Chapter 13: The Last Battle

Mile 1671

FOR HAVING SUCH a celebratory atmosphere among the caravan, we managed to get a reasonable start to the day. I nearly didn’t let Freedom get out of bed, but Misty came knocking at our door and called us to breakfast. I suppose I was still a little red in the face as everyone seemed to look our way and smile knowingly. Well, what of it? I was truly happy for the first time on this whole trip.

Not that I’d been particularly unhappy. Except when I killed a robber, and snapped the head off a snake in the middle of a thunderstorm, and faced down an ogre, and fought off four guys trying to walk off with Misty, damage my car, and kidnap Princess. Anyway, there was always Pepe’s Tacos. That was good.

Ah, well. I was happy now.

We got in our cars and trucks and headed out of the campground after doing a thorough job of policing the area for trash and restoring picnic tables to their respective sites. As usual, Misty, Princess, and I led, with Shasta and Roadkill watching the road. Scarecrow had mounted Freedom’s cab and was riding with him.

We were familiar with this part of the road since we drove it just two or three weeks ago. I was scanning the sky for thunder clouds. I definitely didn’t want to be caught out in one of the mountain monster’s attacks. We passed the barn, though it looked like just an abandoned farm and not the treaty shelter we had taken refuge in. On the other hand, my WW with a flaming basketball was painted on the side. There was still no sign of a storm, so we pressed on.

“Hey, aren’t we about to the gas and coffee stop?” I asked. Misty scrambled to get the TripTik open just as we pulled over to pass a big tractor and wagon with a couple of dozen people riding on it. I recognized Little Lukey, proudly wearing his snakeskin belt and his wooden sword. Sure enough, Old Amos was driving the tractor and waved at us, falling in at the end of the caravan.

“Oh, my gosh!” Misty exclaimed. “The TripTik is full of annotations. Most of them say things like ‘Caution!’ or ‘Keep Moving!’ or some such. There are three places marked ‘Possible Ambush!’ I should have been watching the map all along!”

“What about the gas stop?” I demanded.

“It’s marked about ten miles up with a note that says ‘Circle the wagons!’ What do you suppose that means?” Misty asked.

“I’d say it means we’re about to get attacked. Possibly from all sides.” I picked up speed a little and stuck an arm out my window to motion the caravan forward a little faster. I didn’t dare move too fast because we had that tractor and wagon full of the McCoys at the tail end. I pulled over into the left lane so I could see the length of the caravan. We were stretched out way too far. “Roll down your window and motion Freedom forward, Misty!” I barked. She complied and in a second Freedom was leaning out the window to get instructions.

“Move ahead and circle the wagons at the convenience store five miles ahead!” Misty shouted. “Pick up speed and get everyone secure and inside the circle.” I’m sure Freedom shouted something back, but I couldn’t understand it. He picked up speed and Misty repeated her instructions to Mr. Hakuryu. I didn’t want to fall back too far or too fast, but I’d seen something that I didn’t want to leave any of our people to face. Six dark vehicles were gaining on us. I was going to get in trouble for this, but it was the only thing I had that might slow them down.

I’ve often heard the expression that the lead vehicle of a convoy goes twenty miles per hour. The last vehicle in the convoy goes sixty in order to catch up. Unfortunately, we had our slowest vehicle at the end of the column and by the time Amos got the message and opened his tractor up as fast as it would go, the black vehicles were closing on us and we still had two miles to go to the convenience store. As soon as Amos was clear and a hundred yards away, I spun the wheel hard and brought the Fairlane into the lane facing back the direction we’d been going. I slammed it into reverse and started backwards as I fished a bean out of my pocket. I could see now they were black SUVs and were just fifty yards behind us. I threw the bean.

“Éclater!” I shouted. I fished another bean out, not knowing how big of an explosion I’d get. The blast put a good-sized hole in the middle of the road and one of the vehicles tipped nose down into it. Another slammed into it from behind, but four managed to swerve around the crater and continue pursuit. I threw again.

“Fumée!” I yelled. Smoke filled my field of vision and I heard brakes being slammed on as I threw another. “Mur de pierre!” There was a satisfying crunch as at least one vehicle emerged from the smoke to run smack into a stone wall. I spun the car around again and quickly caught up with Amos as he pulled into the convenience store gas station. I noticed there were two trucks with campers pulling horse trailers. Hunter and his people were unloading the horses into the circle for safety as well. With ten vehicles, we were able to make a pretty solid wall from the corners of the convenience store around the pumps. Dale and Og rushed out of the garage and once they saw us, went straight to work helping the children into the store. That included the dozen kids who had already descended on us with brushes and hoses and were reluctant to leave them without washing our vehicles. Misty convinced them that we’d all like a car wash once the shooting stopped.

Shooting. Dang! I hoped not, but I reached into the car glove box and pulled out the pistol that should still have six silver bullets in it. I also grabbed my basketball. Seeing what I had, Freedom grabbed his from the back of his truck.

We were just in time. Only two of the banged up black SUVs made it through, but they’d collected all their men. Then, from the other direction, we saw nearly a dozen more headed toward us.

Roadkill in his blue vest and spiked collar, and Shasta in her green boots prowled back and forth watching what was happening, shepherding an errant child back into the store, and welcoming the townspeople who came into our circle through the store, toting shotguns and pitchforks. In front of us were at least fifty men in black getting ready to move forward.

