“Maybe it’s not such a bad thing, Mel. I mean ... I’ve talked to Lisa and she told me that she has a real problem with John’s size and ... you know ... when they do it, it’s actually painful for her.”

I gave my best friend, Alyssa, a soft smile and then took a sip of my Diet Coke. It was Saturday night and we had just come back to my house from seeing a movie.

“Well, I definitely don’t have that problem.”

We exchanged knowing grins and she spoke again. “It just doesn’t make sense. I mean, he’s so big in every other way, you would think that part of him would just be proportional to the rest of him.”

“Well, if that were true, he’d probably be dragging the ground.”

She giggled between bites of her pizza.

She was right, though; my boyfriend, Michael, was a behemoth. The starting middle linebacker of our high school’s football team was 6’2” and well over 220 pounds. He had everything going for him: he was a senior, he was incredibly popular, and it was widely known that college scouts had already been to our school’s football games to watch him play.

“You could always ... you know ... break up with him, I guess.”

“You’d break up with a guy just because he’s ... small?”

“I didn’t say that. I just meant it’s an option.”

Michael treated me wonderfully. He picked me up and drove me to school and took me home before he went to football practice. He introduced me to all his friends and always took me out on the weekends. It made me feel guilty to even consider breaking up with him because he had a small penis.

“It would be different if he was cheating on me or somehow treating me badly, but he’s a great guy and really sweet.”

“Also, he’s a senior and two years older than us, so being his boyfriend does do quite a bit for your popularity.” Alyssa never did mince words.

“Well, there is that.” We exchanged knowing smiles.

“So sex with Mike isn’t that great, then?”

“Well, he does ... other stuff ... to make up for his ... shortcomings.”

Alyssa smiled. “Maybe you could get him to teach Andy some of his tricks.”

Andy was Alyssa’s boyfriend. Even though she was happy with his size, he refused to go down on her because he thought it was gross and that really upset her.

“I’ll make sure Mike signs Andy up for his ‘Muff Diving 101 Course’ the next time I see him.”

We both burst out laughing again.

“So you haven’t been able to ... you know ... have one during sex?” she asked.

“No. But when he goes down on me, it’s pretty easy then.”

“So you just fake it?”

“Yeah, I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”

“He must be really small, then.”

“You can’t churn butter with a toothpick.”

We both giggled until we heard the front door open. My parents were having a romantic weekend getaway in Santa Barbara, and that meant it could only be one other person coming through the door.

“Brace yourself, hurricane Jim is about to strike.”

“Hey, I heard that,” my brother’s voice boomed from the living room.

“You sound drunk; please tell me that you weren’t driving,” I said apprehensively.

“I am drunk, but there’s no way I’d waste my own gas and drive; that’s what Monica’s for.”

I rolled my eyes just as Alyssa’s mouth dropped open. She was still getting used to the spectacle that was my older brother. He walked right past us and wiped his index and middle fingers on the shoulder of my blouse as he went into the kitchen.

“You better have saved me some of that pizza,” he said in a booming-drunk voice from inside the refrigerator.

“We did, and what did you just wipe on me?” I asked while observing the clear-looking liquid that had now soiled my new blouse.

He put the half-empty pizza box on the dining room table along with one of my Dad’s beers and slid his chair up against Alyssa’s.

“That would be Monica.”

Alyssa and I both gasped. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said in utter disgust.

“No, I’m not. I thought of washing my hands, but I needed a dramatic entrance.”

The ‘two finger wipe’ was a classic move from the days of my older brothers. To flaunt their sexual prowess of ‘freshly fingering’ a girl, they would often wipe the proof on each other’s clothes or force one another to smell their fingers. Fortunately, my oldest brothers, Todd and Scott, had both moved out of the house several years earlier, and now I was the only remaining sibling left to endure this torment.

“You’re disgusting, and you didn’t have to do that while one of my friends is over.”

“Alyssa’s like family and I know she didn’t mind,” he said while flashing her his handsome smile.

I couldn’t believe my eyes, Alyssa was actually swooning despite his repulsive behavior. He just had that effect on women, and no matter what type of repugnant behavior he displayed they just couldn’t seem to get enough of him.

