Chapter 8

John’s turn:

John Hebert is NOT a dog. I don’t chase tail. Last time I’d bedded a woman, I honestly thought that there was a picture of her and I riding off into the sunset together. Her desire to ‘fix’ her former bad boy boyfriend left me standing there alone.

I had a few friends who were female, a couple pleasantly so, but jumping into bed? ‘Friends with benefits’? Nope. John doesn’t play that game.

So why am I lying on my back on a warm September night with my dong in the hand of a delightful creature like Laura?

Don’t get me wrong. It feels great. Matter of fact, with a broken right arm, I’m a few days past my normal pressure relief exercises. THAT part of me is very obviously happy.

My conscience isn’t. I’m not seventeen and this isn’t some high school slut-puppy running up her numbers. This is Laura, a girl of pleasant demeanor, a delight to talk with, superlative to work with. Friend.

I do not mess up with Laura.

My hand covers hers.

“Laura?”

“Yes, John?”

“Are you awake?”

“No, John. I’m sleep-slutting.”

“Laura, there’s not a female on the planet that I could desire more than you, but I have barriers.”

“Erectile dysfunction ain’t one of ‘em,” she replied.

“Lord God, no...”

“Well, what is it?”

“Laura ... you’re ... I can’t.”

“Hang-ups?”

“Just the one – morality.”

“John, what do you think about mating?”

“Laura, what the hell kind of question is that? And you’re a farm girl -- if you watched cows at all, you already know...”

“Hey, doofus. That ain’t mating, that’s breeding. There’s a difference, you know.”

“Well, of course. But you’re the one who asked about...”

“Yes, I did. Now, when you think about mating, what do you want in a mate? And ‘my dick’ is NOT an appropriate answer.”

Choke-snort-left-handed-nose-wipe. “Lord, girl! What an attitude! But to be honest, if I were a bit younger, you’d be at the top of my list. Smart, pretty, hard-working, but too young, you know...”

“John, I think you’re gonna have to settle for three out of four.”

“What are you talking about?”

She replied, “Me and you, bud. We’re partners, which is most of mating. You told me I could stay here for as long as I wanted, and I’m thinking we’ll know if it’s going to work out after maybe four or five decades together. I can’t do much about the age thing, but we need to get to work on the breeding part, don’t you think?”

I reached over and flipped on the bedside lamp. “Are you doing drugs?”

“Yeah,” she laughed. “It’s kinda like that, ain’t it?”

“You’ve never said a thing...”

“I guess I’m just too subtle, John. You didn’t notice the fawning looks.”

“Thought it was the food.”

“Beast!”

“Laura, you’re everything I could want in a mate, but you’re...”

“Ten years. Big deal.”

“You’ve never so much as hinted...”

“I love you, John.”

“Yeah, but...”

“But what? We’re supposed to date for a few months? Do an occasional weekend together to figure this all out? Is that it?”

“Uhh...”

“You can do better than that, but since you’re faltering, let me help. Mom’s a cook, right?”

“I’ll take your word...”

“You’ll meet ‘em this week, love ... Lemme finish. If she wants to do a roast, she’s perfectly capable of putting one in a pot, browning it, then pot-roasting all day. Great roast, right? But if she’s in a hurry, she has a pressure cooker. Great roast, too. Faster.”

“Uhhh...” Damn, I’m erudite.

“We’ve been in a pressure cooker, John. Haven’t been out of sight of one another for weeks. Stress. Hard work. Your accident. We’ve mostly only had each other to talk with. Pressure cooker, right? I like the way this has turned out.”

“But this step...”

“I told you I’m a virgin. You remembered that, right?”

“Don’t remember you coming right out and saying it.”

“Implied it.”

“So what’s that got to do with...”

“Curious. And for the first time, secure enough about a guy to think that whole ‘mate’ thing.”

“I don’t want to take that from you. Ought to be your husband.”

“Stuff of legends these days, almost. Dunno how many brides I’ve watched at church, but I think I’d be the only one who qualified for a white dress in the traditional sense.”

“You know, darlin’, you’re the most absurd collection of characteristics I’ve ever seen all packaged in one delightful female wrapper.”

“That’s the best compliment you’ve ever given me.”

“I mean, the absurdity ... Virginal you lying in bed beside me, I’m naked from the waist down, you’re STILL holding my dong...”

She giggled. “Oops. Thought it was mine.” But she didn’t let go, either.

“Hell of a way to propose...”

“But If I did propose, what would you say?”

“Laura Susan Landry, will you marry me?”

“Is this mine, then?”

