Chapter 15

By the time Dana arrived at school Wednesday morning, the dream had faded to a pale haunting. So when she saw Tina’s shy, disbelieving smile, she was able to smile back without reservation, and hug her. Though not squeal—Tina seemed to stunned to bounce. Yet surely she and Josh was a good thing. But before she could ask how it had happened, someone said, “Are you for real?”

Dana turned, and met a riot grrl: skinny with short spiked purple hair, pierced nose, ring in one eyebrow, multiple studs up one ear, a black punk-band t-shirt. She sat in the back row of Dana’s history class, but Dana couldn’t remember her name. If she hadn’t been surly and confrontational, Dana could have been attracted to her.

“I keep it as real as you do.”

Scowl. “I’m talking about the fucking cheerleaders—is that for real?”

Dana resisted punning on fucking the cheerleaders. “I like picking up girls who bounce.” Someone—Tina?—chuckled.

“I wanna know what team you’re playing for,” the grrl said—Jinn, that was her name.

“Basketball,” Dana said promptly. “Everything else, I’m just doing to get through school.”

Jinn stared at her for a moment, then made a derisive sound and left. Dana blinked.

“Okay,” Tina said, “what was that about?”

“Beats me,” Dana said, reaching for her chemistry book.

“Are you turning into some sort of queer magnet?”

Dana glanced at Tina, startled, then realized she probably wasn’t thinking of the same meaning of “queer.” Then again—she looked after Jinn. She could be gay. Not that she was available for Dana, not unless she joined the squad. Fat chance of that.

The warning bell rang.

“I don’t think so,” Dana said. “Catch you later?”

Tina nodded. Dana watched her walk off until she was hidden in the crowd. She nibbled her lip—Tina and Josh were finally together. Then she turned for her class.

Between English and chem, Sam teased Dana about being “Quite the social butterfly. Thursday, Saturday, Sunday—the whole weekend except Friday. And I’m sure,” she all but purred the word, “you could have someone after winning the big game.”

Dana ducked under a GO PIONEERS! banner hung two inches too low for her. Even if she wasn’t still angry at Sam, she wouldn’t have been tempted by the hint, not after Tina’s comment. “Nah—I’m too wiped after playing to go out. Hang out and unwind, but that’s about it.”

“Still, do keep it in mind.”

Dana nodded, then dismissed it from her thoughts. Besides, she’d rather spend after the game with someone else. She tried to forget that as well.

At lunch, Tina and Lillian talked privately about Josè (and other subjects Dana couldn’t hear) while Josh and Mike compared their favorite sci-fi TV shows (and favorite sci-fi babes)—leaving Dana and Sandy to talk about Sunday, and Sandy’s readings. Though Dana wasn’t strongly interested in the subject, just at the moment. She could see Nikki over at the fashionable end of the cafeteria, talking with a couple friends—including a boy. And not looking at Dana.

“I don’t know what I believe anymore,” Sandy admitted.

Dana swallowed her bite. “Did you look at that religious tolerance site?”

“Only a little. It’s ... very large.”

Dana suspected that was a diplomatic answer. “I don’t know if it’ll help, but there’s an introductory page, on the differences between conservative and liberal Christians.”

Sandy looked at her lunch. “I need to read and pray some more.”

Which was as good as a flashing sign saying DON’T PUSH HERE. Dana wanted to push anyway. Especially with her sister Clara standing behind Sandy.

“Hey, everyone,” Clara said, holding up a camera, “smile for the yearbook.”

The six looked at each other, and as one turned and mugged for the camera with frowns and grimaces. Josh held out two thumbs down. Tina stuck out her tongue. Clara took a picture before she realized what they were doing, then rolled her eyes.

“I see why you hang out with these guys,” she said to Dana, then to Josh, “and you ought to know better.” Then she turned to the next table.

The others smiled. Mike stuck his tongue out at Clara’s back, and Dana giggled. Which made Sandy look at her. “I didn’t know you giggled.”

Dana stuck her tongue out at her. Just as well they dropped their prior conversation, anyway.

