Chapter 5

I rang my doorbell, my mum let me in. ‘You took a long time Sunil. Was there a lot to do?’ ‘Quite a bit mum, but I got it done OK. He gave me five pounds. But I don’t think I’ll do it again, it’s hard work. But, good news is, he plays badminton. So I’ll be able to practice in his place whenever I like.’ Mum smiled and nodded, she was content with that. But I felt dreadful. I hated lying to her, but the truth would break her heart. I could never tell her that I was gay. And so, I kept up the pretence that I liked girls, for her and dad.

Going from being able to freely express my sexuality, to having to hide it, depressed me. I longed to be able to let people see who I really was, but the consequences of that, were too dire to contemplate.

Homosexuality, although not expressly forbidden in Hinduism, is strongly discouraged. It goes against dharma, or the truth of Hinduism.

Fair to say, that if my parents ever found out that I loved to shove my cock up a man’s arse, it would not go down well.

As I turned to go up to my bedroom, I almost ran smack bang in to my big sister, Shilpa. She’s six years older than me, and by all accounts, gorgeous.

I got up to my room and immediately called up my favourite gay porn site on my laptop. The internet was fairly new to my house. My dad had never been keen, as neither he nor my mum had any clue about the world wide web.

I had been pestering them for ages to get it laid on, but they refused. Until, that is, I got to 6th Form College. Then my insistence that it would really help with my course work, seemed to tip the balance. As soon as we got the internet, a cheap second-hand laptop quickly followed. My sister Shilpa, had tried to convince our parents rather half-heartedly, but she didn’t need it as much as I did. The reason why she didn’t want it as much as me was because she had got the password of next door’s internet from her best friend, Alison. She, unsurprisingly, lived next door. And rather selfishly, Shilpa refused to tell me what it was. I think that maybe she suspected my motives were not quite as academic as I had made out.

I got my own back on her though. I would steal a pair of her skimpy panties off the drying rack and wear them for a day. I really looked sexy in them, and it made me feel really horny. I would pose in the mirror in them and jerk off at my reflection. When I’d finished, I’d put them back on the rack. She never knew that her gay little brother had wanked off while wearing them.

But, my sister did something that made me feel really guilty. When she changed her mobile phone, she gave me her old one.

That was really nice of her. Dad agreed to a basic, cheap pay-as-you-go plan. Primarily, so that I would always be in touch in an emergency.

I used that phone mostly to take sexy photos of myself, often wearing Shilpa’s knickers. I am such a bad boy!

So, the world of gay porn was at my fingertips and I thoroughly immersed myself in it. I soon found that the muscle-bound hunks did very little for me, they were too unattainable, too unreal. I much preferred the ordinary guy next door type, and usually a bit older too. Hence my attraction to Leo. He ticked all the boxes.

My life at home was one of denial and pretence, I hated it. When uncles, cousins and male members of my extended family were present, I had to be someone I wasn’t. I had to pretend to leer along with them, at the women on the TV or in magazines. Much worse, I had to laugh at gay jokes, it made my skin crawl. To them, I was just one of the lads. I despised them.

But next time I pop in to Leo’s to play “badminton” I’ll take my phone with me, to make sure that I get some decent, indecent pictures of me and him. Last time of course, having my phone with me to cut his grass, was the last thing on my mind. Maybe, Leo might let me take a little video of us. But, thinking about it, he’s not likely to be keen. Just in case someone gets hold of my phone and sees the pics. Our wonderful affair would be blown sky high. I think it’s best if he takes the pictures on his phone and then works some magic with Photoshop, to obscure our identities. Yes, that seems sensible.

Reluctantly, I settled back in to the humdrum routine of everyday life. Dinner with the family, light-hearted fight with Shilpa. I really do love her, and she loves me, in spite of our daily spats.

College the next day was even more of a chore than usual. I found it difficult to concentrate on my academic work, when my mind was filled with cock-stiffening memories of the previous day.

I managed to get through the tedium of the day and looked forward to the badminton session. This was real badminton of course, the actual sport of knocking a shuttlecock to and fro over a net. I always had my sport gear stowed in my locker, so I grabbed it and headed for the changing room.

Nothing was different about the boys who changed with me, but now, I had a heightened awareness of their nakedness. I had a renewed interest in their bare bodies. I even found myself wishing that Gerry the handyman was still here. How ironic that word seemed now, handyman. But sadly, he had moved on, and it was highly unlikely that the new guy, whoever he was, would be of the same sexual persuasion.

I had to make do with the examples of male beauty provided by my fellow badminton players.

