Chapter 41: Let Me Say My Piece

December 31, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

Elizaveta greeted me at the door with a soft kiss, then took me to her father's study. She left me with him and Gennady, then went to the kitchen to put the finishing touches on the meal. I accepted a splash of brandy from Viktor, and we toasted.

"When do you head back to Harvard?" I asked Gennady.

"Wednesday afternoon," he replied.

"You know, I never asked if you had a girlfriend."

"I do. A girl who lives in Boston but who'll move here if I ask her to marry me, which I intend to do right after graduation. Her name is Anna; she's Serbian and is faithful."

"How long have you been dating?"

"Since right after the start of my Junior year. She's the daughter of one of my professors. We met at a social gathering at his house."

"I assume the wedding will be in Boston?"

"I don't see any way around that which allows me to survive," he grinned. "I'd have every woman in her church after me! And not in a good way!"

"Any idea when?"

"It would be up to her and her family, but I suspect in the Fall. We'll see. I know your schedule is going to be difficult, so I'll see what we can arrange so you can be there."

"Thanks. I'm sure Elizaveta will appreciate that as well."

"I don't want to upset HER either," he replied with a grin, "and I'd strongly advise you not to do so!"

"She does have a lot of her grandmother in her," Viktor said with a similar grin. "My mother-in-law is ... strong-willed."

"Do you know many Russian women who aren't?" I asked.

"No!" they both replied.

"But some are stronger-willed than others," Viktor replied. "And my daughter is one of them!"

"Good luck, Mike!" Gennady added.

"Thanks, but I was fully aware of what I was in for once she approached me and read me the Riot Act for not paying enough attention to the girls at church, and then listing her qualifications and making quite clear not only what she wanted, but what she expected!"

"And like any wise man in an encounter with a Russian woman, he said 'Yes, Dear', and that was the end of the discussion!" Viktor said with a laugh.

"I heard that!" Elizaveta said from the doorway. "Dinner is ready."

"Yes, Dear!" I replied with a smirk she couldn't see.

"I'll wipe that smirk off your face, husband!" she declared.

"Busted," Gennady whispered.

"Yeah," I agreed, shaking my head.

The three of us got up and went to the dining room. Elizaveta gave me a hard look, but I could tell by the slightly upturned corners of her lips that she was fighting a smile. Dinner was delicious, as always, and dessert was fantastic. While the women cleaned up, Viktor, Gennady, Iosif, and I went to the living room with coffee.

"Use your best judgment about when you bring Elizaveta home tonight," Viktor said.

"Probably around 1:30am," I replied.

"That's fine."

We talked together, and about fifteen minutes later, Elizaveta came into the room and said she was ready. I said 'goodbye' to my future father-in-law and brothers-in-law, and Elizaveta and I put on our coats, hats, and gloves and headed out to my car.

"What did my dad and brother say before I came into the study?" Elizaveta asked as I pulled out of the driveway.

"Nothing I didn't already know!"

"What do you mean?"

"That you are a Russian woman, even if you haven't fully trained to be a «бабушка» (babushka)! Strong-willed and feisty!"

"And is that a problem?" she demanded.

"Why, no, of course not," I replied flatly.

"Clarissa and Tasha are right — you are a goofball!"

"I also have a strong sense of self-preservation!" I chuckled.

"So long as you do as I say, we'll never have any trouble!" she teased.

"I don't believe that's the meaning of 'compromise'!"

"It is in my mind!" Elizaveta declared firmly.

"Of course it is!" I replied.

"You do know I'm teasing, right?" Elizaveta asked, her voice softening.

"Yes, and I'm teasing right back! But I do have a question."

"What's that?"

"Exactly how you intend to wipe the smirk off my face!"

"Wouldn't YOU like to know!"

"I would! And please be VERY detailed!"

"Can I be serious for a moment?"

"Yes, of course."

"I don't even know how to tease that way because I've never done anything other than kiss you, and not much of that."

"I think, given that we have almost five months before we marry, the wisest course of action is for me not to tease you in that way until we can actually do something about it."

"You have your room at Doctor Blahnik's house..." she said quietly.

"As much as I want to be with you, I don't think that's a good idea," I said gently. "We should wait until after the marriage ceremony, as we agreed."

"Is it wrong to want to?"

"Absolutely not!" I agreed. "It's normal."

"We are betrothed..."

"Yes, «Котёнок» (katyonak), we are, but we also need to make sure we keep things in the correct order." ("Kitten")

"But you've done it already!" she protested.

"Yes, that's true. But for you and me, together, waiting will be worth it."

"I might explode before then!"

"Just let it build, and our wedding night will be AMAZING!"

"If I don't die first!"

"We'll have sixty or seventy years to make up for the next five months!"

"I should say you're being mean, but I know what might happen with your ordination if we did. And I want you to become a deacon."

I was SO tempted to tease her, but that actually WOULD be me being mean, so I let it go. I also savored the idea of what our wedding night was going to be like if she had all that pent-up desire. Occasional stoking of that smoldering fire would likely result in a night which put my first night with Tasha to shame. I immediately put that out of my mind because comparing was completely inappropriate, as was thinking of Tasha in that way.

