Chapter 4: Puss ‘n’ Og

I WAS ALMOST too exhausted to care when I finally huddled over the fire. Suddenly, Misty was there beside me, scrubbing at my hair with a towel while she simultaneously managed to get my cap and gown off. Might have had help with that. I don’t know. I took the towel and kept drying myself as she removed my boots, sports bra, and court pants. I was about to complain when a blanket was wrapped around me and I sat shivering on a campstool. I saw that Luke was undergoing much the same treatment across the fire from me. I spotted Hunter and called him to me.

“Hunter, show me how to skin and eat a snake,” I said. He grinned at me and quickly produced a knife to slit the skin and strip it from the carcass. Then he opened the carcass and pulled out the guts and organs, which he immediately threw on the fire. Shortly, the meat was cut into sections and placed on skewers to roast. I wasn’t sure, but maybe I could do that in a pinch. I grabbed my own camp knife and scraped the inside of the skin clean. Hunter got the idea of what I was doing pretty quickly and brought a bucket filled with some kind of alcohol solution by the smell of it. He trimmed off the rattles and handed them to me, then rolled the skin loosely and submerged it in the solution. He sealed it up and set it aside.

I gave the rattles to Misty to store away for me. Didn’t know what I’d do with them, but I had a notion they’d be important someday.

By this time, Luke had been chastised and then encouraged to tell the tale of his adventure.

“I tracked the monster up the mountain to its lair,” he said brazenly. “But the monster has many heads and it surrounded me. The chief head of the monster looked me in the eye and said, ‘I will make my dinner of this fine strong boy.’ But when he struck, I battled him and hit him in the head with my iron hand. The monster drew back again, but just then the Warrior Wizard appeared with fire in her hand that blinded us all. She threw a lightning bolt at the monster that severed its head and the crack of thunder was echoed deep in the mountain where the monster lives. The rest of its many heads pulled back into the cave and disappeared like a turtle in its shell. Then the Warrior Wizard and I took our trophy of the monster’s neck and came back to the shelter. But even now, you can hear the monster moaning in his cave as the rain dies outside.”

That Little Luke was quite the story teller. We all took a bite of the snake meat from the skewers, dipped in some kind of spicy sauce Amos produced. I was impressed by Luke’s story, but the guitar player struck up another rendition of the Ballad of the Warrior Wizard with new words commemorating the battle against the Monster at Thunder Mountain. Everyone sang the chorus again.

“Thank you, Warrior Wizard, for coming to the aid of my brave son,” his mother said. “One day may he follow in your footsteps.”

“The skin of the monster’s neck being tanned by Hunter shall be a belt for Luke, the youngest Warrior Wizard. Wear it with pride. Um ... And may the Force be with you,” I finished lamely.

My clothes were hanging on a couple of the cooking tripods next to the fire, so I crept back to my tent. Misty got me into the blankets and that damn little cat lay on one side of me while Roadkill pressed against the other. Misty zipped up the tent and crawled in next to the cat. It was only a few minutes before I was sound asleep.

The morning dawned clear and bright, but true to Amos’s prediction, the lane leading to the treaty shelter was mud that could eat my car. I collected my underwear from the drying rack, embarrassed that everyone had seen my bra and drawers hanging there. It looked like someone had washed it all and even cleaned the mud from my gown. It was dry, so I just pulled it on and tied it shut. I noticed that Luke’s mother had taken it upon herself to clean the bloody end of my white cord. It looked good as new.

We impatiently waited out another day in the barn. Most of the wild animals took off as soon as the doors were open. A few were in small pockets alone, watching people and other animals. I noticed there were no longer any snakes in the corner of the barn. Good. Anyplace I saw them now, I could just kill them. We had another communal dinner and Hunter awarded the snakeskin to Luke with instructions on how to wash it and let it dry. That was one happy and proud kid. That night we were serenaded by the guitar player and I swear she’d added in another bunch of verses to the Ballad. I’m sure I blushed crimson.

“Well, Misty, what do you think. Should we break camp and leave?” I asked as I sipped my morning coffee and looked out at the dry lane back to the road.

“I suppose. There’s nothing to hold us here,” she said, glancing back toward where Hunter’s tribe was getting ready to move on. We packed up the tent, bedroll, pots and pans and the coffeepot. Amazingly, Misty managed to pack everything back in the hatch of the Fairlane like it had never been disturbed.

The folks left in the shelter showered us with praise and a few gifts. We were given fresh eggs and a slab of bacon. That would be nice in the morning. At the last minute, Luke came running up to me and gave me a big hug.

“I’ll be brave, just like you,” he declared.

“Being brave is not enough, young warrior,” I said. I tried to sound old and wise, but don’t think I was succeeding. “Grow strong. Run lots. Practice with your weapons, and play ball.” He looked at me as if I’d said something profound.

“Here, Warrior Wizard. This is a gift from my family to yours.”

“Jerky?” I asked looking in the sack.

