Chapter 10

Lacey Larue was frustrated. It was finally July Fourth, Independence Day, but there she was stuck working breakfast at the restaurant when tips were at their lousiest. Even patriotism couldn’t make the Summer Lake diners tip 15%. In any sane restaurant the faster turnaround time at breakfast made up for the lower check prices and tips, but her old fogies weren’t grabbing coffee and toast before rushing off to work. For them, breakfast was the slowest meal of the day, not the fastest, and they’d idle around for an hour or even longer holding court with their cronies.

The restaurant had a breakfast buffet and some diners figured since they were getting their own plates of food that tipping was no longer expected and Lacey was just bringing them endless coffee refills and replacing their napkins and utensils out of the kindness of her heart. But that wasn’t even the worst of it.

In their infinite wisdom, management had added bagels to the menu starting with the big Fourth of July weekend. Coming from Florida, which for all its faults did at least have multiple cultural influences, this did not seem like anything earth-shattering to Lacey, and she was confused at first that it was an issue at all for the diners of Summer Lake. After ordering a breakfast combo that morning, a 70-something woman with white hair and a sagging chin (among other things) grabbed Lacey’s wrist with surprising strength and said, almost in a panic, “Sweetie, they aren’t going to put any bagels on the plate, are they? I don’t know what bagels are and I don’t want any of them! Will you tell them that?”

Lacey attributed it to another crazy old person, but at another table of four grimy old men who always stared at her tits, when she mentioned the bagels, one of them said “Well you can take your bagels back to Nooooooooo York City” and another added “More like Jew York City!”

It seemed that bagels, which to Lacey were just a tasty bread product, represented a frightening cultural incursion to the quaint midwestern vacationers of Summer Lake. They were almost as opposed to bagels as they were to jogging. Lacey just didn’t understand these people, but thankfully the median age of the complainers seemed to be about 75. None of the middle-aged minority of diners seemed so reflexively terrified of anything new, and the bagels were a popular choice for the handful of teenage guests unfortunate enough to be dragged to Summer Lake.

Frustrations with her job were the least of it her worries, though. She was making decent money overall and since she hadn’t been bumming rides to the nearest mall with boys this summer, she was actually saving up some cash for once in her life and hoped to buy a car when she got back to Florida, or more likely make a down payment.

But those boys had stopped talking to her, that was part of the problem. She’d turned down a few guys who’d shown up at her bedroom door or cornered her in the hall and obviously wanted a quick casual blowjob or fuck. They were nice at first and that’s why she’d said yes at the start of the summer, but once she started hanging out with Abby’s group and had friends who didn’t just want to cum in her, she told the boys no a few times and they got nasty and called her a slut.

Things had gotten even worse since Todd and Brian had grabbed her in the alley in town and expected her to pleasure them right there because it was Saturday night and they were horny. Even the old Lacey wouldn’t have wanted to do that, and this summer she’d easily found the confidence to tell them no. Turning them down had only made them mad, though, and she thought she might get raped. There wasn’t much she could do to stop two horny boys who weren’t taking no for an answer. But then Esmie and Eric appeared and fought away the losers. It had made Lacey cry in happiness. She’d never had friends who’d stand up for her before.

But it was just her luck that as fast as Abby’s group had formed and been the only good thing about that summer, now it seemed to be falling apart. Nick and Abby should have become a couple, they were so perfect for each other, but Abby pushed the boy away. Lacey begrudgingly accepted that, but she felt like Abby had probably been colder than she needed to be. Nick was acting so pathetic and wounded, and all he’d tried to do was be a doting boyfriend for the girl. He made her a lovey-dovey compilation tape and cooked her dinner, for goodness sake, no boy had ever done that for Lacey.

Now Lacey was sure that Abby had another boyfriend. A secret one, someone she was seeing when Lacey was at work. Esmie had been the first to figure it out, but it all made perfect sense. Abby was so secretive, and lately was always asking about Lacey’s work schedule, which must be so she could plan her hookups. It seemed in rather poor taste when Abby had been the one who’d come up with the whole “group is powerful” thing. How could reject a boyfriend in the group so she could get a secret boyfriend who was probably some asshole lifeguard? That was the only explanation Lacey could come up with, what other boys did Abby encounter, and why else would she keep him a secret unless she knew he’d be unacceptable to the group?

