Chapter 11

Sister Gabrielle awoke with a start. Naked! She had never slept naked. She looked around. It was not her bedroom. And then she saw Cara sleeping next to her. And then the pink penis coated with their combined juices. Now dry. The taste of Cara was still on her lips. She sat upright. Cara groaned and rolled onto her side facing away from her.

“Wake up! Wake up!” Sister Gabrielle shouted.

“No school today. It’s Saturday.” Cara pulled a pillow over her head.

Sister Gabrielle jumped out of bed and frantically searched for her clothes. Her habit was piled on the floor. Her bra next to it. She rushed to the bra, picked it up, and strapped it on. She located her underwear and put it on. And then she spotted her shoes and socks. They were next to the bed near a pair of green panties. Cara’s.

Sister Gabrielle plopped down on the side of the bed to put her socks on. She sat on Cara’s leg. Cara grunted and pulled her leg away and rolled over onto her other side, squeezing the pillow around her head. Sister Gabrielle put her socks on and then her shoes. She rushed to where her habit lay and separated the parts, putting them on one at a time. Where was her headpiece? She spotted the coif and veil lying next to the box with the paperbacks in it. She put them on. Now dressed, what was she going to do?

Sister Gabrielle walked to the bed, sat on the side, and shook Cara’s leg. The girl pulled it away, but the nun kept shaking her. Finally, Cara rolled over and rubbed her sleepy eyes.

“What’s the matter?” Cara asked.

“I made an awful mistake.”

Cara’s eyes opened wide. “About last night?”

“Yes.”

Cara pouted. “Do you regret what we did?”

Sister Gabrielle smiled and brushed Cara’s cheek. “No, of course not.”

“Do you still love me?”

“More than my own life.”

“Then what?”

“It’s morning! I should be at the convent.”

“Do they check your rooms to make sure you’re there?”

“Of course not. It’s not a prison.”

“Then they won’t know you didn’t sleep there.”

“Everyone will be up by now. They already had breakfast. They know I’m not there.”

“Just tell them you overslept.”

“I never oversleep.”

“Then tell them you weren’t feeling well and stayed in your room. Can’t a nun do that?”

Sister Gabrielle thought about it. Her eyes were sad. “Maybe if no one sees me returning the bicycle that will work. But it’s more than that.”

“What else?”

“I shouldn’t be lying. It’s a sin. And I have a decision to make.”

“What about? Me?”

Sister Gabrielle stared at Cara’s nude body and then her sweet face. “Don’t worry about it.” She leaned down and kissed Cara’s lips. “I have to go.”

When Sister Gabrielle stood up, Cara leapt from the bed and flung her arms around her. “You’re going to leave me.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “I love you.”

A knot formed in Sister Gabrielle’s belly. “I love you, too.” She patted Cara’s naked back. “I have to go.”

Sister Gabrielle left Cara standing in her mother’s bedroom, her naked body trembling, tears streaming down both cheeks. It seemed that every time she was with the girl she made her cry. Sister Gabrielle left the house without looking back and rode the bicycle to the convent. When she got there, she snuck into the rear where the shed housing the bicycles was. As she slinked through the courtyard, looking in every direction as she walked the bicycle, she felt like a criminal, but her mind was not on that. For a nun, joining the religious was probably the most difficult decision of her life. Not for Sister Gabrielle, though. It had been what she wanted for as long as she could remember. But now she was at a crossroad. Torn between two loves.

Sister Gabrielle made it to her room undetected. All the nuns were in the church where she should have been. She stripped and took a long shower. When her hand washed between her legs, it did more than wash. The nun leaned against the wall and vigorously rubbed herself. With closed eyes, she saw Cara’s nude body and felt the pleasure the girl had given her. Not just physical pleasure. She remembered holding the girl in her arms as they chatted and giggled for hours. She loved the girl so much.

Sister Gabrielle yanked her hand from between her legs and slapped the wall. She made a fist. Doing that was wrong. She was a nun. She stepped under the showerhead, letting the spray wash her tears away before they could roll down her cheeks.

