Chapter 5

“Wake up, mister! It’s time to wake up and try to piss normally! We removed your catheter, though it still might hurt a bit. A dull, sore kind of ache. Sorry about that. It couldn’t be helped. I’m your nurse tonight. I was there last night, too, but you were a little out of it to notice me. I’m Jessica Aguilar,” a lovely Hispanic woman told me as she smiled and helped me out of bed, “by the way, my compliments.”

“Compliments? Thank you, but what for, anyway?” I asked Nurse Aguilar.

The nurse snickered a little as she watched me piss as normally as I could in the bathroom adjacent to my hospital room. Was that necessary or was it ... something else? One thing wasn’t necessary for sure ... the way that she pulled my gown back down for me and washed my hands for me after the act. Then she whistled at me before playfully touching my buttocks.

“Oh, you mean my ass?” I guessed now.

“Well, it’s pretty sweet, but I actually meant your cock, hon. A little bit of confession time. Several of us ... single nurses actually switched shifts when we saw you come in. I had to pull a double as a result yesterday, but it was so fucking worth it! I set my alarm and crashed after a very late meal, but again, so fucking worth it! Rumor has it that you’re ... on your way out of a marriage, right?” Nurse Aguilar continued fondling me in a very unprofessional manner that might normally embarrass her.

“Afraid so. You do realize that I’m a horndog who’s exiting his marriage partly due to his own infidelity, as well as the violence committed against him by his wife, right? Of course, I still suspect that my wife is a hypocrite and also cheated on me by that quack who cut me, but I can’t prove that yet.

“Also, I have a new girlfriend ... and at least one other partner probably lined up. Don’t be looking for a rock out of this. I feel that ... fair warning and all that jazz is only proper,” I worried even as I said this that they might take it as some kind of challenge or dare.

“Oh, honey, we know. We heard all about it. So, you’re a bad boy or badass or something, I guess! You’ve handled the pain pretty well and survived a direct attack on your dick! Plus, you’re our patient and you’ve gotta let some girls dream, okay?

“Most of our ... patients are all work, no fun. A lot of times, it’s very gross stuff, too. That’s the nature of the job and we do it consistently, even if we gripe at times.

“You, though, you’re a lot of fun. A little brooding, weird, and jaded, but that just gives you an ... edge, you know! Anyway, call me Jessica. I insist, since I should be on a first name basis with a man I just groped! That can be our little secret, if you’re okay with that,” Jessica urged me as she leaned over and gave me a soft, sweet kiss to my lips.

“Is ... Abigail in on this, too?” I asked her now.

“What do you think, babe? Of course she is! She’s practically the ringleader! Face it, honey, you gotta live a little, okay? It’s not like we can do what we’d really like with you ... yet. So just sit back, relax, and enjoy what we can do for ... and with you, hon. Don’t worry ... we’ll refill your black book for you well ahead of your divorce. I have a feeling that you won’t exactly be too poor to pamper after a divorce from a jailbird wife!” Jessica explained as she reached under my gown to run her finger along my taint.

I felt a shiver of pleasure, though the pain kept me from getting too hard just yet. At least I didn’t have a damn tube in my dick anymore, right? If I never had another catheter in me, it would be too fucking soon! Ugh! The constant TLC from the nurses didn’t hurt, though I still wondered if it was some kind of contest to see who could tame the wild stallion or whatever. Women could be strange that way, wanting to domesticate a man and then getting bored of him once they succeeded. That was a good reason never to let them have it all their way, right? One good reason among many in my book it was.

Yeah, I’m supposedly an “ass,” according to some. I dare say that I am a lot smarter than a donkey, though I couldn’t be too sure about such folks. A bunch of prudish trolls or hypocrites or whatever. You should me any kind of moralizing prick or bitch and I’ll show you a hypocrite in some fashion, no doubt of it in my mind. They always had sucky priorities, too.

Well, if I’m an ass, they can suck my donkey cock and my donkey balls! Those rat bastards and cunts are exactly why we had Prohibition, the dumbass Mann Act, blue laws, the whole bizarre list of minimum ages (but no living minimum wage), and the recent Drug War bullshit. They are all hypocrites, as I said, witness Jerry Falwell, Jr.! They are cordially invited to suck my hairy donkey tail, too!

I might not actually be a donkey, of course, but I was certainly stubborn as a mule and quite proud of it! I had a hot Irish temper, too, something that Lisa forgot in her quest for violent payback. She was lucky that I was both too ambitious and too much in pain to pay her back in kind ... if that was even possible for a circumcision!

