Chapter 43: Deacon?!

September 14, 1985, McKinley, Ohio

"Yulia won't be happy, but I see your point, Mike," Viktor said as we sat in his study before our midday meal on Saturday. "I'll talk to her after you two leave."

"Thanks."

"How was band practice this morning?"

"Abbreviated because of the liturgy for the Exaltation of the Cross. We're pretty ragged on a number of songs, but we have until November 8th to get our act together, so we should be OK. I try to practice a short time every day before dinner."

"Any trouble with your studies?"

"Other than the amount of time I have to spend studying? No. Elizaveta and I have worked out a good routine, and I think it's working. She seems to think so, too, at least as best I can tell."

"She seems happy, and I haven't heard any 'back channel' complaints from my mom or mother-in-law."

"Good to know!" I chuckled.

"Any updates on your parents?"

I shook my head, "No. Mom filed divorce papers yesterday, which means my dad will have them soon, if he doesn't already have them. I'm not sure how that works. I'm going to try to contact him at the end of next week."

"If she filed yesterday, the Harding County Sheriff will serve your dad when a deputy has time, usually within a day or two. It wouldn't surprise me if he was served at work yesterday, or if that didn't happen, then on Monday, because that would be easiest for the Sheriff."

"That should go over like a lead balloon," I sighed.

"It's also possible to serve him by Certified Mail if the Harding County Clerk offers that service. Or she could hire a process server. I'd put money on the Sheriff, given your dad works for the county."

"Then what? I mean, if you know."

"I think your dad has twenty-eight days to respond. He'll have to provide any information the court requests and comply with any restraining orders."

"I can't imagine my mom asked for one. She actually wants to talk to him. What happens then?"

"It depends on whether or not he contests it. If not, they come to some kind of agreement about assets, and it's over. If he does, then it's a court fight. And now you've reached the limits of what I know about it from when a friend of mine was served by his wife."

"I don't think my mom will be vindictive, though with my grandfather's influence..."

"Scorched earth! Yes, let's hope for all your sakes that's not the case. The one fortunate thing, if there is one, is that you and Liz are both over eighteen. That means neither of you is actually involved except insofar as you want to support your mom."

"And my dad," I said. "If he'd accept any support."

"May I comment on that?"

"Of course."

"I find it interesting that you refuse to take sides even though your father is committing adultery."

"To use a trite saying — hate the sin, love the sinner. In the end, he's still my dad, and I still love him. I honestly don't care what people think about that."

"Sorry, I wasn't accusing you; it was just an observation. It's actually no surprise, really, given how you handled things with your parents and your sister. And that's why I said 'interesting', not 'surprising'."

"Understood. And honestly, if there were anything I could do to help them reconcile, I'd do it. But if my dad isn't talking to anyone, that's not possible."

Viktor smiled, "Do you think my daughter would consider reconciliation under similar circumstances?"

"No," I said with a wry smile, "because I'd be dead! Just as you would be if it were you!"

"True!"

"My mom has shown great restraint. It's my grandfather my dad should worry about."

"My daughter would not show that restraint, so my intervention would be unnecessary."

"Very true!" I agreed.

Elizaveta called us to dinner, and we left Viktor's study to join the extended family, minus Geno, who had flown to Boston to see Anna and finish the final wedding preparations. After our meal, Elizaveta and I went back to the cottage.

"Your dad is going to tell your mom about Thanksgiving this afternoon."

"Just one more thing for her to add to her 'Why Elizaveta is an ungrateful daughter' list!"

"Remember," I cautioned. "Don't get into it with her. If she confronts you, tell her that I made the decision and send her my way."

Elizaveta laughed, "So you aren't afraid?"

"Of my mother-in-law? No! Of the other ladies at the church, YES!"

"We need to do some grocery shopping. Should I do it during your study group, or do you want to do it together after Vespers?"

"After Vespers, if it's OK with you."

"It is. We have fifteen minutes before your study group arrives..."

"If you like it fast, I think we can manage!"

She was off like a flash, as were our clothes.

