Chapter 14

“Hi, I’m Heather,” said Heather, taking over the call.

“Hello, Heather. What can I do for you?”

“We aren’t supposed to be in this game. We never signed up for this.”

“Okay, if you just give me a moment, I’ll quickly bring up your file.” The other end went silent, then a melodic humming sounds played from the orb. “Alright, I’m back. So, I have your file right in front of me. ‘Heather’ right?”

“Yes, that’s my name,” said Heather. Perry just waited to the side, allowing Heather to take all the initiative.

“I’m gonna have to verify your identity real quick first. On your twelfth birthday, you did something you regret, what was that?”

“Excuse me?”

“On your twelfth birthday, you did something you regret, what was that? This is just to verify you are who we have on file. Please answer the question.”

“How would you know ... I got angry at my brother and threw his action figure in the trash.”

“Great. So, Heather, you said you didn’t sign up for the game.”

“Yes. Exactly. We should be released from this game, this is all some sort of clerical error on your part. Sorry, not you specifically. but your organization.”

“Don’t worry, I understood what you meant. So, for exactly this type of situation, we keep our liability waivers and participation agreements on file. Let me just ... Hm ... the file won’t open. Seems to be corrupted.”

“See. I never signed up for this game. What you are doing by holding us here is illegal. If you don’t return us to Earth – specifically Canada – you are gonna be in so much trouble, with ... whoever you would be trouble with.”

“I’m gonna have to transfer you to my supervisor. By the by, today was my first day! If you could mention when talking to him that I was helpful, well, that would just be fantastic.”

The humming sound played again, this waited seemed much longer than the first wait. The humming was rather nice, a nice soothing, yet catchy, tune.

“Hello, I’m Grevlark. Hevetilor’s supervisor. So, he informed me of your situation. Before we continue, might I ask how you would rate Hevetilor’s helpfulness today? Please use a scale from 0.5 stars to 5 stars please.”

“4 stars, very helpful.”

“Hm ... not a good score. I’m afraid he might lose his job because of that.”

“What? 4 stars is good, it’s almost 5 stars.”

“Yeah, but it’s not 5 stars. Most people just give 5 stars if they are satisfied, so most customer support reps have high averages. So a 4 star will actually pull their average down, such that you’d rather they had not given you that rating.”

“Look, I don’t care that much about this. I just want to go home with my friends. Back to Canada. I don’t care about your stupid rating system. Just send us back.”

“Look, the rating system isn’t stupid. Don’t blame the rating system. Could you come up with a better system?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I don’t want to hear it. The system works! Anyways, as you said, let’s get back to your issue.”

“So, since you don’t seem to have our consents on file, will you send us back?”

“Well, it’s not that we don’t have them. He said that it’s just corrupted. Let me just check this ... Oh. I see what Hevetilor did wrong. He was trying to open it using the wrong application. Yes, here it is. Everything seems to be in order. You’ll have to excuse Hevetilor, it was his first day.”

“What? You have it on file?”

“Yes. I have it right here in front of me.”

“But ... but. Listen to me. If I was lying wouldn’t that come through on the translator? It’s not right? So I must be telling the truth. We never signed up for this game. We never gave consent.”

“Oh, to lie with the translator you just need to turn on the lying function. I have no way to know if you are using the function or not. I just see the forms right in front of me, clear as day.”

“Well, I dispute the veracity of those documents.”

“And?”