Hallelujah

‘It’s cold... ‘

James thought to himself as he walked through the forest behind the house. Only a short stretch of the legs led him to his favorite tree. He found the spot where he could climb, grabbed a branch and pulled himself up. His breath spread out into the cold air, turning white before dissipating.

He found his resting spot and moved into position, relaxing against the tree, hearing the creak of the branches underneath him. He wasn’t worried. In all the time over the years he’d sat there to escape the drama in the household, he’d not once fallen; the tree limbs had always held firm.

A lazy snowflake drifted downward. He reached out with his palm and it settled ... before melting into water.

‘Such is life,’ he thought poignantly. ‘Such was my life. There but for the grace of God.’

The last year had been an eye opener for sure; he had gone from a decrepit old man to an apathetic and mouthy teenager, to almost being respected. It had been hard work and tiresome, but worth the effort. He smiled. Christmas was almost upon them. His birthday had come and gone and he had started to learn programming. Some of the guys at the shop were teaching him how to read and write code. And now, thanks to his wunderbar brain and memory, he was soaking it up like a sponge.

He’d asked a few of the younger programmers about hacking existing programs and they said they would show him, once he’d progressed further with his programming skills.

James had promised that he would study everything they showed him, which he had; he’d read, reread, and then read it again just for good measure.

He would put it into practice soon enough.

The biggest thing James had learned was patience.

That in itself was a big enough change, but age and the wisdom that came with age had reinforced the need for it.

‘James... ‘

He lifted up, hearing the shout, frowning. He turned around but couldn’t see anything. James stayed still.

‘James... ‘

It was Amanda, she had come out to see him. “Am.”

“Where the hell are you?”

“In my spot,” he barked back.

Amanda knew about the spot but only because he had told her. He’d kept it to himself ... it was his refuge.

She walked over but couldn’t see him until he shifted and snow fell down off the tree, causing her to step back. He perched and with a well-practiced push, leapt out of the tree and landed with a crunch in the snow.

He stumbled and mused, “Well I’m not going to make the Olympics, even with there not being any East German judges.”

She smiled, “No - but you still need to be careful, what if I hadn’t been here and you’d broken something?”

He shrugged and stood up. “I’d drag myself back to the house and then get put into a cast for a few weeks. It’s not the end of the world.”

“True.”

“And I’d have to wash with a trash bag around me.”

She laughed, “Yes, which I imagine would be funny as hell to see.”

“Gee, thanks,” he quipped and got a giggle. He put on his British accented imitation of a Butler: “So, you rang?”

“Listen ... I want to talk.”

“Sure. What about?”

She found a spot and sat down. He studied her and leaned against a tree as she gathered her thoughts.

“Well I feel like we’ve been drifting apart, ever since I showed you my boobs, you’ve not been yourself. Hell, when I talk to you I feel like I’m talking to dad.”

“Gee thanks, I’m not sure if I like comparison.”

“You know what I mean, I feel like I’m talking to an adult, or an older man at least,” James looked away for a moment. “Have you seen the Invasion of the Body Snatchers?”

“Yes,” he chuckled. “Well I’m still the same old James, still me.”

“I’m not so sure,” she shrugged.

“Am, one day I realized I was miserable. Other than you and Pat, I was always alone, hiding in my room. I looked at the next few years and saw an unending series of disappointments.” James continued, “I couldn’t be a friend to you or anyone else when I hated my life. So I decided to change.”

Amanda stared at him and paused before responding, “I knew you were unhappy, but it was always that way with you and over the years when I came to talk to you I occasionally got useful responses. But damn it, I didn’t have anyone else. Rachael and Cheryl are so wrapped up with themselves that they ignored me. Mom’s so busy with her job and the housework that I couldn’t ever get any time with her. I took a huge risk when I asked you about my tits and your answer was perfect, just what I needed. And since then, you’ve ignored me!” Amanda raged. “Even when we run together you never talk to me.”

“I wasn’t ignoring you when we ran,” James shrugged. “I answered all of your questions. I guess things just got comfortable.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s nice to jog with someone who I can just run with, I feel like I can run with you and not have to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable.”

“I need to know what happened. I miss my friend; you’re more like a stranger then someone I’ve known for my whole life.”

