Chapter 6

As I sat there waiting though, I did understand that I had done exactly what Tarra had accused me of doing. While I’m writing I’d thought-up some brilliant - if somewhat unlikely – scenarios’ for the protagonist in my books to discover that his wife was hanging horns on him. Just as much as I had him laying all the frustrated local housewives left right and centre, it was all just a giant figment on my imagination. More a point making the crime fit the available evidence than letting the evidence solve the crime; a strangely familiar and common practice of the media in this day and age.

It couldn’t have been more than a couple of minute’s or so, but to me it appeared to take a lifetime before Tarra returned and threw a red dildo on the table. At first glance, I couldn’t see the similarity to a certain part of my own anatomy that Tarra had mentioned, however later examination was to prove that she had been correct. “Blimey, Rolly the length hasn’t got much to do with it, it has to be longer because you need something to hang-on to.” Which even I had to admit was a logical explanation.

“There Celine, the only relief you’re going to get tonight girl is from Rolly’s meat and two veg!” Tarra said as she’d thrown the dildo on the table. “Now Rolly, you tosser, drag Celine up to bed and roger the living daylights out her and if I see either of you two again before lunchtime tomorrow, I swear I’ll brain the pair of you! And one last precaution, don’t either of you dare say a single word two each other for at least the next two hours, I will be outside the door listening!”

Tarra went a bit further than standing outside the door, I’ll add. When Celine and I got to our bedroom we found the door locked; we couldn’t get in. Neither could get into the guest room Celine had been using. When we looked back at Tarra who had followed us up the stairs, she gestured towards the guest suite that Celine had assigned to her.

We entered to find the duvet had been removed from the bed and was nowhere in sight. I think Celine and I were both still looking at the expanse of white sheet, when we heard the door behind us closed and then a click as the key turned in the lock.

“Is she serious?” Celine asked, albeit very quietly.

“Shush” I whispered back. “Tarra can hear like a bloody hawk. The woman’s ears kept us out of detention more times than I can remember. What’s more, when she’s pissed-off, it isn’t a good idea to argue with her. Believe me, I’ve experienced Tarra’s temper; it’s not a pretty sight!”

“Is that why you stopped bonking her?”

“No, it was if I didn’t bonk her enough; Tarra doesn’t like to be deprived of her toys and she’s insatiable; or at least she was when she was going with me. Now get your kit off girl and let’s have a nice shower.”

Celine giggled like a teenager, stripped and we both went into the shower room. I won’t say what transpired inside. I will admit it was vigorous, tiring, entertaining and reputedly, rather loud; although Celine and I were not aware of how noisy we’d been at the time. It had been some years since Celine and I had played in a shower together. When we came out again sometime later, we discovered that Tarra had obviously paid us a visit and stolen all of our clothing. However, she had left a couple of bottles of bubbly and two Champaign glasses on the dressing table.

I had been surprised that there had only been a couple of hand towels in the bathroom, because I usually stock them with a full assortment of towels etc. Quickly I checked all the wardrobes and storage places in the room to see if Tarra had hidden the towels in there for some reason, but it quickly became apparent that Tarra had stripped the room of anything that might at a stretch be used as a piece of apparel. All the while Celine watched me with a confused expression on her face, as she tried to dry herself with both of the afore mentioned hand towels.

Finding every single storage space in the room, empty. Not even the duvet that should have been on the bed was there. I called through the door.

“Very funny Tarra, what’s this all about?”

“Oh it just makes sure neither of you can sneak out the window, Rolly. And I from personal experience I know what you can do when you’re locked in a room all night with an alluring female. So stop pissing about, and get on with it!”

“Tarra?” I called out.

“Yes Rolly.” She replied.

“Beautiful woman, you mean.” I suggested.

“Do I take that as a compliment?” She asked.

“You do, Tarra!”

“Celine, are you completely sure you don’t want to divorce the bugger?” Tarra asked.

“Goodnight Tarra.” I replied. Then I quickly clamped my lips over Celine’s mouth before she had time to answer.”

“Nineteen hours, are you sure.” Celine asked.

“Oh I’m bloody sure Celine; the little minx worked me over good proper for most them. When Tarra gets the inch, she wants it scratched, right now.”

Sounds like a woman after my own heart. How old were you?”

“Fourteen, no fifteen.” I replied.

My god, and how old was Tarra?”

