Chapter 9: Dungeon

“George—” the telephone conversation began.

“Hi Carole,” came the breathless reply. Carole could hear the rattle of keys as George was still locking up his shop. “I’m just on my way, sweetheart, be with you hot and heavy in twenty, tops.”

“Ah, look, George, Clive didn’t buy the whole ‘girls’ outing from work’ guff that I sprang on him last week. He knows all about us, our affair and that we spent the week together in Spain, and I can’t go out tonight, I’ve got to stay in and look after the children.”

“Can’t your damn hubby look after the bloody kids? I’ve booked the bloody restaurant now.”

“Clive’s gone and done a runner, George, my Mum and Dad are out looking for him and will bring him back here when they track him down ... They think he might be suicidal after finding out about us.”

“Fuck! What a wuss! No wonder you’re with me now instead of him,” George laughed down the phone. “So you told him that you were going on a hot date tonight?”

“Yes, I did, as we agreed, but then he told me that he knew all about us, he even knew your name, George—”

“Fuck! Has he been spyin’ on us? Or has Dickless gone out and got himself a Private Dick, eh?”

“No, he hasn’t got the money for—”

“Check your savings accounts Carole, you already know that he maxed out your joint credit card and emptied your joint current account while we were in Spain, and now it sounds like he’s about to divorce your arse good an’ proper.”

“He’s already sent me the divorce papers, George, they came through the post while we were away and were lying on the mat when I got home this afternoon.”

“Bugger! The little creep is moving a lot faster than I thought he would. What are the grounds?”

“Grounds?”

“Look, if he’s divorcing you for ‘Adultery’, that means he’s got photos from his PI, if it’s ‘Irreconcilable Differences’ it means that he hasn’t got any proof and that he has no bargaining power.”

“Oh, shit! Hang on,” she picked up the envelope and tore it open. With shaky hands she read the page, “Er, it says ‘Unreasonable Behaviour’ as the reason for the Petition.”

“Good. And in the details, section 6 or 8, somewhere around there, what does it say?”

“Er, here it is, ‘Due to the named Respondent’s change in attitude towards her husband over the past three months her lack of respect both in terms of the marital relationship and her repeated infidelity with men outside of her marriage met through her workplace the marriage has broken down irretrievably.’

“Oh shit, our plan to place our connection through the church rather than teacher/parent relationship has backfired.”

“Well, that doesn’t really matter does it, George?”

“Of course it does, you could be sacked from your teaching job by having an affair with a parent, whereas if we could argue that we met in church, you could still hold onto your job.”

“No, surely not, I can’t lose my job over this, right?”

“Wrong! Because, he’s put ‘men’ in his petition, so he not only knows about us, he also knows you were knocking off that dumb gym teacher that I saw you going out with.”

“I only went out with him a couple of times and never after we got together, George. Besides, this is only a made up form that Clive has downloaded off the internet that he’s filled in to frighten me, he can’t afford to divorce me for real, because I will get the kids, the house, and on top of that, he’ll have to pay maintenance for the kids, the housekeeping and stump up me alimony for at least a couple of years.”

“Alimony? But you said he wasn’t working?”

“No, he’s not. He’s been out of work for three months, and the loser has no future prospects at all. In the twelve weeks he’s been at home, he’s only had two job interviews and he admitted that at least one of those was a total joke. He’s one big time loser.”

“Bugger, that means you will be paying him alimony, which gets deducted from his unemployment benefits, so it’s just taking money out of your account and it goes down the drain.”

“I’m not paying the lazy bastard a penny, he’s supposed to be paying me, paying the house mortgage and paying for the kids’ support.”

“Yes, you’re right, he does have to pay the kids’ maintenance but that will be assessed by the divorce court. However, all the while he’s unemployed, he’ll only be asked to pay you £7 a week, which they will take directly from his Universal Credit and pay that direct to you—”

“What, he only gets to pay me £21 a week for the three kids? I can’t manage to feed the dog on that let alone the children and me.”

“No, not £21, he only pays you the flat rate of £7 plus he’s charged an additional handling fee which goes to the state. If he was working full time he should pay you about £150 a week. He is still liable for maintenance so that pot will accrue in your favour all the time he is claiming benefits until he eventually gets a job. Only then will the courts reassess his new income and will try to get him to pay the full weekly amount once his pay comes through, if he earns enough, but the courts’ll also give him time to pay any arrears spread out over a period of time.”

“Fuck!” she exclaimed, “we can’t afford to get divorced while he’s on the dole. Unless you could give him a job in one of your supermarkets, you know, like we discussed this last week.”

“Well, I know we did then, but damn, that ain’t happening, Carole, not now that he knows that I’ve cucked him. He’d be a bloody liability working on the inside of my company, he could seriously jeopardise my business. I know I would if I was in his shoes.”

“Fuuuuuck!”

The Dwarves and Goblins making up the Army of Man reached the City of Pylanatehk’s massive walls about half a day behind Korwyn. There had been no messages from either of their two Generals, so the commanders of the regiments were concerned, especially when Captain Difaniel returned from his scouting mission saying he had seen no sign of the advance party which, under a white flag of truce, had entered the City several hours before.

The Army marched up a shallow incline towards the gates of the City. While still marching, the gates opened and out poured infantry soldiers to form up just outside the city. Captain Difaniel counted at least three regiments of infantry and they were still coming through the open gates.

“These regiments total about three times the size of our Army,” Captain Difaniel said to Captain Whilghlym of the 1st Dharibian Regiment, the senior captain in the absence of Korwyn and Zyndyr, and Captain Mydhinjhi, senior captain of the Goblins’ regiments.

