Chapter 2: Romance

Businessman.

Entrepreneur.

A rich, multi billion-dollar man.

When he was eleven, he had this dream of one day, when he got out of his mother’s shackles, of working to become super rich. Then he could enjoy the rest of his life squandering money while making even more money, even while sitting on the couch watching TV.

Thinking of that idea, Lucas’s eyes sparkled.

The number of rich men he killed could be counted by having only ten people, each using their hands and feet.

He has witnessed a lot of rich men over the years, squandering money while being showered with money, power, and women.

Because of his mother’s missions, he always had to get close to these kinds of men, one way or another, and that was the kind of life he wanted.

Thinking about it, a huge smile appeared on his face, and he thought of the money he and his mother had made over the years. It was more than enough money to say super rich, but thinking about the source of the money, he gave up. Soon, he also noticed something else.

“Although part of the money is mine, it’s dirty, made by years of murder. Even legitimately mine, if I use this money to start with, I won’t have the sense of accomplishment when I actually get richer.”

He knew that part of the happiness of being rich came from having done everything with his own hands. That part can be big or small depending on the person, and Lucas is certainly someone who appreciates his results, he already knew what he wanted, and wouldn’t be happy until he could do it all from scratch.

Looking at the fifty thousand, he made an effort to make peace with himself, and finally decided to use that money only for normal expenses, such as rent, food, and small amenities. He literally wants to start from scratch.

After finally deciding, he looked back at his notebook, reading all his past goals, dreams, and ideas, hoping to find inspiration for his future life, and finally came to a part where he was in conflict.

It was a part of the book that concerned romance.

His mother talked so much about him not having the right to date someone normal that Lucas’s self-esteem slowly became very small. He began to see himself as a psychopath, even though he had the normal, healthy feelings of a young boy. Thanks to that, romance seemed distant to him.

Although he had decided to lose his virginity soon, something purely physical, deep down, he hoped to experience a normal romance.

Boy meets girl, sparks light up, the two begin to have bittersweet feelings for each other, situations happen that make them come closer, and finally, the kiss, the hugs, holding hands ... something innocent and beautiful. Finally, after months, or years, of dating, the consummation of all feelings, a sex full of love and passion.

Having these kinds of feelings and thoughts completely negates his supposed psychopathy, though he himself does not realize it.

Closing the notebook tightly, his eyes looked red as those feelings of desire dominated his body.

“I want this.”

He said and thought out loud.

His mind quickly began to think about how to make this happen, while at the same time fighting his sense of inferiority and complex feelings about being a killer wanting a romance.

This seemed like a difficult battle, as it had buried itself deep in his mind. He was unworthy of any girl his age, and the idea of dating a normal woman a few years older didn’t even register in his mind.

Lucas was a boy, in a way, traditional. Although he had many abnormal thoughts for a normal boy, because he always wanted a normal life, many of his thoughts fit those of a normal boy.

That is why, although he wanted to be extremely rich, like the targets he had killed before, the “women” part never came to mind, since he always wanted to have a monogamous relationship. For him, it was okay to be promiscuous as long as it wasn’t a serious relationship.

On the other hand, he had the thought of committing himself wholly to whoever he chose, as he took the wedding vows very seriously.

That was one of the few parts of Lucas that were really his. Although raised by his mother with brainwashing techniques, there was still an individual there, and those few parts of his personality showed it.

If he didn’t have his own ideas, where did he get the idea of having a monogamous relationship? A marriage of pure love, in which there is mutual respect, strong feelings of attachment ... none of this concerned his mother, who though not promiscuous, always spat when he mentioned things like marriage and fidelity.

Over the years, Lucas has tried to ask about his father, and his past. Even about her love relationships, but his mother didn’t seem to want to talk about it, as she just didn’t answer.

He never found her having any relationship with a man, and according to her, there is no man in the world who can tame her, which made him believe his father was dead, although she never said that.

The battle between his ideal romance and his low self-esteem seemed endless. Even after several minutes, he had not reached a consensus.

Looking at the house that was still on fire, something suddenly occurred to him.

“I set the house on fire as it reminded me of my mother too much ... can’t I just erase my old life and start my life over as if nothing had happened?”

As he raised his hand to his chin in thought, he became aware of the scar on his left hand.

That was the hand a wolf took when he was six, and then it was replaced. It has been years, and although the psychological trauma has remained, the physical trauma has long healed.

At the time he had been thrown into the woods, the goal was to survive three days, depending on whatever method he found. His mother even said that even if he found a hole and hid there for three days, he would be able to pass if he survived for three days without needing her to save him.

Unfortunately, he only survived for twelve hours, luck was not on his side. Two wolves bumped into him in the middle of the night, and while shielding his head, his left hand was ripped off. He was bitten in the thigh and belly before his mother appeared to save him.

She took care of him and healed his wounds, but Lucas still remembers the disappointment in her eyes. She never scolded him, or called him weak, but it was obvious she was disappointed in him.

In more ways than one, that day was traumatic.

But what caught his attention this time was not the story behind the scar, but the very existence of it.

Pulling his shirt off his body, he looked down at his lean but muscular body and saw many scars all over him.

These scars never bothered him. The only scar on his body that bothered him was the scar on his hand, since that day was simply too striking for him.

Worst of all, the scar is on his hand, a place where he can see literally every day.

In the first few years after the incident, he started wearing gloves, since the scar was so uncomfortable to see, only years later did he make peace with himself, and although it still bothered him, he wasn’t about to hide it.

Today, for the first time in his life, the scars on his body made him truly uncomfortable, they were hindrances in his innocent plan to wash away his past and start over.

The hand scar can be explained as an accident. A car accident, a mountain accident while camping with the family, something like that will do. But all these scars all over his body could not be explained.

He could live a normal life, since most of them were on his chest, back, legs and arms. He just needed to wear long sleeved shirts, and long pants.

Unfortunately, he could not have a normal romance. One day, he would need to show his scarred body to his girlfriend, and she could never understand his killer life. No matter how understanding or madly in love she was, Lucas knew that.

They might try, and maybe even do it for a while, but Lucas knows very well what it feels like to live with someone who doesn’t fully understand.

She could never understand his life as a murderer until he was sixteen. Though he might end up understanding a normal person’s life, if it doesn’t work one way, it doesn’t work for both of them.

His thoughts seemed non-consensual, and a form of depression washed over Lucas’s heart. Tears began to fall from his eyes, and his already complicated feelings for his mother became even more complicated as he realized that she had condemned him to a life without normal love.

His thoughts became even more negative as he realized that this extended not only to romance but to life in general. Although he wanted to be a multi billionaire, which would definitely make his life out of the ordinary, being normal was still one of his deepest desires, almost completely hidden by his sense of inferiority for being a murderer.

His desire for a normal romance was just a sequel that managed to survive and appear against all odds. Although a normal life did not appear even in his wildest thoughts, a normal romance somehow seemed to be possible for his naive mind.

Realizing the impossibility of a normal life automatically negates the normal romance part, making his negative feelings even more negative.

This was simply too important for the sixteen-year-old Lucas, a dreamy boy who, even through the madness of his life with his mother, could have the most normal dreams.

Reading his dreams of romance in the notebook aloud, he couldn’t help but laugh bitterly as tears fell from his eyes: