Chapter 25: Your Deepest Wish

He would disappear under the cover of night. About getting to Uxilan, it couldn’t be that difficult, right? Following the smell of ash that was now everywhere was a piece of cake. What wasn’t a piece of cake and could turn badly was going against those dark magic jerks all by himself. Pepin was right, of course, to consider that he needed help, but then, the chances of someone else getting hurt grew exponentially and that he couldn’t live with. Not when he was an OP prince with ice magic – which he couldn’t use – and the protection of a goddess – which, again, was no longer there.

But, but, but, he continued to reason to himself while scratching his head and trying to figure out how to saddle his horse, he was still a master swordsman, and, according to Pepin, Sebastian had managed just fine when he had fought those bastards. All he, Kai, needed to do was let nature do its thing, and Sebastian’s body react appropriately each time dark magic got anywhere close to him.

It sounded like a sound plan, only that Kai really didn’t like the way it sounded when he was telling it to himself for the umpteenth time. Not that he remembered ever being incredibly courageous, but the moment he had heard about other people getting in trouble over a possible invasion from the House of Uxilan, who, again, were notorious jerks, he had thought himself suddenly brave.

Not that it was hard to do that while in the body of an OP character like Sebastian. But his reaction had come from somewhere deeper, surprising and not surprising him at the same time. Back then, when his dad had asked him to be brave, he hadn’t done it, not because Kai hadn’t wanted to make him proud, but because he hadn’t been able to. Tani and his mom had no idea, but during those days, when they were all at the hospital, he had lied about being ill only so that he didn’t spend, like them, all his waking hours there.

He hadn’t been brave. His dad had only asked him that, and he hadn’t done it, feeling like such a huge coward but incapable of pushing back the tears and the anger at the world for not being fair.

Now he was given a second chance to prove that he wasn’t just a kid who hurried to hide only to stay away from pain. And second chances, not that he was some philosopher or anything, couldn’t often come in people’s lives.

Plus, he encouraged himself, he had nothing to worry about since he had the gift of getting to use the body and abilities of a super-duper character like Sebastian.

“How is this even supposed to work?” he mumbled as he stared dubiously at the leather straps that had to go over the horse’s belly but somehow didn’t behave the way they should have.

“Why aren’t you in bed?”

Kai squealed in a very non-Sebastian fashion at the sound of that voice. Conrad was standing in the door and watching him with judgmental eyes. Seriously, he needed to defeat the House of Uxilan and return home because people here were all starting to get a little on his nerves. “Why? Is that an invitation?” he shot back and then bit his tongue when Conrad’s golden eyes flashed with something he didn’t care to dissect at all right now.

“We’re marching against the enemy tomorrow,” Conrad said in a voice that brooked no contradiction. “You should be resting.”

“Not really, no,” Kai said quickly. “I never sleep before a test, I mean a quest.”

“This is not a quest,” Conrad replied tersely. “It is a matter of life and death, and I get the feeling that you’re thinking of going alone despite your cousin’s and my advice.”

Damn, why did he have to be so transparent about his plans? And why the hell didn’t Sebastian know how to saddle a horse? It wasn’t rocket science. Well, probably he had people to do that for him –

“You’re not going alone,” Conrad interrupted his train of thought.

“Are you sure you can stop me? I can always use my magic on you.”

Conrad crossed his arms and covered the stable entrance with his entire body. “You are free to try it. Will you?”

“You’re incredibly calm for someone who should know how much that thing hurts,” Kai warned, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to cause Conrad any pain, not consciously. Sending Pepin to his room was one thing, but hurting Conrad was too much. “All right, all right, I’ll go to bed. Happy now?”

“No. I’ll sleep with you to make sure that you don’t try to sneak out again.”

“Um, I’m sure Pepin wouldn’t like that at all. I mean, come on, we’re like practically engaged,” Kai blabbered on. “It would be like cheating if I slept with you now.”

“Your Majesty,” Conrad said sternly, “I wasn’t suggesting anything untoward. But seeing your determination for going alone against the House of Uxilan, there is no other choice. Why did you send your servant away? The guards at his door are having a terrible time.”

“Like how?” Kai asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

“Their ears are red like tomatoes. They change shifts every two hours. Apparently, your fiancé,” Conrad said, emphasizing the word, “has the tongue of a harbor harlot.”

“Ugh, who, Pepin? C’mon, the guy’s like the sweetest ... I mean, he can be a hardass when he wants, but still. I don’t remember him ever talking smack.”

“Maybe he learned it from you.” And that was Galien, who appeared behind Conrad like there had been a war council called down at the stables.

“I don’t think so,” Kai replied, miffed that he had been discovered so easily.

“I shall also sleep in your room,” Galien announced. “It appears to me that you don’t understand how important you are for Ifigia.”

“No way I’m going to be the meat in your hunk sandwich,” Kai declared.

Galien pushed Conrad away to step inside the stables. Kai had made the mistake of lighting a lamp that was there for the purpose, so he felt as good as naked under Galien’s scrutinizing stare. “Sebastian,” he said in an authoritative voice, “this is not a matter up for debate. Stop playing only the role that your mother gave you. Aren’t you your own person?”