My sexual curiosity was now much more acute, now that I knew, first-hand just how very enjoyable the whole, sex with men thing, could be. Me and Leo weren’t engaged or anything, we were not promised to each other, I didn’t feel the need to be faithful. So I was sure that I was free to experiment with other men, just as I’m sure that he’d shag another man, given half a chance.

I thought that, now that I knew the basics, it wasn’t rocket science after all, and pretty easy to get the hang of, I would play the field a little.

I planned to get a little more variety of experience, perhaps a lot more variety.

I had a Saturday job, working at my local Morrison’s Supermarket, stacking shelves. It was only eight hours but it got me £70, and it meant that I wasn’t totally broke. I even managed to give my dad a few quid here and there for the phone.

It was at Morrison’s that I had my next full sexual encounter. I had to be there at eight in the morning to replenish the worst hit stock from Friday, which was bread, milk and eggs. The Saturday rush would see the shelves near empty again by midday.

One of my co-workers was guy in his mid forties, named Vernon. Not really my type, but I had my suspicions about him. He was always finding ways to be near me and he seemed to be chatting me up whenever we spoke.

He was a bit touchy feely as well, hand on shoulder, that sort of thing.

So I casually worked in to conversation with Meg, one of the cashiers, if any of the staff were poofs. I chose that word because I had heard it said in the staff room a few times and it seemed to be the preferred term for queers.

She leaned in to me so as not to be overheard. ‘Well, I’m not one to gossip and I’ve got nothing against them, but I think Vernon is one. Well, we all do.’

Like I said, I didn’t particularly fancy him, he didn’t really float my boat as they say. But, a fuck is a fuck, and I was curious to know what it felt like with an older man. It was all part of my experimentation, I told myself.

I worked on a plan to get him alone in the stockroom. The stockroom at this Morrison’s was enormous, like an aircraft hangar, with plenty of secluded hide aways, mostly used for an illicit smoke rather than a fuck.

So not long after I had arrived that Saturday morning, I sought him out and asked him for his help in the stock room. He was keen to help, I thought he would be. I walked him in to a far corner behind a wall of pallets stocked with breakfast cereals.

He became a bit hesitant. ‘What’s all the way over here. It’s the bread we should be doing?’ I waited until we were well and truly hidden, when I said, ‘Actually Vernon, it’s a private matter. I want your advice on something.’ He visibly relaxed. ‘Oh, OK Sunni, what’s up?’ I stood close to him and got a strong whiff of his cheap aftershave.

‘Well it’s like this Vernon. You’re man of the world, you know about, delicate matters. I need you to keep this absolutely between us, it’s really, really personal. Can I trust you to keep it to yourself?’ Vernon assured me that he could be trusted completely.

‘The thing is Vernon ... I’m gay.’ I let that sink in for a moment. His eyes widened. But he said nothing.

‘And I’ve got a bit of a crush on someone. Should I tell them how I feel?’ Vernon shifted nervously. ‘I don’t know Sunni. Does this person know how you feel?’ ‘No Vernon he doesn’t, but whenever I get close to him ... I get ... an erection. It’s a bit awkward you see.’ Vernon looked bewildered. ‘I’ve got an erection now, Vernon.’ He looked even more puzzled, and for a few seconds, I thought he’d never get it.

Then it clearly dawned on him and he stepped back and looked down at my crotch.

He looked over his shoulder, and then grabbed at the bulge in my overalls. He stood there squeezing my dick. I quickly undid all the buttons, all the way down to my cock. I pulled it out for him.

The look on his face was a picture. ‘Oh fuckin’ hell Sunni ... fuck.’ ‘If you want to Vernon, yeah. Do you want to fuck?’ Vernon unbuttoned his overalls very quickly. ‘Oh fuck yes ... fuck yes.’ I reached for his cock. It was not the monster that I was hoping for, but it was big enough. He kissed me and said, ‘Suck me off, then you can bum me, OK?’ ‘Fine by me Vernon.’ I dropped to my knees and took his cock in to my mouth. I was going to take my time and savour the experience, devote some time to sucking and licking his dick. But Vernon had other ideas. He roughly grabbed my head and began to furiously face-fuck me. His cock pumping hard and fast in to my mouth. I gagged and choked and tried to pull away, but he held me so tight I couldn’t pull my mouth off his cock. The only positive, was that he didn’t take long. After less than a minute, he was groaning as he shot one load of semen, then another in to my mouth. I managed to swallow the first lot just as the second mouthful arrived. ‘Oh that was nice Sunni, really nice.’

He backed away, wiping his dick on his overalls. For a brief moment, I thought that he was going to just walk away and leave me there, on my knees. I stood up as he turned his back and dropped his overalls round his ankles. ‘Come on hurry up before we get caught.’ I certainly wasn’t going to rush it, like he had rushed the blow job.