Chapter 5

Part I of “The Gift That Keeps on Giving”

That night I was filled with thoughts about Uncle Ron. Does he know what goes on here in our home? A preacher? And, if he does, does he approve? If he approves, do he and his family live like ours?! My cousins, Jimmy, Larry, Angelo and Paula? Are they in the “fold”, as it were? Jimmy is a very handsome 15-year-old, Larry’s a 16 year old string bean, Angelo’s his muscular 16-year-old fraternal twin, and Paula’s an adorable 14 year old Shirley Temple look-alike sweetheart. Basically, the whole family is good-looking. It’s obviously in the family genes.

Uncle Ron has a full head of curly auburn hair. He’s not buffed like Daddy, but he’s cute, athletically slim and full of energy. His eyes are vibrant. His lips are luscious. Aunt Alice is a red-headed, freckle-faced siren with green eyes, an hour-glass figure and big, lusty breasts. I had envied those bountiful melons ever since I started getting my own. Daddy usually had his eyes fixed on her at get-togethers, and my mother seemed to spend an inordinate amount of time almost flirting with Ron. Or, at least that’s how those times suddenly appeared to me as the wheels began turning in my head that morning.

As these thoughts started multiplying in my brain, they had an unexpected effect on me. I was suddenly very horny. I found myself squirming and fingering my pussy, wondering if the Peters way of life might extend beyond the walls of our house! If that was true, did that mean the Peters family might someday get together with Uncle Ron’s family for some, uh, fun? It was just pure fantasy, as I saw it. That possibility, fraught with perils though it was, really got my blood churning as I attacked my pussy with renewed fervor.

I couldn’t satisfy myself, though. I threw off the blanket and sheets, upset and feeling sexually frustrated. Why couldn’t I make myself cum? I heard Mommy calling.

“Sweetie. Time to get up. I’m starting to cook breakfast for us.”

Food? Hah! All I wanted was a good orgasm! Just a few short weeks ago I would never have thought such a thing. But my belated birthday gift never stopped giving since that day. I stormed out of my room, dressed only in a tee with the tiny, satiny thong panties I bought with my birthday money. On my way through the family room, adjacent to the kitchen, there sat Daddy on the couch reading the paper. He wore only his tighty whities, leaving his muscular, hairy chest and ripped arms showing. So manly! I have no idea what came over me at that moment. It just happened.

Daddy was sitting on the middle couch cushion. I leaned down and gave him a long, good-morning French kiss. I had already achieved my goal. His dick was engorged, trying to pop out of its cotton bondage. I actually saw the bulge develop in almost record time! I took his newspaper and dumped it on the floor. Daddy just watched. No words to say. I pulled down his briefs, over his feet and onto the floor. Rocky stood tall and proud. I quickly pulled off my tee and dropped my panties to the carpet. The air felt cool on my opening. I was wet. Pre-cum was already oozing from Rocky’s mouth. We were primed. Everything was perfect.

I stepped up and onto the couch, putting my feet in between the cushions on each side of him. My feet sank in at least eight inches. I sat down on his lap and we began kissing. It started so sweetly, but soon gave way to being passionate, and nearly combative. Daddy had both hands cupped around my petite, round ass cheeks, kneading them like dough. My arms surrounded his torso. My fingernails dug into his back. Rocky stood tall as he rested against my tingling, moist vagina. I raised and lowed my pelvis to feel Rocky lovingly rubbing Misty’s doorway. This went on and on. Both of us got hotter and hotter. I couldn’t stand it any longer.

With my feet firmly planted on the springs below the cushions, I raised my body and grabbed Daddy’s steely shaft. Rubbing its slimy head against my opening, I began lowering myself onto Daddy’s beautiful member. My pussy was fully primed to welcome his stiff dick, as I lowered myself until I was sitting on Daddy’s lap once again. Only, that time, I was skewered by his mighty cock, feeling like I’d rip in two. Daddy let out gusts of air that revealed his pleasure, and lust. Oh, yesss, I was pleasing my father! My juvenile pussy, crammed full of an adult male’s full-size cock. God, how good it felt. And, it belonged to my dear, loving father! The excitement of our lustful, illegal joining drove us both wild. I belonged to him.

Pure sexual instinct took over as I rode his cock, up and down, over and over again. My knees scraping against the textured upholstery of the couch back cushions. We began making louder and louder noises when in walked my mother.