Kai had no idea what Galien was saying but didn’t care to find out. As things looked, he was supposed to find another way to ditch everyone and go to war alone.

“Stop it with the faces,” Galien warned again. “I know you’re thinking of how to sneak out and go fight on your own. Get it through your head. That is not going to happen.”

“Ah, damn it,” Kai expressed his frustration. “We’re all going to fail just because I’m incapable of saddling a horse.”

“No, we’re not going to fail,” Galien contradicted him. “Sir Conrad, would you be so kind to help our esteemed ruler to his bed?”

“My pleasure,” Conrad replied.

Kai groaned as Conrad grabbed him by one arm and Galien by the other, both pulling him away despite his protests. That was how Pepin must have felt when the guards had dragged him away. He struggled a bit against the tight hold, but, quite surprisingly, he didn’t manage to budge much.

Maybe he really needed some sleep, after all.

Sebastian counted through his teeth as he pushed his body up for the one-hundredth time, using nothing but the force of one arm. Strength, agility, endurance were all things he needed to master in the shortest of times. Chet and his posse were a danger still, regardless of how all over the place their methods were, and he would have to exact punishment rather sooner than later if not for another reason than that he had to ensure that Milo was in no way exposed to their foul ways.

Half an hour later, he was in bed. As much as he wanted to continue training all night long, it had soon occurred to him that muscle strains were something happening to regular people, so injuring or overexerting himself was out of the question.

His eyelids grew heavy, but sleep came to him accompanied by the strangest apparitions.

In his dream, he appeared to be himself, and for a moment, his heart jolted at the thought that the curse had been lifted, and he was now back into his own skin. But no, he realized, even as his body was immersed into a deep slumber, it had to be nothing but a dream. Even more, it felt like a memory, although in his state, he couldn’t tell if he just imagined it to be so.

He was at the Shimmering Cavern, the ice goddess Reya explaining to him yet again why it was important to choose Pepin as the one in his bed and by his side.

“I am the Protector of Ifigia. But this is not a thing I’m willing to do,” his dream version replied to her insistence.

“And why not, Sebastian?”

“Because I grew up with him, and I would never consider him a lover.”

Reya threw her arms up. “You do not have to consider him a lover if it’s that much of an inconvenience to you. Where is all this stubbornness coming from? You’ve always suffered from it.”

He threw her an oblique look. “Indeed, I wonder,” he said wryly. “Did Luna Celeste put some new crazy thought in your mind? That woman is nothing short of a lunatic.”

Her gasp of indignation didn’t impress him. “She is capable of reading prophecies and telling the future. She saw yours and told me clearly that only love would save you, in the end.”

“Love,” he pronounced the word, feeling its taste as alien as always. “I fail to see where Pepin fits in all this. I don’t love him. I care about him, indeed, but toward him, I can nurture no feelings as the ones Luna Celeste keeps blabbing about.”

“You bring lovers to your bed and send them away after less than a month,” the ice goddess continued to scold him. “What are you looking for in them? Pepin is your destiny.”

What was he looking for in his long string of lovers, indeed? They were a means to an end, a way to pass the time between military campaigns, but he wouldn’t be crass to explain to Reya about any of that. “Pepin,” he said through his teeth, “is but a brother to me.”

“He loves you, and he’s a Lelian. Do you have any idea how rare they are, and through what pains I went to secure one for you?” Reya appeared to be losing her composure over his stubbornness, but he had no intention to indulge her. This was about his person, not the fate of Ifigia, and that meant that as little as that mattered, he had a say in it and intended to use his influence to push back all her insistence.

“I do not care. I have no intention to use his ability or whatever that is called.”

“Stop being so flippant.”

Sebastian winced as a few shards of ice passed by his cheek. He raised one hand and was surprised at the sensation under his fingertips. One of them had cut through the most superficial layer of skin, bringing out blood. “Why am I here?” he asked.

Reya turned on his heels and sat on her throne of ice. “Ifigia is in danger. Do you really believe you have time to fool around?”

The sudden change in her voice and the different topic brought forth took him by surprise. “Fool around?” he asked.

She was slowly turning into ice, just like the rest of the cavern. “Yes. Finish here. You’re needed. And that boy is not the one for you, or else Luna Celeste’s words would make no sense.”

“What boy?” Sebastian insisted, annoying at how she chose to return to her hibernation whenever it fitted her whim.

He couldn’t hear her voice anymore, but the way her lips curled around the words left no room for interpretation. Slight pain in his palms made him realize that he was digging his nails into the skin.

“Could you guys move away a bit? You’re too hot,” Kai complained.

“Any more distance between you and us, and we’d be in danger of falling on the floor,” Galien chided him.

This was nothing like when Pepin and Conrad had crowded him in his royal bed, but he was more uncomfortable than that time. Mainly because both Galien and Conrad preferred to sleep naked by the looks of it. As much as it pained him, he had opted for a nightgown and felt like a giant doll succumbing under a sea of frills and lace. Pepin would have loved it, most probably, but Kai could swear that he had seen nothing as sophisticated and complicated as that in his entire life.