“All I have, all I am, all I ever attain will be yours.”

“Yes, I’ll marry you, contingent on you getting your request past my parents.”

“D’you think that’s gonna present a problem?”

“You might imagine them expecting somebody younger...”

“There is that,” I sighed. “And that’s why I’m reluctant to go any further tonight...”

“Further?”

“You’re still holding my dick.”

“Oh!” she squeaked. “I am. I guess since I worked up the courage...” She gave it a tentative tug, changing it from semi-hard conversational mode to rock-hard ‘let’s get serious’ mode.

“I don’t think that’s clinical, Laura...”

“But does it feel good?”

“It does.”

“This is not intercourse.”

“Correct.”

“It feels good.”

“Yes.”

“I could stop ... I really don’t want to stop, though...”

“Laura, are you aware of what making that thing feel really good is going to do?”

“I have a basic understanding.”

“You keep that up, you’re going to have a real-life experience.”

“It’s a shame this is so one-sided.”

“You’re the one that’s out of reach.”

She scooted up next to me. Now I REALLY miss having two good arms. I’m not left-handed, but the first thing my left hand did was cup the back of her head, hauling her to me. We kissed.

“God, I hope this is serious.”

“Is that a prayer, John?”

“It’s a prayer.”

She kissed me back. “That’s your answer.”

My hand roamed. My mate purred. Most perfect pair of breasts imaginable. Responsive nipples, now like little pink pebbles, each sitting on a pink circle of wrinkly flesh. Because she turned on the bedside lamp.

I amazed myself by twisting to put one of those delectable mounds in range of my mouth.

“Omigod!”

“Kinda what I think.”

“Do it again!”

“Okay.” I really need two hands. These little mounds are wonderful, but I really want to explore another mound. I give it a try.

“Oh, John...”

“Want me to stop?”

Something unintelligible that I took as ‘keep going’. Gentle, John. Fingertips. Lightly. It’s hot and wet and asking for exploration.

The on-going kiss deepened. I think my soul was leaving my body. She whimpered into my mouth, shuddered, tensed, then just about collapsed. Only then did our mouths part.

Tears in her eyes.

“You okay, little one?”

“Wasn’t supposed to happen, John. I love you and dammit! I’m sane and supposed to be in control and ... Now you’ve ... Nobody ever got to touch me, not like that.” Then, “My hand’s covered in goop.”

“You’re not the only one who enjoyed this, lady.”

“I felt it bucking. I didn’t know...”

“You have me so far gone, Laura ... I know you were seriously trying to help, doing things that made sense as far as getting me showered. You just don’t know how much I am affected by you.”

“Naked women.”

“Nope. Wrong. One naked woman who makes all the right things light up in my head and in my heart. Impossible, though...”

“Impossible how?”

“I really was serious. Rescued. No strings. Untouchable, as far as I was concerned.”

By now we were stretched out in each other’s arms, just talking.

“I was wary, John. I know, I was just about guaranteed to be accosted with the bunch you found me with. I thought you had an honest face and were worth at least a try. I could always bail out at a traffic light if I needed to do it.”

“I thought I picked up an example of a typical addled, flighty college airhead.”

“We surprised each other.”

“Happily,” I said. “But ... Laura ... I was raised thinking marriage is forever.”

“Me too. So you’d better be serious. And just so you hear it one more time, John, this is the FIRST time I’ve done any of this with a guy. Yours. My hand. First time. Mine. Your hand. First time.”

She stretched to kiss me. “And I am writing a check with my mouth that I hope my body can cash ... Wedding day. Me and you. You get ME. All of me. First time.”

“And here we are half-naked and sticky.”

“Didn’t say we couldn’t, you know, play around. I understand there are things that don’t involve us breeding each other, either practice or for realsies.”

“Realsies. Like in kids?”

“Please tell me you’re in favor...”

“One. Two. Half a dozen.”

“Mom will be thrilled. So will Dad.”

“Will Laura be thrilled?”

“Absolutely. In a year or two or three.”

“Sounds like you’ve thought this out.”

“Every girl has thought it out, I imagine. Even the ‘but I thought I couldn’t get pregnant if he pulled out’ bunch.” She touched my face. “Of course, I imagined some generic dude who met the requirements.”

“And that’s me?”

“That’s you.”

“Good.”

“This sex stuff’s messy, though. I got goop all over my hand and my thighs are sticking together.”

“I can get us a washcloth.”

“No, just follow me into the bathroom. I’ll get us cleaned up.”

And a very workmanlike job she did. No longer tentative about moving the dickus around. Stood up, wrapped both arms around me, kissed me.