I woke up with the smell of Kacie’s shampoo filling my nostrils. It made me smile even before I realized why it was in such close proximity.

I couldn’t resist groping a boob as I shifted to give her a wakeup kiss.

So it was a bit of a shock when I wound up on my ass on the floor.

“Get off of me, you pervert!” Kacie all but screamed. “I’m telling Mom and Dad when they get home! They’ll send you to military school for sure this time.”

My confusion was only heightened by blurry vision and the sound of the television behind me. There shouldn’t be a TV in my bedroom.

I turned to look and bumped nose-first into the family room’s coffee table. A pair of eyeglasses skittered across the surface as I grabbed my schnoz.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, feeling a strange sense of Déjà vu. “You haven’t objected to me doing anything before.”

“Before?” my sister shouted incredulously. “Like I would have ever let a dweeb like you, especially my brother, get close enough to do something like that. I oughta have Jed pound you into a bloody pulp!”

“Jed?” I asked, still confused as to just what the hell was going on.

“Jed,” she repeated. “You know, my boyfriend? Plays center on the football team? About 6-4, 270, hung like a mule? Any of that sound familiar?

“Have you been smoking weed again? You sound like you’re stoned out of your gourd. What’d you do, suck off Aaron Jenson for a dime bag again?”

“Wait,” I said, trying to clear my head. “I thought you didn’t date jocks. And Jed’s in a three-way relationship with Keri and Erin B.”

“Since when?” Kacie asked. “Jed asked me out my freshman year as soon as Mom and Dad said I could date. We’ve been going steady ever since. If he so much as looks at one of my friends, I’ll rip his balls off and he knows it. God, have you forgotten everything in the eight hours since school let out?”

“Let out?” I asked. “We’re about to start back in the morning. I’ve got to be up there at 5:30 to get ready for football practice.”

“Right,” Kacie snarked. “My brother — the short, fat, spotty, four-eyed faggot — is on the football team. Your boyfriend, Hunter, will be thrilled to hear that. He says he’s always loved you for your tight end.”

“Hunter? Hunter Reynolds?” I asked, trying to put the pieces into some sort of order that made sense. “He’s dating Callie Dawson. And I’ve been going out with Morgan for more than two months.”

“That’s a laugh,” Kacie snorted. “You mean you’ve been bearding for each other. Morgan Ensberry and Callie Dawson have been munching each other’s rugs since eighth grade. Maybe the four of you double date once in a while and switch partners as soon as you’re out of sight.”

“What makes you think I’m gay?” I asked.

“Oh, please,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “‘Oh, Hunter, I love the way your dick feels in my ass!’ Sound familiar? The only reason any girls ever talk to you is to get tips on sucking dick!”