“Well, well! I see you two are hungry for more than just breakfast. I’ll slow down the cooking and keep the food hot for you two lovebirds. Take your time and enjoy each other. You’re making me cry, you know.”

What didn’t make that sweet woman cry? She’s so emotional! But Daddy and I weren’t really concerned about that. We were rather busy. I had increased my up and down speed, stopping only every third or fourth stroke to press my clit hard against Daddy’s mound. He was my sexual victim on that memorable morning. Yes, I belonged to him. But on that morning he followed my lead, doing only as I said. I was in charge, and Daddy knew he was completely at my sexual mercy.

My juices had burped out around Rocky’s shaft, making us both very wet. Each time I hit bottom, the sound of wet skin slapping against wet skin resonated through the family room and the kitchen, too, I’m sure. Our cries and moans echoed through the house.

“Oh, my baby Tina! You’re an amazing fuck, child. I love you so!” Those words melted my heart. I wanted Daddy to think only of Tina when he thought of the best sex ever!

“Aaaaahhhh Daddy. Mmmmm, your cock feels like heaven.”

Daddy pulled my naked breasts against his naked chest so tightly as he kissed me deeply. All the while he began thrusting his hips upward to penetrate me to my very wall. I could tell his mind was now intent on planting his incestuous seed in the heart of my fertile womb. Oh, how I wished at that moment that my egg could accept and join with his precious seed. As Daddy shoved his shaft deeply, in and out of my body, I could feel a tremor, the precursor of a full-blown orgasm beginning to make itself known. I was squatting down, then up, as he shoved in, then out. The tremor quickly built to a quake.

“Aaaaawwwww. Ohhhhhhh, gaaaawwwwwddd!! Fuuuccckkk meeee!” I screamed.

“Yesssss, sweet baby doll. Cum for your Daddy!!” as his thrusts became harder, wilder. Mommy watched from the kitchen doorway, smiling.

“Oh my fucking gaaawwwddd, Daddy. I’m ccuuummmiiinnnggg! Cum inside me, now. Right now!!”

“Uuuuggghhh, yeah. Uuuuuuhhhhhh, yesssss baby! Here it comes, just for you!”

It was beautiful. It was like from a story book. The ending was perfect. My Daddy and I climaxed at the exact same moment. Tina, in the throes of a massive orgasm, taking in every drop of Daniel’s family sperm!

I fell against Daddy’s delightfully hairy chest, with my arms surrounding him. He held my buttocks in both hands, slowly massaging them as we slowly came down from our mountain tops. How safe and secure I was in my dear father’s warm, loving embrace. It felt so ideal to be madly in love with the man whose sperm sparked my very existence inside my mother. What a kind, caring and loving man. I was filled with joy for having given him the kind of pleasure a fine father so richly deserves.

“I love you so much Daddy. I hope I made you happy.”

“Oh, you precious little daughter. You’ve made me the happiest man on earth this morning. You own my heart.”

Then I whispered, “Daddy, remember you said you’d never lie to me? Well, I have to ask. I overheard you yesterday on the patio. Does Uncle Ron know what we do? I need to know”

“OK, lovers. When you both catch your breath, I’ve got breakfast ready. I imagine you two worked up a good appetite.”

Daddy whispered back, “I’ll tell you everything later today, baby. I promise.”

I ran to the bathroom, cupping my pussy as a stream of pearly white sperm tried to decorate the floor. Daddy looked on with pride. He really flooded me that time. I figured that I really must have made him happy! Soon after, we all sat down to a delicious breakfast. Mommy was right. Daddy and I ate like we were starving. What a simply wonderful morning it was! But, how would I feel about the rest of the day, after talking to Daddy?

Part II

It was about 11:00, as I laid on my bed listening to a playlist on my phone.

“You busy, honey?”

“No, Daddy. Come on in. You ready to tell me about Ron?”

“Well, yeah, but not here. Whatta ya say we do it over some nice Cuban-seed cigars?”

“Mmmm. Sure! Help me pick one. I don’t even know which ones are Cuban.”

“Alright. Oh, and Mom’s getting the brandy and your ginger ale ready.”

“Mommy’s gonna be with us? Good. I have questions.”

“I’m sure you do, sweetie. Everything will be explained. All your questions will be answered. Now, look. Here’s a delicious one for you to smoke. The Fernando Cubano Aged Maduro Robusto.”

“Boy, Daddy, it even looks tasty!”