September 15, 1985, McKinley, Ohio

"Father Deacon, do you have a moment?" George Trent asked during lunch.

"Of course, George," I replied. "What can I do for you."

"Privately, please?"

I nodded and we went to the church office, which Father Nicholas had given me blanket permission to use if he wasn't using it. I shut the door and indicated George should sit.

"How can I help?" I asked.

"I'm sure you noticed that Debby hasn't been in church the last few weeks."

Debby was his nineteen-year-old daughter who was attending Ohio State and who had, indeed, been absent from my Sunday School class the previous week.

"Yes, I've noticed. Vickie wasn't here today, either."

"Vickie wasn't feeling well this morning. As for Debby, about three weeks ago, she met a boy, and I'm afraid he's a bad influence on her, if you know what I mean?"

That could mean anything from drinking to drugs to sex, but I didn't need to know.

"I have a pretty good idea, yes."

"I was wondering if you and Matushka could talk to Debby. Anything her mom and I say seems to fall on deaf ears."

"I really need to refer pastoral issues to Father Nicholas," I replied gently.

"Yes, of course, but she always said she liked your Sunday School class, but she's never really clicked with Father Nicholas since we were chrismated almost four years ago. Just talk to her, please. Maybe just to say you missed her in class?"

"If I had Father Nicholas' blessing, I could do that. I'm not trying to avoid talking to her, but I do have to follow the bishop's instructions for deacons. Let me talk to him and see what he says."

"Thank you, Deacon."

I went to find Father Nicholas, and after he finished his conversation, we went to the parish office, where I explained Mr. Trent's request.

"I don't see a problem with you and Matushka contacting her and asking her to have coffee or a meal. It's appropriate because she's in your Sunday School class, and I know I can trust you to stay on the correct side of the line, as it were."

"So, just a 'we missed you in Sunday School and wondered if there was something wrong' kind of thing?" I asked.

"Yes. And perhaps enlist Mikayla or one of the other college girls as well."

"I'm wondering if this isn't right up Elizaveta's alley," I said. "She and one of the other girls — she'll know the best one — rather than me. I'm certainly happy to join them, but it might be better coming from girls her own age, rather than a clergyman in a cassock."

"You have good intuition, Deacon."

"I took what Vladyka said about a 'shared ministry' to heart!"

"Very good. Speak with Elizaveta and let me know if you make any progress. Just so you know, I usually don't get concerned about college-age students until they miss a full month or if they're away from home for school and don't come to church when they're home. But in this case, if her dad thinks she might be engaging in, let's call it 'risky' behavior, then a call from your wife seems appropriate."

"Thanks, Father."

I went back to the parish hall and quietly let Mr. Trent know that Father had given his blessing, then went back to the table where the college and High School kids were sitting.

Later in the afternoon, after Sunday School, which covered the yearly liturgical cycle, Elizaveta and I made love, then cuddled in a warm bubble bath.

"Debby's dad approached me about her missing the last few weeks," I said. "He thinks she's seeing a guy and is involved in 'inappropriate' behavior. I talked to Father Nicholas and we agreed you and one of the college girls should try to get in touch with Debby and see if she'll talk to you."

"By 'inappropriate' you mean sex?"

"I honestly don't know. It could be drugs, alcohol, sex, or something else. Mr. Trent wanted me to talk to her, but honestly, this is a perfect place to use the 'shared ministry' concept. And, to be blunt, I think a cassock would actually interfere at this point."

"You mean because you're 'official' and this needs to be 'unofficial'?"

"Something like that, yes."

"Debby and Oksana are close, so she's probably the best person. Or maybe Mikayla, because I think she might be able to relate in a way Oksana can't."

I chuckled, "Dale?"

Elizaveta laughed, "Duh! I believe they very much enjoyed their time together!"

"It's your call, Kitten."

"You know, maybe the best thing to do is to ask Oksana to invite Debby to lunch with Mikayla and me. That wouldn't seem strange to Debby, or at least I don't think it would."

"I think that's a good plan."

