Chapter 13

The cell doors slammed shut and the two burly human tuffians that Lord Thompson had used to shove me and Mary into said cell started to amble away, escorting Thompson through the narrow corridors of the sailing ship. I grabbed onto the bars and shouted through them. “Hey! Fucksticks! You need to tell me your whole evil plan! Come on, dude! That’s just ... the fucking rules!”

Lord Thompson spun to face me, pointing a single long, bony finger in my direction. “No, you trollop,” he said. “I am under no obligation to do anything but bring you before a scientific board to determine who you are and what you’ve done with my ... friend ... Lord Fitzland.” He sniffed. “I will face some censure for using extraordinary methods to take you away from your malfunctioning machines, but I believe I have a good enough proctor to argue all of this before the Bobbies once they start to investigate.” He smirked, his face looking rather ... skullish and ghouley.

“And then what?” I asked, scowling.

“And then, once we have found Albert, then we shall have you ... dealt with. Impersonating a noble, kidnapping, subverting machines, they’re all quite serious crimes,” he said, frowning. “Now, the punishments haven’t been rolled out for centuries, but I’m sure that I can find a judge that is more than eager to see the firing squad brought back!”

he turned and he stalked away and I scowled.

“Dick!” I shouted after him, all mannerly courtfulness lost and forgotten. “Dick dick dick DICK!”

He was gone.

I groaned and sagged backwards, thumping into Mary’s ample breasts as her slid her arms protectively around me. “H-He has to be exaggerating,” she said. “He fired on a navy ship! He demasted them. That’s not just property damage, that’s treason.”

“But he said he had ... lawyers!” I turned, then mashed my face against her titties. “Lawyers in my world are able to make black into white so that it kills poor people at the next zebra crossing.” I grumbled into her flesh. Mary sighed, then gently began to caress my hair, her fingers sliding along my hair, stroking me again and again. It was nice and calming. Maid titty did help a lot, even if I was stuck on a cell in a pirate ship owned by the biggest dickhole in the entire multiverse. And, like, I was pretty sure there were universes with mecha Hitlers.

Mary slid back slightly. “Well, Mistress, we must put on our best faces.” She flashed a happy little expression along her eyes. “Surely, we can get rescued by Captain Amelia. That would be quite capital, wouldn’t it?”

“Ooh, true,” I said. “Or maybe ... I could be ... SNEAKY!” I turned and flung myself at the bars, smashing into their shoulder first. I rebounded, then stumbled backwards, grabbing my arm. “Ow...” I whispered.

“ ... mistress ... did you ... did you try to ... fake the bars out?” Mary said.

“I’m improvising!” I hissed through clenched teeth.

The bars themselves were pretty sturdy and solid. But ... the frames around them were also metal. And the floor and walls were metal. I rapped my knuckles on each bar. They all sounded pretty solid. I took hold of the bars, then frowned.

Then...

An idea, congealing out of the mid 2000nds began to form in my brain, an idea from the foggy mists of time before superhero movies dominated the Earth and dinosaurs were still fucking hype as hell. The idea rang in my brain like a gong.

“No mas...” I whispered.

“Oh, I didn’t know you spoke ... span...” Mary stopped, blinking at me as I started to wriggle out of my clothing, squirming and writhing. Soon, my dresses were on the ground and I was in my underclothes. I bounced, excitedly.

“What’s the best Jackie Chan movie?” I asked, pointing at her.

“Who is Jackie Chan?” Mary asked.

“Right. Dumb question.” I said, shaking my head. “Okay, so, like, in the movie, there’s this guy, named Chon Wang, he’s played by Jackie Chan, see...” I shook my head again. “You know what, never-mind, it doesn’t ... matter ... we don’t...” I looked around the inside of the cell. No furniture. Nothing that I could poke and prod at. And most importantly... “Do you know where I could get a metal bar that’s like, eh, this long?” I asked, looking at Mary. Mary nodded.

“There are several rods like that in my body,” she said. “Mostly supporting my legs and ribs.”

“Fantastic!” I hissed. “ ... can I borrow one?”

“Borrow ... one?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I said, nodding.

“W-Well ... yes!” She said. “I mean, of course, mistress, you may. May I ask why?” She squeaked as I grabbed her skirts and shoved them upwards, revealing her legs. Mary had just ... the nicest robojegs. They were sleek and elegantly jointed, with clearly lined seams here and there, giving her the look of a living porcelain statue. Her cheeks were flushed with a glowing blush as I knelt down, sticking my head around and peeking for some kind of ... catch or something. Instead, all I saw was the soft folds of her sex pressed against her underclothes. I blushed.

“How do I get at legs?” I whispered.

“You need a tool to do it normally,” she said, her eyes widening. “But ... I suppose one could, ah, pry up a leg along one seam ... that will break the catches, but, ah, I can always get repaired!”

“Won’t that hurt?” I asked.

“Oh, don’t worry, I can set the pain receptors to give a different sensation. Lets see, choices ... sneeze, no,” she said, frowning, her eyes glowing blue as she focused, her irises vanishing – as if she was looking into some inner world. “Erotic? That may be in ap-oooh!” She gasped, trembling as I got my fingers into the seam.