“Listen, I am the same person you know. I’m just learning how to be an adult and doing so requires that I take steps to secure my future. Amanda, I just decided to stop drifting. You never had that problem. You got good grades and had friends so Mom always cut you slack. They wrote me off. And in retaliation, I tried to maintain my status as an outsider. Now, I am trying to follow in your footsteps and be a part of the family.”

“You make me so mad,” Amanda yelled, “You miss the point. I don’t care about you being mature with a job and everything; this is the most we’ve talked in months. Everything is rush, rush, rush with you now and the only time I get with you is when we run in the early morning. I don’t care about being in shape; I just wanted to spend time with you.”

James wrapped his arms around her and brushed her hair with his hand. “It’s all right. I am sorry that I have let you down. I got so wrapped up in improving that I forgot some of the important things, like you. I will do better in the future.”

God, he had a sense of déjà vu. It wasn’t just in the sense of going back in time, where that old idiom would become literal, but in the sense that he’d had the same conversation with Pat already.

She shrugged and nodded. “Let’s go back in; it’s cold as hell out here.”

“Sure.”

“Dad’s got some cocoa going.”

“Nice. Marshmallows, I hope.” He shrugged and added, “You are right about one thing: nowadays I tend to overthink things.”

“I noticed,” she laughed.

“I saw you with that brunette the other day,” he said suddenly.

“Rebecca.”

“She’s cute. I haven’t seen her around before.”

“You wouldn’t have,” Amanda shrugged. “She’s not your type.”

“I have a type?”

“Last year it was breathing. Now it’s tall, perky, and red-headed.”

“Yeah and we all know how that ended,” shaking his head ruefully. She nodded as they headed toward the back door of the house. He stomped the snow off and the two headed in, grabbed some hot chocolate and thanked their dad.

They headed up to the bedrooms, “So have you thought any more about after graduation?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “I’m thinking more and more about a military career.”

“Oh, you’re set on that?”

“Well it was either that or being a cop,” James grimaced.

“What’s wrong?”

“Well, I figured being a soldier was less dangerous.” She nodded in agreement. Of course, James knew what a rough run of it police would have in the future years. “What about you?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I always wanted to be a lawyer.”

“That would be handy,” he said at the door.

“Why?”

“You could always be my one phone call,” he grinned and headed in with his drink. When he had finished his hot chocolate, he went down and washed the mug. One of the things the wishes had done was to overclock his OCD. His room was constantly tidied, his homework done the minute he got home and there were no more dirty dishes lying around. Typically, his mother would normally be bitching about having to throw stuff away because of six days’ worth of mold on it.

As he headed into the kitchen, he spotted Rachael reading a magazine and grunted, she glanced up at him.

“James?”

“Nothin’.”

“You sure?”

He washed the mug and exhaled loudly, leaning back against the counter, “I’ve been thinking about college.”

She nodded. “Do tell?”

“I know you are off to college next year and I wanted to ask a few questions. First of all, how did you pick your major?”

Rachael smiled and thought for a moment. “Well, I started by looking at what Mom and Dad do for work. Mom is just a retail clerk. She works long hours for just a little better than minimum wage and the employee discount. Some weeks she buys more that she earns.” Rachael continued, “Dad is a machinist for the A. M. Smith Co., and has run the same machine for a decade. As long as the company is doing okay, he has a job. But if Smith falters, Dad can’t go anywhere else or do anything else.”

“Okay that makes sense,” James acknowledged. Rachael nodded, folded the magazine, placed it on the counter, and leaned back.

“I did not want to be stuck in a dead end position or working until I’m 50 at minimum wage. So I started to look for a profession that I could easily move to other companies or positions. The school guidance counselor, Mr. Bryan, suggested accounting since it can be used in many areas, from bookkeeping to sales. He pointed out that every company needs good bookkeepers or accountants. So the field can give me a real sense of security. And if I get married and have children, I could even work part-time.”

James nodded, “That is something I never considered. Why did you decide to go to the local state school?”

“Money! The parents have to pay for four kids so going local saves a lot. If I do well, I can always transfer to another school for the last couple of years. And if things get tight, I can always move back home to cut expenses. I didn’t qualify for any scholarships and don’t want to graduate deeply in debt from student loans.”