“Hehe. Just you wait! Your taste buds will think they’ve died and gone to heaven.”

We were all set with our drinks and cigars. The flavor of the Fernando Cubano was outstanding! Mmmm, what a delectable taste that lingered pleasingly on the palate. It gave off massive amounts of creamy, smooth smoke with every delightful draw. Though its aroma was very different from a Conquistador, my smoking appreciation had already matured somewhat. I was unexpectedly enjoying the spicy smell. Daddy was so right about the Fernando but, after all, he’s a true cigar aficionado. Daddy started the conversation.

“OK, sweetheart. I have a confession to make. I may have, um, accidentally without thinking, whispered just a tad too loud when you overheard me.

“Daniel! C’mon! Complete honesty. Tell Tina the whole truth.”

Daddy blew a huge smoke cloud, and said, “Aw, hell. You’re right, Ellen. OK. I mean, I did purposely whisper too loud. Loud enough so you’d hear me, Tina. I did it because I wanted to tell you everything, and here we are. Alright, no holding back. I’ll just tell it to you straight. Ron, Alice, Paula and the boys are all family lovers, like us. I don’t know exactly what it is. Our family DNA? I don’t know and, really, I don’t care why. They feel the same about loving, family incest as your mother and I do. It’s beautiful! It’s intimate and affectionate and exciting. It expresses our love for each other in the strongest possible way. When I make love to you my heart almost explodes with emotion. I truly need that extreme closeness with you, you know? You feel the same, don’t you?”

“Yes. You know I do. These past few weeks have been the best weeks of my life. I love you both more than ever, now. I’m just confused. OK. So, you were hesitant to tell me. But, why? Sure, it’s the last thing I’d expect of Uncle Ron, much less his entire family. Why didn’t you just tell me everything when I finally became a part of it all?”

“Well, baby, you see, I haven’t told you everything. Not yet, that is. I guess that’s really why I didn’t tell you the whole story up front. And, just so you know. It was your mother who convinced me that you deserved to know about your Uncle Ron’s family, and why I held back.”

After puffing on my Fernando, I retorted, “Wait. There’s more to tell? You mean you’re still holding back?”

“Yes, there’s more, but I’m not holding back anything today. OK. We’ve joined our families together at times. Sexually, I mean.”

“No! Really!? We? You mean you and Mommy?”

“Well, yeah, but even Julie, sweetheart. It’s not a real frequent thing. Maybe once or twice a month. Don’t be upset with Julie! I swore her to secrecy until we could tell you.”

I was almost in shock. I realized I was furiously puffing on my cigar, making the smoke too hot! I knew Daddy made Julie keep quiet about it, but it still hurt that not even she had told me. All the times I had been allowed to stay at friends’ houses overnight ran through my head. That’s probably when they all got together!

“How long has this gone on?”

“Well, since just after Julie and I started making love. Ron and Alice’s kids were still too young, so it was just we four parents, and then Julie and Ron hit it off when she was almost fifteen.”

“But once Paula and her brothers were older?”

“Yeah, they joined in.”

“With whom?”

“Well, all of us, including Julie.”

“And you, Daddy?”

“Um, with Aunt Alice and, recently, Paula.”

My head was spinning, but not from my cigar! “Really?! OK, so what about you, Mommy?”

“Yes, the brothers and I have had sex, as well. They’re all very sweet and loving, like their father.”

“OK. Just to recap. Julie has been having sex with Uncle Ron and all the brothers, right?”

My mother quickly added, “Right, sweetie, but there’s more. Also occasionally with Aunt Alice and Paula. But, honey, you’ve got to believe me when I tell you that Julie’s relationship with you is far stronger. Of course, Julie loves them as close relatives and, certainly, the sex is fun and feels great. But I know from talking to Julie that you own her heart. She’s always loved you, but now she’s in love with you, dear. She sobbed when she had to leave you to return to college. You have no idea how much you affect those who love you, baby. You’re very special.”

My mother was wise to tell me about Julie’s feelings. She knew I missed her so much that it hurt. I’d come to believe that I meant as much to Julie as she meant to me. Mommy’s words of reassurance calmed my fears.

“I’m trying to process all this in my head, but I still have to ask. What about Uncle Ron’s job!?”

“What about it, baby?” my father asked.

“What about it?? That’s your answer? You’re kidding, right?!”

Mommy interjected, “Other than having to keep it secret, since so few people understand it, or refuse to admit they do, it’s not an issue, Tina.”

