Chapter 36

It had been a long day. I decided to go straight home and kick back for the evening. Emma still hadn’t moved in with me yet in spite our engagement. She was still working at Perryville and would continue doing so at least for the near future. She had applied to get on regular at County, but she was still waiting for the final word on that one. She’d get the job: I was sure of that. But tonight I would be microwaving it.

I pulled in to the condo’s garage right at 6:00 p.m. I sighed and closed up the garage and made to go around to the walkup to my front door. Standing in front of my door was a visitor: my ex-fiancée. How wonderful was that!

I stopped in my tracks. She had a serious look on her face.

“Good evening,” she said.

“Hmm,” I said. “I guess we are about to discover the truth or untruth of that.” I traipsed past her and unlocked and opened the door; I left it open for her to do whatever.

I got rid of my cap, coat, keys; and went into the kitchen to score myself a beer. She’d already taken a seat at the dinette. I returned with my Miller Lite, took a seat across from her. I was smiling inside; I knew what she was there for, or, thought that I did.

“The kids talked to me, and of course I relayed the information to my husband, and we talked, talked long about it.” she said. Every time she referred to the man as her husband it killed my heart—again; there was no getting around it. She noticed my face flush as she mentioned him and looked down. I think she’d momentarily lost a deal of her confidence.

Well, and I was right about the topic of the conversation I’d been pretty sure we were about to have.

“And?” I said, finally.

“Any chance you’d be open to compromising?” I remained silent. We’d been in the same room for a whole four minutes and I was already becoming angry.

“Adam?” she said. I continued remaining silent. She sighed. She rose from her seat. I figured she was gonna be leaving. I was wrong. She went into the kitchen and got herself one of my beers.

“Yes, where were my manners. Of course you can have one of my beers,” I said.

“Thank you,” she said.

“Adam, we’re begging you to talk to us. And really ... compromise on your demand. Yes, you have every right to play hardball with Rodney and me; my God you do, but what you are demanding makes no sense and would cause serious difficulties down the line, even for you. I mean if your demand were to be followed to the letter as you apparently require and as relayed to me by the kids,” she said. “Surely you can see that.”

“You think so do you? Think I’m asking too much do you?”

“I’d have to say yes,” she said. I stared for a long half minute.

“Adam...”

“You made it clear that I wasn’t even welcome at your daughter’s wedding. So I accommodated you and stayed the hell away. What I asked the kids for was no more than you were allowing me.

“You adopted my biological son without so much as a by your leave.

“You broke every promise you ever made to me, even going so far as to tell the kids and others as well about August ‘65.

“And now that I’m out of prison, you allow me, that’s ‘allow’ me, to come to dinner on occasion. I can’t tell you how wonderful that is,” I said.

“Adam, everything you say is true, but...” she started.

“You know what neither you nor the asshole you’re married too has ever done for me?” I said.

“Huh?”

“Neither of you has ever asked me how it was for me inside,” I said. “In point of fact neither of you really know anything. While I had hope that you and I would one day be together, I was able to deal with it. But those last couple of months after I got your letter informing me that I’d been dumped, well...”

“But...” She waited for me to tell her whatever I was getting at, but I remained close-mouthed.

“Adam, you were welcome to come to the wedding!” she insisted. “I just...”

“Oh yeah, for sure like that’s true. You held several dos before the wedding: one for the wedding party, one for the rehearsal the week before the wedding. Other events. Everybody was invited to them; well, except me. Even people you didn’t even know. And the wedding itself? I was going to be allowed, that’s ‘allowed’ to observe and eat; well, but hopefully not talk to anybody.”

“Adam, really...”

“You wanna know how hard things are for me even now?” I said.

“Adam, I don’t...”

“Then get out,” I said. I downed the rest of my beer and headed into the kitchen for a chaser. I was hoping she’d be gone when I got back to the living room. I’d hoped in vain.

“Adam, please, I do want to know. Please tell me,” she said. I sat; I was semi-snarling.

“I have to go to the doctor quarterly for the rest of my life. My stump actually oozes juice, if you get my meaning; well, from time to time. I go to see the doctor to make sure I don’t have an infection. If I become infected and don’t notice it in time, I could become septic and die. Which might be convenient for you and the rest, but singularly inconvenient for me!” I said.

“Adam! Don’t you ever say that!” she screamed. “I would die...”

“The good news is I do have good med insurance so long as I’m working. And I’m in no danger. Well, unless your man or you force me to quit and disappear because of your pressure to run my life.”

“Adam, neither Rodney nor I will ever do anything like that. I swear it!” she said.

“You’ll excuse me if I take your promises and oaths with a grain of salt,” I said.

“That’s cruel,” she said, and she was beginning to mist up.

“Really, with our history? You actually have the nerve to say that to me!”

“Well ... I...” she started.

“And as a side issue, like any guy, Missus Rodney Barnes, I have to pee a few times every day. I mean you know that right?” I said.

“Huh? What?” she said. “What kind of question is that!” I think she was actually feeling offended by my choice of topics.

“When I pee, I spray, I don’t stream like other guys. So, I have to sit, like a woman does, just to pee. And every time I do, I have to relive the truth that I am not even a real man anymore. Have any idea how that makes me feel, Riley my dear?” I said.

Now she was beginning to get what I was getting at.

“No, I guess not,” she squeaked. “But you’re wrong about not being a real man. You’re the greatest man in the whole world.”

“You saying I’m no longer a whiny, dickless, loser?” I said.

“Adam!”

“Do you know that my fiancée and I have not seen each other naked yet. Not gone to bed together. Willa and I did. And when Willa and I were in bed together; I always wore underpants; well, my reality was kinda embarrassing. She was able to deal with it. Will Emma? I’m scared as hell about that one. Our first night in bed together is probably gonna be our wedding night. That’s gonna be a real test for me. Call me chicken.”

“Adam, about your demand, you got it,” she said.

“No, no, I’m taking it back. I don’t want it anymore. You coming here tonight put an end to that particular bad idea of mine. And, don’t be sending any of your surrogates around to pressure me. I really do not want to be forced to quit my job and leave town. Okay?”

“Adam, please. Don’t do that. Please! But would it be all right if Rodney came by? I mean just him, just once?” she said.

“No, I meant what I said,” I said.

“What about visits that would be pressure free, by us, the kids, friends?” she said. I could see she was hoping against hope. I smiled.

“No problem, but at the first sign or word...?” I said. She visibly relaxed.