Chapter 2

That’s where I come in. My name is Jay Bittner and Wally is my mother’s brother.

My uncle is completely right about me except he doesn’t know the whole story. I was a lawyer alright, but got hauled up before the bar for questionable conduct. I tried to claim my client’s conduct was much more questionable and I was only trying to defend my practice but they didn’t believe me. This resulted in the disciplinary committee taking away my licence to practice law. I don’t know when I’ll get it back.

Left with the need to make a living and my law business up the creek, I decided to become a private detective. I got the idea when I thought about the divorce cases I used to handle. Some of them got quite acrimonious and a lot of them involved some very rich people who would pay almost anything to get one up their soon to be exes.

I thought it would be perfect because it wouldn’t take too much money to get started and I was short of that. So I bought a good 35 millimeter digital camera with a telephoto lens and put an ad on the internet.

It read: “Marital problems? Want to find out what your spouse is up to? Hire me, a discreet private investigator who specializes in divorce cases. I can get the goods on anybody.”

Since I didn’t have a real office and didn’t want anybody knowing where I lived I just put an email address at the bottom of the ad. There it was. Short and sweet and anonymous, thanks to the internet. Then all I did was wait for somebody to contact me. Fortunately I didn’t have to wait too long.

I was in business on the second day. I got an email from some woman who claimed her husband was cheating on her, only she couldn’t prove it so she wanted me to find the proof.

Niki Norris was my first client so it was with her that I took my first steps into the world of divorces among the super rich and it was real eye opener. She was in her mid thirties, tall and leggy with ash blond hair and dressed to the nines in the latest designer fashions. She was also a former secretary to the very successful middle aged businessmen who left his wife of many years for her. Apparently she didn’t seem to mind the fact that he was 20 years her senior had a sizeable paunch around his middle and was rapidly balding. But I guess when a man is rolling in money a woman like her tends to overlook such little imperfections.

“I don’t care what it takes. Just find the son of a bitch with that woman so I can take him to the cleaners in the court case. You do that and you’ll be very well paid,” Niki promised.

With those words of encouragement ringing in my ears and a cheque as down payment for my services in my shirt pocket, I studied the schedule she’d given me and prepared to set up surveillance so I could catch him in the act.

At this time I learned a very valuable lesson regarding PI work. That involved trying to remain inconspicuous while following somebody around. Unfortunately the only vehicle I owned was my shiny black 2015 Dodge Charger R/T. It was the only thing I managed to hang on to when my wife divorced me. She took everything else I had. She probably would have taken the Charger too but abandoned that idea when she discovered how much was still owing on it. Since it was a hot looking car it always drew a lot of attention. Normally I didn’t mind because there was also some woman wanting me take her for a ride. I was always eager to oblige. You wouldn’t believe what can happen from there if you play your cards right. However, I realized that for private eye work I would need something a lot less conspicuous.

I visited a corner lot that sold junkers cheap and chose an older mini wan. It was windowless in the back, had a few small dents in it, one larger one on the front fender and a bit of rust on the rear quarter panel. I thought it was perfect so I spent a few more bucks for some magnetic signs that read “Bob’s Painting. Free quotes.” I also bought a cheap aluminum ladder that I attached to the roof.

Perfect disguise. Who would question a battered up old work van sitting in a residential area for a few hours? They’d probably think I was just painting somebody’s house. Right, well it was too good. On the very first day I was sitting at a curb and sipping a coffee while I kept an eye on a residence across the street when I saw somebody approaching.

“What the hell,” I muttered as the guy stopped and began tapping on my window to get my attention.

Unable to ignore him I rolled it down.

“Sign says you’re a painter.” The man pointed to my signs.

Feeling guilty and suddenly realizing where this was gonna lead to, I merely nodded.

“Sign says free quotes. Mind giving me one when you’re finished here?”

At the same I saw my subject leaving his house so I knew I had to move fast and get rid of this guy real quick.

“Sorry, too busy right now. Catch me next week,” I told him while watching my subject backing his Lincoln out of his garage.

With that I handed him a phony business card, put my van in gear and left the bewildered guy standing on the street as I followed the Lincoln out of the neighborhood. After that incident I removed the magnetic signs. It still works great because with the ladder on top the mini van it still looks like a work vehicle.

Anyway, I followed my subject to an upscale apartment where a young woman came rushing out the door. I got the required photos of him embracing and kissing the woman who was half his age. I continued to discreetly follow them to an expensive restaurant and took a couple of more photos of them nearly sitting on top one another as they ate. Several hours later I photographed them registering for a hotel room and decided I’d have enough goods on them.

The evening got really interesting when I decided, since it was still early in the evening, to show the photos to Niki. I had half decided to park the mini van and drive the Dodge Charger so I could drive around in style. Besides, I reasoned it would also be much more appropriate to pull up in front of Niki’s mansion type house with it instead of the old junk heap. However, in the end I kept the mini van and I was glad I did.

No sooner had I parked the van across the street from her house than I spot a fancy sports car drive up and park in her driveway. Thank God I still had my camera with me because with the telephoto lens I managed to get several good pictures of Niki hugging and kissing with some handsome stud who was much nearer her age than the businessman husband I’d been following around.

I took a couple more photos of her making out a bit in the sports car before they roared out of the driveway. I tried to follow them but since the car was much more powerful than my old wreck they soon left me in the dust but I didn’t mind. I had what I wanted.