Chapter 66: Top Secret Female Superpowers

January 3, 1986, McKinley, Ohio

"Actually, before you start, I'd like you to tell me why you said what you did to His Grace."

"Can we consider this entire conversation under the seal of confession?"

"Yes, of course. Let me put on my epitrachil."

He did so, said the prayer before confession, and then asked me the question again.

"Because I was being used as an example, and it felt like a double standard was being applied because Tasha and I kept our intimate relationship a secret and because she was wise enough to start taking birth control pills before she released me from my promise and insisted we become intimate."

"I'm not sure why you find that so amusing."

"Context, Father," I replied. "I mean, who would believe, in such a relationship, that it was the young woman who was demanding inappropriate intimacy and the young man was doing everything in his power to resist?"

"I know it's inappropriate, but may I ask how long you resisted?"

"From the time Tasha was fifteen until after she turned eighteen. We were telling the truth when we told Father Deacon Vasily that we had not been intimate that night Sasha revealed her pregnancy. And it wasn't a technicality, either. Tasha and I had done no more than neck at that point, despite both being under continuous assault by raging hormones."

"A common problem for teens and young adults."

"What did His Grace have to say?"

"I think on that topic, he's more upset with me than with you. I mollified him by pointing out that we had met in what amounted to pre-marital counseling and that, ultimately, Tasha had decided she couldn't be happy in a marriage to a medical student, especially one who was going to be ordained a deacon. That doesn't excuse your behavior in any way, mind you, but it did explain to His Grace why you two didn't marry."

"You know I'll accept laicization if that is the bishop's desire."

"I know, and it's not, at least not over that topic. You did confess, and you did act completely properly in your relationship with Elizaveta, so the bishop is willing to set his concern aside, though if it were to become public, that might cause him to reconsider."

"I understand. I'm sorry I put you in that position."

"I put myself in that position," Father Nicholas replied. "But I'm at a loss for what I could have done differently, given my goals were, as they should have been, to help you work out your salvation, even if you fell. I'll answer for your behavior as a subdeacon at the judgment seat, just as you will."

"But we have an advocate before the Father, Jesus Christ, who is righteous," I replied.

"The only thing which gives any of us hope! Now, if you would, please tell me why you were before the Family Court judge four years ago."

I spent fifteen minutes explaining the entire sordid affair, from the moment Liz bragged about having sex until the last attempt by Dean Parker to use the false accusations against me. Father Nicholas listened, only interjecting 'Lord have mercy' at a few of the revelations.

"I don't even know what to say," Father Nicholas declared when I finished.

"Try living through it," I replied, shaking my head. "You knew parts of what happened, but by no means all."

"And now I understand why your parents were so upset. It was more than just Liz being raped and having an affair with a much older married man. And I think I see where the seeds of destruction were sown in your parents' marriage."

"I think those seeds were sown when my mom was fifteen," I replied.

"You probably shouldn't have revealed that," Father Nicholas declared.

"Mom told me about it, and I honestly think that's the ultimate source of all their problems. It's the thing on which Tasha's marriage might founder as well. It was a very close thing when she revealed she wasn't a virgin, much the same as the problems I had with Elizaveta, though my wife was able to come to terms with them."

"There are still double standards in that regard," Father Nicholas observed, "where society, and even the Church, make allowances for men, but not for women. And that informs the views of both men and women in the church. As I once said to you, the problem with teen and young adult sexuality is widespread, and there are no perfect solutions. Not the ones the grandmothers have chosen, nor the answer which society has given since the sixties."

"What do you propose to say to Vladyka?"

"That's a very good question. The charges clearly were not credible, at least once the hearing was held. And I see why the point of having no criminal charges filed was crucial to your thinking. Even acquittal would have created a significant impediment to ordination, such that it might have necessitated waiting until you were established in your career."

"The thing is, there was no real credibility," I said firmly. "It was inferences, biases, and a parlor trick. That said, I understand what the faithful and the general public would have assumed, and the effect on my reputation. I explained the close calls, and I only escaped because the prosecutor elected not to file charges. Fortunately, because Liz was a minor, her court records were sealed. In this case, marriage, divorce, and annulment are all public proceedings, even when a minor is marrying with parental consent."

"So there is literally no way for anyone to ever see those files?"

"No. Liz would have to give permission, and she'd never do that. They're completely sealed, as are any records which Family Services might have retained. The only public thing was the 'finding', which was voluntarily withdrawn by Family Services, and all public records or references to it destroyed."

"You're sure?"

"As I said, when Dean Parker tried to frame me for Angie's disappearance, the police ran me through the system and found nothing. My attorney had those records sealed by court order. And, honestly, the only thing there would be the detective's notes, which also show that nothing was found in any state records to back up the slanderous claim. And, as I said, ultimately, Dean Parker resigned over the matter. If she were to try to make a public or private accusation, a number of people would land on her like a ton of bricks, and a search of police, court, and Family Services records would turn up nothing."

"We'll need to tell His Grace something."

