Chapter 17: Loving Someone Else

“You say that you got cold feet and denied it all.” Galien patted his lips with his index finger with a pensive expression on his handsome face. “Indeed, I can see why Pepin is upset. But you, Sebastian, why are you so distraught? Cold feet come natural to you.”

“Is this some kind of ice joke? Because it sucks.”

“Just like you,” Galien said airily.

What a smartass.

Kai pursed his lips and punched his cousin in the shoulder. Suddenly, the duke was no longer laughing. “How am I going to fix it? I don’t want Pepin to be mad at me. He’s making all the food I eat, you know? He could like poison me and such. And I wouldn’t blame him for one moment.”

Galien sighed and smiled. “Pepin would never do such a thing. Let me let you in a little secret, Sebastian. No one ever resists me. I’ve built quite the reputation for myself, and I’m rightfully proud of it. So Pepin’s constant refusal to fall into my arms, I have to admit, it still stings.”

“What are you saying?” Kai looked at Galien with hopeful eyes.

His cousin gave him a slightly troubled look. “I am afraid I will give you too much power with what I will say next. You see, these are the methods of a rake, which I am, but you are nothing like that. Everything is black and white with you. When you send a lover away, it’s forever. Which also makes me believe that if you ever fall in love, it will be forever, as well. I can only pray that the man who’ll be so lucky to earn your affection will respond in kind, or else, you will be condemned to a life of unhappiness.”

“Will it help me? Fix things with Pepin?”

“Yes and no. Pepin loves you, Sebastian. He has loved you always, and he will continue to do so to the day he dies. Regardless of what he might tell you now, he will get over it.”

“So, you say that he won’t be upset anymore?”

“In his heart, he will be. But in his continuous and unfaltering adoration for you, he won’t show it to you. So, look inside your heart of ice and convince yourself of that. You won’t lose Pepin if that’s what you’re afraid of. If I, the famous rake of Kelonia, failed to change his mind while he knows for sure that you can never love him the way he does love you, then no one will.”

“Does it mean that I should ... just continue like before? Business as usual?” Kai asked.

Galien nodded. “Can I please ask something of you, nonetheless?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Don’t hurt Pepin more than necessary. Even you, as unfeeling as you are, must know it that his young heart, no matter how brave, can get scarred. You wouldn’t want to do that to him, right?”

Kai shook his head. “No, I like him. He’s my best friend, and I don’t want him to suffer because of me. But why did you say that knowing all these would give me power? That would make me turn into a rake like you or something?”

“When a rake knows that he’s loved, no matter what, he cannot help but continue to take and take from that person,” Galien said.

“That sounds bad. But you’re not bad,” Kai said with determination. “I don’t think you’re a rake, like people say.”

Galien shot him a surprised look. “Don’t let others hear you say that, dear cousin. My reputation is at stake. And I’ve changed as well during the last three years we haven’t kept in contact.”

Kai smiled and wiped his eyes. “I’m sure you’re not a rake, because you said that only Pepin has ever refused you. I also saw Conrad giving you the boot.”

Galien smirked and brushed a rebellious strand off his forehead, which stubbornly came back. “Hmm, I beg to differ. I had a chance to test what made you take Sir Conrad to your bed. Only a tiny bit,” he explained by offering a measuring of sorts with his thumb and forefinger, “since I respect you so much.”

“You? And Conrad? What did you do?”

His reaction was quickly misinterpreted. “I won’t tell you a thing. It’s not my place to cause jealousies. Not here, at your court, at least.”

I’m not jealous, only curious, Kai wanted to say, but Galien was already on his feet, probably keen on getting out of there and seeing about other things, much more entertaining than having to comfort a coward.

“I will apologize to Pepin,” he said loudly.

Galien turned on his feet, and his eyes narrowed for a moment. “Prince Sebastian never apologizes. Not even to a goddess,” he added enigmatically, and with that, he left the room.

Kai scratched his head. Galien’s advice was probably good, but he cared about Pepin and his feelings. So he would do what Prince Sebastian never did. He would apologize and something more. While he wouldn’t follow Galien’s words to the letter, they served to make him realize something of great importance. Yes, now he knew exactly what he would tell Pepin.

He walked throughout the castle and had to ask at least a dozen people or so if they had seen Pepin until a stable boy pointed him in the right direction. It wasn’t unexpected that the servant, as heartbroken as he must have been, had chosen a secluded place to lick his wounds. Kai ignored his grumbling stomach. Since Pepin hadn’t come around with breakfast, he had had nothing to eat, but that served him right. If only his suffering of hunger could have repaid Pepin for the terrible thing Kai did to him, that would have been great. Kai was sure he could go on without eating for a long time with a little bit of willpower.

He found Pepin on a bench in the large garden attached to the castle. The blond head hung low, and his hands were gathered in his lap. Kai cleared his throat, and Pepin raised his head. He quickly dabbed at his eyes and stood.

“Sit down, Pepin,” Kai said and took place by his side. “I’m sorry for being such a huge jerk.”

Pepin stilled, and then he stared at Kai. He didn’t dare to look, but he could feel those beautiful blue eyes inspecting him, their owner most probably in shock upon hearing the mighty Prince Sebastian apologizing. As the silence stretched, he began to feel increasingly uncomfortable. “You’re not saying anything. Why?”

“I don’t know what to say,” Pepin replied, his voice honest and direct.

