When she asked me if I was busy this Friday I could only imagine that I finally got a date with the ‘Ice Queen’. As it turned out that is not what happened exactly.

“I really appreciate this.” A car horn sounded, she jumped up, gave me a kiss on the cheek and ran out the front door with: “Mom or Dad should be back by midnight or so. The brat is in the kitchen eating dinner. She should have a bath or at least a shower before bed. Bye and thanks again. Got to go, my date is waiting.”

I wanted to...

Soon as the door closed, I heard: “Don’t feel bad! She tries this with almost everyone. I guess she didn’t tell you about me or what your duty would be tonight?”

“I think I’m to slit my wrists and bleed out while soaking in a hot bath like Socrates did, at least that’s what it seems like. Who are you by the way?”

“I’m the beautiful and smart sister Astrid. None of my friends would fall for her games, you must be pretty dumb to...”

“You know it’s bad enough to ‘suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’ but to...”

“Buck-up Mac Duff. At least she didn’t make you out to be a laughing stock in-front of your friends. You should think of this as a way you get a few un-fettered hours with me alone, since no one is home but US.”

I turned my head towards her and got the impression I should change my name to Daniel and I had entered ‘The Lion’s Den’.

“You know for a Geek you’re not too bad looking. I could get used to you. Maybe some sporty clothes, we go out to a few art shows, museums, a lively dance, nice dinner places and...”

“How the Hell old are you Astrid; did you say?”

“Hey, just saying I think you have potential, what College did you go to. Are you married? What kind of car do you drive, any hobbies like...”

“You are something else, you know? I am a senior at the same school your sister goes to.”

“What and you still fell for her line. Hadn’t you heard any stories about the ‘Ice Queen’ before?”

“No!”

She shook her head. “Oh poor Yourick!”(From Wiki: yourick; one of the lowest life forms on earth that has yet to evolve into something that can think beyond the most visceral urges. Think food, shelter and sex. )

She came up to me, pulled me down, my head resting on her shoulders and led me to the couch. “Let me tell you a few things about Chelle.” I think I found out what the saying about the light bulb turning on was. Later I know it was 12:30 am because I moved her long, golden hair enough to see my watch. Our shoes were off, we were stretched out on the couch with her on top of me and we both were covered with a blanket. Not certain if she was holding me, I was holding her or we were both holding each other.

Back to dreamland. I think it was morning when I woke up again, it was light out anyway. I clearly remember four or five things happening. I needed to hit the head, my face was under a mop or a plate of pasta, I smelled coffee, real coffee, my attempt to wake my new partner just had her tighten her arms around me and then I saw a face and just knew what it was that sailor’s dreaded of a Siren’s song when the face staring at me called out; “Mommmmmm, why’s he still here.”

I heard: “Not so loud Chelle it’s too early and it’s a wonderful dream. He followed me here, took my virginity so I’m keeping him now!”

“Darling, we need to get your parents blessing!”

From the kitchen. “Hell Mr Smooth Talker; no you don’t. Don’t pin this on us Romeo, you made your bed(Couch) so you sleep in it now.”

Two arms went higher and the feeling of soft lips smashed mine.

“You two lovebirds shape up, hit the head and breakfast is ready. We both said: “Yes Mom!”

Astrid wrapped the blanket about herself, took me by the hand and pulled me up. Standing now I was glad I did not wear boxers since my jockey’s were all I had on. “If ‘WE’ don’t make it back soon tell Mom I’m having a protein shake in my room for breakfast.” She turned with a wicked smile on her face and led her new puppy dog(me) to the little boy’s and girl’s room upstairs.

After we got there and stared at each other for what seemed like an hour, she dropped the blanket. Pink bra and panties went on display(Be still my heart, maybe a 32 or 34 B) “You like?” As I grunted something and put my left hand to my face she said: “First door on the right, your clothes are on the bed.” Then she left. When leaving the glorious bathroom I stopped. The door to my right opened. “Wasn’t sure you know right from left based on how easy my sister...”

“Sush, she did not...”

“Inside here” she pointed to the bed. “Clothes, or my pro... !” I had to re-think that Lion’s Den thing by the look on her face.

No use pretending modesty I guessed. We finished dressing while I struggled getting even my shirt and pants on. My instant suntan got redder and redder as ‘WE’ walked into the kitchen hand in hand. All she said was: “This is neat!”

“May I use your phone to call home, she will be wonder...”

Her Mom. “All ready done Romeo.” She held up a butter knife and handed me my car’s registration. “Should be no scratches, I was careful. When I saw the new Porsche in the drive I thought my almost next husband was giving me a gift. No such luck but I got your name and address then looked up the number. When I called a girl answered. Wife, girlfriend, Harem Slave, Sister?”

“Yes!”

“Mmmm! Smart too. I have to hand it to Astrid, it did not take her long to claim you as a Chelle cast off. You two looked so cute on the couch I just left you there, made both of you more comfortable, so to speak and covered you up.”

There were microwave meals; bacon, sausage, eggs and pancakes; just like at home. I got a better understanding why there had been no push back about Astrid’s protein shake comment. I tucked in the bacon and had three cups of coffee. During that time I endured Icy Stares from the Ice Queen but rather warm looks from Astrid; I also learned a few things.

Chelle went to the same school I did.(Duh, I knew that already) Astrid went to a private, all-girls school where she was in her third year. She had skipped a year or two, was 14 and had a 4.2 GPA. Unless you knew a few things about them, ‘The Ice Queen’ looked like chopped liver when she was next to Astrid. Understandable why they went to different schools.

Melanie’s husband No 1 was Michelle’s Father, Husband No 2 Astrid’s. Husband No 3 was the Ex and a potential husband No 4 was in the works. “Thank’s be for Pre-Nups” was all Melanie would say; that and that she had more money than all her previous husbands combined.

“I don’t think you are after money, especially driving a $200,000 Porsche but may I ask how the Hell you got it titled in your name; inquisitive minds want to know, your not 18 and there is no liens shown.”

“Yes, you can ask!”

A stare down contest began.

“May I have more coffee please Mom?”

“You two are just made for each other. Smart asses, both of you. I don’t know who is worse you or her.”

“I am!” came out in stereo from us.

After my coffee, Astrid packed up enough clothes and enough things for a three month Safari, I guess she was moving in to ‘OUR’ house now.

“Won’t fit Darling, small trunk in the car so no room, and my Roomie would ask a lot of questions if you were to spend the night.”

“OMG ‘OUR’ first fight! How will this union ever last?”

“Easy, just obey your Master and I’ll let you order take-away food instead of bread and water once a week.”

“OH! Thank you Master you are truly kind and generous. Will you drive me to school too so Mom doesn’t have to?”

“How long are you going to torture your ‘not that cute anymore’ sister?”

“Whatever do you mean, darling?”

“That, for instance!”

“Sniff, sniff! You don’t love me anymore! Sniff, sniff. Typical man. Make me yours then, ... then ... shove me aside and continue your lecherous ways.”

“Gee, you never told me you were a ‘Drama Queen’, anything else I need to know about my wife to be besides you not being a virgin anymore?”

“Ah, true love!” She said then she gave me a hit. I should have just agreed, easier and less painful.

We left her house sans one garment bag. I had given her the option of holding it outside my car the 2 1/2 blocks to my house since inside there was no more room. Fate plays a strange game, it is always ‘No trump’ and she holds all the high cards in that suite, damn. Once inside the garage I called my sister for some help taking things from the car. “A little help please!” That plea got me just that, little help. One look and Astrid and Bonnie were jumping up and down holding each other and laughing.