Three

“WAS IT THE PAINTING?” I asked. Lissa had just stunned us—no, broken our hearts—by saying she was breaking up with us. I wanted to scream at her. Shake her. Plead with her. It had to be something I’d done and the mural was the only thing I could blame.

“No,” she answered. “Yes. The painting is wonderful, Tony. It’s beautiful. I couldn’t be prouder to be in anything. I’m sorry I blew up at you about it. It wasn’t the painting; it’s what I saw in the painting. It’s what I saw about all three of us. It was so beautiful and so frightening.”

Tears were flowing freely among all three of us now and I reached to touch Lissa and found Melody’s hand there with me. Lissa grasped both of our hands and pulled them to her lips, then leaned her cheek against them.

“I saw what you see, and I can’t be that. I’m a single mother with two kids. I have a career. I’m seven years older than you are. I don’t even know how these kinds of relationships work.”

“Neither do we, but we’ll make it work,” I said. “Lissa, you are a part of Melody and me. It breaks both of our hearts to see you like this.”

“I thought it would be fun. I liked you both and I was lonely. I thought I’d put some excitement in all our lives. I’ve never done anything like this before. I didn’t intend to fall in love.”

“Darling, none of us intended to fall in love. We thought we were just experimenting—finding out about sex and things we hadn’t done before,” Melody said. I remembered her using almost those same words when we first decided to go to Lissa’s house with her. Melody and I were barely more than friends when we started. The last five weeks had been an emotional roller coaster. “I’ll never be able to play racquetball like you, Lissa,” Melody continued, “I’ll never be able to paint like Tony does. Shhh ... it’s true. But my darlings, never in your wildest imaginings will you ever be able to love me more than I love you.”

“Let’s go home and talk some more,” I suggested. I said “home.” It didn’t really make a difference where that was, as long as I was with Melody and Lissa.

“We can’t go to my place,” Lissa said with finality.

“No problem,” Melody replied. “We wanted to show you Tony’s redecorated dorm room. It’s three blocks away.”

Lissa looked at us and nodded. We got out of the car and walked to the dorm.

“Oh, my!”

We’d just walked into my room and Lissa was taking in the makeshift king-size bed we made by pushing the two singles together. We’d gone to Bed Bath & Beyond and bought a king-size mattress pad and “bed in a bag” sheets, pillows, and bedspread. Now it wasn’t bad to sleep on. We’d pushed the desks together on one side and raised the adjustable height beds on their legs so we could fit the dressers under them. Melody brought the braided rug she had in her room and my dorm room now resembled a nice farmhouse bedroom.

“Take you back to your wild and carefree college days?” I asked.

“Tony, I didn’t start college until I was married and Damon was a toddler. I never had wild and carefree. I’d never done any of this, before you.”

“Here I thought you were teaching us,” I blurted out.

“I thought models were...” Melody started at the same time and stopped. Lissa had never looked so vulnerable. I pulled her into an embrace and Melody was right there with me.

“There were lots of opportunities as a model and I experimented a little—mostly kissing and a little petting. Jack became my manager and agent when I was thirteen. He guarded me like a mother hen when I was traveling—which was most of the time. I didn’t have that many opportunities to socialize with other models.”

“That sounds kind of predatory,” I accused. “Where were your parents? They let you be with this guy when you were thirteen?”

“Shh ... Don’t speak ill of Jack. He was a perfect guardian. I would have done anything for him, but he refused every juvenile advance I made—kindly and respectfully—until I was eighteen. I guess he couldn’t resist me any longer.” Lissa paused, struggling with her own demons. I willed her to go on, but let her take her time without pressuring her. “You need to know. It’s only fair.” she said finally. “My parents were killed in an auto accident when I was twelve and I went to live with my father’s sister. Jack was her husband. They became my legal guardians. Aunt Jane got uterine cancer the next year. It was fast and devastated Jack. In just a few weeks, she was gone and it was just Jack and me. After the first time I won a modeling competition, he threw himself into making my career successful and I became the center of his universe, and he of mine. I wanted to be everything to Jack that he was missing since Jane had died.”

“Wait! You married Jack? Your guardian?” Melody asked. “They don’t allow that, do they?”

“When Jack found out I was pregnant, we went to France for a year and got married. Damon was born in Paris. When we came back, we were husband and wife and parents of a beautiful boy.”

“What happened?” I asked quietly.

“Life. Jack is thirty years older than me. He loves me and absolutely dotes on his kids, but when I finished my associates’ degree and started working in the industry, he started to withdraw. He said he didn’t want to tie me down. The thoughts had already crossed my mind, though. I know if he hadn’t started the proceeding, I would have eventually. We were divorced a little more than a year ago.”

“All the experience you’ve had, though,” I held the question in my voice. “All that you’ve taught us.”

“The blind leading the blind. Tony, you are the only man I’ve been with other than Jack. Melody, you are the only woman I ever ... loved. I’m such a fraud.”

“Um ... you know... , “ Melody said, “if that was supposed to make us love you less, you just failed big-time.”

“I’d take you faking over someone with real experience any day of the week,” I said.

“You guys! Don’t you see?” Lissa sobbed. “I lied to you. I used you. I’m so sorry! I don’t want to get between you two. I almost drove you apart last week because I was so selfish.”

We’d all talked last weekend about how we’d have to learn to share and not be jealous of each other, no matter what combination we were in, but Lissa was still blaming herself for something that, as far as Melody and I were concerned, just didn’t exist. I looked at Melody and could tell we were in agreement; this was all about Lissa.

“Lissa, you and Melody saved my life,” I started, still holding on to Lissa’s hands. “A few weeks ago, I was nearly suicidal. I hated everything about my life. I was drowning. You’d pull me out long enough for a gasp of fresh air on the court and then I’d slide right back under water when we finished. Melody rocked my world when we gave each other our virginity—in your basement. But as soon as school pressures hit me again, I was right back in a funk. I’m not cured yet. On Monday this week, I was right back in the shitter. But you needed me on the court and Melody was in my bed when I got home. I’m way too much trouble for either of you, but together ... Oh god! ... Together, I’m filled with so much love that the hope is sticking with me even when I’m down. It’s not just sex, it’s the whole American dream—two kids, two cars, and two wives. How can I be depressed?”

At last, both Melody and Lissa looked at me and broke out laughing. We sprawled out on the bed just holding and hugging each other. I thought—I hoped—that just maybe, we’d saved our relationship. Lissa seemed to be thinking hard, but she was cuddled between Melody and me and not letting go.

“You let me win that last rally,” Lissa accused, poking my chest. “You can’t ever let an opponent win like that. People will walk all over you.”

“I didn’t let you win it. When I saw you prepare to serve, I realized there was no way you could lose. I tried to return that shot. I could have been a world champion player, and it wouldn’t have made a difference. Sometimes you just know the outcome before you make the play.”

We lay there holding each other, not doing anything. We might even have dozed off together for a few minutes. For those few minutes, Lissa seemed content to lie in the arms of her lovers, but she stretched and sat up between us.

“I have to go home. The kids are with their nanny. I have them this weekend.” She looked at us. I could tell she was still sad and if we let her walk out the door we might never see her again. “I just don’t know how to make this work,” she continued. “You think I’m older and wiser and more experienced. I think I’m a kid who has kids. How could I explain us to them? Or to my ex-husband? I’m just overwhelmed.”

“Hey. Let a professional at being overwhelmed help,” I said, standing beside her.