Fortunately, no one was trigger-happy. In fact, I wasn’t sure some of the shotguns I saw had ever been fired. But as I looked at the men in black arrayed before us, it didn’t look like they had any firearms. They were rather aimlessly milling about trying to decide what to do now that they were here. It seemed for the most part as if they simply expected people to surrender to their visage of authority.

“Give us the Rex brats and the rest of you can go on your merry way!” Valentine finally called from behind a couple of his men. “You have two minutes to comply!”

“Or what?” I yelled back.

“Or face the consequences.”

“Come on, Valentine. You need to do better than that. We’ve gone pretty easy on you so far and you’re still all battered up. Your three stooges are no longer with you. Have you told all your loyal retainers there what happened to them? One missing an eye. One with a hole in his gut. One with the side of his head burned off. That’s what awaits those who attack us,” I yelled. A lot of the guys with Valentine were looking strangely at him and several backed up behind the cars.

“You can’t stand against us,” Valentine promised.

“We’ll wait,” I said.

“Really? You should just give up, Warrior Wizard. You are trying to stand against the whole of Caesar’s armies! The Great August Caesar has sent me to claim what is rightfully mine!” Valentine shouted.

“Not that impressive yet,” I said. “Tell me, Valentine; do you have any children?”

“No! I’m only nineteen!”

“It’s not all that likely that you’ll see twenty. Who inherits the sovereignty when you die?”

“Why would I die?” he asked. It sounded like he’d genuinely never considered the option.

“There’s a fifty-fifty chance that you’ll die in the defeat of Caesar’s armies today. I’ve instructed everyone to aim at you first. Eventually, people will stop shielding you and you’ll run away, if you aren’t dead. If by some miracle, you survive this battle, you’ll be executed by the sovereign for treason. If you should ever manage to ascend the throne, someone near and dear to you will poison you. Basically, the only way to be reasonably sure you’ll see your next birthday is to call off Caesar’s armies and leave us alone,” I said calmly.

He was getting nervous and kept looking skyward as if he were waiting for air support. I looked up and quickly saw what was happening. We were in the midst of a solar eclipse. The movie versions that show a dark shadow crossing the orb of the sun are a bunch of hooey. During a full eclipse, it doesn’t really get noticeably darker until the sun is almost fully occluded. That point, however, was coming near. People were getting nervous. I was afraid everyone would panic when it suddenly got dark.

I didn’t know the half of it.

We could feel the coolness and the shadow covering the sun only a second before a black shape swooped out of the sky and broke into half a dozen shapes—people in long black capes with fiery eyes and long front teeth rushing toward us.

“Vampires? Seriously?” I said. I didn’t hesitate. I pulled out my gun, drew a bead on the lead vampire and pulled the trigger. I hit center mass with a silver bullet and it became a gaping hole with an expanding ring of smoke that consumed the entire vampire. It vanished in a last wisp. I drew down on the next vampire.

“NO! Stop! We’ll leave!” the next vampire screeched. She turned and hissed at Valentine as the remaining vampires coalesced and flew away.

We didn’t really have time to fully appreciate the victory as Caesar’s army moved forward. They were met by another horde sweeping up out of the ground. The apparitions appeared so quickly that the army was taken completely by surprise.

“Sorry we’re late,” Raymond said from beside me. I turned and saw the ghost hotel manager and Joan, his chef daughter. Flooding toward the army were all the ghosts of Amherst. “We had to wait until dark to have the ghosts appear.”

“Where is the noise coming from?” I asked. Screeches and howls and a sound of rushing wind accompanied a noxious odor that was mostly focused in front of us, but I could still catch a whiff.

“You taught us. We recorded all kinds of effects and developed some odors we could use. Unfortunately, all the villagers will disappear when the eclipse fades, so we only have about five minutes.”

It was enough time for half the army to desert and six SUVs peeled out, headed back the way we’d come.

The screeching and the ghosts faded. The locals, the circus people, the treaty barn people and the rest all looked at me with a sense of wonder. The first battle was over. Of course, we knew there would be another strike from Valentine, but I rather thought he’d thrown his best at us with the vampires.

I was surprised that there had been no shots fired other than the one I used. I knew Valentine had a gun and I expected that his gang was the kind to hide behind maximum firepower. Somehow, I needed to get him tied up as quickly as possible. I heard a rhythmic beat to my right and looked to see Freedom bouncing a basketball. An idea came to me. I started bouncing my ball as well. We picked up a rhythm together and Hunter’s people pulled drums out of their trucks and picked up the beat. One of the circus people brought a big bass drum out and joined the rhythm.

It seems like there is always one would-be berserker in a crowd. While one group of people runs away, this one person gets hyper mad and decides to take on everyone himself. It looked like Valentine was egging his berserker on. The remaining army was falling in behind him and they were ready to charge.

At the first step, I flung my basketball with all my strength at the big bad guy. When it hit his forehead, it burst into flames, taking off all his hair in an instant. Must be using some kind of hair oil the way it went up like a torch. Freedom passed me another basketball as mine bounced back toward him. He snatched it out of the air one-handed and picked up the rhythm of the dribble. I put the second ball into the air, slamming a guy who was trying to sneak up on the outside corner. The big berserker advanced again. Freedom kept feeding me basketballs, but this guy was going to take some more power. I dipped my hand into my pouch and pulled out Roadkill’s ball.