Chapter 20

When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I found myself in a vast room that was decorated to the point of ridiculousness. To put it bluntly, the decorations had decorations. Whoever did this place had to be crazy. I never saw so many gimcracks scattered about in all my life. I stuck my head out the door to try to get a general picture of the layout of this city. Well, I figured that was where I must be, but who could tell for sure in an alien universe?

Of course, the first thing I saw was the street, and it was full of demons and a few monsters walking along it. There were what looked to me like flatbed trucks with seats that were full of demons of all types, including some that I had never seen before,. I was amazed that I did not cause chaos when I was spotted, but that demon seemed to look right through me as if I were not there. I did see a few demons wearing the same kind of hat as if it were to identify them. Those demons were the only ones I saw who were armed with weapons that I could recognize.

If those demons in the hats were guards or policemen, I couldn’t be sure, but they were all goat men, and they were all carrying large clubs the looked capable of battering down a concrete wall. Obviously, I pulled my head back inside the building because I didn’t want to become a target for one of those murderous clubs. Dammit, I know that several of those goat men wearing the hats had seen me, but they ignored me, just as all the other demons were doing. Could it be that I was really invisible, or was it just some sort of local custom to ignore beings who did not conform to the usual shape of everybody else? Well, there was no way that I was going to find that out if I did not leave the building I was hiding in.

I slid the door open just enough for me to exit the building. I had to push very hard to get the door to move because I was only using my right hand while I held the recall charm in my left hand with my thumb on the activation button. I was certain that I did not want to excite any of the demons around me because I had no seen enough in my opinion to make the recon mission mean anything. Anyway, there was a break in the traffic as if a traffic light had changed color, so I dashed across the street to what looked like a park filled with statues as was that famous one in Oslo, Norway full of all the nudes.

Once I reached the park, I realized that all of the statues appeared to be of the same individual, he was just dressed differently from statue to statue. In fact, I used the pronoun “he” because in some of the statues, he obviously had a huge erection of what looked to me like a penis. Furthermore, that erect penis was so large that I hoped to see an example of the female orifice large enough to accept it! Her vagina would have to be about four inches in diameter at the minimum. I couldn’t help wondering if those representations were supposed to be an actual duplication of what the character really had, or were they simply supposed to flatter him and impress the public. That was something that I really didn’t want to know!

It looked like the park held about 50 statues of that individual in various states of dress and undress. As I walked through the park, I realized that I was the only one there except for a group of small demons who had the look of children. They were being escorted through the park by what I could only think of a goat woman because of the huge bulge between her hind legs as if she had only one breast, and that was where it was located. She was acting like every school teacher whom I had ever met in the way she was talking to the small demons.

Naturally, I did not understand the language, so I could not tell what she was saying. However, the pause before any statue with the exposed erect penis lasted longer than the pause in front of any other statue. That gave me the impression that whoever had modeled for the statues had to be someone of importance, and probably had the largest penis in Hell.

The statues all looked somewhat humanoid, except there were horns growing from its temples above the ears, and it seemed to have very large teeth, almost fangs. Was this the Devil? I thought that the Devil also had wings. Oh, well, I was used to taking what I could get.

I wandered around the park that turned out to be the entrance to the courtyard of a huge building. Oh, dear Lord, this building was even more ornate than the building I just came from. There was a flight of steps leading from the paved walkway up to the front door, at least it looked like a front door to me. I didn’t count the steps, but it looked like there had to be at least 40 of them, and the risers were certainly going to make my legs ache by the time I reached the top of the steps. Dammit, I’ll bet that was deliberate so that the mere mortals would be too tired to do much of anything but sit quietly while whoever lived here railed on at them.

Anyway, I mounted the steps as best I could, and my calves and thighs were in near agony by the time I reached the top. Did the individual who lived in this overdecorated cookie box ever use these stairs, or did he have another way to enter the building? Oh, well, that was another question that I would probably never know the answer to, but I could live with that.

Just as I put my foot on the porch floor, and that was of the finest white marble, of course, a small door opened and out stepped a goat man wearing one of those foolish hats. He demanded, “Who are you, and what do you want at the palace?”

