Chapter 4

CAL – A spark of interest

The emergency room physician gave me an update on the “ice maiden” as I thought of her. When she told me the girl’s status, bout her losing two toes for sure, and possibly one of her fingers, I nodded, thinking. We talked it over, and agreed that when she was able, I would move her to the UC Hospital in Denver. I didn’t tell her about the note, and didn’t tell her that I was planning on setting up some counseling sessions for her with my psych prof I’d had for two classes in school.

I knew what she had tried to do but, as yet, no one else did. I couldn’t figure out why I had reacted this way and not said anything to the doctor. Some instinct made me think she would have a better recovery if there wasn’t a lot of publicity about her attempted suicide. She would certainly have to have counseling but I didn’t want it to be court mandated. I wasn’t really sure of the law – this was a visceral, gut-level reaction.

I went in to see her for a minute before I left but she was half awake and half asleep. She looked so vulnerable, lying there on the hospital bed. My heart went out to her as I thought about that note and what her life must have been like. I left and drove on over the pass and down into Denver to my apartment.

The next morning after a late breakfast, I called Aaron Spaulding, my old prof. Aaron’s brother was a long-time friend of my dad ... that’s how I had wound up taking several of his classes. We met in Aaron’s office and I told him everything that had happened, showed him the note, and asked him if he would work with the girl.

Aaron looked at me solemnly for a few minutes, and said, “Caleb, I want you to think for a minute, and tell me everything you did wrong on this!”

I was quiet for a minute, not really thinking since I had done nothing but think about it, especially about holding on to the note and rolling the window up. I proceeded to tell the professor step by step, what I had done and what I should have done.

“Okay, Cal, I see you at least remembered a couple things from all those years of med school. Now tell me what you did right.”

I looked at him, puzzled a minute, then enlightenment dawning, I said, “Well, I guess what I did right was everything I did wrong!”

Aaron looked at me, as proud as if I were his son. I thought at that minute I became a doctor, understanding that there was more to medicine than the science: caring for people was as important.

“Cal, a doctor is not God but neither is he a cop. Now I haven’t met the girl yet, but my instincts are the same as yours are. From the note I think she is a girl that needs someone to love her, to care for her. I think she almost died of sadness, nothing else. She needs professional help for her to find a sense of self-worth, but she also needs kindness and someone to make her feel worthy, wanted.

“As a doctor I can’t really condone what you did but as a man I might have done the same thing.”

Sounding more formal, he continued, “Now, Caleb, what are the ethics involved in a doctor getting romantically involved with his patient?”

Struggling with that a minute, I looked down at the floor, remembering that sad alabaster face. She wasn’t pretty, at least not in the usual sense, but there was an attractiveness that pulled at my heart. It hit me all of a sudden.

“Well, Aaron, I do believe that means her attending physician can’t take her dancing!”

“Damn, Cal! You are just too smart for me. Now I’m not the one to work with her but I think I know the right person. I can see that you have an interest in her – and that’s probably what she needs. Maybe there is something there for you, maybe not. I would just caution you – seeing as how you are not her physician – that if you want to spend time with her just go slow.

“There is a danger that if she is given too much kindness, and maybe love, that she will become dependent on the person that is giving it to her. I’m sure you remember this from my lectures. If you want, if it comes to that, be a friend, be helpful; above all though if you come to share feelings with her make sure you are on an emotionally equal footing with her. Don’t become her crutch.

“Now, thanks in advance for lunch ... you’re buying.”

We went to this great Mexican place a bit southwest of downtown Denver, right across the railroad tracks. The place specialized in Chile Rellenos; the chef deep fried them and covered them with green chili, lettuce and jalapenos. They were really great – if you liked a portion of the fires of hell for lunch! The smallest beer they served was a pint and that was called a Tiny.

An ambulance service did bring Jessica down a couple days later. Physically she was fine – she did lose her left little toe, but everything else was okay. Aaron was going to keep her in the hospital in Denver for a week, just to give her time to decompress. Her aunt was coming in to see her the next day. I talked to Aaron and he agreed with what I wanted to do.

I went in to her room as she was looking at the window, silently crying. I turned a little, looked over my shoulder and called something to the nurse in the hallway, mostly just to let her know I was there. She turned towards me and wiped at her eyes.

Looking at me, she asked, “Are you my doctor?”

A little nonplussed, I replied, “No, that’s temporarily Doctor Spaulding, Aaron Spaulding. I’m the one that found you.”