So now Nick was avoiding Abby, Eric and Esmie were off being innocent little virgins whispering sweet nothings to each other, and Abby was with her secret boyfriend, all when Lacey needed the group most. Since the incident in the alley, everyone at Summer Lake turned against Lacey. Todd, the short jerk who Abby had humiliated by beating in a head-to-head race, was probably harmless, but Brian was admired by most people on staff. When he started badmouthing Lacey, everyone else eagerly jumped on board.

Todd told everyone that they had managed to have a threesome with Lacey but was threatening to report it now as rape after he wouldn’t go out with her. It was clever, she had to give him that, he’d spun what had actually happened with total lies in such a way that if she did complain, no one would believe her. Not that she had much chance of getting a complaint taken seriously anyway, but now if she made it to whomever at Summer Lake or even the police, everyone would have already heard that the threesome was consensual and think Lacey was just an embarrassed and spurned lover.

People were being nasty about it now. More than one girl had come up and cattily told Lacey to stay away from her boyfriend (usually she had no idea who the boyfriend even was). Boys gave her lewd looks or made sexual gestures, not because they actually thought she’d hook up with them anymore, but just to make her feel bad and even intimidated. She’d told Abby and the girl was sympathetic, and offered to beat up the girls, but seemed to miss the point Lacey was trying to make, which was that she wanted to get the group back together so at least one part of her summer would be happy and normal.

Abby was distracted, no doubt by her secret boyfriend. The more Lacey thought about it, the more she was annoyed with Abby. How could that girl create such a wonderful group then abandon it in a month because she wanted to sneak around with some cute boy who was probably in with the bullies?

But Lacey had a plan. Abby wasn’t the only one who got revenge. Abby had been bugging Lacey lately for the exact times of her shifts, it was so transparent that the girl wanted to know when she’d have the room to herself so she could hook up with her mystery man.

That morning Lacey told Abby that she was working breakfast and lunch, but it was a lie. At 11:30, she clocked out and made her way across from the lobby in her waitress uniform. Management had been after staff for using the elevators lately so with her uniform on she decided to take the fire stairs.

In the employee lobby, she saw Nick coming out of the elevator and walk with his back to her toward the boy’s side. “Freeze!” she said in the deepest voice she could muster, “This is Summer Lake management! What were you doing on that elevator, employee?”

Nick turned around and said with mock dramatics, “I was using it instead of the fire stairs, because I’m lazy and I’m too good for those dreary stairs, gosh darn it! I will not let obnoxious totalitarian notices hung on the walls be the boss of me. I will not use the fire stairs in shame like your servant, your serf, your slave! I’m a human being! If I trip on the stairs and fall on my ass, do I not bleed?”

Lacey laughed hard. Lately, Nick had been substituting sarcastic rants for his usual serious, self-pitying complaining, and it was hilarious. It cracked her up and made him seem like a fun guy rather than a sad sack.

“Besides I was on the roof, no way am I taking the stairs up and down seven flights.”

“What were you doing on the roof?” she asked.

“Light show prep,” he said. “Just so I have a more manageable amount of work tonight before the show.”

“Ohhh yeah, that’s gonna be dope, right? I’ve never seen a laser light show.”

“Hopefully,” he said, “I’m surprised the old people aren’t freaked out about it.”

“Yeah,” Lacey said, “That reminds me, they’re offended that the restaurant is serving bagels. Like, literally angry about it. Can you believe it?”

Nick laughed. “Sounds about right though. Bagels are new and scary. The thing about the light show is it’s past their bedtime, so they won’t see it to complain.”

They were just chatting in the elevator landing lounge, with Lacey leaning over a couch to talk to him.

“So where are you off to?” Nick asked.

“Oh, top-secret spy operation!” she said excitedly, “I think Abby has a mystery man in the room.”

Only after said it did she realize it was probably a terrible idea to let Nick know about that. He was Abby’s ex-boyfriend after all, presumably due to whoever was in the room with Abby just now. But Lacey had blurted it out, she just had no self-control. Then again, dumping a decent guy like Nick for some stud was a lousy move and he had a right to know for whom he’d been passed over.

“What, really?” Nick asked, his tone suddenly quite serious.

“Yeah uh, I dunno, just some cues I’ve been picking up on, women’s intuition,” Lacey said, “I probably shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, I’m glad you did,” Nick said, “It would explain some things. I thought I was doing everything right.”