"Simply tell him that it was a hearing relating to Liz's situation, which is completely true. He knows some of what happened to Liz because my mom included some of it in her petition for an ecclesiastical divorce."

"Are there any records available from Liz's cases?"

"The rapists all pled guilty after one of them confessed, which means that the only things which exist are the indictments and plea agreements, none of which have Liz's name on them, and none of which refer to me. The investigative reports are sealed because she was a minor. The same is true for Paul's situation — indictment and plea agreements, none of which name Liz. The complaint filed by the Sheriff did have my name as the one making the complaint against Paul, but that was sealed with everything else because Liz was a minor under the age of consent. Ultimately, if we trust the system, nothing can come up."

"I wish the judge hadn't asked you that question," Father Nicholas said.

"Me, too, but she didn't give away any details."

"How much does Father Herman know?"

"About the accusations against me? Nothing, unless my parents or Liz told him, and I don't think they did. He knew when I became sexually active because that was before I came to Taft, but once I had to move my official address here, you became my confessor."

"I wish you had told me about this before, but I completely understand why you didn't. My concern is that quite a few people seem to know about it."

I nodded, "None of whom would breathe a word about it except for that Dean and rumor has it she's moved to Illinois."

"The psychiatrist?"

I shook my head, "No. She'd open herself up to a malpractice suit and put her practice at serious risk. The State of Ohio might cancel their contracts with her, and she could lose her license. I'm not worried about her."

"OK. And I do now understand why you put so much faith in the psychologist from Milford."

"She saved me, Father, in more ways than one."

"I want to ask, as we're under the seal of confession, how much pressure your grandfather put on you."

I chuckled, "About the same as usual. He made his points about Deacon Vasily, then pushed me to confront the bishop on the trouble in the parish, to the point of suggesting I insist His Grace tell me. I obviously kept my own counsel. In the end, it was no different from the money he provided to 'start a family' or his encouragement of my ordination. I kept my own counsel and acted on it as I saw best."

"The other two who mentioned it, are they in our parish or at Holy Transfiguration?"

"As we're under the seal, it was Tasha and Matushka Elizaveta, but to the best of my knowledge, neither of them has any details. I instructed both of them to drop the matter, and I'll also mention a certain young woman put a full-court press on me when she discovered I was to serve on the Spiritual Court. I told her I would listen and make my decisions in love."

"And you said nothing because you didn't want to get Tasha in trouble, right?"

"Correct. I didn't want to serve on the Spiritual Court, but I fully understand exactly why Father Deacon Vasily asked for me."

"Is he aware?"

"Officially? No. Unofficially? He's not THAT clueless. But he knew the destination and chose to keep his own counsel. He and Tasha had some kind of confrontation when she told him we weren't going to marry, but she chose not to share that with me."

"Things have become clearer," Father Nicholas said. "All of this has created quite the potential for scandal, not to mention whatever else is going on at Holy Transfiguration. It seems that, intentional or not, Father Deacon Vasily has put the bishop in a position where a ruling deposing him from the diaconate risks an explosive scandal in two parishes."

"You know I'll go quietly and never say a word, right?"

Father Nicholas smiled and nodded, "I'm aware, but that won't stop tongues wagging and serious questions being asked for which nobody can give any answers. The gossip and rumor-mongering would quickly accelerate out of control."

"I'm sorry," I replied.

"Michael, you didn't bring any of this on yourself, with the exception of your promiscuity. Again, making no excuses, Mary of Egypt, David, and others were restored to full grace after significant sexual sin. You've confessed and should have no further care. Bringing it up to the bishop was a questionable decision, but, all things considered, I think I understand why you did so. Not to trap His Grace, but to point out that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."

"What's your true opinion on the matter?"

"Privately, between you and me?"

"Yes."

"Father James and Protodeacon Seraphim were wrong, and this should never have gone beyond perhaps a short suspension, if even that. Your assessment of the judge's actions strikes me as exactly right — Sasha was entitled to the annulment as a matter of law, simply for the asking. But she asked the wrong way, and that forced the judge's hand because anything else would have escalated a situation for no good reason."

I smiled, "Good. I hope His Grace takes our recommendation."

"I think he will, but at times, bishops are inscrutable. He has other considerations, including not tying his own hands for a future case where the facts are not quite so flimsy or which has the potential to cause a real scandal. And speaking of that, as we're still under the seal, did your grandfather give you any hints?"

I shook my head, "No. He said that Vladyka had ordered the Parish Council to not speak about it."

"And your grandfather tried an end-run," Father Nicholas replied ruefully. "That's going to lead to a VERY uncomfortable conversation between two old friends, one of whom is a bishop."

"All the more reason I'm very glad my grandfather said nothing more than he did. Do you think I should approach Vladyka?"

"No, I don't think so. Remember what I said about the eleventh hour with regard to your promiscuity?"

"I do."

"And I'm sure you remember what Saint John Chrysostom teaches us in his Paschal homily."

