Chapter 4

Month 71—November in Los Angeles

“IT’S GOING DOWN soon, Teddy,” Uncle Reg said. “The extraction will be in two weeks. It’s still not too late for you to join us.” Reg had come to LA to make one last plea with me. He didn’t want to think of me as a snack for the dickheads. No worry about that. I was a goddamn gourmet meal!

“You know I won’t change my mind, Reg. How’s Aunt Di?”

“She’s adapted pretty well. You know she always had a submissive streak and this suits her fine. Now that she’s pregnant she realizes she’ll no longer be a frustrated mother. She’s even getting on well with my other five. I always loved her. Now we’re free to express it.”

“In Milwaukee? They’ve got a huge Earth First population. Incest is sure to trigger somebody’s twisted little mind.”

“It was getting tense, but I completed the company move to the island last month. And if you don’t want to go to the Confederacy, you still need to relocate so you can take over the business when I leave.” Reg had a wicked smile on his face.

“You’ve cooked up something evil. I can tell.”

“Anouilh and its sister island, Papillon, are paradise in the Caribbean. And as tiny islands, they are as protected from swarm attack as any place on Earth. The company owns the island and the entire resort. I’ve moved all my qualified staff and their concubines there. We’ve installed the entire corporate computer system in the basement, including a few dozen new high-capacity servers. The hotel has five hundred guest rooms and we have over a thousand employees, concubines, and kids housed there right now waiting for our pickup. As soon as I get back, I’m pulling the trigger. It will all be yours when we leave.”

“I can’t manage your company. That’s ridiculous.”

“Don’t worry. There’ll be nothing left to manage. The company will be dissolved and you will inherit all its assets—island, hotel, and computers. We already made you owner of this house, but I got rid of the house in Milwaukee. You might even find something useful in the intellectual property on the servers. At the least, you’ll continue to get royalties on the patents.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The game sales had paid our development and production costs, but if all this was free and clear, I was about to become a very rich man on a Caribbean island.

“Here’s the ID card you’ll need to enter the building and access the entire system. There’s a small airport on Papillon but most traffic is by boat. A causeway with a small bridge is all that separates the two islands. If you get tired of replicator food, you can still get fresh food on Papillon. Also, cheap help if you need housekeepers or bartenders.”

“I’m not a total slob. I can clean up after myself and make my own drinks.”

“Don’t be a fool, Teddy. Get your team together on the island. You’ll have more computing power than any of you ever imagined. You’ll probably want to bring all this stuff with you, too,” he said, waving a hand at my basement full of computers.

“Damn. How am I going to move all this shit to an island in the Caribbean?” I guessed that was an answer I’d have to figure out for myself. Reg was already out the door and waving from the curb.

“I kid you not. We need this company retreat. Expenses paid for everyone. Bring your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or butt buddy with you. If we really like the place, maybe we’ll stay there forever.” I was having more difficulty convincing my team to gather in one place than I expected.

“Is this some kind of Confed trick?” Battlestar demanded.

“No, but they’re to blame. My uncle got extracted last week and willed his island paradise to me. Remember, if the Confederacy decides to come back for another pickup, they can’t just kidnap us. You’d have to agree to go with them.”

“Caribbean island, huh. Are there babes there?” Trust Duck to ask that question.

“Not yet. But Dakota might want to bring a few of the starlets with her. I’ll tell her we have a series we want to do on a beach and I’ve reserved space for her and—let’s say twenty porn stars for now. There should be no travel problems for any of us. I’ve sent you all a private link to the hotel website. It advertises eighty percent off all rates. Of course, we’ll just pump the money back into your accounts when you pay. Guys, you won’t believe how great this place is. I put a gallery on the website.”

I’d been blown away by the pictures of the resort and the idea that it was all mine. My team could work in privacy together and not worry about the crazies in the world.

“When?”

“I’m going down this weekend to open up and make sure everything is there. How about if you all come down scattered through the week so it isn’t like we all arrive at once. That should eliminate suspicion of anyone seeing a bunch of nerds arriving all at once. With a bunch of beautiful babes.”

“I’m in.” There was a chorus of agreement. For the first time ever, the Pussy Pirates would meet face to face.

“Hey, Captain. How’s the most beautiful producer in Hollywood?” I asked when I got Dakota on the line.

“Just swell, Boss. How’s my favorite nerd?”

“Beatin’ the meat, like always.”

“Wouldn’t you like me to arrange you some company? There’s this little starlet I just auditioned who would do anything to work on Pussy Pirates. And she’s pretty tasty. What do you say?”

“Good. Bring her. And about twenty others. I want you to do a location shoot in the Caribbean. Bikinis to start, then topless, and finally nude. We’ll bring the aliens up out of the water onto the beach for an epic battle. Or something.”

“I’ll need my crew and equipment, too. We’re talking a total of twenty-five or twenty-eight people. That’s the biggest single shoot we’ve ever done for the game. Can you afford it?”

“I just inherited enough for all of us to live on for the rest of our lives—even if the dickheads never show up.”

“Will we have Internet access? WiFi?”

“Yeah. Have the babes bring their laptops or tablets so they can do a live stream from the hotel. There might not be any cell service there, though.”

“Send me the details, Teddy. I’ll start auditioning.”

I rubbed another one out as I dumped tips into KC Cutie’s chatroom, listening to the chimes ringing on her end.

“Papa Bear! Thank you so much!” she said as she moved the camera a little so I had a clear view up her twat.

Ever since I’d become the owner of an island resort, my head had been filled with visions of all the porn stars I’d see lying naked around the pool. My own door chimes rang, so I pulled my sweatpants up from around my ankles and clomped upstairs yelling, “I’m on my way! Give the bell a break.”