“You were,” Lacey said, “At least as far as I could tell.”

“More than me though, I mean, the whole group is screwed up. And it’s just because she wants to see some other dude? Every guy outside the group at Summer Lake is a total tool.”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking!” Lacey said, surprised that Nick had the same thoughts. “I was liking having a group of friends so much, people who weren’t assholes and actually looked out for me. But like that...” she made a splatting sound, “It’s maybe gone now.”

“Ah well, Abby’s no dummy, she probably bolted the door from the inside anyway.”

“Psssh,” Lacey said, “These latches are a joke. I can open them from the outside with a credit card.”

“Damn, that’s impressive,” Nick said. “I’ll have to see how you do it.”

They walked down the girl’s hallway until they came to Abby’s door.

“Look, I dunno,” Nick said, “She has the right to date whoever she wants I guess.”

“What if it’s Eric?” Lacey asked.

“Her brother? You are truly sick, Lacey,” Nick said, but he couldn’t help laughing. “Well, I guess we have to find out. I feel like Geraldo Riviera...”

“This’ll be exciting! It’s just summer relationship nonsense ... and she deserves it for betraying the group!”

With that, Lacey opened the main lock with her key quietly and slid the door open just a crack. The doors all used bar locks, which had a ball and a latch that swung over it to lock in place, but Lacey had worked out how to push back the latch from the outside with just her Summer Lake ID, which was very thin but had a hard plastic shell that did the trick. Nick watched closely as she moved her fingers deftly, and then she felt the bar detach from the ball.

“Here we go,” she said, then opened the door and walked in.

There was a flurry of motion as Lacey and Nick went into the room. Abby was on her feet in her underwear with incredible speed while another figure hid under the sheets. Lacey thought this was like a soap opera and she was loving it.

“Ah hah! There was somebody!” she said as she bounded in with Nick behind her. “I knew it!”

“Lacey!!!” Abby said in dismay, “What the hell are you doing?”

“What are you doing? Betraying the group with some lousy boy?” Lacey said self-righteously.

“That’s not what I’m doing,” Abby said, blocking the bed, holding her arms out so Lacey couldn’t get around. “It’s none of your business anyway.”

“It’s just a summer hookup, and you went against the group, girl! We have a right to know!”

Lacey lunged for the sheet, Abby yelled at her to stop, but she grabbed and pulled.

After Abby pulled the sheet aside, Nicole Ballard was revealed on the bed, naked with her hands covering herself up as well as she could manage.

“There, are you happy?” Nicole asked with a mixture of amusement and annoyance.

“What the fuck?” Lacey yelled, obviously not having been expecting to see a girl under the sheet, let alone Nicole.

“I’m sorry baby, I bolted the door!” Abby said, standing to block Lacey and Nick’s view of her girlfriend.

“Holy shit,” Lacey said, “Abby, you’re a lesbian?”

Abby blushed, looking at her feet, at a loss for words.

“And with Nicole Ballard?” Nick asked, at least after having had the presence of mind to close the door behind them.

“It’s none of your business, Nick Sanchez!” Nicole snapped. She’d initially found this funny, but now she was thinking how bad this could be for her if Lacey and Nick told everyone what they were seeing. “Are you two enjoying humiliating us?”

“Ummm we thought it was a boy,” Nick said awkwardly.

“Ewww,” Abby said, “You should know better Nick, I pretty much told you, remember?”

Nick shrugged awkwardly. Abby had told Nicole a bit about their failed relationship and how she’d told him she wasn’t into boys. Even smart guys have a hard time doing logic that excludes them from the dating pool, Nicole thought.

“Look, I’m a dyke, okay,” Abby continued, “Are you guys happy? I’m an even bigger freak than everybody thought. Now you can feel good about not hanging out with me for the rest of the summer.”

“Why wouldn’t we hang out with you?” Lacey asked.

“Yeah uh, everything makes sense now,” Nick said. “I thought I was inadequate as a man. If you don’t want a man at all ... then I feel better. And I got nothing against lesbians. Gay people never did anything to me, they’re just another type of outcast.”

“I was actually kind of thinking you were a lesbian, like you know a repressed one, but you never tried to get over on me,” Lacey said.