Hell, she was lucky that I didn’t ... no, don’t finish that thought, Alex. Don’t even go there, I told myself for the umpteenth time. You have at least two great women in your life now, if not more. Don’t throw that away for that vicious, cruel, abusive bitch Lisa! I discarded that pernicious thought, chucking it right in the trashbin of my mind once again before it could follow its own inner logic.

“Deep, dark thoughts, huh, my brooding patient? You see, patients like you are why they have the Florence Nightingale effect, and I dare say that you’ve already infected at least a few of us nurses with that condition! Maybe even some of the male nurses, if you swing that way, too!” Jessica told me as she surprised me by wiping my taint and my ass a little.

“What was ... that ... for ... just hygiene, or something else?” I teased her now.

“Yes,” Jessica replied with a wink, even as she got out some shaving gel and a razor. ‘

I got a little nervous, but I was in no condition to resist, as my nurse for whatever reason applied the shaving gel to my taint. She started shaving it in earnest, which gave me goosebumps as I realized that she didn’t stop before working her way up my butt-crack. My cornhole was now as smooth as a drag queen’s or prison wife’s or whatever. Then Jessica ran to the john and washed her hands clean before planting another, far steamier kiss on my mouth.

“Anything that you want to see on TV? You seem bored or uninterested in the current programming, which was selected by your erstwhile roommate. He got discharged this morning, so that’s not an issue. Not a big fan of golf, huh?” Jessica teased me just before giving me a hickey, “there, that’s to remind you that you’re got friends in high ... or at least highly healthy places. Very, very ... affectionate friends.”

“Kinky friends, too!” Dr. Gottlieb announced himself, “now, was that shave job really necessary? I didn’t order it. Then again, I didn’t order the kisses, either, but hey, I get it. Some guys draw gals like bees to pollen or honey or whatever. That’s just how it is!”

“Oh, Dr. Gottlieb, I’ve never slept with a married man, but if your missus ever gives you a hall pass, you know where to look to cash it, right? You ever take the backdoor? I love it that way!” Jessica told the doctor ... and I got the strange feeling that it wasn’t just a risque joke.

“Tempting, not gonna lie, but in this whole... ‘Me, Too,’ world, not to mention the divorce courts and my love for Naomi, yeah, not gonna happen. I’m just too conventional for that kind of thing, I fear. But you kids have fun ... responsibly, of course. Don’t worry, I’ll have these nurses change your morphine drip here ... they’re certainly sweet enough on you to do it.

“Anyway, I’m here to tell you that, as of your last battery of tests, you’re due to be discharged in the morning as planned. We’ll just keep you overnight one last time to observe you. If you catch some sleep, it will happen even sooner. Another reason for another morphine drip, of course,” Dr. Gottlieb now informed me with a raised eyebrow and a lopsided grin.

“Thank you, Doc. That will help ... a lot ... with the pain and all,” I groaned, already noticing the pain come back as the morphine faded.

“Oh, don’t you worry. Jessica is a regular angel ... most of the time,” Dr. Gottlieb winked at both of us, getting a tongue stuck out from my nurse.

“Si, Senor Jason. I will have Senor Alejandro nice and sedated before you know it. Oh, and you have a visitor. She said that she’s ... family. Sorry, it wasn’t Kara. They wouldn’t let her up outside of visiting hours, alas. Best to get her in here now ... before the morphine affects you too much,” Jessica told me with a light caress of my forearm as she replaced the morphine drip.

For some reason, though, she left my blanket off me and slid my gown just enough up to leave me exposed to whichever relative it might be. What possible motive could my loving nurse have for that little prank? Did she aim to make one of my kith and kin nervous, and if so, to what end? Well, those idiots in my family could use a little tough love, anyway, especially given how much they pushed me to make such a huge mistake as marrying Lisa.

“Hey ... bro ... bro?” I heard my sister react with a little shock as she saw my ... unit.

“Oh, God, she did a number on you, didn’t she? Or rather Steven Baker did,” Annie, my older sister, at least had the decency to act shocked and horrified.

“At her behest. Excuse me. My nurse must have ... forgotten to cover me up a bit,” I blushed a little in spite of my usual jaded self.

“That was surprisingly less cynical of you, bro. You’re the guy who hates Hallmark movies, after all. I’m starting to worry about you ... or are you just smitten with that one? She seems pretty scatterbrained for a nurse if she forgets something as basic as covering you back up. She’s also quite beautiful, though, so there’s that.

“But you’re a married man, at least for now. And you’re in no condition to do anything about it yet. But, oh, dear, and I know that this ... is ... awkward, coming from a sister, but ... damn! I don’t know what I would miss more if I were Lisa. My freedom or ... my conjugal rights!