Kai sighed and moved his head from one side to another. “I suppose you’re right. Look, I was a major asshole this morning. I mean, I remember everything.” He squeezed his eyes tightly. Only the ice magic running through Sebastian’s veins kept his cheeks from burning like on fire.

“And you regret it,” Pepin supplied when he didn’t add anything to that.

Did he regret it? Kai frowned and started to think for once in his life. Not really. It had been pleasant; heck, it had been amazing. Not that it made things right toward Pepin or anything, but he was there because he wanted to be as honest as he could without revealing his true identity. “I don’t,” he said back.

“You don’t? But then ... I mean, Sebastian, what do you want?” Pepin asked, and this time, he sounded hurt.

“What I want is...” Kai said slowly, searching for the right words, “that you start loving someone else. You know, some guy who truly deserves it.” He felt like an extra in a chick flick, giving life advice to the main character.

Pepin made a strange sound, and Kai turned toward him, alarmed. He expected to see the servant in tears, so he was in utter shock to see that he was actually laughing, although he was covering his face. “O. M. G.! Did I break you or something? What’s so funny?”

Pepin uncovered his face. His eyes shone with unshed tears, but he was smiling. He was beautiful like that, and Kai wanted to caress his face and pinch his cheek, not sure in which order.

“You’re funny,” Pepin retorted. “How could I love someone else when you’re here, apologizing and saying such crazy things?”

“I’m not sure I follow your logic,” Kai said. “I’m a complete asshole. First, my mother gives you to me like you’re some kind of object, not a human being, and you’re practically sent into slavery since you’re five. Then she tells you you’re supposed to be with me forever, and you have no choice but to obey her since I bet she’s pretty scary if looking at this face,” he pointed at himself, “is any indication. Then you believe yourself in love with me, again, because it’s not like you have a choice. And then I go and mess with your head because I’m a gay drunk --”

Pepin stopped him with a kiss.

“No, no, no, Pepin, bad boy!” Kai said, too astonished to find something smarter to say and to try to pull away.

Pepin snickered. “Whatever you use on Conrad, don’t try it on me. It won’t work.”

“I see. I need to find something else, then. But seriously, wasn’t I enough of a jerk toward you all your life?”

Pepin’s smile turned secretive like the servant was privy of something he didn’t care to share with the world. “Not recently. I’m more in love with you now. Actually, I’m in love with this new Sebastian. Don’t ever turn back to being the old one, all right?”

With that, the servant stood and walked away, without one look back. His shoulders were square, and he had a spring in his step.

“That worked all wrong,” Kai said to himself with a sigh.

Several minutes must have passed when the sound of approaching steps made him raise his head. He stared at Conrad, and the other stared back with a pissed-off expression on his face. “What now?” he asked.

Conrad crossed his arms over his impossibly large and hard chest and gave him an annoyed look. “Was last night some sort of ruse? Your cousin was bent on trying to extract information from me. Information,” he added in a stern voice, “I do not possess.”

“What did he do?” Kai asked, curious about what Galien had done, indeed, to poor Conrad. The famous rake must have had his methods to make the proud fallen prince surrender his defenses.

Conrad huffed. “After we drank, and you left with your servant, he did nothing less but offer himself to me. In quite a shameless manner if I may say so.”

“You may,” Kai offered courteously.

Conrad blinked and frowned. “Given the state of inebriation I found myself in, I have to admit,” he said while setting his chin high, “that, for a moment, I gave in to the temptation.”

Kai began munching on his lips. He could imagine Galien all over Conrad, asking for a kiss. If anyone could pull a thing like that, it had to be cousin dearest. He seemed like a dude who took any challenges with ease.

“Do you find it amusing?” Conrad inquired, visibly irritated.

“Come on, dude, you’re bigger than Galien. Don’t tell me he managed to steal a kiss from you.” Kai snickered at the idea. Since he was trapped in a BL story, he had to get acquainted with all the tropes belonging to the genre.

“No,” Conrad replied and scowled.

“No? Then how did he sample the goods?” Kai asked the question but mainly himself. Galien seemed pretty sure of his success in doing that the previous evening with Conrad. “You know, did he like, touched you or --”

“He made me fondle his --” Conrad stopped with a frustrated grunt.

“His what?” Kai asked, now more curious than before.

Conrad pinched the bridge of his nose. “It is of no consequence. Nothing happened. He kept asking me about the attempt on your life, making it all too clearly that he’s suspecting me.”

Kai was pretty confident Conrad was letting out some embarrassing details, but he didn’t press on. “I know you had nothing to do with that.”

Conrad seemed surprised at that. “You do?”

“Hey, you practically risked your life to save mine. You and me, Conrad, we’re good, man.” Kai stood and walked over to Conrad to pat him on the shoulder. “And, just so you know, if you feel like, you know, doing the nasty with Galien, don’t let me keep you.”

He left a flabbergasted Conrad behind as he headed over to the castle. His stomach was still grumbling, and he had yet to have something to eat.

Sebastian stood by the bed, watching Milo sleep. He had had trouble last night convincing him that no reciprocation was needed. And then, he had struggled to sleep throughout the night, with that handsome young man wrapped around him. By dawn, he had somehow managed to remove himself from those loving arms.

He would sneak out like a thief, as that was how he entered Milo’s life. Through no fault of his own, but nonetheless, he wasn’t entitled, not for one moment, to Kai’s best friend’s attention and especially affection. He let his hand caress Milo’s face gently and then leaned in and placed a small kiss on his cheek.