Chapter 15

Saturday, May 26

Saturday arrived right on time. Had I known what the day held in store for me, I probably would only have gotten out of bed in order to crawl under it.

Surprisingly, Kacie was up and dressed in T-shirt and jogging shorts by 8:30, packing all she would need for the pool in her beach bag. She would wear regular clothes and change at the pool and insisted I do the same. She grabbed my board shorts and flip flops to pack in my little gym bag, then absconded with the lot back to her room.

In addition to the swimwear, she had her cell phone and charger, coin purse, suntan lotion, beach towel and beach wrap as well as my gym bag. I was surprised she didn’t throw in a trashy paperback, but with six other girls coming and an agenda to carry out, I guess reading wasn’t a high priority today.

I knew what was in her bag because she gave it to me to carry when we headed out to pick up Morgan. While in transit, I texted Jed to make sure he was under way and received an affirmative reply, then called Eddie Galvan to check on his status. Eddie wouldn’t be there when the gates opened, but expected to be there by noon if his abuela didn’t have any extra chores for him.

We reached the Ensberry house at 9:30 on the dot and Morgan popped out the door looking much more energetic than she had when I last saw her just 12 hours earlier.

“I feel great!” she exclaimed, jumping up to give me a kiss. “I don’t know what you did to me, but that was the best night of sleep I’ve had all week.”

Kacie gave me a questioning look.

“I just rubbed her feet while we watched a movie,” I said. “I thought it might help her relax.”

As we headed to the club, Morgan texted the rest of the gang to apprise herself of their status. As I expected, most were just getting out of bed.

We reached the point near the 14th tee where we could enter the club property and took the cart path back toward No. 10 and the pool complex. Kacie somehow failed to notice the BMW sign proclaiming the hole-in-one contest as she and Morgan chattered away about more important matters, like the latest J-Pop (or was it K-Pop?) boy band.

It was still about 15 minutes before 10 when we reached the pool complex, but they let us in to go change. Kacie pulled my gym bag out and gave it to me with a smirk, took possession of her bag and she and Morgan proceeded to the women’s changing room. I was left to fend for myself on the men’s side.

I grabbed a basket for my belongings and walked down to the end of the row to change. I was down to my boxers before I grabbed my gym bag and found out just how horribly wrong things were going to go for me today.

The only items in my bag were a Speedo swimsuit, a little collar with a bow tie and matching cuffs, my flip-flops and a note in Kacie’s handwriting.

“Just put it on,” the note read. “We’ll make it worth your while. Kisses, M+K”

My board shorts were nowhere to be found.

I grabbed my phone and punched the speed-dial entry for my sister. It went straight to voice mail. Same with Morgan. Morgan hadn’t lied to me — a lot of planning had gone into this day.

I could either get back into my street clothes or I could see where they were going with this. I decided to brazen it out. I put on the Speedo, which looked at least two sizes too small, and tried to get my dick and balls to rest comfortably in the confined space (I was definitely a boxers kind of guy). I figured out the collar and cuffs and looked into a mirror on the wall.

Jesus! I looked like a bargain-basement Chippendale dancer.

I put the basket containing my regular clothes and shoes in the rack, grabbed my wallet and phone, stepped into my flip-flops and headed out to the pool area intent on throttling two little criminal masterminds.

Kacie and Morgan were nowhere to be seen and I was hard-pressed not to go storming into the women’s dressing room to drag them out.

When they did emerge, it was with gales of laughter.

“He actually did it!” Morgan squealed. “Oh, my God! He looks good enough to eat!”

I don’t know how red my face was, but I could feel the heat.

Kacie stepped up and took my wallet and phone, which she stashed in her tote, and pulled out a comb and bottle of hairspray.

“Hold still,” she said. “I need to fix your cowlick.”

She commenced spritzing and combing until things were to her satisfaction. I felt like I had helmet hair but was too afraid to look.

While all this was going on, the crowd began streaming in. Males behind me snickered, chuckled, chortled and flat-out guffawed. Females of all ages coming from the other direction giggled and craned their necks to get a better look.

When I was finally deemed suitable, we couldn’t just walk to the cabana. Oh, no, we had to MAKE AN ENTRANCE!