"I hate to say it," Elizaveta sighed, "but we need to get out of the tub. Our friends will be here in less than twenty minutes, and I need to get the tea and coffee going and set out snacks."

I cupped both of Elizaveta's lovely breasts in my hands and squeezed gently.

"Stop!" she giggled. "Or we won't be ready!"

"And?" I teased, tweaking her nipples.

"Mike!" she whispered harshly.

"What?"

"You have five minutes to make me cum, or I'm going to kill you!"

"I think I can manage!"

September 16, 1985, McKinley, Ohio

Monday morning was typical — anatomy lecture, lab, and then showers.

"Mike, can I ask you about something I've noticed?" Peter inquired as we dressed.

"Sure. What?"

"When we're at your place, you behave differently. Outside the house, except for Elizaveta, I've never even seen you touch anyone, and with her, it's just holding hands. But at your house, you hug the girls and even kiss their cheeks."

"Decorum and expected behavior," I replied. "Even Elizaveta isn't supposed to hug me when I'm wearing my cassock. I suppose you could compare it to how people expect 'public figures' to behave, well, in public. If you think about it, there is an expected behavior for doctors, right?"

"Sure."

"They discussed 'professional' behavior the first week and made the point of how important it was whether you were in 'uniform' or not. I'm not too familiar with the military, but I know there are strict rules about how they have to behave in uniform and on duty, and some of those rules apply when they're off duty as well. That's the comparison I'd make."

"I suppose that makes sense."

"And," I looked around to make sure nobody was in hearing range, "you've acknowledged that by keeping your orientation secret."

"Obviously. I suppose that explains why Maryam seems uncomfortable at times."

I nodded, "She sees me as 'Deacon Mike', irrespective of whether I'm wearing my cassock or not. The rest of you just see me as 'Mike', even though you know I'm a deacon."

"Does that bother you?"

I shook my head, "Why should it? It's not like anyone is disrespectful; they just don't feel the need to show reverence because they aren't Orthodox. I'm actually pretty irreverent myself when I have the chance to be."

"It almost seems like those robes are a straitjacket."

"One I willingly put on," I replied. "But you're putting on a similar one right now with your short white lab coat. We both answer to the medical school and, eventually, the State Medical Licensing Board. I just happen to answer to an even higher power as well. For me, the 'doctor' rules are a subset of the 'church' rules, and in a sense, putting the lab coat over the cassock is a perfect symbol of how I behave — guided by my faith, I behave as a doctor should, placing my patients' welfare above all else."

"I hadn't thought about the lab coat in that way, but you make a good point."

"Never be afraid to ask questions."

He glanced around, "Clarissa said your church considers being gay a sin."

I shook my head, "There is no way Clarissa said that because it's not true, and she knows better. Sexual attraction is not a sin. Acting on it outside of marriage is. That said, for us, sin is 'missing the mark' — a failure to live up to the standards God has ordained. I've failed more times than I care to count or remember, but God is loving and gracious and forgives our sins."

"Maybe I misunderstood what she said."

"I suspect so. That said, I consider you a friend. It's literally impossible to stop associating with sinners because I am a sinner! When I finally become sinless, THEN it's OK for me to worry about someone else's sins."

"But you're a minister!"

"A servant. My job is to do the bishop's bidding and aid the priest in his ministry. I don't hear confessions, nor am I responsible for anyone's spiritual condition except my own, my wife's, and my future children's. My job is to live the Gospel and teach it in love. Have you heard me preach at or condemn anyone?"

"No."

"And you know Clarissa's story, right?"

"That you two are best friends, and she came out to you."

"So, what does that tell you?"

"Sorry."

"No need to apologize. And ask questions anytime you want. I tend to avoid talking about religion unless someone specifically asks. I find that the most effective way to spread the Gospel."

"By actually being a Christian."

"As best I know how and as best I can."

"Thanks."

"Shall we go have lunch and hit the steam room?"

"Preach it!" Peter exclaimed, and we both laughed.

September 17, 1985, McKinley, Ohio

"Mike, can I ask you a question about the hospital?" Elizaveta inquired at breakfast on Tuesday morning.

