Chapter 37

Kat seemed like a totally different person when we left the trailer, bouncy and smiling instead of the introverted girl on the verge of tears who’d first arrived.

“This next part is going to be hard. Hanna is still really pissed at you, and I think you coming in looking like you just won something isn’t going to help that mood. I’m glad you seem so much happier, but I need you to stay calm and at least neutral while we’re talking to her. Can you do that?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, I’m just ... it feels like I’m free.”

“I’m not mad at you, Kat; and I’m really happy you’re happy. I just don’t want to make this situation worse. Hanna’s my best friend, and the only way for this thing between us to work is for you and her to get along, too.”

“I’ll do my best,” she said.

Her face immediately dropped. She didn’t look sad, like before. Instead, it was like she didn’t have any expression or thoughts at all. She’d clearly done this before, hiding everything she felt, and I couldn’t help but wonder what she’d gone through to need to be able to do that.

“It’s only for now, okay? Normally I want you to be however you want to be. I just want to make sure this all works out. When we get there, I might start giving you orders to do things. Please bear with me, even if they don’t make sense. I need to make a point to Hanna.”

“You don’t have to explain why you want me to do something.”

“I know you don’t feel like you need an explanation, but I will normally feel like giving them anyway. I know I said I was taking control, but this isn’t going to be like how it was with Aaron or whoever else you’ve had in the past. The goal here is to make it so you can eventually live without someone else telling you what to do, not just changing the person you’re listening to.”

She nodded, but didn’t look convinced. She clearly didn’t expect to be cured, and I didn’t blame her for that. She’d probably lived with this for long enough it was just what life was like for her.

I took her hand and lead her around behind the trailer towards Hanna’s house. Although I’d been doing this trip all year, she made me look like an amateur as she sailed over the creek, landing lightly on the other side. I still landed like a ton of bricks, sliding backward every time. I swear half the times I went to Hanna’s house; I’d arrived with wet shoes. It just reminded me again how much of an athlete she was, and how much better shape she was in than I was.

Hanna’s mother opened the door again. When she noticed Kat she said, “Charlie, I don’t think Hanna wants to see anyone.”

“She’ll see me. I talked to her at the Blue Ridge and this was part of the plan. Please just ask her if it’s okay. I really want to fix this.”

She looked at me hard for a moment, considering, and then went towards Hanna’s room. I took her coming out almost instantly afterward as a good sign, since it meant she didn’t have to argue with Hanna about it.

“Go ahead. She hasn’t told me what happened, but I recognize what she’s backsliding towards. I hope you can help her.”

“I think I can,” I said as we walked past her into Hanna’s room.

Hanna’s expression instantly turned angry as she saw Kat come into her room behind me. I helped up a hand before she could yell or curse and said, “Give me five minutes to explain. Please.”

“Five minutes,” she said, not taking her eyes of Kat.

I pointed at a spot in the floor partway between Hanna and me and said, “Sit.”

Hanna’s expression changed when Kat immediately went and sat cross-legged on the floor, as she looked perplexed at the behavior.

“I know I explained about Kat before, but seeing and believing are two different things.”

“I didn’t not believe you; I just don’t know how it changes anything. Like I said, it just makes it worse since Aaron can use her to get to me whenever, especially if you’re going to want me to just let her off the hook every time.”

“That won’t happen. Kat isn’t allowed to listen to Aaron, anymore.”

She stopped looking at Kat and turned at me, her face scrunched up.

“What?”

“When I talked to the psychologist who Chef had examine Kat, he warned me to be careful with her. He said what she really wanted was a caretaker. Someone she could give primary authority to, so they could be the person to make decisions and have opinions for her, to help relieve her anxiety and fear. He said I needed to keep from letting her latch on to me, because it could make any therapy she got to help fix her situation that much harder. She’d already done that with Aaron, which is why she let him use her like that, but she knew he wasn’t the right person. The problem was, leaving Aaron was also a decision, which the fear and anxiety made it impossible to do, and it wasn’t like Aaron was going to make that particular decision for her.”

“Then how is she not allowed to listen to him anymore?”

“Because I told her she isn’t to listen to him, or anyone else ever again, and that she has to break up with him.”

“You told her? I thought you said the doctor said you shouldn’t let her get attached to you, or whatever.”