Both girls were wearing one-piece suits. Kacie was in a royal blue maillot that covered everything and hid nothing. I was reminded of Denise Richards climbing out of the pool in “Wild Things.”

Morgan wore a black halter that was backless to her butt crack, cut extremely high on the hips and below her navel in front. There was just enough fabric at the waist to connect the back to the front. It was clear she’d had to do some trimming much as Kacie needed for her bikini. I was sure Mrs. Ensberry did not know about this suit.

Both had some kind of sheer silk wrap/robe/jacket/kimono thing that came to their hips and they wore strappy wedge-heeled sandals.

Then they pulled out the finishing touches — each had an ABSOLUTELY HUGE straw sun hat and a pair of oversized sunglasses (where had they stashed all this stuff?) — and proceeded to strut across the pool deck like a pair of 1950s movie stars.

I followed and the crowd continued to stare even after we reached Cabana No. 18.

“Oh, Cabana Boy,” Kacie sang out as she and Morgan took up positions on chaise lounges. “Please deploy the awning.”

This was going to be a terribly long day, I thought, as I turned to do so.

“Oh, Cabana Boy,” Morgan chimed in, “the correct response is ‘Yes, Miss.’”

This just kept getting better and better. The payback was going to be epic.

“Yes, Miss,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Oh, Cabana Boy,” Kacie called. “There’s a plate of melon balls in the refrigerator. Please bring that and two bottles of sparkling water.”

“Yes, Miss.”

Just how much planning had gone into this little stunt? And how much did Mom know about it?

While I was inside, I took stock of the kitchenette’s contents. In addition to the sparkling water, there looked to be two cases of assorted canned sodas, mostly Coke and Dr Pepper. Other than the plate of melon balls, there was no food.

I poured the drinks into plastic cups — no cans or glass bottles on the pool deck! — carried it all outside and placed it on the little table the girls had set up between their lounges. It took two trips. No way was I going to try to negotiate the cabana steps with all that.

As I was placing the refreshments, a stunning redhead in a purple-and-white strapless one-piece sauntered over from the next cabana.

“Pardon me, ladies, I could not help but notice your attendant,” she said with a grin. “Is he part of the standard package or did you have to special order?”

“A very special order, Mrs...” Morgan began.

“Arlene Jenson,” she said, laying on a faux Southern Belle accent. “Please, call me Arlene. Mrs. Jenson is my soon-to-be ex-mother-in-law. I prefer not to be mistaken for the old hag.”

Arlene Jenson was currently the trophy wife of an extremely successful plastic surgeon who was a charter member of the club. At 32, she was about to become a very wealthy divorcée as her husband had decided to trade up to a newer model. There was plenty of gossip about her around the club, and she acted like she enjoyed the notoriety.

Physically, she was a work of art. I don’t know how much of it was her husband’s handiwork, but she had breasts even more magnificent than my sister’s and an ass to match. Her chin, nose and cheekbones were exquisitely sculpted and her bee-stung lips just begged to be kissed. She must have some serious personality flaws for her husband to want to move on. That or he was the world’s biggest idiot.

“As I said, Arlene, he’s a very special order,” Morgan continued. “You might say he’s fresh out of the box. We’re just now beginning to explore his capabilities. We have some associates due momentarily to help us ... put him through his paces.”

My alleged girlfriend was having way too much fun with this. She and Kacie must have been scripting this out for months, if not years.

“And just what are his functions?” Arlene asked.

“Many and varied,” Kacie said. “Oh, Cabana Boy, please bring Arlene a chair so she may join us.”

“Yes, Miss.”

I went and got one of the patio chairs from inside our cabana for Mrs. Jenson (Mom would have freaked at me calling a married woman by her first name, especially this one) and placed it where she could sit facing Kacie and Morgan.

“Would you care for some refreshment, Arlene?” Morgan offered.

“Not at this time, thank you,” Arlene replied. “I’ve only recently broken my fast.”

Jesus! Could we be any more genteel?

About that time, the rest of the criminal enterprise began arriving. Bethany Metzger in a modest bikini and Callie Dawson in a simple one-piece were the first two, Keri Pipkin and Erin Bennett in tankinis of different colors and subtly different cuts soon followed.