Chapter 5

After Cara left the nun’s office, Sister Gabrielle went directly to the church. She knelt in the last pew in the rear, clutching her cross to her lips, mouthing words in silent prayer. She didn’t feel virtuous enough to go farther into the church, closer to her larger than life savior nailed to a cross in the front. She had sinned in so many ways. She had made a student expose herself and touch herself. She had exposed herself to the girl and touched herself where it was forbidden. Tears fell freely from her clenched eyes as the smell on her hand was a constant reminder. She now knew what that odor coming from Cara was.

Sister Gabrielle prayed for over an hour. When she realized how late it was, she sprinted to the dining area in the convent and burst through the door. The nuns were all eating at the long rectangular table with the Reverend Mother at one end and Father Hennessey at the other. Everyone turned to look at her.

“Is everything all right?” the Reverend Mother asked.

With a hand on her chest, gulping in air, Sister Gabrielle said, “I’m sorry, Reverend Mother, I lost track of time.”

“That’s not like you.”

“I’m sorry. I’ve been a little out of sorts lately.”

“Well sit down and eat.”

After dinner, Sister Gabrielle returned to her bedroom and tried reading her book. She kept starting over from the beginning of Chapter Twelve each time she realized she had no idea what she had read. Her mind kept returning to what had happened in her office. What had she done? Not only had she sinned, but she had encouraged a young girl to sin.

But what mostly kept her from concentrating on the biography was the memory of how she had felt touching herself. It was better when it hurt. Now that it didn’t, and she had experienced the pleasure, she fought not to touch herself while lying in bed. She had made sacrifices her entire life. She could make one more. Sister Gabrielle finally returned the book to the end table with the bookmark still on the first page of Chapter Twelve.

Trying to fall asleep, Sister Gabrielle tossed and turned. She couldn’t get comfortable. She would catch herself squeezing her thighs together, and one time her hand actually made it to her groin. She quickly pulled it away as if she had put it into a burning flame. And that’s what she felt between her legs. A burning flame. But eventually, Sister Gabrielle fell asleep.

The next day all through class, Cara and Sister Gabrielle kept staring at each other. Unlike other times, when their eyes met the girl did not look away. Sister Gabrielle couldn’t read Cara’s expression, other than she seemed to be deep in thought. And constantly looking at her. But the nun knew her own expression showed a worried look because that’s how she felt. Could Cara recognize that she was worried? Would she know why? Was that troubling the girl? How much damage had the nun done? How would she make things right with the young girl?

At the end of the class, Sister Gabrielle kept sneaking a glance at Cara as the other girls spoke to her on their way out of the classroom. Cara lingered at her desk, fumbling with her books and notepad, stuffing them in her bookbag, never seeming to be satisfied because she kept rearranging them. That was odd. Usually the girls simply jammed everything into their bags when class ended.

When the last of the students were exiting, Cara shot out of her chair like she was sitting on a tight spring. She hurried to the front of the classroom and, as she passed a startled Sister Gabrielle, reached into her bookbag and dropped a small wrapped package on the nun’s desk. By the time the speechless nun looked up to say something, Cara was rushing out the door. Gifts weren’t permitted. Sister Gabrielle grabbed the package and ran to the door to return it. Leaning into the hallway, she saw a horde of girls in white blouses, dark blue plaid skirts, and knee-high white socks moving in all directions, but no sight of Cara.

The next class would soon begin so Sister Gabrielle placed the package on the floor underneath her desk. She would call Cara to her office the next day and return the gift unopened. And scold her for doing something so inappropriate. Sister Gabrielle had made a huge mistake that she had to live with, but she’d set Cara straight. What they had done needed to be forgotten. To fade away like a bad dream.

At the end of the school day, Sister Gabrielle sat in her office with Cara’s package on the corner of the desk. She tried to work, but her eyes kept being drawn to it. With a sigh, she slid the package in front of her. Whatever it was, it wasn’t inside a box. She could feel that through the wrapping paper. The bottom was smooth and firm, but there was something on the top that made the wrapping paper puff out. She couldn’t make out the shape, no matter how many times she poked it and ran her fingers over it.

Not knowing drove Sister Gabrielle crazy. She couldn’t concentrate. Couldn’t get her work done. Realizing she had no other choice, Sister Gabrielle painstakingly separated the scotch tape from the wrapping paper and meticulously unfolded the paper so that she could rewrap it without Cara knowing she had peeked. A piece of lined paper lay on top. A sheet ripped out of Cara’s notebook and torn to fit the small package. Without touching it, Sister Gabrielle leaned over to read the note. The words handwritten in block letters were, “At least trim it.”

What did that mean?

Sister Gabrielle carefully lifted the note out. She gasped. There was a small scissors lying on a paperback novel. It was the kind of scissors used to trim beards. The image on the cover of the paperback was of a shirtless man embracing a partially nude woman. Sister Gabrielle slammed the note on top of the scissors. She quickly folded and taped the wrapping paper back up, no longer being careful. She dropped the mangled package on the floor at her feet.

Sister Gabrielle would have a word with Cara, letting the girl know in no uncertain terms that what she had done was inappropriate. Giving a nun pornography. Who did she think she was? Wait until she told the girl’s mother. But then Sister Gabrielle cupped her face in her hands. Talk about inappropriate. Look what she had done. She couldn’t tell Cara’s mother. And she couldn’t scold the girl. That wouldn’t be fair. She would apologize to Cara for her inappropriate behavior and make it clear that it was never to happen again. That it had been a mistake. And that Cara’s gift and note and scissors were also inappropriate.