“But he’s a man of the cloth. Doesn’t his family life contradict his preaching?”

Daddy hugged me as he answered. “I love you and Julie and your mother with all my heart. Uncle Ron and Aunt Alice feel that same love for their entire family. God knows this. It’s my belief that He sees all the hatred and sorrow and cruelty in so many homes around the world. How could God look down on our loving, happy families and not give them His blessing? I refuse to believe that He’d turn His back on our families, Tina.

“I know, but I’ve wondered a lot about it, and it has worried me.”

My mother quickly added, “Remember your Old Testament, Tina? Remember how Adam and Eve had two sons, Cain and Able? How do you think the human race procreated from that humble beginning? There were three men, but just one woman. Where did the next generation come from, if not from Eve’s womb? There’s no record of Eve having more children by Adam. The fathers of the next generation had to be Cain and Abel, and the mother had to be Eve. Now, if Eve did, in fact, give birth to more children by Adam, then her offspring would have had to have incest with their brothers and sisters to populate the earth. However you look at it, brothers and sisters had to have sex with each other, and possibly even with Adam and Eve themselves!”

“I never really thought about that when I was taught the Book of Genesis. There’s no other way it could have happened!”

“Now do you understand why we don’t see any issue with Uncle Ron’s position as preacher, and his obligation to serve God? Your father and I firmly believe that our family lives are blessed by Him, just as He blessed Adam and Eve’s growing family. Uncle Ron believes that, too. Unfortunately, society has somehow turned any form of incest into a taboo, and can only see it as rape and abuse. Period! And, of course, you know it’s illegal. So, your uncle can’t ever divulge his personal life. Nor can we, ever. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Mom, I do. It’s just so much to take in, you know?”

At that very moment, in a split-second of thought, it finally became clear to me.

“So, there’s only one logical step after my understanding and accepting it all. Since you both wanted me to know everything, it must mean that you’re ready for me to be a part of it! Right?”

“Only if and when you want to, sweetheart. No pressure. No hurt feelings, as always.” was their unified response.

“I really need to absorb all this, and get my head wrapped around it. I just don’t know, yet. You understand?”

“Of course we do, baby. Not another word unless you decide to talk about it.” was my father’s reply.

That day, and for several days thereafter, it was all I could think about. In just a few short weeks I had grown to love having sex. Sometimes I initiated it, myself, when I felt horny. Not only did I have sex with Daddy dozens of times already, but several times with my sister Julie, and even once with Mommy. Every single time felt amazing and so intimate, because it was with close family I loved.

But what about sex with extended family? Of course, I loved them. I’d known them my entire life, and had nothing but the fondest memories of times with them. Uncle Ron and his sons were all handsome and sexy, though I hadn’t really thought of them that way before. My way of thinking about them had changed dramatically, and consumed every moment of my thoughts. I thought for a while that it would be wrong, but then I reasoned that they were family, too. And I loved them all. So, was there really any difference between sex in our own family, and sex with Uncle Ron’s?

Thanksgiving was right around the corner and Julie was coming home to visit! Though we’d talked a lot on the phone, and texted until my thumbs ached, nothing could even come close to having my sister back home. Our bond had grown so strong. I think the perceived age gap had narrowed after we became lovers, or at least that’s how it felt to me. I longed to feel her velvety smooth skin against mine. To lay my head in the softness of her sweet bosom. To taste her delicate sex, then fall asleep, safe and protected in each other’s arms. Dear God, how I missed my sister.

But how would all I had just learned factor into our relationship? I knew Julie had been sworn to secrecy until my parents told me themselves about Uncle Ron and family. She was simply obeying their rules, as it should be. I would have done the same, though it must have been difficult for Julie to stay mum about it. Especially whenever I happened to bring up Uncle Ron and Aunt Alice and our cousins. She must have wanted to burst wide open with every little detail about them, and us.

It had been about two weeks since my parents revealed to me our family’s sexual ties to Uncle Ron’s family. I had finally admitted to myself that I was highly aroused just thinking about the possibilities. I had become comfortable with it because they were family. It was no one-night-stand type of thing. It wasn’t sex with strangers. No STDs. No cheating. No hurt feelings waiting for that call, which never comes. No. It would be a wonderful experience between people who love and respect each other. I desperately needed to discuss it all with Julie.

Mommy asked me if I had given it more thought, and asked if I was ready to reveal my thoughts, yet. I did want to tell them my feelings.

