Chapter 7

I pushed and shoved my dick in and out, but the sensation was gone, I felt nothing. I kept trying, and Karl patiently stayed put while I hammered away, pointlessly, at his arse. Still nothing. Eventually, I conceded defeat, and withdrew from him.

Karl was grinning. ‘Nice try soldier. Close, but no cigar. Even a stud like me can’t go again so quick. He sat up in front of me, my dick still defiantly stiff. It was right in his face, but he ignored it. Instead, he scooted round to the nightstand and grabbed a handful of tissues. He offered me some, and as I wiped off the slime covering my dick, Karl cleaned his arse.

He stood towering over me. ‘OK honey, that was really nice. Maybe we can hook up again soon, yeah?’

I got the impression that it was my time to go, we were finished here.

I gathered my clothes together and got dressed, even slipping on Shilpa’s thong, Karl just slipped on his dressing gown. I looked at him expecting something more, not physical, but just human interaction, but it didn’t happen.

‘So ok, kid. Perhaps again sometime. Real nice.’ He moved to the door, I was being ushered out. The transaction was over. No money had changed hands, but that’s just what it felt like, a business transaction.

In my naivety, I had assumed that there would be some sort of emotional bond, some kind of empathy. But no, it was a physical trade, nothing more or less. I used his body, and he used mine. At a biological level, it was no more than an exchange of body fluids.

For the first time, I felt a little grubby and slightly ashamed. I left his house, deflated. I had to wrestle with my core values, to try and rationalise the situation and to diminish my sense of humiliation.

But what did I truly expect? It was a meeting with a stranger via a gay contact app. So all that had just happened, was what was supposed to happen, gay contact. Not gay friendship, not gay warmth and affection, just sexual gratification. No higher feelings required or expected.

It saddened me but, the pragmatist in me told me that this was just one small part of the “gay scene”. I had a choice, free will, I either embraced it, or I rejected it. I was not being forced to do either one. As a result, I felt that I had just matured a little, that I had just grown up, and still only sixteen.

I made my way to the bus stop and waited.

As the minutes ticked by, I felt the unmistakeable ooze of Karl’s semen dribbling out of my arse. I knew Shilpa’s thong wouldn’t soak it up, and so I had to get on the bus with a stain forming on my trousers. Luckily, I had my denim jeans on so a dark stain wouldn’t be so noticeable, but I was equally sure that I was leaving a wet patch on the seat.

As I sat on the bus, trundling towards home, I pondered my situation.

It was becoming apparent to me that I was making sex, the singular most important thing in my life. The need to feel the warmth and comfort with a man, had become a driving force. The powerful sense of protection and well-being seemed paramount to me now. I found myself craving that feeling more and more. It had become a cycle that was hard to break, an I wasn’t sure that I wanted to: the more I had sex, the more I yearned for it.

Even now, my thoughts were of Leo and how long it would be before I was safely in his arms.

My erection that had been rising and falling, was again fully formed and becoming uncomfortable in my trousers. Shilpa’s thong was just not designed to accommodate it. I shifted in my seat, trying to ease the situation, but I had no choice but to rearrange my tumescent penis by hand. I gripped it and moved it sideways.

As I gently squeezed my dick through my trousers, a new slightly worrying thought entered my mind. The thrill of the “stranger sex” with Karl and to a lesser extent with Vernon, had heightened the level of arousal way beyond what I thought possible. The element of danger had excited me to a much higher degree, than the safe, domestic sex. I had developed a liking for the buzz it gave me, like an aphrodisiac drug, I felt that I may becoming addicted to risky sex.

I got home without resorting to masturbating on the bus, mum seemed relaxed, no hint of suspicion, just a general enquiry about the college work.

I had to keep up with the lies, but she seemed happy enough. Then I encountered Shilpa and immediately felt shame and guilt. I had just been with a strange man for sex, wearing one of her thongs and I was sure that I blushed with the embarrassment.

She eyed me suspiciously. ‘What have you been up to Slummy?’ Her pet name for me always rankled, but I never let her see it.