“Well I should hope she didn’t!” Nicole said from behind, dressing awkwardly now with her back to them. She couldn’t stand the thought of her girlfriend hitting on Lacey Larue of all people.

Abby stood there immodestly in her underwear. “Oh,” she said, “Seriously? You guys don’t mind?”

Nick and Lacey shrugged. “Well I don’t mind that you’re a lesbian, but really, Nicole Ballard?” Lacey said, “She’s a total bitch! She bullied us worse than anybody.”

“I truly regret that,” Nicole said sincerely, dressed now and turning to face them. She doubted they’d ever believe her, though.

“She was just trying to fit in and hide her secret,” Abby said. “And Laura Ballard beat the shit out of her for who she is, and made her do the bullying. She’s like us. An outcast.”

“Most popular outcast I ever saw,” Nick said dubiously.

“The way I act in public is all fake so people don’t know I’m a dyke,” Nicole said, her voice heavy with dread as the truth came out. She’d been having such a lovely time with Abby and now it was ruined.

“Holy shit,” Lacey said, “So you risked the group for her, Abby? I guess that’s better than for a boy.”

Abby shrugged. “Well, it wasn’t like my evil plan,” she said, “I didn’t know Nicole and I were going to be a couple until it happened. I want the group to continue, quite badly actually. I feel lousy we got all estranged in the past week.”

“We do too,” Nick said, “Want it to continue, I mean. The group was making this summer fun even if I didn’t get to be your boyfriend. I’d never had true friends before you guys, except for my sister I guess.”

Nicole felt like a heel. She’d liked Abby lavishing her with attention and had wondered in the back of the mind about her friends, but it had just been so exciting to have a forbidden girlfriend again that she hadn’t gone looking for problems.

“Yeah I’m not even getting laid anymore, I might as well have good friends,” Lacey said. “Your ‘The group is powerful’ thing made me feel good Abby. You all were so nice to me, I missed it bad.”

Abby sniffled, and Nicole realized she was crying. She hugged her girlfriend from behind now, impulsively comforting her. But her priorities were elsewhere for the moment.

“Are you guys going to tell everyone I’m a dyke?” Nicole asked.

“They wouldn’t!” Abby said.

“Yeah uh, we wouldn’t wish bullying on anyone,” Nick said.

“You’ve gotta stop bullying us though,” Lacey said, “Well, or not. I’m not gonna blackmail you.”

“I already stopped,” Nicole said.

“Oh I hardly noticed, since all your friends still are,” Lacey said, “But ... okay, thanks.”

“The group will continue,” Abby said, sounding confident now, and Nicole squeezed her proudly. “And Nicole will join the group.”

Everyone got quiet.

“Really?” Nicole said, surprising herself by sounding eager and excited. A week ago she’d have made herself laugh at the idea of joining the Summer Lake outcasts. Now she found herself flattered that they’d let her in after all she did.

“Can’t you see you’re one of us?” Abby said.

“Why not?” Nick said, “You’re saying you’re a lesbian, and Abby’s girlfriend. Your popular friends would spit on you if they knew, right?”

“Yeah,” Nicole said, holding Abby still. What Nick said was depressing, but it was an astute observation.

“Her family’s even worse, if they find out, they’ll send her to a place that brainwashes people into being straight,” Abby said gravely. “Like I said she’s already taken beatings because of who she is.”

“Wow,” Lacey said. Nicole thought this was a rapid turnaround, but then again they were being honest with them about how bad she had it.

“Well, I never thought I’d say it, but it sounds like you’re one of us, Nicole,” Nick said.

“Yeah if you’re Abby’s friend then you’re our friend too,” Lacey added.

“Seriously? You guys would be my friends?” Nicole asked incredulously.

“Of course they would baby,” Abby said, “They’re good people. Unlike your former so-called friends. If you treat them right they’ll have your back all summer.”

“Okay,” Nicole said, sniffling herself. She was crying softly now, which she’d thought would have been a humiliation to do in front of others, but Nick and Lacey just looked at her sympathetically. “I still have to hide that I’m gay from everybody else, or things will get really bad for me. But if it comes to it ... I’ll pick Abby and the group. I won’t go back to the way I was.”

“That’s the spirit,” Lacey said. “Ummm I guess we were kind of assholes, barging in while you guys were doing the Humpty Dance.”