“You could be more respectful, though, Jim,” Alyssa said after she had somewhat composed herself.

“Oh, Melanie didn’t mind, and truth be told she thought it was sexy.”

“The hell I did, Mom just bought me this blouse.”

“Oh, calm down, you know she’ll buy you another one.” I rolled my eyes. “Let’s change the subject, Alyssa, so Melanie will settle herself down. What movie did you see?”

“We saw Old School,” Alyssa said while batting her long eyelashes at my brother. “It was really funny.”

“I saw it last weekend and I really loved it. You know, if you wanted to see it again, Alyssa, I could take you tomorrow night.”

“She has a boyfriend, Jim,” I interrupted.

“I know she does, but he’s only a sophomore and she’d probably like to spend some time with someone who’s older and more ... experienced.”

At this point Alyssa was blushing again and appeared to be unable to form words due to my brother’s smooth diatribe, so I had to step in and assist her. “Yeah, Alyssa will take one case of the clap along with her popcorn for your big date night.”

Jim shot me a dirty look. “You know that was bullshit, Melanie. Tina was just trying to get back at me by starting that rumor.”

“Yeah, because you slept with her best friend.”

Jim was right and I knew he never had an STD. I couldn’t help myself, though; it was low-hanging fruit and an easy way to get under his skin, especially in front of Alyssa, who he obviously had a thing for. Furthermore, it was also true that he had cheated on Tina, and part of me didn’t blame her for starting that ugly lie about him. Tina really loved my brother and he treated her like shit for the majority of the time they were together.

“Some women just don’t know how to share a good thing, but I know Alyssa’s not like that, are you, honey?” he said while rubbing her thigh under the table.

“You’re drunk, Jim, why don’t you just go to bed?”

“I will if Alyssa tucks me in.”

“Why don’t you text Monica and ask her to tuck you in; she’s at your beck and call anyway.”

“I would, but she’s a screamer and it would just keep you both up all night. See, who said I wasn’t considerate?”

I shook my head and took another sip of my Diet Coke. I loved my brother, but sometimes he was beyond help.

“You’re just projecting all of that sexual frustration onto me, Melanie, because your boyfriend doesn’t have the proper equipment to take care of you.”

I scowled at him. “That’s a very disrespectful thing to say about your best friend.”

“I used to tease him about it all the time, at least until he started banging my little sister; then somehow it just didn’t seem quite as funny.”

I could feel my blood begin to boil. I didn’t like my brother’s quick wit and razor-sharp tongue directed at me or my relationship with Michael.

“Just go to bed!” I screeched.

“Okay, okay. Take my phone so I don’t drunk-dial Monica,” he said while shakily rising to his feet before wobbling out of the kitchen. I could hear the creaking as my brother climbed the stairs toward his bedroom.

“Lay off the pizza, Alyssa; if your ass gets any bigger there’s no way in hell I can be seen with you.”

Alyssa’s jaw dropped as we heard my brother’s bedroom door slam shut.

We tried watching TV, but of course there was nothing on. After a half-hour of randomly flipping through channels, we retreated to my room, laid down on my bed, and began talking while perusing through my stacks of old Cosmopolitan magazines.

“Be honest with me, Mel, do you think my ass is big like Jim says?”

I couldn’t hide my stunned expression. “You’re kidding me, right? Every part of you looks great, and if you let my drunken buffoon of a brother alter your opinion of how you look then you must be crazy.”

I wasn’t just saying that to be nice, because Alyssa Silva was truly stunning. She moved into our neighborhood from Brazil during our 7th-grade year and we actually met at church while taking our Confirmation classes. She was 5’7”, nearly as tall as I am, and weighed about 120 pounds. She had dark brunette hair and a deep olive complexion. It wasn’t an exaggeration to say she had the body of a model; every guy in our class was crazy about her and it was very easy to see why.

“I think he was just joking around,” she said.

“He’s drunk and probably won’t even remember talking to us tomorrow.”

“I couldn’t believe he ... you know ... wiped his dirty fingers on you.”

“Todd is the one who started that nasty shit years ago, and trust me it pales in comparison to other things they’ve done.”