I nodded, "If any have tarried even until the eleventh hour, let him, also, be not alarmed at his tardiness; for the Lord, who is jealous of his honor, will accept the last even as the first; He gives rest unto him who comes at the eleventh hour, even as unto him who has wrought from the first hour."

"So, do you think you need to speak to His Grace?"

I smiled, "No. I'll leave that to you."

"Good. Then please take your lovely wife on your date."

"Thank you, Father."

"One last thing — Protodeacon Seraphim will serve the Typika at Holy Transfiguration this Sunday."

"OK," I replied.

I asked for Father Nicholas' blessing, and after I received it, I left his study and found Elizaveta with Matushka Natalya. She got up, we said 'good night', then headed out to my car.

"What was that about?" she asked as I pulled out of the driveway.

"Mostly the hearing, but also about a question Judge Lee asked me during Sasha's hearing."

"What question?"

"About having been in her courtroom in the past. The bishop asked Father Nicholas what it was about."

"That can't be good," Elizaveta replied apprehensively.

"I had to tell Father Nicholas about the false accusations."

"No!" Elizaveta gasped.

"I offered to request that the bishop laicize me, but Father Nicholas didn't feel that was appropriate. He's going to tell the bishop the truth — that it was about the trouble Liz had."

"That's good, right?"

"Very. It should be the end of it. Let's just focus on our date."

"We could go home and take a bath..."

"Just a bath?"

"You know what I want!"

I chuckled, "Same as always!"

"Are you complaining, husband?"

"I'm not nearly as dumb as I look!"

"You couldn't be!" Elizaveta giggled.

"Nice. And for that, I get to use the toy on you tonight!"

"Drive faster!"

January 7, 1986, McKinley, Ohio

"Hi, I'm Michael Loucks, a medical student," I said to the receptionist. "I'm assigned to Doctor Candace Forsberg."

"Hi! She's expecting you. Let me call her."

She picked up the phone, announced me, and a moment later, a pretty blonde doctor arrived behind the desk. She did a double-take and I decided to simply cut to the chase.

"Hi, Doctor Forsberg. I'm a Russian Orthodox deacon, and my bishop requires his clergy to wear our cassocks when we're in public. If that's a concern for you, I can change into a shirt and tie. I have them with me in my bag."

"That might be best," she said. "Come with me, please."

The receptionist buzzed me through the door, and Doctor Forsberg led me to an empty exam room.

"You can change here, and then come two doors down to my office, which is on the right."

She closed the door behind her, and I quickly removed my medical coat, then my cassock. I took my shirt and tie from my bag, put them on, then folded the cassock and put it into the bag. I put on my medical coat and draped my stethoscope around my neck. Three minutes after I'd started, I was in Doctor Forsberg's office.

"Is it Michael? Or Mike?" she asked.

"Either is fine," I replied. "I intend to be 'Doctor Mike' when I graduate."

"Then, Mike it is. Do you wear your robes all the time? Including at school?"

"Yes. The one obvious exception is when I need to wear surgical scrubs, which was the case during my first Preceptorship in the ER. When I was on my rotation in Pediatrics, I wore my cassock with my medical coat over it, as I was when I walked in today."

"It might be a bit disconcerting for some of my patients," Doctor Forsberg said. "I suppose I should just get this out on the table — I do referrals for abortions and perform abortions when I volunteer at the McKinley Free Clinic. Are we going to have a problem?"

I shook my head, "No. My position on abortion will never, ever interfere with my medical training, though I intend to do my OB/GYN Clerkship and Sub-Internship at a Roman Catholic hospital so that I don't have to participate in elective abortions, something which is permitted by the Medical Licensing Board."

"Does that include not participating in exams where I discuss options?"

I shook my head, "No, it's a legal medical procedure, and while I won't ever recommend termination except to save a woman's life, I will follow the guidelines for providing brochures and referrals. I have firm beliefs, Doctor, but I'm not about to let them interfere with a decision only a woman can make. My first obligation is always to my patient."

She nodded, "You appear to have thought this through. Have you observed any gynecological exams or procedures?"

"No. I have seen Foley catheters placed in female patients in the ER, but that's the extent."

"And there are no concerns?"

"You mean because I'm a clergyman? No. As I said, medicine is my first obligation."

"OK. Ever experienced labor or delivery? Either in your training or personally?"

I shook my head, "No. And definitely not personally!"

We both laughed, and she continued.

"I'll need you to call the office about 12:30pm each Tuesday to see if I'm going to be at the hospital doing a delivery. They are, as you might know, fairly unpredictable both in timing and the time it takes. I can't require it under the terms of the program, but if you are with me at the hospital for a delivery, I'd strongly prefer you stay until the delivery is complete, even if it goes past your usual time. I feel it's important for you to see the entire process, if at all possible."

That wasn't ideal, because of our study group, but I'd absolutely miss it for the chance to see a birth. It might be inconvenient for the others, but I was sure they'd agree, and as I thought about it, there was no reason they couldn't meet at the cottage. It was only for eight weeks, and I felt it was manageable. Of course, that assumed babies coöperated such that I could actually be present.