Chapter 5

Sister Gabrielle went directly to the church after Cara left her office. She knelt in the last pew in the rear, clutching her cross to her lips, mouthing words in silent prayer. She didn’t feel virtuous enough to go into the church further, closer to her larger than life savior nailed to a cross in the front. She had sinned in so many ways. She had made a student expose herself and touch herself. She had exposed herself to the girl and touched herself where it was forbidden. Tears fell freely from her clenched eyes as the smell on her hand was a constant reminder. She now knew what that odor was.

Sister Gabrielle prayed for over an hour. When she realized how late it was she sprinted to the dining area in the convent and burst through the door. The nuns were all eating at the long rectangular table with the Reverend Mother at one end and Father Hennessey at the other. Everyone turned to look at her.

“Is everything all right?” the Reverend Mother asked.

With a hand on her chest, gasping for air, Sister Gabrielle said, “I’m sorry, Reverend Mother, I lost track of time.”

“That’s not like you.”

“I’m sorry. I’ve been a little out of sorts lately.”

“Well sit down and eat.”

After dinner, Sister Gabrielle returned to her bedroom and tried reading her novel. She kept starting over from the beginning of Chapter Twelve only to realize she had no idea what she had read. Her mind kept returning to what had happened in her office. What had she done? Not only had she sinned, but she encouraged a young girl to sin.

But what kept her from concentrating on the novel was the memory of how she had felt touching herself. She wished doing it would hurt. Now that it didn’t, and she knew the pleasure, she fought not to touch herself while lying in bed. She had made sacrifices her entire life. She could make one more. Sister Gabrielle finally returned the book to the end table with the bookmark still on the first page of Chapter Twelve.

Trying to fall asleep, Sister Gabrielle tossed and turned. She couldn’t get comfortable. She would catch herself squeezing her thighs together and one time her hand actually made it to her groin. She quickly pulled it away as if she had put it into a burning flame. And that’s what she felt between her legs. A burning flame. But eventually, Sister Gabrielle fell asleep.

The next day, Cara lingered in the classroom at the end of class. When the last of the students were at the door, she came to the front of the classroom and, as she passed Sister Gabrielle’s desk, reached into her bookbag and dropped a small wrapped package on the desk. By the time the speechless nun looked up to say something, Cara was already leaving the classroom. Gifts weren’t permitted. Sister Gabrielle grabbed the package and rushed to the door. Leaning into the hallway, she saw a horde of girls in white blouses, dark blue plaid skirts, and calf-high white socks moving in all directions, but no sight of Cara.

The next class would soon begin so Sister Gabrielle placed the package on the floor underneath her desk. She would call Cara to her office the next day and return it unopened. And scold her for doing something so inappropriate. Sister Gabrielle had made a huge mistake that she had to live with, but she’d set Cara straight. What they had done needed to be forgotten. As if it had never happened.

At the end of the school day, Sister Gabrielle sat in her office with Cara’s package on the corner of her desk. She tried to work, but her eyes kept glancing at it. With a sigh, she slid the package in front of her. Whatever it was, it wasn’t inside a box. She could feel it through the wrapping paper. The bottom was smooth and firm, but there was something on the top under the wrapping paper. She couldn’t make out the shape, no matter how many times she ran her fingers over it.

Not knowing drove Sister Gabrielle crazy. She couldn’t concentrate, so she painstakingly separated the scotch tape from the wrapping paper and meticulously unfolded the paper so that she could rewrap it without Cara knowing she had peeked. There was a piece of paper on top. A sheet torn out of Cara’s notebook and cut to fit the small package. Sister Gabrielle leaned over to read the note. It said, “At least trim it.” What did that mean? Sister Gabrielle carefully lifted the note out. She gasped. There was a small scissors lying on a paperback book. It was the kind of scissors used to trim beards. The image on the cover of the book was of a shirtless man embracing a partially nude woman. Sister Gabrielle slammed the note on top of the scissors. She quickly folded and taped the wrapping paper back up, no longer being careful. She dropped the mangled package on the floor at her feet.

She would have a word with Cara, letting the girl know in no uncertain terms that what she had done was inappropriate. Giving a nun pornography. Who did she think she was? Wait until she told the girl’s mother. But then Sister Gabrielle cupped her face in her hands. Talk about inappropriate. Look what she had done. She couldn’t tell Cara’s mother. And she couldn’t scold the girl. That wouldn’t be fair. She would apologize to Cara for her inappropriate behavior and make it clear that it was never to happen again. That it had been a mistake. And that what Cara had done was also inappropriate.

Sister Gabrielle couldn’t leave the package in her office overnight. The convent nuns on cleaning detail could find it. So she placed it in the little kangaroo pouch in front of her habit that she used to keep her hands warm on cold days and walked as naturally as she could back to the convent. When she was safe in her bedroom, Sister Gabrielle clutched the package to her chest with both hands and looked around the room. She opened the top dresser drawer and stuffed the small package underneath her underwear. She closed the drawer and got ready for dinner.