Okay, now I had the answer to at least one of my questions. This must be where the Devil lived when he wasn’t out causing trouble.

I said, “I am a human named James Bonner, and I am here to speak to the Devil.”

“Wait a few moments, and I will ask if the Master will talk to you. This is not His usual time for meeting visitors, so I do not know what His answer will be.”

All of a sudden, I realized that this goat man guard was speaking to me in the conversational Isbardian language. How was that possible? That was when I noticed the box-like contraption hanging around his neck and resting against his chest. I couldn’t resist asking the question, “How were you able to speak my language so quickly and fluently?”

He pointed to the box-like device hanging against his chest. “This is a universal translator that is connected to a computer by radio. It speaks every language ever used anywhere in the Milky Way galaxy. You hear what comes out of the loudspeaker, and I hear through my earbud. The moment you spoke your first word, the computer knew which language to use with you. The fact that you understood what was first said by me was a chance projection by the computer. It deduced you language by seeing your face and comparing it to pictures it has on file. As usual, it was correct in its analysis. Please excuse me now while I make the call.”

The goat man was on the phone for a couple of minutes, and he had cut off the universal translator, so I did not know what he had to say. As he had predicted, he finished the call in less than two minutes. He then surprised me with the statement, “The Master has a few minutes to spare when He finishes His current cabinet meeting—He will see you then. You will have about 10 minutes for your conversation. My advice to you is just do not bore Him. That will get you into a lot of trouble, and you will be lucky to escape with your life!”

“Thanks for the advice. I will keep that in mind.” The doorman called for an escort for me to the throne room where I was to speak to the Devil himself. Frankly, I didn’t know whether to be elated or to be frightened out of my wits, especially after the doorman’s comment about what could happen to me if I bored the Devil.

I was absolutely amazed when the escort turned out to be a very beautiful young human female. The fact that she was nude and had no a single hair upon her body, but she had a beautiful head covering in a reddish blond hair with matching eyebrows. I couldn’t remember if that hair color was what was called auburn or not, but I didn’t care. I guess that I had to say that I was in lower case heaven when I first saw her.

As we rode in an electric vehicle driven by a uniformed human female driver toward the throne room, I noted that the driver’s uniform consisted of only a visored hat and sandals. Well, there was a plush towel between her ass and the seat.

It was difficult to pay attention to my escort as she spoke to me on the way, but I had no trouble noting the dildo that was busily massaging her pussy opening and clit as we traveled. She orgasmed just as we arrived at our destination, and I wondered how she could time that so exactly?

What she had said to me just before the orgasm took her attention away from me was that I should always be respectful when speaking to the Devil. He had a terrible temper, and I did not want to be at the wrong end of one of His tantrums.

My escort was a special slave of the devil. He had chosen her for the job when she had arrived in Hell a few years ago. She was in Hell because she had been a nun, but had run afoul of the blandishments of a young priest. This had happened in the most strict catholic nunnery in all of New York City. Of course, God knew about it the moment that she had been penetrated, and both the nun and the priest had died simultaneously of heart attacks the instant that she was penetrated.

Since she had been seduced, God was inclined to be lenient, but dogma required that she be punished for violating her vows. Therefore, Heaven’s ambassador to Hell had contacted his counterpart and relayed the request to the Devil for leniency for the nun. The Devil thought that was a great joke on God, so He agreed to do as God had requested, and the nun, Jean, had been assigned to this job. The dildo treatment was a requirement for Jean to keep the job, so she had learned to live (is that the right word?) with it.

By the way, the priest was now making small rocks out of big rocks outside of the air conditioning. The sledge hammer he was using was a bit too light for the kind of rocks he was working on, another of the Devil’s little jokes, and he was directly in the light of the red dwarf star that Hell orbited. The priest, of course, was nude and outside of the air conditioning, and, naturally, he had no sun block to protect his bare skin from the UV light emitted by the star.

He was supposed to make a daily quota, which he almost never did because of that light hammer. The supervising goat man kept promising to find a bigger hammer for the priest, but he was constantly “forgetting” to follow through on that promise. The priest was also not allowed to wear gloves, so his palms were a mass of blisters.