I heard back.

I climbed into bed, turned the lights out, relaxed back into the mattress and pillow, and closed my eyes. What a day! I thought to myself in the dark. And that’s when my brain pinged on it finally.

‘Wait! What did she say. Goodnight love! She said love!’

Spring at Brooks Hatlen, for Seniors anyway, was mostly about no longer being at Brooks Hatlen. It was about year books and class rings and graduation photos and career counselors, keggers. and in my case, Valedictory speeches.

I had turned my speech in to the Principal and the school board and they had not liked it. It was titled ‘Deciding to Decide’ and in it I basically told Seniors that whether they went to college or not, whether they found a job right away after school or not, or even if they already had a job waiting or were working already, they didn’t have to make all their decisions right away. They just had to decide there were decisions to be made in the future that they couldn’t ignore, because if they did, someone else would wind up making that decision for them. A counselor, a boss, a parent, a judge. Not all those who might do the deciding would necessarily be worried about putting their best interests first. The decisions might be made to solve a problem the decider had, not one they had. So the future was about decisions, and the only big decision they should make today was deciding that they were going to make their own decisions and not let others do it for them.

Apparently that had seemed too anti-authoritarian for the school board so they made me change it. I wrote a second speech full of the proper phrases that wouldn’t make my classmates think too hard and they had approved that one. They would hand me a copy of it to read from when it was time to give my speech. I had memorized the first one and planned to give that one anyway. What were they going to do, revoke my diploma and tell MIT to forget it? I didn’t think so. I was adding a real sparkle to the graduate accomplishments list. Potentially anyway.

After I submitted the first speech, they made me see the counselor. He talked about disaffected youth and urges and the need to rebel. The fact of the matter was that I was feeling rebellious, in a way. Sadly, it was a way I couldn’t involve him in, as he wasn’t the kind of hero I needed to talk to.

St. Patrick’s Day, mom and I were invited to a party. With the LA Guardians. I sort of understood them inviting me, but why Mom was included I wasn’t sure, until she gave Portal a kiss on the cheek as we stepped through. When we were both through, Portal closed his connection to our living room and came over. Mom took his hand and smiled.

“Nate,” he said, sounding surprisingly nervous for a hero. “My website lies about my marital status. I’ve never been married and have no kids. The lie is there to keep gold diggers and admirers away.”

“So Dave and I have had a few dates, and we’ve decided to make it official. We’re a couple as of today and talking about other things down the road. Maybe.” She was blushing. My mom who could talk to me about all the grossest aspects of being human without a hint of embarrassment, was blushing!

“Wow,” I said, stunned. “Dates? You’ve been on dates? When?”

“Oh a few of the many times you were too busy being the Gadgeteer,” Mom said, teasing. “Since Christmas, when you found yourself in love. I started to feel that emptiness inside me that I thought I’d banished after your Dad died.”