“Yes, Mommy. I’d like that, ‘cause now I know for sure how I feel about it.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful, Tina. And, no matter how you feel, I’m glad you want to share it with us.”

So, we sat down at the table. Not wanting to influence me in any way, they told me I had the floor. Whatever I had to say was fine with them. And, so I began.

“I’ve given the situation with Uncle Ron’s family and ours a lot of thought. I had so many conflicting ideas of what it would ultimately mean if I were to take part. The sanctity of our intimate family relations, versus what had occurred to me as possibly being promiscuity. I know that sounds harsh, and I’m sorry. But you wanted honesty. That’s one way in which I initially looked at it. I also thought of it as just plain, innocent fun! But that was frivolous, and ignored the seriousness of it all. A couple points, though, always came to mind. The fact that they are close family, and the fact that we truly love them all.”

I paused to try to gauge Mommy and Daddy’s reaction, so far. However, they stayed true to their word and showed no opinion one way or the other with their facial expressions. So, I continued.

“Then there’s the factor of physical attraction. I can’t say how they would feel toward me. As for my feelings, both Uncle Ron and the boys are very handsome, and quite attractive to me. Even Paula is cute and adorable. Of course, there’s Aunt Alice. Anyone who feels any attraction at all to women couldn’t get past her sexiness. God, who in Holy Trinity’s congregation doesn’t comment quietly about how gorgeous the pastor’s wife is?! It’s mostly the women talking about her, while the husbands wisely keep their mouths shut, out of fear! Haha! So, yeah, I do feel a physical attraction. I admit it. Soooo...”

Still, my parents sat looking at me attentively, giving up not a hint of opinion or reaction. I didn’t know quite where to go next, and they sensed as much.

Mommy asked, “OK, Tina. I know it hasn’t been easy for you. You’ve carefully considered positives and negatives. That’s exactly what we were hoping for. So, have you decided what you’d like to do, or do you need more time? There’s no wrong answer, as always, baby. Whatever is best for you is all we want.”

I knew I didn’t need any more time. My head almost hurt from non-stop contemplation and reasoning. I was ready to say it.

“Mommy, Daddy, I’ve decided that I do want to be a part of it. I can think of no other way to best express my love for them, just as with you and Julie. My new home life is so beautiful! I’m thankful every day for the special gift you all gave me. The prospect of sharing that with other family members is simply thrilling!”

Finally, my parents shed their expressionless faces and smiled broadly. Of course, Mommy had a few tears running down her cheek. Geez! Have I mentioned how sentimental she is?! As they hugged me, Daddy hastened to tell me I needn’t worry about how Ron and family felt about me.

“Tina, in talking with your Uncle Ron, I know for a fact that he thinks you’re beautiful, and very sexy. He also told me that the boys commented more than once that they hoped Tina would someday join in. Especially Jimmy. He has a thing for you, I guess. They all hoped to someday have sex with you, if you wanted.”

“Daddy, have you had sex with Aunt Alice?”

“Yes, sweetheart. She’s a lovely woman. I feel honored to be welcomed in her bed.”

“And Paula?”

“Yes, baby. Ever since she became confident and experienced with her daddy, she and I have enjoyed a few times together. She’s very sweet, and absolutely loves having sex.”

“And you, Mommy? Have you had sex with Uncle Ron and the boys?”

“Yes, of course, Tina. It’s an entire family thing, honey. No jealousies. No hurt feelings. Just loving and enjoying one another.”

“So, of course, Julie, too. Right?” Which I already knew, but was still dealing mentally with it.

“Haha! Yes, yes, sweetie. But rest assured, Julie’s heart belongs to you. She and I have had heart-to-hearts, and there’s no doubt.”

“No, I get it. Really.”

“Well, Ellen, now that Tina has decided, shall I tell her the news?”

“Absolutely, Daniel. The stage is all yours.”

“Tina, now that you’ve made your decision, I’d like to accept Uncle Ron’s and Aunt Alice’s Thanksgiving weekend invitation for all of us to spend at their home. It’ll be from Wednesday evening until Sunday evening! Of course, Julie will be home from college by mid-day Wednesday. Until now, our families could only get together for a day here, and an evening there. We kept you unaware while you had sleepovers at friends’ houses, were at camp, or when you were with a babysitter. But, now, we can plan ahead for extended events like this! Well, whatta ya think?”

