04: Family Diversions

He tried to think of all the people in his life as chemicals,
the uncertainty of mixing them together,
the potential for explosions and scarring.

Kevin Wilson

“I can’t believe I’m not only meeting your new girlfriend, but her whole family. This is major, bro, and since Mom can’t be here, she wants me to report back all the details!”

“One of two girlfriends,” he reminded her as they exited his car, Dan’s sister taking in the home, sizing them up from that alone. “Just don’t mention it, as we’ll let them break the news to their families in good time. For now, we’re making a good impression.”

“I won’t make any waves. You’re the one who always causes a scene. I’m dying to quiz them both about you, since you never tell us anything. Still, enough gets around to leave us curious.”

Dan sighed as they made their way up the steps. “You can’t trust anything Chrissie says.”

“We don’t. Anytime we inquired about you, she’d rail at length about you, but in the end, she never knew much either.”

“That’s not completely her fault, as I kept the details from her, as I did you and Mom. Believe me, if you knew more, you’d worry incessantly.”

“Sometimes it’s worse not knowing, especially if something happened to you, we’d feel responsible for not forcing the issue.”

“These two will definitely update you, as they’ve already contacted Chrissie, attempting to make amends on my behalf. They’re also helping to clarify several issues, so they’ve got a good feel for it and can probably explain it better than I can. For me, it’s more horror show than anything else.”

“I won’t say anything to embarrass you, but since Mom’s not up to entertaining, she wants me to tell her everything. So, if I get the chance, expect me to pry—on her behalf—not necessarily mine.”

He paused before the front door with his hand raised to knock. “Are you ready?” But before she could respond the door opened and Alison greeted them.

“Welcome, Dan. It’s about time you got here, everyone’s been grilling me about you.” She kissed him briefly before turning to his younger sister. “And you must be Julie?” She held her, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I was hoping to meet your family, but I’m certainly glad to welcome you tonight. Just realize I’m not my family.”

“That’s true for most of us. No matter how much as we deny it, even the parts we reject define as much as they separate us. Although he still thinks of me as his annoying little sister, he remains a big part of my life. But please, everyone calls me Jules, only my mother uses Julie, though I keep asking her not to.”

“Your hair is gorgeous,” he said, peering to see the sides. Unlike her earlier fro, Alison braided it. “I hope you didn’t do that for me, as it must’ve taken a long time.”

“It really is,” Jules agreed. “Did it take long to do?”

Alison leaned out, kissing Dan on the cheek. “Don’t worry. I didn’t do it for you. One thing I’ve learned, however much you chase people away, once someone breaks through, we’re set. I could wear a burlap sack and you’d rave about how beautiful the rash it causes brings out the color in my skin.”

“Then who’s it for?”

“My parents, mostly. My family knows, if I spend time in a beauty parlor, they’d better tell me how wonderful I look, or else I’m not doing it again.”

“So...”

“This was a diversionary tactic. Hopefully, if they’re already nervous about me blowing my top, they won’t focus on you. Not that there’s anything to criticize, as you know when you shock someone and they don’t recover quickly, you freeze them out.”

“Hey, your family is my family. I couldn’t do that to yours if I ever want to see you again, so I promise, I’m on my best behavior tonight.”

Alison turned back to Julie. “Actually, it takes forever to put it up like this. What’s worse, you can’t do it yourself, which is why I almost never do it. But since I don’t have any girlfriends to help, I had to have it done professionally. I spent most of the day on it.”

“Well, it looks wonderful.” Julie partially raised her hand, and Alison glared at her, leaning back.

“You are not going to ask to touch my hair, are you?”

“Uh, no,” Jules said, dropping her hand.

“White people are always touching our hair, and frankly, it gets insulting after a while. If you want, I’ll show you how they do it, but ... it’s not something you do. It’s like always touching a pregnant woman’s belly, especially when you don’t even know her.”

“Thanks. I stand warned,” she said warily.

“Sorry, but ... never mind. Please come in,” Alison said. “We have appetizers out, and I’ll get you both whatever you’d prefer to drink. Dad’s not as particular about his beer as you, and tonight’s not exactly a whiskey night.”

“That’s fine, I’ll have what he’s drinking.”

“And I’ll have wine,” Jules said. “I’m here for information, not to get buzzed.”

Alison lowered her voice. “We’ll have to talk later.”

