Chapter 7

Creighton Miles made a wonderful impression, but still he was so much older than Pauli. And she was only twelve years old.

After the young man left, with my promise of an answer the next day, I sat down with Pauli.

“My dear, I don’t feel comfortable with you having an evening with a young man that is so much older than you.”

“Mother, you’ve said that you and father were farther apart in age than Creighton and I.”

“But I was not twelve and I’d had a lot more life experience by then.”

Pauli looked at me and smiled.

“Mother, over the years you’ve said things that lead me to think that there is a tremendous story behind the idea that you were experienced.”

“Someday I might tell you that story, but for now, I am hesitant to give my consent to you attending the dance with Creighton.”

“Please mother.”

“What is your cousin doing?”

“Michelle is going with the rest of the girls in our class. They will be clutched together like old hens.”

“More like young girls, giggling at the young boys. My love, your father and I fought so hard to keep you safe. You know he died doing that. I would feel terrible if this boy did something untoward with you. The consequences to him would be most harsh.”

“Mother, I’m going to a dance and you’ve taught me how a lady is supposed at act. I’ve heard that some of the older boys will sneak in some whiskey. I don’t drink that stuff.”

“What do you drink?” I wondered.

“Only wine with dinner here in the house with you and the family,” Pauli said with a smile.

“Let me think it over and I’ll let you know tomorrow when Creighton returns for my answer.”

That night in bed I asked Paul for his advice. I spoke to him most every night, especially when I needed advice for the children. No, I never heard his voice, but I always knew he was there. Pauli was twelve. Unlike her cousin, Pauli had already started her monthlies and we’d talked about what that meant.

I trusted my children to make their own decisions, but only as far as they had knowledge to make those decisions. You can’t choose between blue and brown if you don’t know colors. After considerable time staying awake, I knew what I had to do, and I knew when I had to do it. I got out of bed and went to Pauli and Michelle’s room.

“Pauli. Wake up, my love.” I gently shook her shoulder.

“I’m awake, mother. Are you all right?” She said as she quickly sat up.

“I am, but we need to talk. Please join me in the kitchen.”

I left her room and went downstairs. In the kitchen I put on a kettle and readied two cups for our tea. I was sitting at the table when Pauli joined me. She sat across the table corner from me and waited while I poured our tea.

“Pauli, it’s time for you to know a few things. As you said earlier, I have hinted at my past. I need to tell you about some things, and the worries they cause me, especially now with you wanting to go to a dance with a sixteen year old. I want you to know why I’m worried.”

“OK, mother.”

“Pauli, I’ve told you that I met your father while traveling from Wichita to Colorado. What I haven’t told you is that I was traveling with your aunts, Betty Mae, Michelle’s mother, and Raylene. We were together in a wagon with two other girls. We had all of our belongings in our wagon ... oh, and we had a cow. We’d left Wichita to make a better living in the silver fields of Colorado.”

“You were miners?”

“No my love. We made our money the way a lot of women did during and after the war. Pauli, your aunts and I were whores.”

“OK.”

I sat in silence, stunned. This was not the response I’d feared.

“OK, is all you’ve got to say?”

“Mother, over the years you’ve hinted that your past was something you were not proud of, and recently you’ve been speaking about being more experienced when you met father. I kind of figured that you were involved in an activity that was perhaps unsavory or that you were not proud of.”

“Pauli,” I paused to consider my words in light of her reaction. “Unsavory, perhaps. But it isn’t a matter of being proud or not. We had nice bodies and men wanted to use them. They paid us money and we had sex. There wasn’t anything, in our minds, that we needed to be ashamed of. It was what we did. Nothing more or less. I wasn’t a sex crazed maniac.”

“I understand.”

“We’d left Wichita after being threatened with jail and we ended up in the middle of Kansas, off the trail, and in search of water. We thought we saw water in the distance, but what we pursued was a mirage. Soon we were out of water and then our horses died. Two of the girls died before the three of us began to drink the cow’s milk to stay alive. Then the cow died and Raylene, Betty Mae and I huddled up inside the wagon, and waited to die.

“That is when your father and his brothers found us. He gave us a little water and slowly brought us back. I was just barely conscious when I heard your father say, “The redhead is mine”. He was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen. I told him that we were whores and he and his brothers took care of us but didn’t do anything to take advantage of us.”

“So father took care of you and you got married and had me.”

“That would be the very short and uninteresting version. It would lack the romance and adventure and the terrible things that happened. I think I’ll save those stories for another day. The reason I wanted to tell you the story was to let you know that I started having sex with boys when I was twelve. I was a normal girl and one day an older boy I knew got me to drink some moonshine, and one thing led to another. I let the older boy play with me a little too much and I ended up having sex with him. Then he told his friends and they got me drunk again and I had sex with all of them. After that, I was the town slut.”

“So you see that happening to me?” Pauli said, with an accusing tone to her voice.

“No, I don’t see it happening to you, but I’m scared to death that it could happen to you. Well the sex part. I’d never chase you out of our home like my mother did to me. And I’d probably kill the boy if drink was involved to the point where you had no control.”

Pauli looked at me like I was joking, but my expression told her different.

“Mother, you’d actually shoot a boy I had sex with?”