“Wow! That’s just, what, four days from now? I guess it’s best not to wait, and just jump in head-first. Right?”

Mommy answered, saying “That’s totally up to you, Tina. It’s just fine, no matter what your answer.”

“Um, ... OK! No need to put it off, especially since Julie can be here, too. Gee! It ought to be one heckuva Thanksgiving celebration, huh?”

Daddy trumpeted, “Oh, my sweet, sweet darlin’, you have no idea!! Hahaha! And we should bring our swimsuits for their new huge hot tub! Or, not. Clothing’s never an issue, really.”

Part III

Julie was due to arrive any minute. My heart was racing. It’s impossible to measure just how much I had missed my sister. For so many years I looked up to Julie as the one to emulate. She was my playmate, my advisor, my girlfriend and my role model. I gained the confidence to do most anything when I was under her sheltering wing. She was still all those things to me, but had recently meant so much more in my life. And, after talking to Mommy, I learned that Julie’s heart and mine were forever intertwined. The minutes felt like hours as I waited. I thought, “Damn! When will her car come up the drive?!?”

It was 1:48 pm when I heard the familiar sound of a worn-out muffler.

“Julie’s here!” I ran out to the car to greet her.

I took a quick look to make sure there weren’t any neighbors around, then planted my lips right against hers. We embraced as our tongues gently followed suit. How sweet her mouth tasted. I could feel Julie’s excitement, and there’s little doubt mine was on full display, as well! Our bodies pressed against each other. The passion was still there! Julie needed me!

“OK, kiddo. Let’s cool it for now. There’ll be plenty of time this weekend for you and me and who knows who. Help me with my stuff, would you?”

“Sure! Mommy and Daddy should be out of the shower by now. They’ll be happy to see you. Get ready for our mother to start weeping. Haha!”

After all the hugs and tears and chatter, Julie took me to her room to show me something. She opened her luggage and dug down to the bottom. Out came her hand holding a small Macy’s department store bag.

“Here, my sexy little sister. I think you’ll be able to put these to good use this weekend.”

“What is it, Julie?”

“Well, kid, why don’t you just open the bag and see for yourself?”

“OK! And stop calling me a kid!” Though I knew it was meant affectionately.

I reached inside the bag without looking. I felt something very soft and smooth and thin. Very thin. I pulled it out and there before me were not one, not two, but three sexy negligees! There was a hot pink, a ruby red and a black one. They were so sheer and light that they would leave very little to the imagination. But, I guess that was the point. Each top came with a matching thong pantie. One was a simple see-through sheer, while the other two were very lacy, yet still very revealing.

“Oh, my God! These are soooo cool, Julie. Thank you so much! I already know which one I’ll be wearing for you.”

“I can’t wait, Tina! But these aren’t just to please me, you know. Don’t forget about Dad, Uncle Ron, Jimmy, Larry, Angelo and maybe even Paula. I’m expecting you to be a very popular, and busy, girl this weekend!”

“Gee, you really think so!? I’m getting so excited about it!”

“I know so. The brothers all think you’re very sweet, and very hot! And don’t be nervous, kid. Let the boys be the nervous ones. Young guys are like that. I know from experience with them. Just be confident and sexy and have a lot of fun! You’ll have them eating out of your hand, and maybe another spot, too. Haha!”

“You know, Julie, I worried that this was wrong. That it wasn’t the same as what we have together in our own family. Then I figured that it’s still just family, and there’s no doubt that we love them. But was I convincing myself only because I wanted the sex? I dunno.”

“Look, kiddo. Don’t fall into the trap set by society that says sex is just about lust and perversion if it’s not between two willing, unrelated people. I agree with the “willing” part of that, but that’s it! If it’s perverted to love having sex, to desire that incredible pleasure that’s like no other feeling, then why did God make it feel so damn amazing?! It could have just been something to make babies, but not so friggin’ great that people would want more and more even if they didn’t want children.”

“Gee, Julie. Spoken like a true edumacated college girl!”

“Seriously, Tina, don’t feel that you’re bad for wanting to have loving sex with them. It’s completely normal, and harmless when all are agreed, as we all are. Don’t let society’s antique, outmoded rules ruin your happiness. Remember the words ‘the pursuit of happiness’ in the Declaration of Independence? Its our right! No fat, overpaid, corrupt politician has a right to mess with that. That goes for all the other narrow-minded sheeple out there, too. Get all that crap out of your head right now and live your life. Let’s have a ball this weekend!”