She smiled at me. “Still, you’re lucky to have older brothers; my house is boring compared to yours.” Alyssa had two younger sisters who were still in elementary school, so our experiences with our siblings were much different.

“I’ve had to endure the torments of the damned for the past sixteen years,” I teased, “so I’d gladly trade my brother for your sisters and get a few hours of peace and serenity.”

We turned our attention back to our respective magazines, and I had nearly completed reading an article about which exercises were best to help alleviate menstrual cramps when Alyssa broke the silence.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

I peered over at the Cosmo Alyssa was reading. “Christy Turlington in a twenty-thousand-dollar wedding dress, what’s not to like?”

We smiled at each other. “I’d give anything to have her body,” she said longingly.

“Oh my God, Alyssa, are you kidding me? You do have her body.”

“Right, Mel, she’s like three inches taller than me.”

“And both of you are like ... rail thin ... I think you need to get your vision checked.”

There were a few moments of comfortable silence while we continued to peruse our magazines until Alyssa again broke the silence.

“Do you ever ... you know ... compare how you look to other women?”

“I guess I do, but not while I’m looking at Supermodels in Cosmo.”

She smiled. “So when, then?”

I thought for a moment. “Sometimes ... you know ... in the locker room, before or after P.E. I think it’s only natural to look a little and compare yourself to others, but I try not to dwell on it.”

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built like Alyssa and I don’t have that long and lean look. I wasn’t fat by any means, but I had a more athletic body type: big breasts, big bottom, voluptuous. I reasoned that it was human nature to admire the physical attributes in others that I, unfortunately, didn’t possess.

“I do the same thing, Mel: sneak glances and compare myself to the girls in our class, especially in P.E. when we’re all semi-clothed or ... you know ... naked.” She paused for a moment in reflection. “I wish my breasts were bigger, like yours.”

“Alyssa, if you had my bigger breasts, then you’d have my bigger ass that went along with them.”

We both giggled. “Your ass isn’t big, it’s ... you know ... sexy.”

I smiled at her. “Jim has told me a million times that I’m the only white girl in Glendale who has a black girl’s ass.”

Alyssa laughed. “I think he’s right, you have a sexy black girl’s ass.”

Alyssa was my best friend and I trusted her. She knew all my secrets and I knew all of hers. The most disconcerting thing was that, for the first time in my life, I felt sexual tension around another woman and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Looking, admiring, or comparing myself to another woman from afar was somehow okay. However, talking like this to her and ... feeling ... like this, especially around her, was different and wrong. Or was it? I wasn’t quite sure yet.

I put those disturbing thoughts out of my mind and quickly decided to change the subject. “I’m slowing down, Alyssa, you ready for bed?”

“Yeah, I’m getting tired too.”

Silently, we undressed and got into our jammies, which consisted of sleeper shorts and big, comfortable T-shirts. Could she feel this too? There was electricity in the air ... sexual electricity. I could feel her sneaking peeks at me and I very nonchalantly snuck glances at her too while we were changing. I quickly shut off the light and we got into bed.

We bid each other goodnight, but it took hours for me to fall asleep. When sleep finally did come, it was restless and dreamless. Even though nothing happened between us, somehow it was as if a door had been opened, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to close it again.

It was homecoming week. In addition to attending all my classes and studying, I volunteered to be on the committee that would decorate the gym for the homecoming dance that would take place after the game.

Alyssa and I talked a few times in the hall during the week and were able to spend some brief time at lunch together. Neither of us brought up Saturday night, and I was beginning to think that maybe it was just me and the sexual tension that I felt when we were alone together was just in my mind.

On Saturday night, I ended up sitting with Alyssa and Andy and we watched the homecoming game together. I would have loved to have sat with Michael, but of course he was out on the field playing.

We were all sophomores, but Michael was an upperclassman and had invited me to the dance. Since Alyssa and Andy weren’t, they couldn’t go and decided on seeing a movie instead. I was going to stay the night at Alyssa’s and I told her I’d be there as soon as the dance was over.