‘Nothing, just studying with a friend, that’s all.’

She whispered. “Mum might believe you, but I don’t.’

I ran up to the sanctuary of my room, the raging hard on had returned. I flipped the laptop open and called up my favourite porn site. My cock was in my hand straight away, and I was jacking off within seconds. A black guy and a white prison officer were fucking in a jail cell. Visions of me and Karl swirled around in my mind. It had me cumming very quickly and furiously, my spunk flying on to the carpet. I fell back on my bed. The excitement and constant thrill of arousal had tired me out.

I decided to give Leo a ring, the sound of his voice would hopefully soothe me. It went to voicemail, but my disappointment was short lived, he rang me back a few minutes later.

‘Hi Sunni, sorry I missed your call, a bit busy. Are you OK?”

I stammered a little, I nearly blurted out what I had just done with Karl.

‘Yeah, I’m ok, just thought I’d give you a ring see how you’re getting on. Anyone famous in this thing you’re doing?’

‘Not really, one or two that have been in soaps.’

I was running out of things to say without spilling the beans and getting all confessional.

Leo noticed my hesitation. ‘Oh, I tell you who I worked with recently, Bailey, that tall supermodel with the big tits from Nigeria or somewhere. She’s really nice.’

I knew who he was talking about. Shilpa really admired her, not just for her beauty, but for her openness about her sexuality.

I rambled on for a few more minutes and then we rang off. The call hadn’t made me feel much better. But it was nice to hear his voice.

I did one more thing on my laptop before I went downstairs. I looked on the gay forum site I often read. I typed in to the topic search box, “gay cruising sites” and my local area. Surprisingly, only one thread came up. It was about a wooded area behind an abandoned row of shops.

The date of the posts was a couple of months ago, and nothing since. It occurred to me that perhaps the area was still running. Maybe it was still worth a look.

I cleared my browsing history, just in case, then cleaned up the semen stain on the carpet and went back downstairs. All was normal and peaceful, my guilty pleasure was still just my secret, and my burden to bear.

My mind churned with thoughts of high risk, stranger sex. The very idea of “gay dogging”, captivated and enthralled me. But of course it was madness to even contemplate getting involved in such a dangerous practice. I’m slightly built with absolutely no means to defend myself, should one of the participants become aggressive. And yet, I couldn’t stop thinking about a casual sexual encounter. No strings, no emotional involvement, just pure sex.

My imagination ran riot in my mind, and concocted all manner of scenarios. All of them having the same outcome, me having glorious, uninhibited sex with strange, mysterious, queer men.

I decided that I had to take the risk. I had to see what I would be missing, if I never experienced the thrill of the unknown.

I made up my mind to go to this meeting place and find out for myself, just what made it such an attraction for gay men. Why they would take such a chance.

The next night, I told my parents that I was going round a friend’s house. They thought, incorrectly, that I was going because he had a pretty sister.

I was more interested in him than her, but sadly, he was straight.

I jumped on the bus, when the damned thing finally arrived, and rode to the parade of deserted shops. They were due for demolition and were boarded up with “Keep Out” signs all over the place. This had not deterred an enterprising group of men from forcing an entry and congregating in the woods immediately behind the shops. At first, I couldn’t see a way past the thick wooden boards and corrugated metal sheet. But on further investigation, I found a loose metal sheet down one side of the shops.

I carefully and quietly, moved the metal aside and slipped in to a rubble-strewn side entrance to one of the shops.The shop itself was secured, but the pathway leading around and behind it was open. I ventured slowly down the side and found myself at the edge of some trees.

I stood listening for the sound of people, but heard and saw nothing. Maybe, it was no longer the place it used to be. I carried on in to the trees, going deeper in to the gloom. Again I stood and listened, nothing. I waited, silent and still for what seemed like ten minutes but was probably only three or four. Then I heard a sound, not far away, but very quiet. I moved in the direction of the sound and saw a man standing and another man crouching down in front, clearly sucking his cock.