The jury was out less than five minutes. I’d expected a quick resolution; old Miz Caffrey was the jury foreman, and she didn’t take no lip from anyone. Pa had told me that she’d paddled his butt many a time at school, and then ripped Gramps a new one about his son’s bad behavior next time she’d seen him around town.

I braced myself for the verdict. If I got any jail time for assaulting her and her boyfriend, Leah would have a totally free hand to fix the divorce in her favor. I’d lose the house, the farm, everything. Damn her, and double damn her sleazeball lover. They’d lied, they’d libeled, they’d perjured themselves in spades, almost sworn the sun rises in the west – but would the jury believe them or me?

The judge asked for the verdict. Miz Caffrey stood and adjusted her spectacles as she looked at her notepad.

“Your honor, we find the defendant Burt Brinegar NOT guilty of assaulting Stanley B. Stolz Esq. We also find him NOT guilty of assaulting Leah Brinegar. However, there are some circumstances that we wish to bring to the attention of the court.”

The judge didn’t raise any objection. I’d bet he’d learned that habit forty years before in her classroom. He also remembered to say ‘please’ when he asked her to continue.

“Your honor, it is clear that Mr. Brinegar needs to retake the High School Civics class. He was most certainly entitled to use lethal force when his home and marital bed were egregiously invaded by Mr. Stolz, yet he only defended himself with his fists. The jury was also unanimous that Mr. Brinegar should be required to put in some serious remedial time on the pistol range if he’s so uncomfortable about carrying a gun on his person.”

“So ordered!”

“Thank you, your honor. Next, I don’t seem to recall the Assistant District Attorney informing the court that he roomed with Mr. Stolz when they were at law school together. I’m only a simple country schoolteacher, your honor, but that kind of connection stinks of corruption and graft. I’d say that it amounted to contempt of court at the very least, but of course I’ll bow to your honor’s decision on whether or not to instigate disbarment proceedings against the ADA and Mr. Stolz.”

The judge ground his teeth at that one. His voice was ice cold.

“Mr. Diel, is that allegation true, that you once roomed with the complainant, your witness?”

The ADA visibly gulped before he answered.

“It ... it is true, your honor.”

“Thirty days for contempt, Mr. Diel. Mr. Stolz, you too. I’ll be meeting with the State Bar Association. I’m minded to make examples of you two cronies.”

Miz Caffrey was still standing.

“Yes, Ma-am?”

“Mrs. Brinegar’s perjury, your honor?”

“Very good point, Miz Caffrey. Mrs. Brinegar, let’s start off with fourteen days for contempt, just to give me some considering time to work out the perjury sentence. Don’t make any plans for a while. Mr. Brinegar, you come through to my chamber after, and we’ll get the paperwork completed for the annulment of your marriage. You’ll be a free man by supper-time. Nothing else, Miz Caffrey? I thank you for your service, members of the jury. Justice has been done.”

The court bailiff (damn, that tailored uniform shirt makes her look so hot!) smilingly motioned to me that I was free to go, and moved around to behind where the former ADA and his star witnesses were sitting, still in shock from things going south for them so quickly.

The silence that had permeated the courtroom was broken as the gallery and the members of the jury started hollering to each other.