“Aye,” agreed Mydhinjhi, “and the city walls are now covered by at least a couple of companies of archers, so we must halt our advance here, just out of their range, Captain Whilghlym.”

“Aye, you are right,” the older captain agreed. “I see no cavalry, but I’ll be bound the buggers are skulking around somewhere. It looks like they have held onto Lord Korwyn and his party, even though they were under a white flag, but that was a risk we knew of all along. Lady General Zyndyr was with you this morning was she not, Captain?” He queried with the younger Skirmisher.

“She was, aye, Sir, but she was seeking something with her Elf-sense and remained at the crossroads beyond the city while I went ahead to check the suitability of our camping ground tonight, a short distance beyond the city. When I returned the same way that I’d travelled, she was gone and my Scouts haven’t seen any sign of her since.”

“Taken also, do you think?”

“Nay, Captain, it is difficult to creep up on an Elf in normal times, in the middle of a war far behind enemy lines, I’d say it was absolutely impossible.”

“I agree,” Captain Whilghlym said. “We must assume she is on a mission that doesn’t concern us and may not return until this evening, certainly after we had determined our next move. I assume Captain that retreat is impossible?” He waited for Captain Mydhinjhi to nod his head vigorously. “Corporals, come closer,” he called.

The corporals, one from each Regiment of Dwarves and Goblins were close behind, awaiting orders to convey back to their Captains. Captain Whilghlym addressed them with a clear and determined tone.

“We will adopt a defensive attitude in our squares with stakes all around and pairs of archers at every corner. Space each square nine paces apart as nine is our lucky number and we may tempt a few foolhardy riders into those killing fields between us. Bring the carts inside the last two regiments’ squares for protection. Light a number of fires in the centre of each square. Gather ample fuel for each square to last the day and night, with irons hot in the fires for quarterizing wounds, and pails of water if they use burning arrows on us.”

Just then a breathless Skirmisher rode up fast, his pony lathered in sweat, “Captain Difaniel, an infantry regiment of Man, in itself three times the size of one of our regiments, is blocking the road behind us and advancing, along with a couple of squadrons of heavy cavalry, one on each flank.” The Skirmisher Captain turned to Captain Whilghlym but he had already heard every word.

“No matter,” Captain Whilghlym said, his jaw set grim with determination, “It means we have no thought of retreat and must therefore give no quarter. I am sure that we will not be given any by Goadrik. Our Generals may have already been taken, but we know what they want us to achieve and Lord Korwyn has constantly told us that we have his admiration and trust, and we should be resolved to do the best we can do. Even if our leaders are lost, the cause we follow is a rightful one and goes on with or without them. We are on our own today, Captains, so let us have a good fight and an even greater death and we will sing of this day in the Halls of the Afterlife, Dwarves and Goblins as true blood brothers in arms.”

He held up his gauntleted hand and the other two slapped it and then slapped theirs together.

“My Skirmishers will spread out between the squares, Captain, as conduits for communication and to reduce infiltration, and be mobile enough to counter concentrated attacks without compromising the margins of the squares,” said Captain Difaniel, as he wheeled his mount around.

“Aye, you have the right idea of it. Now be off with you Diff.” Then Captain Whilghlym turned to the Goblin Captain and smiled.

“Not to teach an old dog tricks that he probably knows already, Captain Mydhinjhi, but we keep an eye on our numbers and, as our squares deplete, so we watch our neighbours’ squares and join them or invite them to join us in turn.”

The other Captain nodded his understanding and grinned grimly, without need of speaking.

Whilghlym continued, “Watch that individual squares do not get cut off. Do the same with your three squares, form them up close together and amalgamate as need be but do not allow yourselves to be surrounded by abandoned squares and cut off. When it comes to it, join the nearest Dwarf square, you will be welcomed, my friend, or invite individual Dwarfs to join your squares, as fortune dictates.”

“Aye, and tell your regiments that they will be more than welcome to join us if that becomes necessary.”

“I will. Good fight, Captain, I will see you on the other side of the City or in Hell if that is our fate.”

“Until then, Captain. I wouldn’t have missed this journey and this battle for the world. Good death!”

“Good death!” in reply.

No sooner had the squares formed up, when, on a rise to the south east of the city, the tombstones and grave markers in the extensive city cemetery there toppled over as the burial ground beneath boiled like pans of steaming water. Hands, then arms, followed by heads and shoulders appeared to break through the surface of each grave, like sailors bobbing up from a fresh sunken vessel. Soon the Undead climbed out of their dark tombs and stood up into the cold light of day.

The uncountable Undead started to climb over the low graveyard walls, while others funnelled their fumbling bumbling ways through the gateways of the graveyard and intent on attacking the Dwarves and Goblins in their squares.

“We need lighted arrows for our archers,” cried Captain Difaniel, to the two dwarf squares nearby him, “tie on bandages soaked in oil, have firebrands handy to light the arrows as they are nocked. Those corpses will be dry as dust and will burn well. Aim for the heads if you can, as without a head they die a second time, this time for good.”

The Dwarf and Goblin archers did as bidden, but still the Undead advanced in their slow, halting, shuffling fashion, yea onward still they came. Meanwhile, the infantry of Man moved forward, large, mean-looking men who were fighting on their home soil, convinced by their commanders that they were defending their homes from these aggressors, these non-man invaders who would rape their wives and enslave their children. The Undead and the infantry mingled along the edge of where the cemetery be, but the Undead appeared to have no appetite for Man-flesh but continued to bear down upon the delicious warm flesh of the Dwarves and Goblins.