“I know, and I’d been trying not to, but her father won’t let her get therapy, and she’s already let Aaron have control of her, so things were going to get worse. The thing with her and Marcus is minor compared to the other stuff he’s made her do. While the doctor would probably freak if he knew what I was doing, it was the only way I could see for her to get out of Aaron’s control. I want to be clear. While I do want to help fix things for you, that isn’t why I did it. I did it to help Kat.”

“So, you’re what, her master now?”

“It isn’t like that. I think caretaker or caregiver is the better term for it. I’ll help her with decisions and try and give her a safe place to share her opinions. She’s still her own person, she just needs some help.”

Hanna looked at Kat and then back to me and then back to Kat, “Don’t you feel weird having us sit here and talk about you like this?”

“No,” Kat said. “I know Charlie is trying to fix things between you and me, because you’re his best friend and he said that for us to work, you and I had to be okay with each other. I trust Charlie, and don’t mind if he has to explain me to someone else, if it makes it easier for him.”

“This is so weird,” Hanna said.

“No kidding.”

“Kat, you can tell Hanna what you told me about how you felt kissing Marcus now.”

“I don’t...” Hanna started, but I held up a hand, stopping her.

“Let her explain it.”

“I...” Kat said and stopped, looking at the floor and then back to me. “I was scared. I knew you were watching me, Aaron said to do it that way. I was scared you would be angry at me. We haven’t actually talked since, you know, but I had thought about maybe since Charlie was my friend I’d ... I don’t know. I felt sick, like I wanted to throw up. I felt dizzy. That’s what sometimes happens when I ... when I have to do things on my own. I could feel the panic attack starting, so I just did it, I tried to be fast. Marcus was surprised. At first, he just stood there, like you do when you’re too shocked to move, then he pushed me away. I was so happy he pushed me.”

“Kat, what would you do if I gave you an order right now, something like kissing or hitting Hanna,” I said.

“I’d do it,” she said without missing a beat.

“You wouldn’t even hesitate?” Hanna said.

“I did hesitate when Aaron told me, which is why I started feeling sick. This is different. Charlie has told me he’s taking responsibility for me, and I agreed, because I believe Charlie would never hurt me. If he tells me to do something, I’ll do it, because I know he wouldn’t tell me to do something that would hurt me.”

“This is scrambling my brain.”

“No kidding,” I said. “This is actually not a good thing, and I’m afraid it might make Kat’s condition worse, since it keeps her from building up the self-confidence to make her own decisions without the panic attacks, which is what I think the therapy does. It’s just the only option I could find.”

“So, you really couldn’t stop from kissing Marcus?”

“I would have ended up throwing up on the dance floor and I might have passed out from hyperventilating. It’s happened before.”

Hanna was quiet for several minutes and we left her alone to process all of it.

“It’s really hard to separate how angry I was seeing you kiss him with this. I’m still mad at you, but I also feel sorry for you.”

“It’ll take time,” I said. “I’m not expecting you to accept Kat right away. I just wanted you to think about it. Eventually, I think you’ll come around to accepting that she is as much a victim in this as you are.”

I stood up and reached my hand out to Kat, pulling her off the floor.

“I’ll get a ride to school tomorrow. Let me know what you decide, okay?”

Hanna just nodded, staring ahead, her brow furrowed, while Kat and I left.

Kat and I walked back to my trailer and I sent her home. She’d agreed to pick me up in the morning and give me a ride to school and I’d talk to Cameron about getting rides to the Blue Ridge in the afternoon for now. If Hanna didn’t come around, I’d have to work out something else long-term, but I wanted to give her time, first.

On the way to school the next morning, we discussed her plan to break up with Aaron that day. She didn’t want to do it alone, which I assumed she wouldn’t. It wouldn’t work if she did it where it was just Aaron, her, and me, since that would almost certainly end with Aaron and me in a fight. Of course, given the fact that she was hanging out with me and then breaking up with him, there was no way he wasn’t going to come after me, but I wanted to avoid having a fight so directly tied to Kat’s actions in front of her. If things went bad and I got hurt, there was no way she wouldn’t take some kind of personal blame for it.

