Chapter 8

CAL

Jan kept me abreast of what Jesse was doing – it seems they had become best buddies. I was happy about that. I also heard from my parents and from my older brother Jake about her visits to the ranch. I was curious to see her little horse ranch in De Beque.

Winter quickly turned to summer as it does in Colorado. We had eight inches of snow at the end of May and three days later it was in the mid-eighties!

I didn’t think I would be able to make the big family get-to-gather for the Fourth of July but suddenly it worked out. I would have a full week at home. It had been months since I had seen Jesse and I was excited about seeing her again. I wouldn’t be able to take all of my stuff but I got some boxes and filled up the back of the truck and took off on a warm evening heading west.

As I got near the rest area where I found Jessica that fateful night, I felt a strong impulse to pull in. I don’t know what I was expecting so I poured a cup of coffee from my ever-full thermos and sat on the hood, remembering that too cold night, slowly sipping the coffee. After I finished the coffee, I walked over to a pine tree and broke off a handful of needles, crushing them between my fingers. Holding them to my nose and inhaling the sweet, pungent aroma, remembering the sharp scent in the air that cold windless night ... I knew I was in love with Jesse. More than in love, I knew that Jesse completed me.

Strangely the thought came to my mind that we were like two pieces of a jigsaw story: individually we didn’t mean anything but together we had a story to tell. That image comforted me on the long drive up and over the mountains, to the dry hot mesas of western Colorado.

I was excited but tired as I drove down the long driveway at the ranch. Pulling into the yard in front of the house, I stopped and looked at the sun setting over the mesas to the west. The sky seemed on fire with golds and reds and oranges smeared together in a panoply covering the sky; a magnificent display of the wonder of life ... and love. It was a sight I never forgot and one I always associated with the deep love I developed for Jesse.

It was great to be with the folks again, and Jake and his family. I was thrust into the limelight, feeling like the prodigal son. The love of family is a special kind of love and it felt good. But it seemed as if something was missing, a piece of the puzzle of life not there; and by its absence I was reminded how much I wanted and needed it.

Jan and her husband and her fast-growing baby came over for dinner. It was great to see her – because of the age differences (Jake was ten years older than me but I was only about eighteen months older than Jan), I had always felt the closest to her. After dinner she walked me out to the corral. There was a colt with its mother there, the colt couldn’t have been more than a month old. It would dance up to us, curious, interested. The slightest movement and it would bound away. A few minutes later it would come nosing up again, curiosity overcoming fear for a moment.

This was repeated a number of times and then Jan put her hand on my shoulder, nodded at the colt, and gently said, “Cal look at that colt. That’s Jesse. Watch it move ... see its love, its fear. If you love Jesse, and I think you do, remember this. You need gentleness and patience to win her over. Even then, there will be times she shies away. Just wait for her; she will come back.”

“But, Jan,” I stuttered a bit, “But, Jan, how will I know what she feels about me?”

“Well, Cal, how do you feel about her?”

Simply, I said, “Jan, I love her. Do you remember that song about a never-ending love? How does that go?”

“That’s how I feel about her!”

“Well, when she talked to me, she said that she had, “A Forever Kind of Love” for you! You guys better get your stories straight!”

I had to laugh at that. And maybe, just maybe, Jan was right.

I slept great, as I always do when I come home. Unfortunately, being home revived old habits and I woke well before dawn. I walked down to the corral and saddled a spirited roan that I always liked to ride. I eased into the saddle and after pissin’ and moanin’ a bit with little hip hop jumps, the roan, Sundance, took off for the eastern horizon.

It felt good to breathe the crisp morning air. Later it would be hot, but in the pre-dawn hour at the 6,500-foot elevation of the ranch, it was crisp! The sun slowly edged over the mesa in front of us. Just by its promise it warmed me up. The roan settled down into a steady pace and I finally felt I was back in a place I belonged.

I started thinking about Jesse’s ranch. After hearing Jan’s description, I was very curious: how was she doing with the horses. More important, how was she dealing with being alone all the time! I knew she would be here for the Fourth celebration in a few hours, and suddenly pulling Sundance up, I reined around and together we raced for home. The way his mane lay back in his race for home I wondered if he too was looking forward to seeing her!

I got back just in time for breakfast. I’d been used to the puny food I prepared at home or worse, the pathetic food at the hospital, and was awed at the array of hearty breakfast foods waiting for me along with the “bottomless” cups of coffee that were a tradition of the ranch. The give and take at the table was fun ... I had missed this more than I knew. For a minute I dreamed that all I wanted out of life was to have a table of my own like this someday; wife, kids, grandkids all sitting around in a large loving family.

Some of the hands were going to do the grilling and the womenfolk seemed to have everything else under control so when Jan suggested I call Jessica and offer to pick her up I jumped at the chance. I grabbed the phone and dialed the number Jan had given me.

“Hello?”

“Jesse, this is Cal. Jan asked me to see if you wanted me to pick you up for the big barbeque?”

“Cal? Cal ... is that really you? How are you?”

“I’m sorry, Jesse. How are you getting along? Is it okay if I pick you up?

“Sure, Cal ... that would be ... great.”

“Hey! Can I come early and take a look at your horse ranch?”

“Cal! It’s no such thing! It’s just a little place compared to yours. I ... I really like it though. I’ve been happy!” she said a little wistfully.

I picked up on that and remembered what Jan had said.

“Okay, I’m leaving now but I want the grand tour before we come back here, okay?”

“Okay, Cal. I’ll be ready.”

I jumped in the truck and hurried along the Colorado River, turning off to Jesse’s small ranch. I was surprised at how neatly organized everything was. As I stopped, the horses ran to the edge of the corral, looking at me with such longing I wished I had brought some apples or carrots.

Jesse came running out with a small bag, smiling and trying to explain: “Jan said to plan on staying overnight, that there might be dancing later! I got one of my 4-H kids coming in tonight and in the morning to take care of everything. Do you like my place? Do we have to leave now? Do you have time to look around? How are you, Cal?”

Laughing, I responded, “Whoa! We don’t have to hurry and I’d like you to show me around. I’m fine. I like your place. Yes, there is dancing later! We have a great band coming up from Delta! It’s great you can stay over. Now, did I miss anything?”

Jesse blushed and didn’t say anything; she just took my arm and started showing me around.

I really liked the place. I didn’t say anything to Jessica but I could see in my mind a wing coming off each side of the house. The master bedroom on the left of course, to take advantage of the view. On the right I could see a children’s wing ... my God, what am I thinking of?

The rest of the property was also better than I expected. The barn was fairly new and seemed sturdy. The corrals were stoutly made. There was plenty of grazing along the creek and room for expansion further up along the creek. Jesse was clearly proud of the place and what she had done with it so far.

Finally, we jumped in the truck and headed for the family ranch. It seemed a disorganized madhouse but as we looked around, we could see that it was just organized chaos. Jan came running up and gave both of us a big hug and an even bigger smile.

“So, big brother, how did you like her ranch?”

I smiled at both of them, and honestly said, “It’s great. It looks like a wonderful place to live.” Nodding to Jesse, I continued, “Jesse has done a great job with it.”