“Lacey!” Nick said. Nicole wasn’t sure if he was offended because the reference was sexual or because it was to a currently popular song.

“Well, yeah, that’s what you did,” Abby said with a laugh. “I guess from your perspective you thought I was betraying the group so I could boink some male lifeguard. I’d have been pissed too.”

“Everything forgiven then?” Nicole said. She had hated people barging in on her and her girlfriend as they were doing something so intimate, but she did see why they were concerned and meant this in the spirit of goofy teenage hijinks rather than an attempt to humiliate Abby. They’d also accepted her into the group, apparently, in a way that felt like genuine friendship, not the shallow social alliances she was used to. She found herself just wanting to smooth things over so this could become a reality. The prospect of having real friends was suddenly intoxicating.

“Yeah sure,” Lacey said, “Welcome to the group, Nicole.”

Lacey came over and hugged both other girls, who were still holding each other, and Nick came over too to create a big hug circle. Nicole had let herself think Nick was a loser who made girls uncomfortable, but this felt like a nice friendly hug. Much better than any other guy who’d ever gotten close to her before. They hugged for a few moments then everyone broke the embrace.

“Oh,” Nick said, “Feel free to tell me this is stupid, but if you guys want, everyone in the group can come up and watch the laser show and fireworks from the roof tonight, that’s where I’ll be set up. It should just be us up there, we can have a fun time and not be bothered.”

Nicole found herself perking up at the idea of spending the Fourth of July evening with actual nice people, not her former friends and hangers-on. She knew it was dangerous and maybe even foolish to hang out with the group like this. If Laura found out, things would get very bad. But Nicole suddenly was willing to risk it. She wanted to have a fun summer on her own terms after so many years of pretending to be somebody else, and she’d just deal with the consequences if it came to that.

“That sounds fun,” Nicole said. Everyone looked at her in surprise, and she figured they were still getting used to Nicole the human being, the lesbian, the person who was an outcast like them. That was who she truly was, but it was quite a shocking departure from the Nicole everyone at Summer Lake had thought they’d known up until now.

“Okay we’re all friends,” Abby said, “Now never, ever barge on me getting intimate with my girlfriend again!”

Everyone laughed, and Nicole felt a swelling of pride. This is how it should be, Abby saying “her girlfriend” so naturally, with no shame at all. She put her arm around the girl from behind now.

“Okay okay,” Lacey said, “You guys want to finish what we interrupted?”

“N-no,” Abby said awkwardly.

“Yes,” Nicole corrected her with confidence.

“Get outta here, Nick, I’m gonna change, then we can hang out in the lounge,” Lacey said, still wearing her waitress uniform.

“I could wait here, in case there are bullies outside...” Nick added hopefully, “And apparently everyone in here except you is into female anatomy ... not just me.”

“Scram!” Lacey pounded fist into flat hand playfully, and Nick hurried out. Lacey started to undress and Abby put her hand over Nicole’s eyes from behind. Not that she would have ogled a straight girl, but Nicole found it an amusing gesture.

“Geeze I can’t believe you guys are dating,” Lacey said, “I guess love’s weird huh?”

Nicole blushed. She and Abby certainly hadn’t used that word yet, although with the intensity of their relationship Nicole couldn’t help feeling like she was falling in love.

“Well anyway, just come get me in the lounge after you’re uh, done, Abby, okay?”

“Okay fine,” Nicole heard her girlfriend say awkwardly, and then there was the sound of the door closing. Abby pulled her hand back and they were alone again.

Both girls collapsed on the bed, draping their arms over each other.

“Oh my god Abby,” Nicole said, “Your friends are insane.”

“Are you okay with it though baby? They won’t tell anyone,” Abby said.

“I suppose,” Nicole said, “We just have to take a chance, and hope.”

“That’s our relationship summed up anyway,” Abby said, kissing her softly on the lips.

“I suppose it is,” Nicole said, “Now, you can’t be leaving things unfinished.”

“No,” Abby said with a goofy grin, “I can’t be.”

Nicole slid her panties back down and lay on the bed. She grabbed Abby’s big curly mop of hair and guided the girl between her legs again. They had been having sex every day lately when Lacey was at work, and in it was too risky, but neither woman had been able to resist. Abby had been a virgin who’d never even kissed a girl, while Nicole had a fleeting affair at boarding school that ended so badly. Ever since she’d been ripped from that girl’s arms a year earlier, Nicole had dreamed of what she’d do if she could get with a woman again. Now it was happening and she knew she wouldn’t stop it.

