Chapter 16

The rest of the afternoon wrapped Dana in a golden haze. Even the sunlight seemed mellowed, not thinned, by the high clouds. And there, the nodding yellow daffodils, lining the border of Mrs. Ramon’s yard. The smell of early green lawns, irrigated from the river. Dana got less homework done than she intended. Than she needed to, given how behind she was. But she kept finding herself staring into space, daydreaming of Nikki. At least she didn’t doodle little Dana + Nikki hearts all over. Only the one, and she wadded up the page and threw it away.

Since she was getting nothing done, she took a break and texted Lillian an apology. In her present mood, it was hard to believe what she’d done during lunch. She hoped it sounded humble enough.

Dana remained preoccupied through dinner and after—enough so she almost didn’t hear Thea’s question as she cleaned up.

“Pardon?”

“I asked whether your love life was running smooth again. I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Sort of.”

“Let me guess—it’s complicated.”

“Um. Yeah.” She handed Thea a plate to dry.

“For such a direct young woman, you end up in the most tangled situations.”

Dana smiled halfheartedly. “It does seem that way.”

“So are you willing to talk about her?”

Dana was a little weirded at talking about this to her stepmother, but she couldn’t not talk about her. “Nikki.”

“Ah, the bisexual cheerleader.” Thea’s voice was sardonic—she didn’t believe the town’s story either.

“That’s the thing. She isn’t.”

Thea looked at her. “A cheerleader? Or bisexual? Oh, Dana, you haven’t fallen in love with a straight girl again, have you?”

“I’m not in love!”

“You, my dear, have the loveliest silly smile on your face when you think about her.”

She did?

“Well, I wish you luck,” Thea continued. “Just remember, the important thing is not who someone could be attracted to, but who they love.”

What had she said to Sandy?—that love is all that matters. Dana swallowed.

Thea took the sponge from her. “You go on upstairs—I’ll finish up here.”

Dana did. She stayed up, not working, till very late—thoughts of Tina and Josh and Nikki tangled together.

If love was all that mattered—and Dana believed that, with all her heart—Dana had a problem. After Charlene, Dana had vowed never to bend over backwards for someone, only to have them rip her up. And yet Tina had just ripped herself up (just as Dana had ripped herself over Nikki—but she pushed that aside) over Josh and Dana. Willingly. For willful pride, but nevertheless. (Was Nikki a mistake?) Guilt and shame and irritation mixed themselves into the tangle, making the knot impossible to untie.

Finally, Dana closed her untouched notebook and went to bed. After a couple moments in the dark, she got out and prayed. She got no answers, but doing it comforted her, a little.

The next day at lunch, Dana reached the cafeteria early enough to catch Lillian alone and repeat her apology. “I was having a bad day, and took it out on you.”

Lillian snorted. “Bad week, more like.”

“Um. I think it’s gotten better.”

Lillian looked at her skeptically but said nothing.

Josh and Tina sniped continually through lunch—mostly at each other, but still, Dana tried to not attract their attention. When Josh went to throw away his lunch-bag—really, to walk away and cool off—Mike whispered to Dana, “I think I liked it better before they were steady. Then they could fight as friends without worrying about whether it would break them up.”

Dana glanced at Tina at the end of the table. She was looking after Josh while chewing her lip. “They’ll work it out,” Dana replied. She hoped. “It may take—” She stopped—Nikki.

She was walking towards their table with Zoe. Zoe definitely had more assets than her—and knew how to display them. But she was not as attractive as lithe little Nikki. Dana wondered whether anyone was. Well, maybe Megan Rapinoe, but she was unobtainable anyway.

“Hey.” Dana managed to not say that with an exclamation point. Barely.

“Hey there,” Zoe said.

“Hello, Dana.”

Everyone greeted each other with gestures as Zoe stood by her chair, hand on Dana’s shoulder. Small town—of course they knew each other.

“I wanted to ask,” Zoe said to Dana, “do you have my address and phone?”

Oh, right—for tonight. “No, I don’t.” As Zoe took Dana’s phone to add her contact info, Dana asked, “Should I pick you up then?”

“That’d be great.” Another broad smile. “Otherwise, of course, it’s all on me.” Her stress on ‘all’ carried a handful of double meanings.

Dana glanced at Nikki. She hadn’t reacted to her friend’s flirting. Still, Dana asked her, “What about you?”

“Oh, no,” Nikki said, wagging a finger, “there’ll be time enough for that sort of stuff later.”

“True enough.”

“So I’ll see you at 6:30,” Zoe said. “Bye, you all—it was nice to see you.”

Dana watched Nikki leave, wondering what “sort of stuff” she was thinking of Friday.

“Okay, I’m confused,” said Mike. “I thought you were going out with Nikki.”

“I am,” Dana said absently, “on Friday.”

“And you and Zoe just happen to be going out first?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” Dana wasn’t about to try explaining the fight with Nikki. She squirmed inside at the thought.

Mike wrinkled his nose. “Didn’t anyone warn you about Zoe Hard-at-her?”

Dana looked at him directly. “I kinda figured her reputation out on my own.” No one actually called Zoe a slut—but then, there was that cheerleader immunity. “Why—you interested in her?”

Mike snorted. “Her? No, it’s just, you seem to be going out a lot.”

As if she were acting like Zoe. Dana winced internally. Well, Tina had warned her. But before she could reply, Tina came to her rescue—saying to Mike, “You’re sounding awfully interested in Dana.”

As Mike sputtered, Sandy said, “Possibly because he wants to ask her himself—hmm?”

“I do not!” Mike protested. Almost too much.

To block any ideas that way, Dana said, “Good.”

“Why not?” Sandy teased him. “I would, if I were the slightest bit gay.” Everyone at the table looked at her. “I’m just saying.” Then, “I said, ‘If’!”

“I’m flattered,” Dana said. “I think.”

“But you should ask her,” Sandy said to Mike—deflecting attention away from herself, Dana guessed. In exactly the wrong direction, as far as Dana was concerned.

“Never mind me,” Dana said. “I want to know who he’d ask out if he were gay.”

Mike sputtered again.

Josh grinned. “Do tell,” he said to Mike.

“No way!”

“I know who Dana would ask out,” Tina said.

Dana blinked. Who, aside from Nikki and the rest of the squad?

“Do tell,” Lillian said.

“Oh, I know who you mean,” Sandy said.

Dana realized what they were thinking, and waved a finger at them. “Just because I have a Mia Hamm poster over my bed doesn’t mean I’d ask her out.”

The others laughed, but before she could turn tables again, bell rang. As she cleaned up, Dana thought about the conversation. As they walked to their lockers, Dana quietly asked Tina, “When did Sandy and Mike go out?”

Tina looked up at her, startled. “Back in eighth grade, for a couple months.”