“By the way,” Lillian said to Dana from across the table, “I’ve a verse for you.” She nudged Josh with her elbow, and said to him, “Romans 1:26.”

Startled, he recited, “For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature.”

The other major passage on homosexuality, and the only one to mention lesbianism. “Followed by,” Dana prompted. Might as well address the whole thing.

“And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet.”

“That sounds pretty clear,” Lillian said. Dana couldn’t tell if she was as smug as her words made her sound.

“Except—” she started to say, just as Sandy said, “Well, actually—”

When Sandy hesitated, Dana gestured her to go first.

“It’s ambiguous.” Sandy sounded not entirely easy. “If you look at the whole passage, it’s a condemnation of backsliding into pagan rituals by a specific congregation—they started out Christian, but slowly started worshiping idols, and having orgies.”

Lillian looked at Sandy startled—as if she’d joined the other team. “So?”

“So, yes, they were doing bad things—worshiping other gods.”

“That’s not what that verse says,” Lillian said like an accusation.

“But it’s what Paul is writing about in the chapter as a whole.”

It was just as well, Dana realized, she hadn’t pressured Sandy over her readings, a couple days ago—now she was closer to being on Dana’s side.

Across the cafeteria, Dana caught a glimpse of Nikki still talking, animatedly, with a slight frown on her face. A jealousbug wined in Dana’s ear, and she barely heard Sandy ask what she’d been going to say.

Dana pulled her attention back to her friends. “I was going to point out, this was something God gave them, as a punishment for idolatry—not chosen themselves.”

“As the ultimate pagan rite,” Sandy said, agreeing.

“You say that like it excuses them,” Lillian said to Dana.

“Well, if God did it... , “ Dana spread her hands.

“What—you’re saying being gay is natural?”

As Dana drew breath to rip her scorn apart, Josh said, “Well, yeah, it is.”

“You keep saying that,” Sandy said, a little sharply.

“If it’s ‘natural,’” Lillian said, “why don’t other animals do it?”

Josh tapped a finger in her direction. “Have you heard of Biological Exuberance?” Lillian shook her head. So did Sandy and Dana. “It’s a book—a survey of field reports from naturalists. It turns out that practically every large mammal studied, and many other animals, has shown some kind of homosexual or ‘abnormal’ behavior—whether it’s males mounting males, females mounting females, or even females mounting males. Some species even pair-bond as gay couples.”

Oh cool. Dana forgot her irritation for a moment—she had to read this.

“You’re kidding,” Mike said.

“All true,” Josh insisted.

Beyond him, Nikki made a gesture of negation and strode away from a smirking boy. What the hell?

Lillian said, “I don’t believe it.”

Oh for—! “What, you think they’re lying?” Dana snapped at her. “The animals are faking it? ‘Oh look, a naturalist—we’d better get it on snicker snicker’?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Lillian said hotly.

“Then what?” Dana looked around the table at five pairs of eyes, all looking at her. To the others, “What?”

When no one answered immediately, she shoved her chair away from the table and stood up. “Never mind,” she said, “if you want to stay ignorant, be that way,” and strode off. Her first thought was to walk over to Sue-Ellen—but no, she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to see anyone. She left the cafeteria and walked into the girl’s bathroom.

Cool water felt good on her hot face. She stood leaning over the sink, watching the drips fall. When was the last time she’d lost her temper like that? Oh, right. With Nikki.

As Dana wondered where the girl had gone, a pair of freshmen came in. Dana stood up, but they ignored her to fix their make-up and their opinion of some boy’s asking a friend out. Dana rolled her eyes and left—just as the bell rang.

At their lockers, Tina asked her, “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Dana said shortly.

“Okay, girl—calm down.” Tina held up her hands. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Dana enunciated, and closed her locker door without slamming it.

Tina said nothing as Dana turned away.

Dana still didn’t see Nikki for the rest of the day. Zoe and Summer each met her in the hall, both reminding her of their upcoming dates. She smiled as best as she could. “Looking forward to it.” She tried to tell herself it was the truth.