Back when I was young, my wife and I watched Snow White and the Seven Dwarves with our children. A lovely and fun tale for all. Unfortunately, while dragging the Christmas tree from the basement upstairs, my wife informed me that it was more appropriate that we discuss the Seven Senior Dwarves, and that we were Weezer and Geezer! So sad!

Happy - Now renamed Weezer. He developed COPD from too many years working in the mine.

Sleepy - Now known as Geezer. His sleep apnea was cured, but wearing the masks pisses him off.

Sneezy - Changed his name to Pisser. He’s got a prostate the size of a grapefruit!

Bashful - Now known as Pooper. Snow White put him on a high fiber diet.

Grumpy - Still grumpy. Tends to sit on the porch and yell at the younger dwarves for walking on the lawn.

Dopey - Still Dopey, he has two televisions, one tuned to MSNBC and the other to Fox News, and he can’t figure out which one is telling the truth.

Doc - Lost his medical license after an accident while working as a substitute mohel at Temple Beth Israel.