“I didn’t have any idea. Of course, how many teens know how much their parents make?” Rachael laughed, “Wait until you fill out all of the financial aid forms. You will know as much as the IRS.”

“Do you have any suggestions for me?”

“Absolutely. Keep working on your grades and take as many AP classes as you can. If you do well then you can cut an entire year off of college. You need to start talking to the teachers right away so they will recommend you for the AP classes. Right now you aren’t on the track to get into the classes and if you wait until next year it will be too late.” James stopped her and mentioned the AP Calc study guides that Mr. Williams offered. Rachael looked at him and shook her head, “Why didn’t you tell anyone? That is great and just the thing I suggested. If you do well, it can help with scholarships.”

“I wanted to study the material to see if I could understand it before telling anyone. I’ve learned to show people the results rather than just announce that I intend to do something.”

“That certainly shows maturity. What are you thinking about for a major?”

“I don’t have one. I told Amanda I was thinking about the military, but I haven’t made any firm decisions.”

“Really James, the military?” Rachael replied.

“There are a lot of jobs in the military, not just the combat ones. I saw a program the other day talking about the wide variety of possible careers, including supply, cooking, police, and logistics. And I know I missed a lot.”

She nodded her head and scratched her chin, “If you are serious you need to do some investigation. When I decided on accounting I went and interviewed bookkeepers and accountants to see what their job entailed and what high school classes were the best ones to prepare me for college. That’s why I skipped the AP classes and concentrated on math and introduction to computers. You need to start interviewing people in the military. You will find it’s not like your videogames.”

“Ouch, I am not that naïve. And I have read a little.”

“Talk to people. If you decide to go in, you can select classes in school to help you get your dream posting.”

James replied, “Thanks, Rachael. That’s great advice. Thanks for your time.”

“Well, you better decide what you want before telling Mom.”

“Oh yes, I know how that conversation is going to go,” James grimaced. “While I know Dad will be proud, I’m sure Mom will freak out.”

Rachael nodded, “Exactly.”

“Okay, thanks. G’night.”

Monday rolled around quickly and James got back into his routine. Amanda jogged with him in the morning and, true to his word, he tried to make more conversation with her. When they got back she did seem happier. It was then that he understood, doing things to make someone happier, paid off ... What did Robert Heinlein say, “Paying it Forward.” He nodded at that thought as he headed upstairs to shit, shower and change.

When they were ready, the bus arrived and the two found their usual spots with James dozing in his seat. The bus arriving at school jerked him awake. He got up and moved amongst the throng of students, all like him - walking to classes in a daze.

He got to his locker and stuffed his bag in before heading to his first class, History. Eventually the day wore on and since he didn’t see Robin at lunch time, he found an out of the way spot to eat.

James then headed to the Math class just as the bell rang, throwing his rubbish in the bin as he passed by. He did note that the Jocks went back to ignoring him. He supposed that was because Jessica had stopped visiting him during lunch.

Well, he’d learned a hard and valuable lesson that month; he supposed it was the year for hard lessons.

When Math class finished, James waited for the teacher.

“James?”

“Mr. Williams, can we talk a moment?”

“Certainly.”

“I gave our discussion a lot of thought and would like to proceed with studying for the AP Calc exam on my own. You had offered to provide study guides and sample tests. Is that still possible?”

“Well, James, I was wondering what your decision would be. It’s one thing to volunteer; it’s another thing to carry through with a commitment. You seemed so positive when we first talked, but I have seen that behavior many times over the years. The student starts with great enthusiasm and never seems to follow up. I am pleased you proved me wrong.”

“I told you that I have turned over a new leaf,” James responded.

“That you did.” Mr. Williams reached into the bottom drawer of the desk and pulled out a large envelope with James’s name on it. “Here you go, study guides and sample tests. I did not provide the test key. When you take one of the tests, bring it to me and I will grade it for you. That will let me judge your progress and I may be able to get you some more help.”

“Wonderful. I really appreciate your help and won’t disappoint you.”

Mr. Williams said, “It’s not me you have to impress, rather it’s yourself. If you can succeed it will be a huge confidence boost.”