Chapter 5

For a second, Nat and I just completely froze. We had hoped, desperately, in our hearts that this day would never come, especially not so graphically for our poor mother. It wasn’t exactly as if we could say ‘This isn’t what it looks like’—laughable—because how on earth could it not be? Natalia was not struggling to get away from me. Our mother had like seen my last, long desperate thrust into my sister’s pussy, and perhaps even—oh, god, perhaps even Nat’s impassioned moan about wanting me to ‘fuck a baby in her.’ There was literally no way we could deny ANYTHING. Our mother had walked in upon her teenage children copulating.

So, to say we were unprepared for this circumstance is a vast understatement. In the few seconds it took, our mother lowered her eyes to the floor, beginning to flush crimson, and stuttered, ‘Oh, I didn’t realize that... ‘ and then she didn’t seem to know what to say, because she just trailed off. On her part, I was surprised by the reaction, but at least it unfroze me. I got off my sister, gently disentangling us, and covered her with the blanket before pulling my jeans on. Mum was still just standing there, but she’d apparently been aware I’d been dressing and looked up as I pulled a t-shirt on. Her eyes skipped to Nat, who had sat up and pulled the covers around her tightly and was sitting there staring down, cheeks reddened and gaze ashamed.

Fuck, I hated this.

Our mother cleared her throat awkwardly. ‘Trevor, Natalia... ‘ her voice became thin and small as she finished, ‘I came to tell you that supper is ready.’ Then she turned, shut the door quietly behind her, and went downstairs.

Perplexed, I looked at Nat; she looked at me under her lashes, tears beginning to well. I reached to pull her close to comfort her and was hurt by how she flinched away from me for a second. When I started to move away, she kissed me in apology, and I knew I had no right to be hurt by her reaction; she was confused and scared, too. But she did settle into my arms and held me tight for a moment.

Then I got up and passed over her jeans and t-shirt from the floor. ‘What do you think she’ll say?’ I asked, my voice hoarse.

Nat just shook her head. ‘I have no idea.’ She took a shuddering breath. ‘Trev ... I love you, okay? Whatever happens tonight.’ Her smile was tremulous, and I smoothed back her fringe before kissing her gently.

‘I know. I love you, too.’

Then we went downstairs to talk to our mother.

The table had been set for supper, and the various dishes were laid out, but covered. Our mother was standing by the kitchen window over the sink, which she’d cracked open. She was smoking out of it, using a teacup as an ashtray since she’d quit and even given away all her paraphernalia at the time. I wondered where she’d squirreled away the pack of cigarettes. As we came into the room, she looked up.

‘Sit.’ To my surprise, she gave us a tentative smile, although it looked more like a grimace of pain. ‘Are you hungry?’ Mum continued, in a calm tone, carrying her teacup and cigarettes to her chair at the table. She sat and continued to smoke.

We shook our heads; the whole event had scared away any appetite we might’ve had.

‘Right,’ Mum said. ‘Me neither.’ But she made no move to put away any of the food.

Nat had been avoiding her gaze, but now she looked up and blurted, ‘Are you mad at us?’

‘Mad at you,’ our mother repeated evenly, taking a long draw. ‘No, I couldn’t say that was exactly what I am. I could definitely say surprised. I guess I shouldn’t be. You’ve been getting along marvellously; I should’ve known why, but. One never expects one’s children to ... know each other. To be sexual—together.’