“Same age, fifteen. We were in the same class. Well that was the point; we’d ducked a class together because we wanted to skive off for the afternoon. We were supposed to be helping sort-out the sports day equipment. Nobody noticed when we hid in the schools old gym block that was used as sort of sports storage locker room by then, to wait for the coast to clear. But one of the staff who must have been nipping off early locked the door on us and went home.”

“No one missed us for the rest of the school day because we had been assigned to that sort-out work party.”

“So you and Tarra spent the night sleeping in the school gym?” Celine said with a smirk.

“Not exactly sleeping, Celine. When Tarra and myself hid in the gym, we were simply trying to skip the rest of the day’s lessons. Actually, we were not a couple and didn’t particularly like each other at the time. Yeah, I thought Tarra was a tasty bit of stuff, but I thought she was well out of my league. Tarra always was top shelf material, if you know what I mean; just like someone else I could mention.”

“So what happened, you know once you were locked in the gym?”

“I think we both got bored once we realised that we weren’t going to get out of the place in a hurry. So we sort-of got to chatting about this and that. Then we talked even more about ‘that’, and then you could say we drifted into experimenting. And then the next thing you know we’re making like a couple of frustrated bunny rabbits. We’d sneaked into that gym a couple of virgins and we came out again nineteen hours later a couple of highly experienced sex maniacs, who couldn’t keep our hands off each other.”

“But surely someone was looking for you. Two fifteen-year-olds can’t vanish from a school in the middle of the day and it not be noticed, surely?” Celine suggested.

“Oh yeah, it was noticed by our parents when we failed to arrive home from school that evening. All hell must have broken loose then, but knew sod-all about it. But the school itself didn’t notice. Bunking-off for the afternoon wasn’t exactly an unknown practice at that school, so our classmates automatic covered for us. But as we were assigned to that work party, none of the teachers reported us for not attending their class that afternoon. Probably some of the other kids would have answered our names even if there had been a roll call; for all I know there even might have been one.

There was a pop concert on in the town that night and I gather quite a few other children skipped-off to go watch the so-called stars arrive. That’s where Tarra and myself were heading when some bugger locked that door.”

“I thought you said that you weren’t friendly with Tarra before this incident.” Celine queried.

“We weren’t really. We knew each other because we were in the same class, but I never thought I stood a chance with the girl. God she towered over me back then. I put on a sudden growth spurt when I was ... Hey, I just realised it was only after I spent that night with Tarra that I did shoot-up like a rocket; I wonder if there was any connection. No, I don’t think it can work like that!

“Anyway we were assigned on the same work party and planned to sneak out of the school grounds together. Had we actually got out of the school grounds; we would have met-up with our own mates and gone our separate ways.”

“But fate took a hand?”

“Sure did, and we spent the night bonking each others brains out. God Tarra nearly killed me until I realised that missionary isn’t the only position you can have sex. You should see that girl ride!”

“Ralph.

“Yes Celine.”

“As you said to Tarra earlier. Too much detail, I’m getting jealous”

“Sorry love, but you know you can ride the horse anytime time you wish.”

“Yeah I think it’s about time I did, have you recovered enough, yet?”

Some indeterminate time later Celine woke me up again and asked.

“So what happened; you know, when they let you out of the gym the next day?”

“They discovered two very frightened and very hungry children. You know, Tarra’s really in the wrong profession, she should have been and actress; she can turn the tears on off at the drop of a hat. She’d instructed me to keep my trap firmly shut and leave all the talking to her. Then she happily wound everybody her little finger, even my own parents. Had them all convinced that we hadn’t so much as looked at each all night. Mind you, the fact Tarra towered over me back then, helped to make the whole idea that anything suspicious could possibly have taken place between us sound and look ridiculous.”

“And after that night with Tarra; did you ... well court her or have sex again?”

“Well I wouldn’t have termed it courting, Celine. More like bonking the living daylights out of each other whenever we got the opportunity. Which was almost everyday, school days or not. We’d always find somewhere to sneak off to together.”

“Yet, you have always implied to me that your teenage romance with Tarra didn’t last very long.”

“It didn’t. Three, maybe four months at the outside. We got caught!”

“What, having sex?”

“No, it might sound stupid, but a teacher overheard Tarra calling me luvver one day. We’d been sensible enough not to appear to be all over each other when any adult might see us in school. We never sat next each other in class or anything silly like that. Then one day Tarra says ‘How’s my luvver this morning?’ to me as we sneaked into what we thought was an empty classroom for a quick snog and our bloody English teacher was stood behind the door.