“No, my love. I’d shoot a boy who got you drunk and raped you. I’d shoot a boy who did anything to you that you didn’t want to do. When you got your monthlies, we talked about it meaning that you could get pregnant. I don’t know what you do in bed, but I assume that you occasionally touch yourself. If so, then you know that sex is the best feeling thing ever.”

“Even when it’s just fucking and not making love?”

“Even when it’s just fucking, and where did you learn that word, and what it means?”

“Mother, I’ve seen dogs and cat and cows and horses. I know what sex is. I know that a guy puts his thing in a girl.”

“Well there is a bit more to it than that, but when it’s done right, it feels wonderful and when it’s done between two people who love each other there is nothing that compares. But having said all that, it also is something that requires a mature and adult outlook on life. Having sex too early or with someone who will brag about it will diminish the opinion people have of you.”

“That’s not fair.”

“No, my darling, it’s not. Moreover, a boy who has sex with a lot of girls is not seen as being a slut. He is a studly, manly, guy. But the whole point of this is that it’s fine with me if you go to the dance with Creighton, but if he does anything to you that he shouldn’t, I will kill him. I’ll shoot him without reservation. If his parents defend him, I’ll shoot them. So understand that you hold his life in your hands. That is what I’ll tell him later today.”

“He’ll go running for the hills.”

“If he does, what does that tell you?”

After a few seconds of reflections, Pauli said, “That he was wanting to get up my dress.”

“If he sits calmly and accepts the probability that he’ll get killed, then he is either thinking he’ll get away with it, or that he wasn’t going to do anything anyway and so it’s no concern of his.”

“I think he’ll do the latter. He is a very nice boy and at school he gets his share of bullying from boys his age.”

“In that case you go to bed, and I’ll see you in the morning. I think I can sleep better now.”

“Me too, mother. Thank you for everything.”

We kissed and returned to our beds. I thanked Paul for this help and fell asleep.

Young Paul had done as I asked when the doorbell was rung, and met Creighton at the door, inviting him in. Although only eleven years old, Paul had taken the title of man of the house on himself. He invited the older boy in, and I noticed for the first time that Paul was almost as tall as Creighton. He was going to be taller than his father.

“Come on in Creighton. My mother and Pauli are in the sitting room. And Creighton, take what my mother says very seriously. My sister is very special to her, and to me for that matter.”

The young man nodded and walked into the parlor. He greeted me and then Pauli and sat when I asked him to do so.

“Creighton, I’ve a few questions for you. Do you mind answering them?”

“Not at all Mrs. O’Dell,” his answer was polite and quiet.

“Very well, first, how did you make my daughter’s acquaintance?”

“I was in the hall on the day when Pauline was making her apologies to several of my fellow students. When James Witter had his encounter with Pauline, I was impressed with the way she handled the situation. I asked a few of my friends about her and found, to my complete surprise, that no one knew much anything about her. She is very quiet. Then by complete accident she helped me with a math problem in the library and we became friends.”

“That brings me to my next question, why would a sixteen year old young man want to have a twelve year old girl accompany him to a school dance?”

“I can tell you no logical reason for that to occur. But in the case of Pauline, and you must surely know this, she is much more mature than a normal twelve year old girl. She is well spoken and a proper young lady, except when exacting a measure of justice upon a person who has offended her. I compliment you on raising an amazing young lady.”

“I thank you for the compliment and that brings up an important distinction. Pauline is not yet a young lady in my eyes. She is an inexperienced, young girl. And as such, I am hesitant to allow her to be alone in the company of a young man.”

Creighton Miles sat there for a moment and contemplated my words. I could tell that he truly wanted Pauli to accompany him to the dance, but he also saw the issue I had raised. He took a breath to gather himself before he spoke.

“Mrs. O’Dell, I understand your points, and I withdraw my request. I do, however ask that you not be against Pauline being my friend. I would be loath to not be able to speak with her in public.”

That surprised me. I expected this young man to press his point in a more robust manner.

“I have no problem with you and Pauline being seen together as friends.”

All this time Pauli had been sitting by my side. Listening quietly, with her hand on top of mine, until this last exchange. Her fingers dug into mine when Creighton withdrew his request. She truly wanted to have some sort of relationship with this young man.

“Good, now that that is settled, I have another question for you.”

“Of course, Mrs. O’Dell.”

“Would you object if I took my daughter to the dance and asked you to join us once we arrived?”

Pauli again squeezed my hand, but without using her fingernails. Creighton looked at me and then at Pauli. I caught her smiling at him and nodding in a fairly subtle manner.

“Mrs. O’Dell, I have no objection to that. In fact I would be proud to be seen in the company of two such lovely ladies.”

“You are very kind. I trust that this will not be an embarrassment to you.”

“Not at all. I will look forward to it.”

“Very well, I’ll get the details from Pauline and we shall meet you there. Paul, would you please show Creighton to the door?”

“Yes, mother.”

My son had been standing off to the side of the room and he led Creighton to the door. When he returned Michelle was with him.

“Hi mother. What was Creighton Miles doing here?”

“Michelle, he came to ask Pauli to the end of semester dance.”

“Really? Pauli you are so lucky.”

“Why do you say that, Michelle?”

“So many girls at school are in love with him. He is nice to everyone. Are you going to let him take her to the dance?”

“No, Michelle. You and she are too young to be taken to a dance unaccompanied. However, I will take her, and he is going to join us there.”

“Really? Pauli you are so lucky. Will you let me dance with him once or twice?”