We ultimately decided to have her do it at lunch. While it being so public made it unlikely Aaron would actually do anything to hurt Kat, especially with teachers present, it also meant Aaron would be doubly pissed when he decided I was to blame for all of it.

The only real downside was that Kat and I didn’t have the class before lunch together. In fact, she had class near Aaron, which meant she’d be coming in with him, more or less.

I hurried to the cafeteria as soon as the bell rang, and was waiting near the hall I knew she’d come out of. The teachers started showing up before I saw her, which was good. My other concern with this plan was that they’d get to lunch before the teachers were there to keep Aaron from doing something stupid. Of course, adults being around didn’t guarantee Aaron wouldn’t do something stupid, but at least they’d be there to put a stop to it.

I saw Kat following along behind him like she normally did. Their classes weren’t far apart, so we’d expected this. He normally just headed to the cafeteria and expected her to follow him, so we’d decided she’d do the same today, since I wasn’t that concerned he’d do something different.

She might have taken the ‘until you get to the cafeteria’ part a little too literally, since they were barely inside the cafeteria when she reached out and pulled at his jacket sleeve. I’d wanted her to get further in so I’d be close enough to hear what was happening, just in case.

I started towards them as I saw her say something to him. Her face was firm and she looked more determined than I’d ever seen her look. It wasn’t a mystery for long, because Aaron made sure everyone could hear his response.

“What the fuck do you mean you don’t want to see me anymore? Bitch, that isn’t your choice to make.”

I’d gotten as close as I could get by this point without being directly in his eye line, and I could still barely hear her. She wasn’t mumbling like she sometimes did, but I could tell she was fighting to hold it together.

“No, it’s not. I’m not your property and I get to decide who I date. We’re done!”

She’d been looking around as she was speaking, and she’d found me by the last two words, her voice becoming louder and firmer.

He reached out and grabbed her bicep hard and started taking a step to her, saying, “Bitch, I’m...”

Thankfully, the yelling had been enough to draw the attention of the teachers on cafeteria monitor duty, one of whom pushed through the crowd, interrupting him.

“Mr. Campbell, I think you should let her go.”

“Whatever,” he said pushing her away. “I didn’t need your skanky ass anymore anyways.”

He turned to storm off suddenly. I tried to back into the crowd that started to form, but I was too slow and he saw me before I could disappear.

“You,” he said, stomping towards me. “I know you’re behind this. I’m gonna...”

“Mr. Campbell!” the teacher warned again.

“Don’t think this is over,” he said in a much softer voice as he pushed past me.

I ignored him. It wasn’t like he didn’t already plan on making my life hell. I doubted there was a higher level of pissed than he already was with me. Instead, I went to Kat, whose whole body was shaking.

“Let’s go to the choir room, it’s empty,” I told her.

While I didn’t think I could make Aaron angrier at me than he already was, that didn’t mean I couldn’t push him into doing something like attacking both of us right here. Plus, I wanted his anger on me and not Kat, which meant it was best if I didn’t throw it in his face.

As soon as we got to the choir room, she broke down sobbing, falling into my arms.

“It’s okay, it’s all over now. I know that was really hard. I’m so proud of you,” I kept saying over and over again while I held her, stroking her hair.

She was shaking and holding onto me for dear life, but I didn’t think she was going into an all-out panic attack, at least as she’d described them to me.

I heard the door to the music room open and tensed for a moment before I saw Mr. French step inside. He paused, halfway into the room and mouthed ‘are you okay?’

When I gave him a thumbs-up, he backed slowly out of the room. Eventually, Kat’s crying wound down and she stepped back, sniffling and wiping her eyes.

“Sorry,” she said softly.

“For what? I know how hard that was for you, and you held it together great. Do you feel better, now that you’re free of him?”

“I do. I can’t believe it. I don’t have to worry about when he’s going to call me or what he’s going to tell me to do anymore.”

“No, you don’t. If he calls you, just hang up. If he shows up somewhere, just try to get near other people. Aaron’s a scumbag, but I don’t think he’ll pursue you too much. He’s not going to jeopardize his future for you.”

“I don’t know, he doesn’t let go of things easily. He gets pretty obsessed when something pisses him off.”

“Just make sure you’re always with other people for a while, okay? He’ll turn his attention to someone else eventually.”