Chapter 4

Christmas season began and even more than most years it was an exciting, stressful rush. Dad and Linda announced their engagement on social media and reveled in all the well-deserved attention the following week. They began to plan their wedding, a process in which I gave a great deal of input. Some of it even was solicited!

School was a mess. In my distraction with cheerleading and Elliott and I had neglected more than just math class. Dad insisted I buckle down for the last few weeks of the semester and Elliott tutored me in every subject. At times having Elliott’s help felt like an unfair advantage. He thought like a teacher and could accurately predict much of what would be on the test just by thinking about the questions they liked to asked. With his help (and a cheat sheet I made for my stupid physics final) I managed to get a solid B average. That was fine with Dad and the cheer coach, so it was fine with me!

I turned 17 in the first week of December and we had a family party with a few of my more respectable friends. Elliott was there so the cat was kind of out of the bag. People at school found out that our parents were getting married, but we figured there was no holding that back forever. People teased me for it a little bit but mostly just commiserated at how awkward it would be to suddenly have a nerdy step-brother. I felt creepy hearing Elliott referred to as my step-brother, but what could I really do about it? I tried to play it cool without badmouthing him, while not letting on how I really felt either. I told my friends he was fine and minded his own business, and even gave me the answers to tests and fixed up my lousy school papers. It was half-truths, but the last thing I needed was for everyone in high school to know I was dating my step-brother. There’s nothing wrong with it, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t tease me for it mercilessly.

Unfortunately, Elliott was slated to spend Christmas that year with his dad. Linda had full custody but they had an agreement where Elliott spent some time with his father anyway, rather than have it forced through the courts. Making matters worse, his father was living in China as some sort of businessman so Elliott had to go out there to spend two weeks with him. Elliott told me he could just refuse to go if I wanted him to stay with me for Christmas, but the trip had been planned for a year and the tickets were already bought, so I let him go. The fact that he’d asked me if I wanted him to go made it all feel okay, even if I did have to let him go.

That left me without my boyfriend for two weeks around the holidays. Dad, Linda, and I ended up having Christmas with Grandma and one of Dad’s cousins who worked for him as a drywaller, plus Linda’s lesbian sister and her wife came as well for Christmas day. I opened presents and enjoyed a big Christmas breakfast with everyone, but that afternoon I found myself feeling so blue. People talk about getting depressed around the holidays but I’d never supposed it would happen to me. It felt so lonely and cold as I sat in my room, or went down to play cheesy board games with the motley crew of family members who’d ended up at our house. It felt like I just couldn’t feel warm and happy on that special day with my boyfriend on the other side of the planet.

I texted Elliott even though it was the middle of the night in China. He woke up and video chatted with me; he wasn’t even mad. We didn’t talk about anything that meaningful, I just asked him how he was liking China (the pollution was messing with his asthma, but he liked seeing all the beautiful cultural sites) and he asked me how I was doing and I told him I was bored and missed him.

“I’d do something sexy for you but are there like Chinese censors watching?” I asked, not knowing much about the country.

“I doubt it, but who knows,” he said. “I’m fine though. Unless you just wanted to get naked ... I wouldn’t stop you,” he added, with a bit of horny suggestiveness.

I grinned. “Well, I’m not in that kind of mood, to tell the truth,” I said. Most guys would have pushed anyway, but not Elliott. He dropped it and went back to cheering me up.

“You’d hate it here, video games are such a big thing,” he said, “Everybody plays and there are competitions broadcast on television.”

“Maybe you should stay and be a star,” I teased.

“Nah I’m not that good,” he said, “Besides they cheat anyway. But it’s so different over here. Everything’s big and bustling but polluted and it feels hollow sometimes.”

“You’re homesick,” I said.

“I guess,” he said, “I miss you, that’s for sure.” We kept talking but he was half asleep and I was a mess, so we just mumbled incoherently, I’m sure. I had just wanted to see my boyfriend though so he did make me feel better, except he would still be in China for another week.

To make matters worse, his flight got delayed so he wouldn’t be back for New Year’s Eve. He texted and told me to go to a party and have fun. Dad and Linda were going to some ridiculous grown-up event where there would be champagne and dancing with other old people. I couldn’t bear the thought of being home alone for New Year’s Eve, so I reluctantly went to a party at the house of this rich girl from school named Emma Duffy.

Kaycee picked me up at nine. She had finally gotten her license and inherited her mom’s old BMW. She was very proud of it, but it was rather frightening to drive with her. She zipped around and slammed down the accelerator to show off the engine, even though it was just me and another cheerleader named Crystal in the car with her. Kaycee was wearing a slinky green dress and teased me as soon as I got in for wearing jeans and a tight black top, even if it was low-cut.

“Haley, you’ve been single for too long, have you given up hope, girl?” Kaycee joked as we weaved through suburban traffic.

“Of what?” I asked, not having been paying full attention.

“Getting a boyfriend! Geeze,” she said.

“Huh? You’re one to talk ... you just have a fuck buddy,” I said, annoyed at her meddling.

