It is Sunday, and I am still so sore and achy from my surprise gang bang on Friday night. I guess if I am completely honest, I would have to call it a gang rape. Although, I can’t deny that by the end, I enjoyed it very much and came more times than I could count, I was invited to the party under false pretenses and the guys gave me no choice.

Yesterday, I spent most of the day at the strip club, where my mother works. The girls there have become sort of my extended family, since I spent so much of my developing years there. So, after the gang rape happened, they were the first people I thought to go to for comfort and advice. They were all so amazing and helped me deal with what happened and to come to grips with how much I enjoyed it. I left there feeling much more at ease with myself and my sexual responses to what happened. However, a day later I am back to wallowing in self doubt and feeling like I am broken in some way.

I realize that I need to get another dose of support and counseling from my stripper family. With that in my head, I quickly dress to go down there. Without thinking twice about it, I put on a nice white lace bra and panty set, a pair of black spandex shorts, which show off my round bubble butt, and a nice white tank top, which accents my slender shoulders and graceful neck. Of course, I wear a pair of 4 inch wedge heels.

I look at myself in the mirror and a thrill goes through me. I am very short and petite for a boy, and I have a full, round butt and slender waist. As a boy, I always felt I didn’t quite look right. But when I started to dress as a girl, I realized how amazing I looked. In the mirror I see a sexy, desirable girl. I like being that girl. I realized recently, that I need to be that girl.

Of course, it was dressing as my sexy alter ego Samantha, that got me a LOT more attention from other guys, than I was prepared to deal with. I went from having absolutely no sexual experiences with either sex, to being the center of a full blown gang bang, with me as the main attraction. I realized before that night, that I enjoyed sex with other guys, at least with regard to giving them blow jobs. I had come to really enjoy sucking cock. However, I had not thought at all about whether I wanted to feel another guy’s cock in my butt.

That decision was taken out of my hands the night of my rape, and I got a LOT more than one guy’s cock in my butt. I guess the good news is that I discovered that I do enjoy being fucked by other guys. After the pain subsided, I felt pleasure like none I ever felt before. It was much more intense and pleasurable than when I stroked my cock before. In fact, I came several times that night, without even touching myself.

I guess my biggest question to myself is, does this make me gay? I never felt like I was gay, I never thought of my self as anything really. I know that I do find girls very attractive, but now I am not sure if this is because I see them as what I desire or as what I want to be. I know many of the dancers at the club are lesbians or bisexuals. I mean, I have seen my mother with both guys and other girls, so I guess she is bi. I have so many questions. With these thoughts in my head, I rush out the door and hurry down to the club.

As you can imagine, Sundays are not very busy at a strip club, so these are usually good days to connect with the girls and catch up on what is going on in each other’s lives. There are the occasional, hard core pervs, who seem to always be in the club, but there are much fewer demands for private dances. Mostly, it is just main stage dances and the girls are on rotation for that.

As I enter the club, my mother is just coming into the dressing area, having just finished on the main stage. You would think it would be strange seeing your mother in just a G string and heels, carrying the costume, which she had peeled off, over the course of the last two numbers. However, for me it had become routine, several years ago. In fact, I am almost constantly around her and the other girls, when they are either completely nude or in various degrees of undress.

It is probably this constant exposure to these beautiful, sexy women, that gives me a strange view of sexuality. Don’t get me wrong, I went through a period of time, when I thought I was going to rub my cock right off, as I jerked off thinking about many of them, even my mother, if I am completely honest. However, in this last year I found myself spending more time comparing my body to theirs, than I did fantasizing about being with them.

My mother sees me and waves me over to where she is talking with Jasmine and Victoria, two of her closest friends at the club. These two couldn’t be more different. Jasmine is a 100 percent man hating lesbian and Victoria is one of the sweetest women you will ever meet. She is also one of the sexiest and most successful with the customers here. She is built like me, petite with a small waist and full, round butt. Unlike me though, she has large natural 34D breasts, which give her that voluptuous hour glass figure.

I have started to fantasize a lot lately, about getting breasts like hers. I have worn her bras before, but had to wear latex inserts. When I am dressed in her clothes everyone who sees us says we look like twins. I love this idea that I can look as sexy as Victoria. Suddenly, a fantasy enters my head. It is of Victoria and me, dressed in identical outfits, we are kissing and fondling each other. WOW, where did THAT come from? I guess that suddnen fantasy really puts into doubt, my idea about being gay. I guess I should think a bit more about whether I might be bi. Of course, with no actual experience with a girl, I can’t say for sure.

I guess I must have tuned out, because I realize my mother is talking to me. She is asking me, “What are you thinking about Sam? You seem like you went to La La Land for a little while.”

I blush, when I realize that I can’t exactly say, that I was thinking about fucking her friend. Or could I? I mean this is my safe space. These girls are my family, the ones I share everything with. I guess I owe it to them and to myself, to be completely open and honest, so I do just that.

“Well mom, You know that I had a very confusing couple of days after ... you know ... what happened. Well, I have been wondering about my sexuality. I mean what am I? What do I want? What do I enjoy, etc.? So, just now I was thinking about Aunt Victoria and I was ... well ... you know ... thinking how it would be to be with her.”

I see Victoria blush slightly, but she doesn’t say anything. My mother opens her mouth to speak, but then stops. Jasmine just looks at me and rolls her eyes.

Finally my mother finds some words and says, “Victoria is a beautiful woman and very sexy. There is nothing wrong with thinking bout her like that, Sam. I mean, look where we are. Many Guys come here and spend a LOT of money on Victoria, fantasizing about what it would be like to fuck her.”

Victoria laughs and says, “You have NO idea just how many men ... so many men. How do you think I afford that BMW in the parking lot?” and she laughs again.

I am slightly annoyed because I think they are laughing at me, so I say, “This is serious Victoria ... I am so fucking confused. After Friday night, I was convinced I must be gay, but now I am having these feelings and thoughts about you ... I need to know what this means ... I need to ... I don’t know ... just know what I am ... what I enjoy.”

They stop laughing and they both hug me. My mother says, “We don’t mean to make light of this Sam. We both know how confusing this can be. All of us here went through similar struggles. You know it took me a very long time to admit that I like girls, and need to be with them, as well as with men.”