“It transpired that we hadn’t been as careful as we should have been, hiding the evidence of our night of debauchery. That old Gym had showers that actually worked but they were cold water only. It was probably that cold water that kept us awake and at it, if you can understand me. We needed some exercise to warm ourselves up again every time we took a shower.”

“Why did you have to keep taking cold showers?”

“Too get rid of the blood first and then later to get rid of the dirt. You see, Tarra was a virgin! And she bled far more than we expected the first time. We never really expected that. Perhaps Tarra bled a lot more than average for some reason. You know, that’s one thing they never really talk about in the dirty books isn’t it? I wonder how much the average woman does bleed when she loses her virginity.”

“I wouldn’t know Ralph, the only erotic novels I’ve ever seen, are yours and I didn’t bleed very much.”

“Well I must make a mental note to find out about it. Anyway, it was pretty dark under those covers and we didn’t see the blood until we’d both been rolling about in the stuff for some time. Then when I got out of bed because I needed a leak, Tarra spotted that I was covered in blood. Scarred the pants off the pair of us actually; until we worked out what had happened.”

“What was a bed doing in a school gym?”

“It wasn’t a proper bed. It was a pile of those big canvas covered rubber floor mats that the gymnasts do their thing on. A nice even pile of them make a handy and rather large bed, very nice can assure you and not too bouncy. And for blankets, we’d found a stack of giant velvet curtains. I think they must have old ones front the school hall stage on somewhere; they did smell a bit musty. I have no idea what they were doing in the old gym; just somewhere to dump the things and forget about them, I suppose. You know what schools are like, disused and damaged crap hidden away anywhere it can’t be seen.

“Anyway we discovered that the water was still turned on and when you pulled the right leaver cold water would gush out of some of the spigots in the communal shower. So we dashed under one of the showerheads that were working and gave each other a quick rub down. Then because it was cold, we make the mistake of dashing back into gym and diving under those curtains again.”

“Why was that a mistake; I’d have thought it was a good idea.”

“So did we, until we realised after another good session that our wet bodies had washed all the dust out of those tatty old curtains. We were both as black as coal before we even thought about it; so another stone cold shower was called for. Then we ran around the gym a bit and cuddled standing up, sort-of air-drying our bodies. Until we came up with some sex games, we could play while hanging from the wall bars. Well to be honest they were Tarra’s idea. Very strenuous, but great fun.”

“What sexual intercourse while hanging onto a set off wall-bars; how does that work?”

“Well not exactly intercourse, Celine. If you must know, we performed fellatio and cunnilingus on each other.”

If the reader is wondering why I’d resorted to formal terms for the above-mentioned activities, I’ll try to explain. Look, Celine has never really been what one might describe as an open-minded person; you could even say that when I first me her she was sexually repressed. Whereas I (and Tarra) have been swearing like troopers since our early school days. Whereas Celine had enjoyed a much more refined and chased upbringing and was less tolerant of what she termed course language. When we first got together, it was a little like a chalk and cheese situation. Even the words, let alone the deeds, such as blowjobs or muff-diving did not form part of Celine’s vocabulary or sexual repertoire. In consequence both such activates soon fell out of my own regular repertoire as well. At one time if Celine was feeling exceptionally horny and she had imbibed a little more that she usually did, I did think that we were making good headway in that department; really broadening Celine’s sexual attitude. However, that unfortunate incident on Briton seafront had put the kybosh on that development completely.

Anyway, I will get back to trying to describe that eventful night.

“It was very tiring I can assure you Celine, but I think I can safely say we both Tarra and I enjoyed the experience. Well I know for sure Tarra did, she couldn’t get enough of me servicing her and she was extremely happy to return the favour whenever and wherever I requested it of her. However found the wall bar game that we played that night, did prove really interesting when all the blood runs to your head. I’m really not sure I could explain exactly what of how we did it to each other; it’s something you have to experience. Of course, there is the danger of falling from the bars if you were not very careful. But we were only kids back then, so we tended to bounce quite well. And we weren’t stupid though; we put a few of those mats on the ground bellow us.

“When it got light, we both got cleaned-up and dressed. Refolded the old curtains we’d been using and put them back where we found them. Then we got out another couple of curtains that didn’t have any evidence of our night activities on them and settled down to play-out our little “lost frightened children act” until somebody finally did come to unlock the door.