Later, Sister Gabrielle stood in the Reverend Mother’s office doorway waiting for her to look up from her desk. It seemed when the Reverend Mother wasn’t sleeping, eating, or in church, she was busy in her office.

The Reverend Mother looked up. “Sister Gabrielle, you missed breakfast and you weren’t at services.”

“That’s what I want to talk to you about, Reverend Mother.”

“Then come in.”

“Should I shut the door?”

“Should you?” The Reverend Mother raised an eyebrow.

Sister Gabrielle closed the door and sat in a chair across the desk from the Reverend Mother. It reminded her of her students sitting in a visitor chair in her office in fear. She had always tried to put the students at ease, but the black and white habit was intimidating. Like the ruler on her desk.

The Reverend Mother waited. She didn’t scowl. Didn’t cross her arms. She was the most righteous person Sister Gabrielle had ever known. The most compassionate. Strick but fair. Sister Gabrielle squirmed in the chair like one of her students, yet the Reverend Mother remained silent. She had the patience of a saint.

“Reverend Mother, I’m having doubts,” Sister Gabrielle finally said.

“About God?”

“No, of course not!”

“Then what doubts?”

Sister Gabrielle swallowed. She took a deep breath and let the air out. “About being a nun.”

The Reverend Mother would have made a great card player. The expression on her face didn’t change. “It happens,” she said. “I never thought it would happen to you, though. Do you want to talk about it?”

Sister Gabrielle squirmed again. All of a sudden, the habit felt uncomfortable. “I’m no longer sure this is my calling. The life I want to live.”

“You were so sure. What changed your mind?”

Oh god! What now? Sister Gabrielle had been so confused that she needed to talk to someone. And the Reverend Mother was that someone. But she hadn’t thought about what to say. Only that she needed someone to convince her to remain a nun. It was her calling. Sister Gabrielle stared at her lap, at her fingers twirling the ring given to her when she became a bride of Jesus.

“I always knew I wanted to serve our Lord,” Sister Gabrielle said. “And to help people. I still do. I love teaching and growing the minds of my students and guiding them.”

“In the faith?”

Sister Gabrielle looked up. “I always tried to comfort them, give them peace, feel the way I feel about God, but no, I left that for their religion class.”

“And you like doing that.”

“Yes! I love it.”

“Then what changed?”

Sister Gabrielle wrung her hands. “I changed.”

“How so?”

Sister Gabrielle looked down. A tear rolled down her cheek. She wiped it away. “I don’t believe I can live up to my vows so I’m doubting if I should be a nun. Can be a nun.”

“When did these doubts begin?”

“Not that long ago.”

“What do you want to do?”

Tears now flowed down both cheeks. Sister Gabrielle looked up. “I don’t know. I’ve prayed, but got no answer. That’s why I’m here.”

The Reverend Mother studied Sister Gabrielle. “The school semester is almost over. I would like you to finish it which means you need to be a nun. But I’d like you to leave the convent.”

Sister Gabrielle’s eyes opened wide. “Leave the convent?”

“Yes, live outside the convent. Come here as a nun to teach. None of the students would need to know. Do you have the means to do that? You’ll need a place to stay and clothes and food.”

“Yes, Reverend Mother, I have money from before.”

“Then it’s settled. Live outside the convent until the semester ends and then we’ll talk again. Dress in normal clothing when outside the school. You’ll have lunch here, but breakfast and dinner you’ll be on your own. Be with non-nuns, but remember, you’re still a nun. It’s highly unusual, but maybe it will help you make the right choice.”

“What about the other Sisters?”

“I’ll take care of that. Other than you not living here, nothing has changed. You’re still a nun.”

Nothing had changed? Everything had changed.

Sister Gabrielle had the weekend to set up living arrangements outside the convent. The Reverend Mother had loaned her a bicycle so she had minimal transportation. Enough to find a small apartment near the school and buy a few dresses and other items. It was strange signing checks with her birth name, having been Sister Gabrielle for so long. The money she had inherited from her parents was kept in a trust fund that hadn’t been used in years so it had grown over time. Money wasn’t the issue. Her faith was.