I had actually bought two dresses for the dance. The first dress was a simple draped tea-length dress that was plain white and truly God-awful. Yet it was something my mom would approve of and not give me a hard time about. The dress that I secretly purchased with Alyssa to actually wear was a black Bodycon mini-dress that had side slits in the front which exposed a lot of thigh and a plunging v-neckline and back which put a lot of my breasts on display. It was skin-tight and the dramatic black color was the perfect accent to my long blonde hair. Alyssa also let me borrow a pair of her three-inch black pumps, which went with the little frock magnificently and gave me a few more inches in height so Michael and I would look good together.

The dance was just amazing. Our committee did a great job with the decorations and the gym looked spectacular. I had a wonderful time dancing with Michael and talking to all of his friends. Jim was also at the dance and I knew he was just a little resentful that his little sister, an underclassman, was at his senior homecoming dance. He was with some girl who Michael told me was from the school we had just played.

I wasn’t sure where the girl was because Jim approached Michael and me by himself while we were sitting out a song that we didn’t feel like dancing to.

“So, enjoying the dance, Mike?” Jim said without even looking at me. It pissed me off that my own brother wouldn’t even acknowledge my presence.

“Yeah, we’re having a great time,” Mike responded.

“So, where’s the tart that you’re here with?” I said saucily.

Jim shot me a dirty look. “In the bathroom, I think.” He paused while appraising my dress. “Speaking of tarts, I don’t think that’s the dress that mom picked out for you to wear tonight.”

Touché, you bastard.

“Well, everyone here seems to like it, besides you of course,” I said in a syrupy-sweet voice.

“You’re just the sophomore slut of the ball, aren’t you?”

Michael gave Jim a stern look, tensed up, and clenched his fists. “I know she’s your sister, but she’s also my girlfriend, so watch how you talk to her,” he said in a deep, gravelly voice.

Michael had at least seventy pounds on my brother, and even though I never witnessed it he was also rumored to have a quick temper, and Jim expeditiously backed down. My brother and I talked shit and ribbed each other like this constantly. Notwithstanding, Jim’s little jabs at my expense didn’t sit well with my boyfriend.

“I was just teasing her; besides, I have to get back to my date anyway. I know she doesn’t look like much, but she puts out.”

I shot Jim a dirty look. The girl he was with was actually really pretty.

“Yeah, you do that,” Michael said, giving my brother one last hard-nosed look as he walked away.

Michael turned and we faced each other. “I like your brother, Mel, and he’s one of my best friends, but sometimes he can be a real asshole.”

I smiled. “He’s okay, provided he’s taken in limited doses.”

He leaned in and kissed me. Michael had diffused the situation with Jim so quickly.

I knew there was a reason why I kept this guy around.

Aside from the little dust-up with my brother, I was having an amazing evening. However, the jubilant times were tempered by the fact that Alyssa had been on my mind all night and I felt very distracted. Thankfully, Michael didn’t seem to notice. He’d taken me out to a really nice restaurant after the game and he’d even talked about getting a hotel room for us after the dance, but I was able to talk him out of it. I have to admit it made me feel guilty, like I wasn’t ‘taking care’ of my boyfriend. But to be honest, on that night he just wasn’t what I wanted.

Michael dropped me off at Alyssa’s house around midnight. She was watching TV alone in the living room because her parents and little sisters had already gone to bed.

I told her about the dance, but I tried not to make a big deal about it because I knew she’d wanted to go but couldn’t.

“So, did Michael get lucky tonight?” she asked with a smile.

I grinned. “He didn’t get all the way laid, but I did take care of him. I told him I was on my period, but I promised to make it up to him next week.”

Having sex with him didn’t do much for me anyway, so giving him a blowjob in the parking lot of our school was a quick and simple solution.

“You’re just straight-up devious.”

We exchanged smiles and there were a few moments of comfortable silence, until...

“Could we talk about last weekend, Mel?”

My heart skipped a beat. I knew exactly what she was referring to, but I decided to feign ignorance.

“Sure, we can talk about anything.”

She hesitated, as if trying to find the right words.

“Do you ever think about being with a woman?”

Now it was my turn to struggle and attempt to find something meaningful to say.