“As I said we thought everybody had bought our story and to an extent they must have done. But then at sometime somebody must have taken a close look at those rubber mats. On one of them, there was a very nice bloody impression of Tarra’s backside and my knees at least; complete with some other very questionable unidentifiable staining.

“Tarra and I had buried that Mat at the bottom of the pile; in our childish naivety assumed that no one would find it for years. I think it was our mistake to have picked the cleanest one of the bunch to do the dirty on and then try to bury the bugger at the bottom of the pile. Somebody else must have thought that they would use the cleanest looking mat and dug the bloody thing out.

“I don’t think they were sure it was Tarra and myself who left those stains because, as I said, we were sensible enough to play it cool around the school. Then that day we got sloppy and we made the mistake of slipping into that classroom where Tarra called me luvver and then the bloody balloon went up almost instantly.

“We both got expelled. Well actually, we did not get expelled really. Our parents were invited to remove both of us from the school quietly, providing we didn’t both change to another school together. They weren’t daft enough to invite trouble for one of the other schools in the district. Or to advertise the fact that they’d lost track of two pupils for nineteen hours who they suspected had been happily making whoopee in disused school building for all of that time. Tarra and I were bad news as far as the local school district were concerned.

“I did manage to get into another school locally. I’m not sure what happened where Tarra was concerned on that front. We weren’t allowed to contact each other after that day. However, eventually I learnt that she was pretty promptly shipped off to live with an aunt in the back of beyond somewhere. Somewhere far away from me, that’s for bloody sure.

“That’s about it, the end of our intense romance. I never saw or heard of Tarra again until a poster caught my eye while I was going up and Underground escalator in London one day. Jesus did I get my ears chewed-off because I was trying to stay in one spot so I could look at her picture to confirm that it was Tarra; while everybody else was in a hurry to get to work.”

“Would that be the same poster you have folded up in that book in your desk draw?” Celine asked.

“Yes it is,” I admitted. “Well, not exactly the same one; an acquaintance of mine who worked on the Underground managed to filch one for me. How did you know that it’s there?”

“Well I was pleased find that you had it stashed away with a picture of me in that revealing bikini with it. After I’d read the revelations in your first book Ralph, it would have been crass stupidity of me not to ... How do they say it, turnover your office with a fine toothed comb. I searched the place from top to bottom just to see if there was any incriminating evidence tucked away in there anywhere. What would you expect me to do; you are a very handsome man you know. And I have to admit, a little too amiable around certain females sometimes.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, probably a little angrily I think.

“It means my love, that should you ever choose to, you could talk the knickers off of most any female you take a liking to. But I must add that, since our marriage I believe you’ve remained firmly faithful to our wedding vows. Even if that first book of yours did scare the living shit out of me.”

“Such a nice turn of phrase you’ve taken to using, Celine.”

“That’s the trouble with reading dirty books, Ralph; you tend to pick-up the language from them.” Celine smiled at me.

“What I think you need young woman is a good seeing to.” I smiled back at her.

“Promises, promises.” She replied.

Then things got a little hectic for a while, until I ... well we, I suppose fell asleep again.

It was daylight the next time Celine awoke me.

“Ralph, are we back to normal again now?” she asked.

“Sorry, what’s normal, Celine?”

“Well us, you know, are we a normal happy married couple again.”

“Well, can I put it this way, I’m always happy when my wife is cuddled up to me holding me real tight. But I’m not so sure I’m happy when she feels the need to have two private detectives following me around.”

“In that case, you shouldn’t go writing dirty books behind your wife’s back and scaring the pants off her. Besides, it was three PI’s not two and they cost me a bloody fortune.”

“Three?” I queried.

“Yes, two men and a woman.”

“The flash git with the Jag? I asked.

“Oh him, he was number two; he was bloody useless.”

“Yeah that ruddy old Jag stood out like a sore thumb. He must have thought he was Morse or something...” and then a nasty thought crept into my head.

“Oh shit Celine. Number one, he weren’t an old bloke, trilby hat and a fag stuck behind his ear all the time?”

“Yes, that was him. He was good, but he said he wasn’t completely sure you hadn’t led him up the garden path.”

“Bugger, the old sod played me like a bleeding fiddle. He convinced me he was a freelance reporter, looking for an angle on a story about my book. Was any of it true and was I really banging all the frustrated mothers from down the local school. I told him I would talk to him provided that he kept my identity confidential, because ... Well, because of our situation, and he promised me he would. No wonder he did, you were paying the old bugger. Mind you, I did like the old boy.”