“What?” I asked. “ ... oh, you’re cycling through the options. Uh, want me to stop?” I asked, jerking my fingers away from the seam.

“N-No, it’s ... it shall do, young miss,” Mary muttered, but her cheeks were glowing.

“Right.” I paused, then worked my fingers into the seam of her hip, biting my lip as I heard her fans whirring up. Her hands gripped onto the bars behind me and she started to pant softly. “So, gonna ... just...” I tensed. “Pull this off?”

“T-There is going to be a loud crack,” she said, her voice ragged. “Oh heavens ... uhh ... d-do it slowly. I mean fast!” She said, her voice catching. I nodded and clenched my jaws. Okay. It may look like I was breaking her, but that was just because I was. But she was registering it as pleasure. So that made my growing hard-on totally normal and not weird at all. I mean, what was even sexual about literally stripping the most intimate part of a woman to reveal her inner workings while she moaned in orgasmic pleasure? There was nothing erotic about this, everything was fine, shut up! I blushed, then started to tug back. I felt the catches under her exterior plating lock – then strain. I pulled more and more, feeling the straining getting more and more intense, my fingertips starting to ache, then hurt.

I clenched my teeth.

And Mary mewled. “Mistress! Oh ... I ... AH!”

She cried out as the inner connectors on her leg’s covering popped free with a series of loud clacks, like that time where I totally didn’t break my laptop, it was just a shitty design, Best Buy, my warranty should have covered that. I rolled half backwards onto my rump, holding the large hip piece and feeling deeply guilty, even as Mary sagged to her knees, wilting away – and as she wilted to the ground, I could clearly hear the whirr and clunk of her internal components. I looked at the hip part I held and whistled. It had a lot of soundproofing on the inside. It also felt faintly grisly to be just ... holding it. So, I set it aside as Mary panted heavily, her fans buzzing.

“M-Mistress ... this is ... quite remarkable,” she said. “Are you okay?”

“Never better!” I said, adjusting my underclothes to try and conceal my hardon. Oh wait! I thought: Big Chungus and shuddered as I felt my genitalia invert itself. Genderqueer RIGHTS! Still, now instead of an eager pressing girldick, I instead was...

Soaking wet.

And tingly.

Wait, shit, this didn’t help at all, why did I think this would help!?

I shook my head, then pushed Mary gently backwards, so that she was sitting on her rump. Her nipples were had against her top, and when I looked down, I could see her panties were soaked. I remember reading somewhere or being told by someone that most robots needed their own lubers, but ... Maid ... girlfriend ... lube ... sexy. “Mary, uh, slap my face please,” I mumbled, leaning slowly down towards her panties.

Mary smacked my face.

It was refreshing and focused me. I shook my head, blinked a few times. “R-Right! Thanks!” I said, rubbing my cheek. “Ow. Okay.” I focused my eye upon her exposed hip. There was a lot of wires and actuators and spinny bits and blinky lights. You know, standard robot stuff. I frowned. “Where’s the rod?” I asked.

“Uhh...” Mary closed her eyes, clearly trying to focus too. “Begin by unscrewing that, there.” She pointed.

I reached in, then started to work a screw with my fingers. It was big enough that the nut (heh) moved under my fingers. Soon, the first screw was free and as it rattled out of the tiny hole, Mary let out a soft little sigh. Her other leg kicked and she rolled her head back against the wall of the cell. “M-Mistress ... you could be ... a ... touch rougher. W-we do need to hurry, after all. And it, ah ... it doesn’t ... hurt precisely...” She said, quietly.

I nodded, wordlessly. I took the other screw and unscrewed it fast, twisting my fingers quickly, then yanking it free. Mary let out a tiny meww and her fans whirred as she clapped her hand over her throat to muffle herself. I tossed the screw next to the first, using my spread dresses to serve as the screw holder. Then, slowly, I pulled the component that Mary was pointing at out of her leg, revealing the upper half of the rod. As I set the component to the side, the wires drawn taut, Mary trembled, her eyes rolling back and her fingers clenching against the ground.

“Oh! Sorry!” I whispered, then undid the wire connections, making sure to not break anything. Fortunately, the machine bits were designed to come away easily, and once the last wire was disconnected, Mary sagged back, panting.

“H ... Ho ... holy ... Stars ... I will have to remember this for my next checkup...” She mumbled, hazily. The next component I took out the same way – drawing little mews and moans from my cute little maid. Once I had done so, I could then remove the rod, then replace the components back, humming as I screwed things up. By the time I was done, Mary was sprawled flat on her back, completely insensate, her fans going vvvRRRvrrrvVVRRr with little spasmodic orgasmic twitches. I grinned, then leaned down and kissed her right above her panties, feeling her warm metal.

“You lay there,” I said. “This part is gonna be super gross.”

“huh?” she mumbled.

“Okay, so, uh...” I said, then thought ... Big Chungus.

Problem.

I was hard as a rock.

“Uuugh!” I groaned. “ ... mind if I fuck you real fast?”