“Ethan said he’s not going to hook up with other girls anymore,” she said. I rolled my eyes, having heard this before from her. In the past, I probably would have put up with it myself, as pathetic as it sounds. Ethan was cute and rich, and it seemed impossible to have a boyfriend who was faithful anyway. But now I didn’t know how a girl could let herself be treated that way.

“I’m just tired of high school boys,” I said, trying to keep them off the scent of my secret romance with Elliott, “I’m going to get an older boyfriend.”

“Ooooh,” Crystal said, “How old?”

“I dunno, like, 30! I’ll be a sugar baby,” I said. I didn’t care about sounding like a floozy, it was just silly girl talk anyway. If I let on that I actually had a boyfriend they wouldn’t stop pestering me until they found out who it was, and now that they knew Elliott was in my life, I wasn’t sure I could keep a straight face if one of them suggested that he was my secret boyfriend even if they meant it as a joke.

Luckily neither of them was the perceptive type so they bought my story about wanting to be a sugar baby and we schemed together about how I could get a rich boyfriend who’d spoil me rotten if I went on dates with him. God, I’m glad I didn’t go down a path like that, it seems like a notch above being a prostitute.

We got to Emma’s house eventually in a fancy newer neighborhood. Emma wasn’t a cheerleader but was on the student council, so she was popular enough. She sure thought she was hot shit. I guess she was. Her house was massive with three separate red brick sections making up the huge facade, and a garage wing extended off to the side. Dad works sometimes building houses like this but could never afford to actually live in one. Our whole house probably could have fit in the 4-car garage wing, which also had a bunch of stuff on top, guest bedrooms I supposed.

The party was bumping, with Emma’s parents lurking around keeping things from getting too crazy. Dad would never let me throw a party like this. In the past, I resented him for it, but that night I started to realize he had a point. People spilled their soda on the floor or walls and didn’t care, a football player jumped on a couch just for the hell of it – I think he broke it – and people were smoking pot in the bathrooms and probably hooking up in the bedrooms.

I couldn’t believe I’d become such a prude in three months. It must have been because of Elliott, that nerd. He’d never even had a drink of alcohol and didn’t want me to drink either. I was in a bad mood though, missing my boyfriend while I watched everyone have such a good time. About the ninth time someone offered me a drink, I took it, one of those lemonade-flavored alcoholic drinks designed specifically to get girls like me drunk, but I just wanted to feel good.

Everybody from school was there. It was definitely the cool New Year’s Eve party. People were playing music off their phones on a big stereo system and I danced for a while then got hot, and was feeling tipsy from drinking two bottles of the alcoholic lemonade (it doesn’t take much to get me buzzed – I’m pretty skinny).

I walked out to the back patio where people were milling about since it was a warm night for mid-winter. I sat down next to a cute boy at the glass patio table and realized it was Ethan, Kaycee’s boyfriend, so I said hello.

We were sitting by the in-ground pool, which was closed for the season and covered with a tarp. He offered me a can of beer and I drank it as he smoked a joint. His parents were supposed to be loaded and he had a reputation for doing whatever he wanted. Once in middle school, the first time he’d gotten high supposedly, he’d shaved off his eyebrows then showed up in school on Monday looking ridiculous. He was that kind of guy.

“So Kaycee says your mom’s marrying Elliott Spencer’s Dad?” he said casually as we talked. It was quite dark that night but there were plentiful outdoor lights so I could see him fine.

“Well, my dad’s marrying his mom, but yeah,” I replied.

“Nerd alert,” Ethan said, “Lucky him though, to have a sexy cheerleader step-sister.”

“Yeah, I guess,” I said, “He’s not that bad though.” I knew I probably should keep up the pretense of thinking he was a loser, to do everything I could to keep people from finding out he was my boyfriend, but by this point I was pretty into him and couldn’t bring myself to be a bitch like that.

“That’s cool,” Ethan said, “I sat next to him in math last year and copied all my tests off him. Dude got me a B+ in that class, he never misses a question.”

I would have laughed at the pathetic nerdiness a few months ago, but now I just felt pride.

“So you’re dating Kaycee exclusively now, she tells me?” I said, changing the subject.

“Yeah!” he said, “Well, you know how it is. But she cheated on me so she owes me one.”

That might have been true, knowing my friend, but I didn’t like the way Ethan looked at me when he said that as if implying to me that it meant he was available if I was interested. Nevertheless, I stayed out there to finish my beer, not feeling like going back in. I even took some hits of Ethan’s joint when he offered, coughing but enjoying the feeling of getting a little stoned.

Ethan must have taken it the wrong way because soon his hand was on mine. I pulled away instantly. “You have a girlfriend,” I said.

“You don’t have a boyfriend though,” he said, “And she cheated on me. Isn’t that lousy? I deserve to get her back.”

“Well not with me,” I said, but accidentally giggled from the weed and booze.

“Oh come on, I heard you like hooking up,” he said, taking my wrist. “You’ve already been with a lot of guys. I’m better than them anyway, I can get you off.”