We arrived at Doctor Blahnik's house and asked how we could help get things ready. Milena took Elizaveta with her to help her, while I stayed with Doctor Blahnik in the kitchen to help prepare sandwiches and other snacks.

"Trying to make a point?" I asked after Elizaveta had left.

"Who? Me?" Doctor Blahnik asked with a smile.

"Yes, you! You don't approve of traditional roles, so you sent Elizaveta to help set up the bar while I'm preparing food!"

"She is a bit heavy on the 'Suzy Homemaker' schtick."

"I know, but, if you think about the path she's chosen through life, it makes sense. And before you object, I asked her to take calculus, chemistry, and physics instead of Home Ec and what they call 'business math' for the next two years. That provides many more options after I'm done with medical school."

"Is she going to work?"

"That all depends on the timing of kids. At a minimum, she needs to graduate before we have our first. That takes me at least through the first two years of medical school. After that, we'll see. The thing to remember is that this is the path she's chosen, and it dovetails nicely with the path I've chosen. But I won't do anything to discourage her from working or going to college if that's what she wants to do."

"I take it you're planning more than one child?"

"Yes, we are. How many we have is up to her, really. My part is pretty easy," I added with a smirk.

Doctor Blahnik laughed, "Yes, at the start, but I can't imagine you not being very involved in your kids' lives."

"Of course! But we have several years as a couple first, something I think is very important, especially given her age."

"I take it she's not staying the night?"

"No. I'll leave around 1:00am to take her home and come right back."

We finished in the kitchen just as the first guests started to arrive. Dale and Marie arrived soon after that, and by 8:00pm, the party was in full swing. It was a fun evening — I played my guitar and sang, socialized, and danced, though I was careful not to dance too close to any girls except for Elizaveta, and even with her, I was careful so as not to increase our temptation. Just before midnight, Milena, Joel, Derek, and I filled champagne glasses, and Doctor Blahnik led the toast when the clock struck midnight. Elizaveta and I exchanged a soft kiss, and about an hour later, I took her home.

January 1, 1985, McKinley, Ohio

"When did you learn to play Born to Run?" Clarissa asked when we ate a late breakfast on Tuesday morning.

"I've been practicing for nearly two years. I only really became satisfied with that complex guitar riff about a month ago."

"I never heard you practice it."

"Because I only practiced that song in private. Even Doctor Blahnik hadn't heard it."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to get it right before I played it for anyone."

"Oh, you got it right, alright! I never realized strumming a guitar could make girls cum!"

I laughed, "Oh, it did not!"

"There were three girls who probably left wet spots on their chairs! But they saw Elizaveta, who looked like a lioness guarding her cub!"

"I didn't intend for that to happen."

Clarissa laughed, "This time!"

"Ancient history. And it just shows how careful I need to be. Which girls, by the way?"

Clarissa laughed even harder, "Wouldn't YOU like to know!"

"The cute redheaded theatre major and her black friend," I replied with a smirk. "And the brunette music student with short hair and major curves."

"So you DID notice!"

"All three of them angled for dances, but, as you say, Elizaveta was keeping a close watch on me."

"Did any of them succeed?"

"You KNOW that I'm a sucker for redheads! But I didn't let her dance nearly as close as she wanted to."

"Your serious sense of self-preservation kicked in."

"Obviously!"

"What's up for today?" Clarissa asked.

"Just a lazy day around the house," I replied. "Elizaveta is doing something with her mom and grandmothers. They have a New Year's Day tradition of going to a Russian tea room, and no men are invited. I was thinking of soaking in the tub."

"Speaking of things we want but can't have..." she sighed.

"That would probably be over the line."

"And cuddling?"

"I don't think Elizaveta would be happy about that. And frankly, I don't think any girl who would marry me would be happy about that unless we were talking about that weird fantasy of a bisexual girl."

"Or you and I get married."

"Lissa..."

"I know! I know! What I said to Tasha..."

"I'd say that reflects reality more than what you're thinking right now. Why?"

"Because it's actually hitting me what I have to give up. It just won't be the same."

"If what you said to Tasha is true, and I have no reason to believe it isn't, then I'm not sure what to do."

"If I could..."

"But you can't. I mean, sure, you could physically do it, but you'll be fighting yourself for the rest of your life, and that is a recipe for disaster."

"I know," she said quietly, then sighed deeply. "I know."

"Stand up," I said.

"Why?"

"Just stand up."

She did, and I took her in my arms and hugged her. That was, I felt, both the least — and the most — that I could do. There was no doubt in my mind that if we'd attempted what she was suggesting, it would end in tears somewhere down the road. We hugged for several minutes before she slipped from my arms, and we sat back down to finish our breakfast.

"I keep thinking maybe I could."

"Maybe?"

"I know."

"You've said 'I know' several times, but you aren't acting like you know."

"I know," Clarissa replied with a wry smile. "I'm sorry."

"Don't ever apologize for who you are, Lissa!"

"But I'm making things difficult for you!"

I smiled, "No, you're making them difficult for YOU. I love you, and I'll be here for you. And we'll still go to medical school together, do our Residencies together, and practice together."