“I’ve always admired women’s bodies, whether at school, in a Cosmo, or looking through my dad’s stack of ‘hidden’ Playboys in the back of his closet that he thinks no one knows about.” I took a deep breath. “To be honest, Alyssa, yes it’s something that I’ve thought about.”

It felt strange giving voice to my bisexual feelings, especially to my best friend. It was something that I didn’t even like to think about or admit to myself.

“On Saturday night, were you thinking about me?” She paused and looked directly into my eyes. “Because I was thinking about you.”

I took a deep breath. “Yes, I was thinking about you, but it just raises so many questions for me.”

“Let’s talk about them, then.”

I paused for a moment; I didn’t even know where to begin. Additionally, I could tell this was something she really wanted, and it was obvious she had thought about this a lot more than I had. I tried to collect my thoughts.

“The first thing that I know for certain is that it would have to be between you and me, no one else could ever know about it.”

“Of course, Mel, that goes without saying. I wouldn’t want anyone to know about it either.”

That gave me some relief; at least we were on the same page about that.

“Okay, then, what about Andy and Michael? If you and I ... you know ... would that be cheating on them, or do you think we should break up with them?”

She thought for a moment. “I’m crazy about Andy and I know you like Michael. I’m not saying we should break up with them. I suppose it would be cheating, but I’m willing to do it if you are.”

“It’s not like we’d be going behind their backs and sleeping with their best friends, right?”

She smiled. “Exactly.”

I was quickly discovering that Alyssa and I could talk each other into almost anything. Just contemplating having sex with a woman was scary to me and it seemed like such a monumental decision. The more I contemplated my bisexual feelings, the more I knew it was something I didn’t want to just haphazardly do.

“Well, what do you think, Mel?” Alyssa said, breaking me out of my thoughts.

“I need time to think about it and make sure it’s what I want; please don’t be mad at me.”

She smiled. “You’ve always been way too analytical, but I understand if you need time and I’m more than happy to wait for you.”

Unknowingly, I had condemned myself to another restless, sleepless night. Lying in bed next to the woman I was attracted to, yet doing nothing about it, was excruciating. But I held firm. It was a big decision, and I wanted to make sure that, if I decided to do it, it wouldn’t be something I’d regret later.

Day 1

It was another long week and Alyssa monopolized my thoughts. She was coming over to my house on Friday night and we’d be able to set some things straight, so to speak. We agreed not to discuss being together at school because we were afraid our friends might overhear us, which could potentially get the rumor mill started.

I lived in a very large house; my parents slept downstairs in the master bedroom and we had four bedrooms upstairs, which afforded Jim and me a lot of privacy. It was about eleven o’clock; my parents were already in bed asleep and Jim was out doing God-knows-what, or who.

Alyssa and I had been avoiding the elephant in the room since she had arrived and I could tell she was giddy with anticipation as we sat on my bed together.

“So what did you decide?” she asked.

I wanted to mess with her a little bit. “Decide what?”

“Damn, Mel, come on, you know ... about us.”

“Oh, I had totally forgotten about that.”

She gave me a wide-eyed expression until I burst into laughter.

She smiled. “Would you please get serious.”

I thought for a moment. “I’ve thought about this carefully and I want to explore my bisexual side, but I want to find someone that’s a lot hotter than you because you just don’t do it for me.”

I watched as Alyssa’s jaw dropped and then I burst into laughter again.

“God, you’re such a bitch, Mel.” We exchanged soft smiles.

“I want to try this with you, but I don’t want to feel pressured or rushed. I want to take things slow and just ... you know ... let it happen naturally.”

“I think that’s a perfect idea.”

We looked into each other’s eyes. I wasn’t sure what to do next, so I was more than willing to let her take the lead.

“So how do we do this?” I asked softly.

“I want us to get undressed together,” she said, in a voice barely above a whisper, “but I want us to watch each other do it.”

“Okay,” I said hesitantly.

Silently, we both stood up. She kinda took me by surprise by very boldly removing her blouse, which exposed her pretty pink lace bra.

I realized what a different experience this was. Previously, I always had to sneak glances and admire women from afar, and that always made me feel as though I was lurking in the shadows like some sort of pervert. Openly looking at Alyssa’s body while she looked at mine felt so liberating. Until now, I had always felt like I was doing something wrong, and letting go of that guilt felt amazing.

