So I’m walking down the street toward the coffee shop, and around the corner comes this girl in my class, Darlene, who I’ve had a crush on forever but never been brave enough to say a word, and there’s this little dog, a nipper dog, trotting along next to her, and at first I think she’s carrying this purse, but then I see it’s not a purse, it’s panties, and she kind of almost stops, noticing me, and right at that moment the dog, the little nipper, snatches the panties from her hand and races away.

“Oh gosh,” Darlene goes. “My mom’s going to kill me.”

I say, “Maybe we can go after him.”

She snorts out, “Doesn’t matter, they’re ruined anyway.”

So I go, “What happened?”

And she says, “These six guys, five or six, and there was so much stuff, so I had to...” and she kind of shrugs.

And I go, “Were you...? Did they...?”

“No, no,” she says. “They were very nice. Pure gentleman, you know?”

And I nodded. As if I knew.

But then I said, “Want to go in, grab a coffee or something.”

And she said, “That would be good.”

And it was.