"And Elizaveta is going to tolerate that?"

"She thinks you're the safest girl on the planet."

"And you're going to let her continue to believe that?"

"Yes, because you and I are both smart enough and strong enough to prove her right. We can do this, Lissa!"

We finished our breakfast, and after we cleaned up, we went for a walk. Neither of us spoke, and we simply enjoyed the quiet of the neighborhood blanketed in new-fallen snow. The peace and serenity were wonderful, and I was very glad not to run into whomever the man was from Tim Saddler's former church. We walked for about twenty-five minutes, then returned to the house, where we sat in front of the fire with mugs of hot chocolate.

"What does Abby think?" I asked.

"I haven't really discussed us with her beyond you being my closest friend and about you supporting me when I came out to my parents. I don't think she needs to know we made love any more than Elizaveta needs to know."

"Does she know you experimented?"

"No. I didn't see how I could bring that up without implying something you and I want to keep secret."

"But you told Tasha."

"I think Tasha is special, and I think she's going to be a good friend to both of us."

"On that, we agree. Jocelyn knows as well, obviously."

"Another girl who will be a good friend. In a way, I wish Robby and Lee were planning to stay in the area long-term, but that doesn't look likely."

"Sadly, no. But I hope to stay in touch with them when they move to wherever it is they end up."

"California," Clarissa replied. "I'll wager anything they decide to go to grad school in California, and Sophia goes with them. It's the one place that is semi-sane about the treatment of gays and lesbians."

The doorbell rang then, and Doctor Blahnik was up, so she went to answer it. She walked into the great room a minute later, and by the surprised look on Clarissa's face, I knew something strange was happening.

"Mike, you have a visitor," Doctor Blahnik said as I turned towards her.

"Angie?!" I exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you," she replied, her voice clear and strong, as it had been when we'd first met.

"Is your mom with you?"

"No. I came alone."

Which meant she had driven, something she wasn't supposed to do.

"Does your mom know you're here?"

"No. Can we talk, please?"

"Use my study, Mike," Doctor Blahnik offered.

I nodded and got up, and Angie followed me to Doctor Blahnik's study. We sat down in two comfortable chairs, which were side by side but slightly angled towards each other.

"Ang," I said gently, "you know you aren't supposed to drive. And your mom is supposed to know where you are."

"I know you care about me and are concerned, but can we just set that aside for now, please?"

"OK," I replied. "What did you want to talk about?"

"The future; what I want and how I can achieve it."

"Have you talked about this with Doctor Mercer?"

Angie smiled, "Yes, but we don't agree. Will you just let me say what I came to say, and then I'll go."

I wasn't sure it was a good idea, but I didn't see any way except to let her say what she intended to say, though I was uncomfortable both with what I expected to hear and with her driving home. I didn't want to upset her, either.

"OK. Go ahead."

"For the last year, I've been working, going to church, taking classes, and living a normal life. You know, there are three things I wanted — to be a teacher, to marry, and to have children. But I have a condition which has made me unstable and interfered with my goals. But I learned to live with my condition and to control it without drugs, except for antidepressants.

"But you see, I think I only need those because of my despair over the future. I don't think it has to be that way. I think, with the right man and the right circumstances, I can have those things — a teaching job, a husband, and children. You know I love you with every fibre of my being, and I know you love me, too. I also know you're betrothed to Elizaveta, but I had to tell you all of this because I want to be with you, Mike. I'm ready to be with you in every way.

"That's all I had to say. All I wanted was for you to hear what I had to say face-to-face so you could know that I'm perfectly rational and perfectly capable of being who I want to be. I know I've put you in a difficult situation, and I know you're probably confused. Just think about what I've said, and come see me when you're ready to talk. And now that I've said my piece, I'm going to go back home."

She stood, bent down, placed a soft kiss on my cheek, and then walked out of the room, leaving me in stunned silence. I shook my head to clear it, then got up and followed her. When she got to the front door, she turned, smiled, opened it, and walked out into the cold, snowy afternoon. I stood staring at the door, which she had closed behind her until Clarissa and Doctor Blahnik came into the foyer.

"Mike?" Clarissa asked.

I turned, shook my head, and walked back towards the great room.

"You're pale," Doctor Blahnik said. "Are you OK?"

"I'm not quite sure," I replied.

"Did you have a fight?" Doctor Blahnik asked.

I shook my head slowly, "Far from it."

"Jesus!" Clarissa breathed. "She thinks she's healthy enough to marry you! For real, this time! And she came to claim you!"

"Right the first time," I replied.

"But why did she leave?" Doctor Blahnik asked.

"I'd guess two reasons," I said thoughtfully. "First, she couldn't risk getting too emotional or having a debate because that might result in us having to call her mom or Doctor Mercer. Second, because she didn't want an automatic answer, because she knew what my answer would have to be if I was forced to answer immediately."

"What are you going to do?" Clarissa asked.

"Talk to Doctor Mercer tomorrow. I don't want to disturb her today, and I certainly don't want to cause either Doctor Mercer or Mrs. Stephens to freak out about Angie driving here alone. Well, they will freak out, but only after Angie is home safely."