I tried to pull away but he held onto my wrist. “I’m not a slut anymore,” I said, not choosing my words very well in my buzzed state.

“Anymore!” he laughed, “So why not go back to it for just one night? It’s New Years! This house has a lot of bedrooms...”

I leaned my body away from him and the weight was enough to pull my wrist out of his grip. I ran off, stumbling and falling onto my hands and knees, and he laughed at my clumsiness. So did some other kids. It was nearing midnight and people were getting amped up for the countdown, but I walked out deeper into the pitch-black back yard away from the festive crowd.

The houses in that neighborhood were on big lots around a small creek valley, and I was able to walk back there into the dark area away from the houses for some privacy. I heard everyone do the countdown and cheer, then people were setting off fireworks all over the whole neighborhood.

I called my Dad and said I needed a ride home. I had seen Kaycee drinking and smoking so it was true enough, but Dad was rather annoyed that I had called so early and insisted on a ride. Nevertheless, he and Linda showed up a half-hour earlier and I got in his truck.

They were not pleased that I was still half-drunk and high. I apologized and said I called them because I knew the party was getting out of hand, but they didn’t seem to care that I’d acted responsibly in the end. Dad read me the riot act, and Linda even joined in a little bit, testing the waters of “mothering” me. I didn’t give her a hard time, but I did complain in general that they were being unfair, to no avail. We got home and I ran to my room, slamming the door and collapsing in bed to cry myself to sleep.

I was grounded for the rest of winter break. The next day, Elliott got back and came to see me immediately, just coming into my room without knocking. Even though it was a total invasion of my privacy, I liked the confident way he did it. I didn’t want to hide anything from him anyway.

“What happened, Haley?” he asked. Having seen all the fashionably-dressed boys at the party the night before, it was nice to see Elliott in his cheap blue jeans and a red flannel shirt. He was a dork, but he was my dork.

I told Elliott the story of the party without any embellishments. I expected him to be upset. He hated typical teenage parties where everyone’s drinking and hooking up. I thought he might even doubt my story and think I really had fucked Ethan.

I started crying softly but Elliott just put his big arm around me.

“It’s my fault for being gone on Christmas and New Year’s Eve both,” he said. “That was too long. I’m not going next year, the trip was a pain anyway.”

I sniffled. “You’re not ... mad?”

“You just did what you told me, right?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said softly.

“Then there’s nothing to be mad about,” he said, “You went to a party on New Year’s Eve and your boyfriend wasn’t there. A guy was a scumbag and you got away safely. It’s understandable.”

“Thanks, Elliott,” I said, leaning into his chest.

“Am I like obligated by high school code to try to kick Ethan’s ass now? Defend your honor?” Elliott said in his playful way, but I could tell he actually wanted to know my answer to the question.

“N-no,” I said, “That would kind of out you as my boyfriend. Plus I don’t think you’d win.”

“Gee thanks,” Elliott said in a mixture of annoyance and amusement. “I’ve got some Don Quixote in me though. I’d try if you asked me to.”

“Donkey who?” I said. I did kind of know who Don Quixote was just going for a laugh, which I got. We hugged for a while on my bed.

“Geeze I can’t believe you’re forgiving me. I was worried to death. Wait, you didn’t bang some Chinese girl or something?” I asked with mock suspicion in my voice.

“Wellll...” he said, then thought better of trying a joke on this subject, “I’d never do that. I realize how lucky I am to have you as my girlfriend.”

We didn’t have much time to enjoy our rekindling though. There was a knock at the door and Elliott and I hastily separated. We were wearing normal clothes and hadn’t been doing anything but talking and hugging, so we weren’t too worried about being busted.

I went to the door and let Dad in. He was surprised to see Elliott in my room. Linda had been gradually moving in with us and had put some of Elliott’s things into the guest room, so he’d come from the airport straight to our house. Still, Dad couldn’t have been expecting him to go to my room so soon after, and for me to warmly receive him.

“Elliott’s telling me about China,” I said. Dad and Linda wanted us to stop bickering, so in theory, he should be happy that we were hanging out.

“Oh,” Dad said in surprise, “Well, I’m glad you two are getting along. Anyway, I just came to check on you, Haley. And figure out what we’re doing for dinner, so it’s good that Elliott is here.”

We hadn’t been caught. But I knew we’d have to be more careful, if our parents kept finding us in each other’s rooms, even in their engagement bliss and frenzied wedding planning, they’d eventually figure out something was up.

Elliot and I kept a low profile as school started back up and a frustratingly cold winter wore on. Elliott thought that if our parents found out we were dating, having sex, and in love, they might freak out and even reconsider getting married. It was a paranoid thought but I couldn’t tell him it was entirely ridiculous. Dad is the sweetest man and a very devoted father. I knew he’d pick what he thought was best for me over his own happiness if that was the choice he had to make, and Elliott said his mom was the same way.

It didn’t help that Linda and Elliott moved into our house around then. Linda made a little less money than dad and her townhouse lease came up for a 1-year renewal at an increased rent, so it just made sense for her to move in with her fiancee, as she was planning to do that eventually anyway.