Abby kissed Nicole’s clit softly, sending shivers down the older girl’s spine.

“Do it, Abby,” she said softly, still holding the girl by the hair. “Make your girlfriend cum.”

Abby looked up, smiled, then went back to work.

Esmie watched the clock and smelled the lettuce. She was getting rather sick of working at the concession stand. It had been beneath her from the start, but now it was literally making her sick, putting together stinky salads for what felt like her entire eight-hour shift.

She’d had to take such a long shift in order to get the evening off to spend with Eric and then their other friends. Lacey had stopped by after the lunch rush to report that everything was resolved with Abby and Nick, and that Esmie “wouldn’t believe” who the other person was in that dumb love triangle. Lacey said they’d find out who it was on the roof that night for the fireworks.

“What is this, a soap opera? Just tell me what dude she’s banging!” Esmie had said over the concession stand counter, prompting an angry look from her boss.

“Abby wants to tell you guys herself,” Lacey said. That, combined with not wanting to get in even more trouble at work, made Esmie drop it and give Lacey the french fries she’d ordered.

Esmie couldn’t figure out how Abby could be dating another dude, outside the group, and Nick would suddenly be okay with it. Her brother had been in love with that girl like he had tended to fall in love with girls before, but much more so this time, which meant he was totally lovesick over her. When Abby dumped him for some mystery man, Esmie had been furious and figured her brother would mope all summer. If he was actually over it already and willing to hang out with Abby and everybody else again, that was good, but Esmie couldn’t see how such a miraculous result could have occurred.

“Miss Sanchez,” her boss said in a firm tone, “Do you have something more important on your mind than making salads?”

Esmie glared at the man. He was in his mid-20s, with his black hair slicked back and a heavyset build from eating too much of his own product. Of all of the permanent jobs at Summer Lake – the ones not filled just for the summer by the teenage staffers – she thought Concessions Manager had to be the lowest on the totem pole. At least the Restaurant Manager supervised chefs and the restaurant was written up in fancy magazines occasionally, and the Aquatics Director ran the swim team with all of its competitive glory. Her boss was working at Summer Lake as an actual career and his big duty was making sure the nacho cheese stayed warm enough.

Nevertheless, he was her boss. “Sorry Mr. Roberts,” she said, making herself put together yet another salad, positioning it as far away from her sensitive nose as possible.

“See that you keep up the pace for the rest of your shift, Miss Sanchez,” he added smugly. He pronounced her last name the way only a midwesterner could, which is to say, completely wrong, with the a-sound creaking out sharply like someone had just shoved a salad fork up his butt. Which come to think of it wasn’t that bad of an idea, Esmie thought, and barely managed to suppress a giggle.

Finally, the 15 minutes were up and she clocked out. It was six in the evening, still well over three hours before sunset and the light-show and fireworks began. She had mixed feelings about “America’s Birthday” as a big sign proclaimed overhead in the lobby as she walked through to the stairs. She had been born here, and by any reasonable definition she was an American. People rarely treated her as such though, due to her name and skin tone. Sometimes it felt like she wasn’t what people had in mind when they talked in lofty terms about America.

Still, she couldn’t help feel pride in the concept of freedom. Here she was 14 years old, working in a fancy resort on her own, dating a boy who was head-over-heels for her. Her life held so many possibilities. If she actually wanted to ride a bus up to Milwaukee and see Eric in the fall, she could. Heck, they could elope and get real jobs somewhere. He’d do it if she said to. Being on her own at Summer Lake, able to make her own friends, do what she wanted, believe what she wanted, it made her so happy. She knew she wouldn’t have this freedom in Mexico, or most anywhere else. So as she thought about the fireworks and all the other nonsense of the holiday, she realized that she was proud to be an American.

At the moment, though, she was disgusted to be an American who smelled like lettuce. She marched down the employee level’s narrow hallways, which were at least halfway colorful today with all the red, white and blue streamers hanging from the ceiling. Coming to her brother and boyfriend’s room, she opened the door and went in. She’d told Eric to leave the door open and she smiled with the realization that he’d obeyed.