Chapter 2

The next day, Sister Gabrielle once again marched up and down the classroom aisles, this time returning the graded exams, placing them upside down on each student’s desk. She paused at Cara’s desk after laying her exam down. Without looking up, Cara folded the top of the paper back to see the big D in red. She slapped it back down and made eye contact with Sister Gabrielle for a split second before quickly looking away. Only then did Sister Gabrielle move on to the next desk.

For the duration of the class, Cara was quiet with her head mostly hung. The times Sister Gabrielle made eye contact with her, Cara’s eyes darted away. The other students had put their tests away as soon as checking the grade, but Cara’s lay upside down on her desk the entire period. She constantly picked at one corner of the paper. When the class ended, she folded the paper in half without looking at it, slid it inside her textbook, and left with shoulders slumped.

The rest of the day dragged for Sister Gabrielle as she worried about Cara Doyle. The nun was familiar with the despair she had seen in Cara’s eyes. She had felt it in high school. When the school day finally ended, she went to her office to work on the next day’s lesson, but her mind kept wandering back to Cara Doyle. She would get to the bottom of Cara’s problem. Having asked for God’s help the day before in church after Cara had left, she felt His strength inside her.

There was a soft knock on the door.

Sister Gabrielle looked up. “Come in.”

Cara entered with her bookbag slung over one shoulder. Her eyes were downcast. She looked up. “You wrote on my exam that you wanted to see me.”

“Please shut the door and have a seat.”

Cara closed the door and walked up to the two chairs in front of Sister Gabrielle’s desk. She lowered her bookbag onto one of them and swept her dark blue skirt behind her thighs as she sat down on the other. Her knees were together the way a girl should sit. The proper way.

“Cara, look at me,” Sister Gabrielle said. The girl looked up. “Are you satisfied with your grade?”

Cara’s eyes dropped and she shook her head. The stressful silence caused her to look back up.

“Can you explain it?” Sister Gabrielle asked. “You didn’t even bother to answer many of the questions. I was generous with the D. It was F work.”

Cara lowered her head and shrugged. Sister Gabrielle slapped both palms on her desktop. The sound rang in the small room. Cara flinched and looked up.

“I asked you a question, young lady.”

Cara’s bottom lip quivered. Her eyes watered. And then a tear fell from her right eye and rolled down her cheek just like it had in class the previous day. Except this time it was followed by one from her left eye.

“I couldn’t concentrate,” Cara said.

“Why not?”

“Oh, Sister, I can’t tell you.”

“Then you’ll tell the Reverend Mother. I won’t accept that kind of work from you.”

“Oh no, please, not her!”

“Then tell me.”

The tears flowed freely now down both cheeks. Cara kept wiping them away, but they continued to come back. She struggled to talk, but the words kept catching. Sister Gabrielle waited until the girl composed herself.

“I sinned, Sister. I asked God for help, but He didn’t answer.”

“What did you expect from Him?”

“I don’t know. Forgiveness?”

“That’s what confession is for. Confess your sin to Father Hennessey and your sin will be absolved.”

“Oh no! I couldn’t!”

“Why not?”

“Father Hennessey is a man.”

“He’s a priest.”

“But he’s also a man. I can’t tell him that— Oh, please, Sister, I just can’t. Can I tell you?”

“I’m not a priest.”

“But you’re a woman.”

“I’m a nun.”

“And a woman. Oh, please, Sister, I need to tell someone. I can’t concentrate anymore. I keep praying but it doesn’t help. I feel so lost.”

“Do you know why I chose the name Gabrielle?”

Cara gawked at the nun with wide eyes. “Isn’t that what your parents named you?”

“No. A Sister is given a new name at her profession of vows. Some orders choose it for the nun. I was able to choose my own. Do you remember the archangel Gabriel from your religion class?”

“He told Mary she was pregnant or something.”

Sister Gabrielle pressed her lips together as she shook her head. “Or something,” she said. “Gabriel means ‘God is my strong man.’ I get my strength from Gabriel. That’s why I took his name. Let me use that strength to help you. Tell me what’s troubling you.”

Cara looked down and back up. Her eyes dropped to her lap once again. In a soft voice, she said, “I have these feelings I can’t control. Urges. I feel so ashamed.”

Only seven years older than Cara, Sister Gabrielle’s high school memories were still fresh in her mind. Haunting memories of not fitting in. Being ridiculed. Laughed at. Scoffed. It didn’t help that she was beautiful. That had made it worse. All the boys had wanted to date her. Even the jocks and popular ones. She had turned them all down. Not interested. Even back then she had known her destiny and remained steadfast. Not that she hadn’t cried herself to sleep many nights.

Anger boiled up inside Sister Gabrielle. “Cara, enough! I want to know exactly what you did!” She slapped her desktop. “Right now!”

Cara jumped. Her left hand was like a blur as it yanked the front of her plaid skirt up to her waist. Her right hand flew between her spreading legs. Two fingers pressed down on the white cotton panties, right where her clitoris was.

Sister Gabrielle gasped. Stunned, immobile for only a few seconds, she leaped from the chair. It shot out from under her, rolling backward, causing her to lose her balance. Her forearm landed on the desktop on the way down which keep her from falling. When she got control, she dashed around the desk with the cross hanging from her neck swinging like Cara’s ponytail had when she fled the church. By the time Sister Gabrielle was on the other side of the desk, Cara’s head was tilted back, her eyes closed, lips slightly parted to allow the heavy breaths to pass, and her two fingers were vigorously rubbing side to side. Sister Gabrielle grabbed Cara’s arm and pulled her hand away, giving the back of the hand a stinging slap.

Cara’s eyes shot open. The two stared at each other for a moment before Cara cupped her face in both hands and cried. The back of her right hand was pink.

“Oh dear Lord, I’m sorry,” Sister Gabrielle said. She pulled Cara’s head to her belly and hugged it. “Please forgive me. I’m so sorry.”

Sister Gabrielle held Cara until the girl’s sobs ceased and then tilted the girl’s head back and gazed into two watery blue eyes. “Why did you do that?”

Cara looked down. She quickly pulled her skirt over her thighs. In a soft voice, she said, “You said you wanted to know what I did.”

“I meant tell me.”

Cara’s hands flew back to her face. “Oh no! Ohmigod! You must think I’m awful.”

Sister Gabrielle lifted the bookbag off the seat and lowered it to the floor. She sat down next to Cara and took the pink hand in hers and stroked the back. “Does it hurt?”

Cara nodded.

“I’m sorry. I never hit a student before. I never hit anyone.”

“So what I did was so bad that you had to hit me. I’m so ashamed. I wish I were dead.”

“No! Don’t ever say that.”

Cara stared into Sister Gabrielle’s eyes. “What did you do when you were my age? When you had that feeling? Before you were a nun.”

Sister Gabrielle clasped Cara’s hand in her two. “I prayed.”

“I pray all the time. It doesn’t help.”