“So, Alison, introduce us,” an older woman said, approaching them. “I’m Linda, Alison’s mother. My husband, David, is sitting in his easy chair, nursing a beer, and my sister Ada Bee is dipping into the snacks.”

“I’m Dan Engals, as I’m sure you’ve gathered,” he said, as Alison headed off to get their drinks, leaving them to make their own introductions. “And this is my sibling, Julie Jackson. Alison wanted to meet my family, but my mother hasn’t been well, so ... she decided to tag along, and reveal all the embarrassing stories of my childhood.”

“Well, I’m glad someone’s willing to tell us something. Our daughter hasn’t said much about you yet, so I’m curious who you are and what you do?”

“Well, at the moment, I don’t do much of anything.”

“He’s been disabled for a while,” Jules explained, “following a series of ... severe surgery anesthesia reactions. He’s normally an industrial engineer and had some savings squirreled away, so he’s living frugally without having to dip into the principal.”

“It’s nice having the option,” David said, standing and extending his hand. “When you have kids, your money goes directly to them.”

Alison’s parents were a study in contrasts. While Alison looked like her father, with very light skin, her mother was significantly darker. David kept his hair closely shorn and had already lost most of it. However, Linda had obviously straightened hers, as her dark hair lay against her skull, combed and conditioned so it wouldn’t stray.

“I’m still planning on returning to work full time eventually, but I keep my fingers in it by doing some ad hoc consulting for my previous employer, which helps tide me over.”

“That sounds helpful,” Linda said. “A handy income, something to keep you occupied but not an overbearing business to burden you. So, how much is Alison taxing your meager reserves?”

“Actually, he won’t let me help,” Alison said, reentering the conversation. “He keeps wanting to pay, but I got him to compromise by at least splitting the bills.” She handed them their drinks, staring at him. “Hopefully, that’ll ease his burden enough for us to continuing seeing each other in the interim.”

“What kind of engineer?” David inquired.

“I’m into structural design, specialized in custom residences. Whenever someone has more money than sense, I’m the one they call to ensure their houses don’t collapse. But I’m known for hiding structural details, so they don’t detract from the home’s look and feel.”

“He’s good at it too,” Jules said. “His homes are often featured in the tabloids under lifestyles of the rich and famous, though they never mention him by name, of course.”

Alison raised her brow, considering him anew. “You’ll have to show us. Despite the time we’ve spent together, he’s never mentioned his professional work. He’s entirely focused on his current travails.”

“Well, as you can see from our house, we mostly go with what we could,” David said. “But I can relate. I’ve been disabled since 2005. I can still work but suffer from the occasional relapse and require time to recover, so I need a flexible and forgiving schedule.”

“Dad suffers from PTSD,” Alison explained. “Normally he’s fine, but the smallest things can trigger another episode, setting him back for several weeks or more.”

“I saw a lot of things I can’t forget,” he admitted, taking another swig of his beer. “Once you’ve stared death in the face, you’re marked for life.”

“I can imagine,” Dan said, raising his glass in acknowledgment. “In my line of work, people only die if I screw up, and so far, it hasn’t happened yet.”

Alison grinned at his response, and turning, Jules gave her an exaggerated wink.

“Watch it,” he warned.

“Luckily, neither has Alison,” her mother said. “While she served in combat, she was in charge of rescuing people. She saw plenty of wounded and dying but wasn’t involved in any direct conflict.”

“We still get PTSD,” she reminded her. “We’re hardly immune from trauma, though I was lucky enough to avoid it.”

Dan grinned, raising his glass to her too, despite knowing just how close she was currently edging.

“Please, let’s not discuss such morbid subjects,” Ada said, glancing down and unwilling to meet anyone’s eyes.

“Tough times?” Dan inquired, stepping closer and considering her.

She glanced up, her eyes red and tears beginning to show. “I ... lost my husband and two others to Covid-19. I’m ... still struggling with it.”

Dan knelt in front of her, staring in her eyes as he took her hand. “I’m imagining they wouldn’t allow you to see him while he was hospitalized, but I’m sure he forgives you. Didn’t he tell you he’d gladly take a bullet for you? This is similar. He knew how dangerous it was, and although his end was lonely, he wanted to protect you. You can’t take credit for that, nor hold it against him. I’m convinced he’s pleased you survived to keep his memory intact, so I’d guess he’s satisfied with the outcome.”