With trembling hands, I removed my top, and I could feel her eyes drinking in my body. She reached out and gently touched my shaking hands to steady me.

She whispered, “It’s okay, Melanie.”

Once she released my hand, she unbuttoned her tight jeans and slid them down her caramel-colored thighs.

I took a deep breath, which helped to calm me down somewhat, and I unbuttoned the fly on my jean skirt and let it fall to the ground. She took a step forward, reached behind my back, and undid my bra, which released my large breasts from their confines.

I watched as her eyes traveled lower to my breasts, and she seemed fixated on them. There was such a hunger in her eyes, and she looked at me the way men did, and it was an incredible turn-on.

“They’re so beautiful, Mel,” she said, in a voice barely above a whisper. She then took a step backward and unhooked her own bra.

Her small breasts were, dare I say, perfect, perfect 32B’s topped with tiny brown nipples, and her chest was rising and falling with each labored breath she took.

Simultaneously, we lowered our panties and drank in each other’s bodies.

I felt as if I was almost paralyzed because I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next. It was as if she could sense my apprehension, or at least see it in my eyes. Wordlessly, she took my hand and led me to the bed, and we lay next to each other on top of the blankets.

“Alyssa ... I ... I ... I’m not sure how much I can...”

Her voice cut me off. “Mel, it’s okay, we can take it slow. How about if we just touch ourselves?”

Without speaking, I nodded my head.

I watched as her hands moved over her stomach and then up to her breasts as she gently kneaded them and slowly ran her fingers over her hardening nipples. She let out a little moan as the small nubs of flesh passed through her fingertips.

She opened her legs and one of her hands traveled further south while her fingers continued to play with her hard nipples. It felt as if I was mesmerized because I had never seen anything so erotic in my life. Her fingers gently pulled the tuft of black pubic hair above her pussy as she teased herself. Then her index finger split the brown lips of her vagina as she slowly ran it up and down and I noticed the moisture that had collected on it.

While I watched her, it was almost as if I was in a trance because I felt as if my brain no longer had control of my body.

Her breathing was shallow and labored as she continued to work herself up. She then dipped a finger inside her vagina and her thumb moved rapidly over her clit.

I realized that I was subconsciously rubbing my breasts and pulling my nipples while she touched herself in front of me. Her eyes were closed, though, so I knew she wasn’t witnessing my hands on my body.

She was taking short little sips of breath now, and then suddenly her body stiffened, she shook violently, and I knew she was coming.

After about a minute, her breathing returned to normal; our eyes met and we gently smiled at each other.

“Mel, if you don’t want to...”

‘No, Alyssa,” I interrupted. “I want to.”

After watching her, I was so turned on, and getting some relief wasn’t something I wanted, it was something I needed.

I still felt shy and a little inhibited, so I closed my eyes, which helped give me a small measure of confidence. Each time I rubbed my nipples I felt lightning bolts shoot through my body. My mind played back the erotic scene of Alyssa touching herself. I imagined her hands on her breasts as my own moved over mine. I thought of her hands pinching and pulling her nipples as I opened my legs and moved my hand lower.

I was shocked when my fingers made contact with my pussy because it felt like there was a hot, sweltering swamp between my legs. When my fingers brushed over my clit, I knew I wouldn’t be able to last long because it felt as if I was already right on the edge. I pinched my nipples hard with one hand while the other concentrated on rubbing little circles over my clit.

In the far reaches of my subconscious mind I could hear Alyssa moan, and I knew she was touching herself again as she watched me bring myself closer.

I rubbed my nipples hard and dipped two fingers into my pussy, which sent me over the edge. When I opened my eyes I was gasping for breath, and it took a few moments to come back down and regain control of my body. Alyssa was also trying to catch her breath from what was obviously her second orgasm of the evening. Our eyes met and big smiles broke across our faces.

“What are you thinking?” she said hesitantly.

“I think we should have done this a long time ago.”

We giggled.

We lay in each other’s arms and talked for about a half hour, and we just bathed in the afterglow until neither of us could hold our eyes open.