“Your new companion will need meat. This will last until she is old enough to hunt,” he said. New com ... what? I looked in the car and next to Roadkill in the back seat was a spotted cat, curled up under his chin.

“Misty?” I called.

“She wants to come with us. And Roadkill approves. It’s so nice to have a little kitty with us,” my aunt whined.

“You know that isn’t a housecat, don’t you? She’s going to be as big as Roadkill in a few months,” I said. Misty’s face fell.

“You mean she’s a...” she looked to her side and a large cat, about knee-high, was bumping against her leg. Misty scratched the cat between the ears and I could hear the purr all the way on the other side of the car. “ ... bobcat?”

“Yeah. She’s going to be as big as her mother there.”

“Well, she’ll really keep us warm at night,” Misty said brightly. She bowed to the mother and said, “We’ll take good care of your little girl. Don’t worry about a thing.” The bobcat turned and stalked off with two more cubs following her.

I turned the key in the ignition and the 390 rumbled to life. Just putting my hands on the steering wheel made me feel powerful. We waved to our new friends and pulled out of the barn onto the lane and eventually to the highway.

“Which way?” I asked.

“Right,” Misty responded, looking at the TripTik. I turned onto the highway and we continued on our adventure.

Mile 261

“Well, are you convinced yet?” Misty asked. “You went out and slew the Monster of Thunder Mountain, saved a kid, told tales of derring-do, and had an entire ballad sung about you. And as we were leaving, Mr. McCoy was painting your Warrior Wizard symbol on the side of the barn. That should be enough evidence for even a skeptic like you.”

“You know that was a snake I brought in,” I said. “The fire in my hand was a flashlight. The lightning bolt was me cracking a cord like a whip. Lukey’s iron hand was a frying pan.”

“And the bobcat in the back seat?” Misty persisted.

“You would bring something along as a reminder,” I sighed. “What are you naming her?”

“Well, we got her on the side of a mountain. But I don’t want to call her Thunder. Though her purr rumbles as loud as this car. I was thinking maybe naming her Shasta. That’s a good northwestern name for a mountain cat,” Misty said.

“Mmm. Isn’t that the name of that creme soda that’s so good?”

“Now that you mention it ... Maybe we could find some next time we stop.”

“Speaking of stopping, my gas gauge still says full. We’d better find someplace to check the tank and make sure we’ve got fuel. Anything on the map?” I asked.

“Now that you mention it, there’s a town ahead where we have to cross the river again.”

“I was beginning to think this world didn’t have towns.”

“See? You do believe!”

“Fine. Is there a gas station in said town?” I demanded. I hadn’t really seen a town since before the mountain pass yesterday. That was before we really began the adventure part of our road trip. I wondered if that was where we made the transition. Drive up the pass in one world and down in a different one. I shook my head. That’s ridiculous!

“Franklin’s Everything Store and Gas Stop,” Misty said. “It should be on the left. Look. over there.”

I drove on up to gas station/convenience store/hardware/coffee stand and pulled in. Misty handed me my wallet. “You’ll need a card, Warrior Wizard.” Bitch.

“Why don’t you go in and see if they have decent espresso,” I said. “I’ll fill the tank and come join you. They must have a restroom, too.”

She went into the store which looked like it filled all the business needs for anything people in the town wanted. I put my gas card in the pump and started to fill it up. The hose clicked off as soon as I squeezed the lever. I tried again. Nothing. I looked at the pump to be sure it was running. It reset with my card and was still displaying all zeroes. I checked to see if there was another button I had to press to select the grade or something, but it only had one grade of gas. I clicked the handle a few more times.

“They don’t like you to top off. Spills poisons on the ground,” a voice near me said. I jumped and turned to see a coverall-clad dude wiping his hands on a dirty rag walking over. I looked up at his face and corrected my opinion. Seemed it was a female grease monkey who was talking to me. The name patch on the pocket declared her name was Dale.

“I just pulled up and can’t get it to start pumping,” I said. She reached past me and squeezed the lever, causing it to click again. She handed me the hose and pulled a metal stick out of her belt that looked a lot longer than she was. She fed the stick into the tank, pinched her fingers at the point where it met the lip, and pulled it out again. Six inches below her fingers, the stick was wet with gas. She wiped the stick with her rag and slid it back in her waist, taking the hose from me and hanging it up.

“Aye-up. You’re full up,” she said. She took a walk around the car, inspecting it and looking under it. She looked through the windows and was surprised to see the dog and bobcat. She popped the hood and just looked while she was still holding it up with her hand. She whistled. Finally, she dropped the hood and turned to me. “Yep. Got yourself a good one here. I haven’t seen one of these in years and years.” She didn’t look to me to be any older than I was. Years and years? “This baby will go a long way on a tank of gas.”

“Really? How far?”

“Long long way. Miles and miles.”

“You’re telling me this car won’t run out of gas?” I said.

“You’re the Warrior Wizard,” she said. “You ought to know.”