“Still, I should have been there,” she pleaded. “Holding his hand. I wouldn’t mind wearing the protective gear, but just as he was willing to sacrifice himself for me, I’d rather we both went together.”

“I doubt your sister or niece think so. He must’ve been a dedicated and loving husband.”

“He certainly wasn’t like our son,” Ada said. “We hadn’t spoken to him for over a year when they informed me his father was in severe distress in the hospital. We never even got to speak to him. We wrote letters, but don’t know whether he read them.”

“Children need to make their own way through life, and sometimes, paths which once seem clear get murky and shaded the further you progress. And soon you can’t find your way back again. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you; only that they’re lost, struggling and trying to survive by whatever means they can.”

“You think he forgave us?” she asked, tears tracing down her cheeks.

“I’m sure of it, but ... it’s difficult turning your back on your history. Sometimes, no matter how foolish you’ve been, you have to follow your path to the end, hoping it’ll work out. But ... I can guarantee he’s sorry he hurt you and would give anything to take it back. However, now it’s too late. But please, don’t view him harshly. Now his trail is laid out, and he’s no longer stumbling quite so much.” He paused, and sensing there was something more, they waited for him to continue.

He signed, throwing his hands up. “Sometimes you’re locked in, with no way out but through the darkness. Yes, it’s comfortable behind you, but if you don’t move forward, you’ll forever be lost, wondering who you are and what you might have been if you had!”

“Wow! You were taking the safe path, and then took a hard right.” She considered him. “So what, we let him go it alone?”

He looked directly in her eyes, ignoring everyone else at the table. “No! You may not agree with his approach and want to help, but without knowing where he is, you can’t grasp the scale of things—at least in his mind. Something’s you can ignore, but not the important things. Those things define you. If you take that route, you’ll never be sure of anything ever again.”

“I was going to say that you seem wise for someone so young, but obviously there’s more to it than that. I sense a person who’s hurting, fighting their own battle, with no clear off ramps or de-escalation options.” Rather than answering, he simply shrugged.

“At least now,” he glanced at Alison, “I’ve got someone to support me on my journey. She can’t experience things quite the way I do, but she’s willing to face the same risks, simply so I’m not there alone.”

She approached and rested her hand on his shoulder, staring at her mother while arching her brow. “Despite his denials, he’s suffered through a few things, which’ve left him philosophical. He’s learned to see beyond his troubles, searching for the deeper meanings of life.”

“After he died the first time, he changed, and his work proved less critical than it was,” Jules explained. “He still enjoys it, but now he takes the long view. After the second and third times, he’s more focused on the afterlife.”

“I don’t have any proof,” he said, addressing Alison’s Aunt, “but I’m sure life isn’t as clear as we think, with a definite beginning and end. Just as we come into the world with our own experiences which flavor how we view things, we also take them into the next, providing even more. It’ll all part of life. It doesn’t cease, it continues down a slightly different path.”

“I certainly hope so,” Ada said, squeezing his hands. “You’ve given me something to consider, and while I still feel guilty, you’ve provided another way of viewing my history.”

“Your loved ones would want that, Ada. Let them guide and set you back on your path. We each walk our own, though we share them with those closest to us while we’re able. But you’ve touched their souls, and that segment of you will live on in theirs, long after we’re all gone.”

“Thank you,” she gasped. “That was beautiful!”

“You know, I’ve got a friend who’s a private investigator. Give me a couple of days, and with any luck, he might determine what happened to your son. It may not help, but it’s always helpful knowing rather than always anticipating the worst.”

“You aren’t sounding nearly as encouraging as before.”

“You can’t dictate someone else’s fate, as we can never predict what’ll happen, or even how, but it’s still worthwhile seeking assistance. While it might not settle things, it at least helps you feel that you’ve done your best, however it plays out.”

“How much detail will your friend need?”

“Just your son’s name, his last address and employers. If you happen to know his social security number, that will help pinpoint his current residence.”

“Let me put that information together. I’ll have to look up his employment records, but since he first applied for his card while living with us, I’m sure it’s buried with the other junk at home. Though I’ve been avoiding digging through those papers because of all the bad memories they dredge up!”

“I must say,” Alison said, as they made their way to their cars as everyone waved goodbye, “for the trouble you stir up, you handled it deftly.”

“It’s easier talking to family and friends than complete strangers. With someone you don’t know, you have to capture their attention to buy yourself time to make your case, and those cases are not always easy to accept.”