“Huhhmmmhm...” Mary mumbled.

“I’m going to assume that’s enthusiastic consent!” I said, frowning as I felt the gentle rumble of the ship’s engines grow a bit more energetic. I knelt down and saw that Mary was showing that she was giving just a bit more than enthusastic consent. Her leg might be structurally weakened by the removal of a major support ... but she was more than able to roll onto her side and begin to lift her other leg up. I nuzzled against said leg, sliding myself up against her as she laid on her side, her large, pillowy titties mashing against the floor. I knew that I didn’t have time for my normal languid sexy times...

But goddamn, I could take a tiny bit to just enjoy the delicious view of Mary laying on the floor, rumpled and panting and just ... a mess. I slid my eager, aching girl dick into her, my eyes half closed as I felt her tight, slippery need. I hilted myself inside of her, then grunted against her calf, holding her leg against me as I began to slam my hips into her, fucking her, rocking her against the floor. Her breasts bounced against her chin and Mary rolled her head to the side, pressing herself against the floor even more, trying to muffle herself as she was fucked and fucked hard.

I groaned.

Trembled.

And just...

Filled her.

“Mary!” I gasped out, panting heavily, my eyes half closed, my cock twitching as I filled her to the brim. I panted, softly, and Mary mumbled into the floor.

“Very good missus...” She sounded dazed. I slid out of her, feeling the second shockwave of my orgasm rush through me – another spurt of translucent cum splashing against her robotic thighs. My eyes half closed and I trembled and simply wallowed in the pleasure of the moment. When I was able to see and ... think again, my dick was not rock had and ... finally! I stood, wriggled, wiped myself on some of my clothing, then got to work.

As I worked, I explained.

“So, okay, so, in the movie, Jackie Chan plays this badass Imperial guard dude who’s job is to protect the princess! Of ... China, I think,” I said. “Honestly, the movie’s not super clear on who exactly the Princess is, like ... cause I don’t know shit about Chinese history, who knows how accurate or inaccurate it is. But, like, she heads to America, whoa, and then Jackie Chan and the other Imperial guards get sent to bring her back. Then the train he’s on gets robbed by Owen Wilson, who was like ... a blond quasi-himbo. He didn’t quite manage to exude the energy, like the future King Himbo, Chris Hemsworth, would. But he tried! And, hey, trying is half the battle.”

Mary, an orgasmic puddle of happy robot, mumbled something incoherent into the floor.

“Anyway, uh, they get caught and thrown in jail. Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson, see.” I nodded, then sighed, softly, as I began to ... uh...

Recreate a scene!

“So, in prison, Jackie Chan peed on his uniform to make it wet. Wet cloth doesn’t break, and thus, could be used as ... a...” I wriggled, winced, picked up the sopping wet strips of cloth, then looped them around two bars. I stuck the rod through, tied it off, then started to twist it. “A ... pushy thing!” I said through clenched teeth, my arms trembling as I twisted it around. Twisted it again. The silky cloth I had used grew more and more taut as Mary started to sit up, her eyes widening. My arms strained and it was ten billion times harder on the third rotation than it was on the second.

Mary got up and she moved over, adding her strength to mine to get the fourth rotation.

The bars trembled.

My teeth strained and I threw my weight onto the top of the bar as Mary tugged on the bottom. The soaked cloth drew tauter.

Tauter.

Sccrrrunngngk!

The bars bent inwards, leaving an incredibly narrow gap to either side. “HAH!” I gasped, letting go of the bar, my hands aching, my knuckles aching, and my arms burning. And the whole room smelled like piss.

“You know, we could have taken out my lubrication unit and just extracted all the liquid from it too, right?” Mary asked.

“No. No, I ... I did not ... know that Mary, no...” I said, my cheeks burning. “No. I. I did not.”

“Ah, well, I can...” Mary looked down at her ample breasts, her wide hips, her curvacious body. She paused. “ ... I ... well, y-you could go through and ... open the door?”

“That I can! For I am ... skinny!” I said, grinning.

“Well, wait, wait, I could detach my breasts, actually-” But I had already jammed my arm through the hole. Arm through. Head through. Breasts ... compacting. Ribs ... crushing ... lungs and orgasms ... molding out of shape. I clenched my teeth, ignoring the pain as I wriggled and squirmed and also ignored the icky smells and the warm slipperiness that was definitely better not identified. I had gotten a good way of the way out...

When the footsteps started sounding. Clunk clunk clunk. My eyes widened.

I started to yank myself back and Mary, acting quickly, did the same. She pulled me back and I felt the bars press hard against my body, and it hurt even more going back in. I collapsed back against Mary, whimpering, as one of the tuffians came back, frowning. “We’ve been getting-” he stopped, dead, seeing the bars. His eyes widened and he pulled out one of those pew pew blastronic pistols that they used, aiming it at me and Mary.

“What the hell!?” he asked. “Is your machine super strong?”

“ ... YES!” I said. “If you don’t let us-”

I didn’t even get all the way through my entire bluff (which had been very clever, I had to tell you) before he pulled the trigger.