“Are you going to marry that Indian cutie that I saw waiting in the lobby? She was holding some kind of vigil or whatever until she could see you again. Is she the American kind of Indian or the ... um India kind?” Annie peppered me with questions, surprising me with her level of interest in me.

“Native American. Nez Perce. Full blooded, too. We dabbled a bit during one of my ... breaks with Lisa when I reached my majority. Senior year and all that jazz. I still wish I hadn’t married that rotten cunt! Ugh! Especially now! She’s one evil bitch! Pardon my French, but I’m not exactly a fan of holy matrimony. How’s your marriage doing, sis?” I pried a little, tit for tat, as it were.

“Um ... yeah, about that. We’re Catholic, as you know ... and so ... well, you know the official party line on marriage, divorce, remarriage, and such. I’m trying to toe it, I really am, but right now, I can’t help but sympathize at least a little. Even if I wince and cringe every time I hear such harsh words being used against my sister-in-law.

“You two were so cute together! I would ask what happened, but I can guess nowadays. I suppose that ... after what happened yesterday between you, I would be a bit nasty and bitter toward her, too. We have that classic red Irish temper, after all, we Mulligans,” Annie proved shockingly understanding, which I suspected would be the minority opinion among my kin.

Let alone my fucking in-laws, I grumbled to myself in my head. Still, the way that Annie kept staring at my exposed prick, I couldn’t help but wonder about my sister. Why hadn’t she asked me to cover up ... and why hadn’t I done it yet on my own? A couple of times, I could have sworn that she stared at it like a hungry lioness at a zebra or gazelle. She didn’t ... no, that wasn’t possible. She was my big sister and used to fucking babysit and chaperone me at times (the latter being especially annoying in junior high).

Finally, of course, Annie, on her own, reached out to cover up my private parts, even if she lingered a bit in the process. She blushed as she looked at me, too. Then she covered her ass by leaning in even closer to give me a sweet, but chaste peck on my forehead like a proper big sister would. Yeah, I thought, when your little brother is a little boy, not a grown-ass man and the family’s CPA.

It wasn’t as chaste as it could be, though, I realized, as I could see a little of Annie’s cleavage through her uncharacteristically low-cut blouse. Then I noticed that she exposed more of her lower back than expected, too, as her blouse lifted above that part of her. I saw just a hint of some ink as well, but since when did she have a tramp stamp? That was very irregular for my big sister, at least as I remembered her. Then again, I had only kept in touch for business reasons of late, a sort of silence and distance that was typical of me when angry with folks.

“So, sis, to what do I owe the honor of your visit?” I finally cut to the chase.

“Ah, Alex, same ol’, same ol’ Alex, huh? You can lower your guard a little for a second, and then out comes the ... suspicious, defensive, ornery streak, am I right? Sometimes, bro, I swear that I could get chills just from the icy gaze that you give your own flesh and blood ... and others who draw your ire.

“I suppose, name someone after a king, you’ll give them a king’s rage. The really dangerous kind, the one that festers until someone’s head ends up on the block or worse. And the king that you were named after was particularly infamous for his wrath, among other things. You can be very sweet one moment, just like a minute ago, even playful, and then the dark cloud of your troubles can overshadow you or worse,” Annie gave me a very worried, very “big sister” kind of glance.

“I’m pretty sure that morphine doesn’t have the same effect on mood as wine, sis. I’m getting drowsy and ... maybe a bit grumpy, but that’s about it. What exactly concerns you? Are you afraid of some particular course of action that I might take? One that might especially bother or hurt you or someone else?” I continued to act rather wary.

“I know you, bro. There’s a very legitimate concern within the ... family, notably among the elders, such as Mom and Dad, that you might distance yourself even more from us as a result of this divorce. You know how they feel about that issue, after all, and they know by now how you feel about your wife. You’re obviously very unhappy in your marriage and you always seemed very reluctant to go through with the wedding.

“I warned them about that, told them behind the scenes that perhaps it was better to let you determine the pace or whatever of developing your relationship with Lisa. They didn’t take it very seriously back then, brushed off my worries and told me that marriage would, in Mom’s words, ‘mellow’ you out a bit. Dad said that it was very good for everyone except those that God chose for holy orders, to enter the sacrament of holy matrimony, that it was a blessing only avoided by ‘lads too stubborn for their own good.’ His literal words that time.

“Well, now they’re listening ... and they sent me to ... feel you out a bit before meeting you themselves. What I’m seeing now only reinforces my past anxieties. It really raises my hackles at times, just how obstinate you tend to be. This is a prime example of that! The family thought that your high school sweetheart would be ideal, that you made a ‘cute couple,’ as Aunt Eileen put it, and that you would soon be content.