"Of course."

"Are you alone with Doctor Gibbs?"

"It's happened, but only in places which are public — the staff lounge, the chart room, and the locker room."

"Locker room?"

"It's co-ed," I replied. "Everyone says that's normal for hospitals. The showers are private."

"So you just change in front of girls?"

"I change in front of doctors," I replied. "And I don't shower because I don't need to."

"But changing?"

"I have my T-shirt and briefs on, Kitten."

"It just seems wrong," she protested.

"Maybe, but watching them insert a Foley catheter into a sixteen-year-old girl last week was really uncomfortable."

"A what?"

"It drains urine. You can guess where it goes."

"Gross! But you saw her..."

"Yes," I replied gently, trying to keep my voice calm and reässuring. "Think about what I'm going to see when I learn to deliver babies and do gynecological exams."

"Uhm..."

"Kitten, your doctor doesn't think about sex when she examines you!"

"But she's a girl!"

"So is Clarissa," I replied evenly.

"Oh!" Elizaveta gasped. "I, uhm, hadn't even thought about that! But I don't think Doctor Madison is a lesbian!"

"Because she's not wearing a pink triangle?" I asked.

"A what?"

"What the Nazis made homosexuals wear, similar to the yellow badges they forced Jews to wear. My point was that how could you tell? I mean, unless she's married, but even THAT doesn't mean she's not attracted to girls. She could be bisexual."

"This is just so ... strange. You're so casual about it."

"I'm professional about it," I replied gently. "There's a difference. I felt uncomfortable during the procedure but remained professional. I was more embarrassed for the patient than anything."

"I guess, but..."

"Do you remember what I told you about seeing April feed Chastity? There was literally nothing 'sexy' about it. If you think about it, it's probably the most natural thing in the world. The fact that everyone hides it only reinforces the idea that breasts are ONLY about sex when that isn't even remotely true."

"I could see nursing our babies in front of you, but anyone else?"

"April was a special circumstance. May I tell you something funny without you becoming upset?"

"I'll try."

"April did what she did to make herself sexually attractive to me. It had the exact opposite effect, YET it made me consider her desired result."

"Sex?"

"Marriage. Sex was the LAST thing I thought about when I saw Chastity nursing. I was totally awestruck, and suddenly, a whole lot of things that I'd never understood before made sense. The most exciting days of my life are going to be when you give birth to our children! I've always wanted to be a dad, but that really drove it home. The emotions were overwhelming."

"But I thought she wouldn't convert."

"And that is what quelled those emotions."

"Did you?"

I shook my head, "That would have committed me to marry her, which was a commitment I could neither make nor keep."

"But you had sex with lots of girls who didn't think it meant you had to marry!"

"Exactly. She did. You certainly did."

"And Tasha?"

"We didn't until she decided it didn't mean that," I replied.

"Both Tasha and Sasha..."

"I don't know what Sasha was really thinking. In fact, I'd say she wasn't thinking and let her hormones take control."

"And Tasha trusted YOU in that regard?"

"Yes," I chuckled. "And she was right, wasn't she? I once said Tasha's virtue was perfectly safe from everyone but Tasha. And she agrees. Ask her next Sunday, privately. But I think the conversation about those kinds of decisions might be useful for Elias, Serafima, Mark, and Alyssa."

"Because they're struggling to stay chaste?"

"Pretty much."

"I need to leave for school," Elizaveta said, "but I want to talk more about the hospital."

I nodded, "OK. I'll walk you out to the car."

"And then study?"

"Tuesdays don't actually require much study, and I'm prepared for my epidemiology class. I'll review flashcards."

"OK. Oh, before I forget, it's OK to invite Maryam and Peter for dinner on Mondays."

"Thanks, Kitten."

We quickly finished cleaning up the kitchen, then Elizaveta grabbed her school bag. I kissed her, then walked her out to her car. Once she'd driven off, I went back into the house and sat down with a stack of nearly five hundred flashcards of medical terms and slowly flipped through them until it was time to leave for campus.